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if i look back, i am lost
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Love Begins
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@choices-darling
to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.
Actually, people are good by nature and you’re a fool if you think otherwise.
When you sneeze in public, strangers will say “bless you”, even though they don’t know you.
When you ask for directions on the street someone will show you the way, even though they have nothing to gain from it.
People squeeze their legs against the chair so you don’t have to hop over them on your way to your seat in the theatre, and make funny faces to make babies laugh, and purposefully step on leaves to hear them scrunch, and hold the door open for someone leaving behind them, and ask what floor you’re heading to when you enter the elevator, and send others photos of things that reminded them of them, and recommend each other songs, and ask if anyone else wants a coffee because they’re getting one, and make videos teaching how to sew a button, and wish on shooting stars, and share fun facts, and listen to others rant about things they don’t even understand, and let you cross the street first, and give a bit of their food to others, and laugh at jokes they don’t find funny to make you feel good, and listen to kids talk for hours about nonsense, and let you know your keys fell from your pocket, and they may be strangers, but with every little gesture they’re saying “I love you, I love you, I love you”.
God, I needed to read this today. Humanity is overwhelmingly full of hope and kindness and it’s very easy to forget that these days.
I will always choose to believe that there is more good in this world than I can ever know.
disagree, I believe that we are neither good nor evil by nature, this is what makes evil actions evil and good actions good, it’s the fact that we all choose to make them. I could go much more in depth on this. But that being said, it sounds sappy, but I think that’s it’s all the more beautiful that these things happen with that in mind; the choice to be kind, will not always be rewarded, sometimes it will, sometimes it won’t, sometimes it will be punished. What a beautiful and strong thing, for an overwhelming amount of individuals to see that and say “I choose to be kind,”. It won’t be reported in the news, but remind yourself when you see a great act of evil, there are billions of people choosing to be good at that very moment, because (I do believe) it is more rewarding on a deeper level, because deep down we know we can and want to be better, because that love will remain and because it is good.
Maybe I could word that better but you get it!
i’m Listening To: Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney OST - Turnabout Sisters Ballad
Maggie and Mulder. How do you think she *really* felt about him?
This is an old ask. Sorry it took me so long but. I had to do some thinking on it. Mostly bc I’m in the middle of writing a fic that is heavy on their relationship and I needed to think about it in relation to the fic first, and then also the fandom. I really wanted to examine it from as many point of views as I could. I watched so many episodes. Beyond the Sea. Ascension. One Breath. The cancer arc eps. Nothing Important Happened Today (both). Empedocles. So many. I though this would be a book of an answer but. But. My heart keeps going back to one point of view, I guess, naturally, as a mother of a daughter. And one scene in particular always comes back to me. The scene in One Breath, where Mulder bursts into the hospital and he pauses for a moment at Scully’s bedside and looks at Maggie. She doesn’t even look up. She’s paralyzed by fear. Mute in grief. Incapable of looking away from her daughter’s face. Of course, cue his rampage that ends up with him being carried out by security. I think. If I were her. If that were my daughter lying there. What would I want? What would I feel? Fear. Grief. Despair. But also. Also. Rage. Absolute rage at the injustice of this precious life dying and my powerlessness to stop it. Mulder gave her rage a voice when she couldn’t. He yelled. He screamed. He pointed fingers. Demanded answers. Threw things. Just. Absolute howling rage. As a mother, when your child is hurt, that question always comes up. Do I act out as I want to, or do I hold my child’s hand? She sat next to her baby. Mulder acted out. I can’t help but think, if it were me, how grateful I would have been to him in that moment. I would think, if her daddy were here, that’s what he would be doing for her. And despite the journey that lay ahead for them all, I know that stuck with her. Forever. That memory of this other desperate person in her daughter’s life who felt the same way she did in that moment, and gave the desires she couldn’t express at the time a voice. I would always always always want someone to fight for her. To not be content to sit around and do nothing. I would want someone to do anything and everything. To go to battle. Someone so blinded by their need to make it right that they couldn’t see anything else. To believe enough for everyone that they could bring her back if they fought hard enough. To be my proxy so that I could spend precious little time with my child. Mulder was. That. Person. She knew then he loved her that much. That he would, as he said, do anything. Anything. That’s what I would want for my baby girl. A man who would do anything.
Like imagine going through IVF as a non-romantic couple. Two best friends. Incredibly close. Such an incredibly intimate process?
I actually think….It would have been easier if Scully had chosen to use an anonymous donor.
Imagine…the Injections. Hormones. How many times did they try?
Did it ever take and she miscarried?
And you’ve never kissed this person. You’ve wanted to. He’s wanted to. You *love* this person in every sense of the word… Enough to create a person together. And it never works out. The devastation. But you can never fully convey just exactly how *much* your heart is broken because? We can’t talk about that.
I love you enough to make a person together but I can’t tell you that I love enough to want a life together.
I love you and it scares me to the point that I’ll create life with you. And that would be permanent. That would last forever….but attempting a romantic partnership with you…that might end. Badly. So let’s create the permanent person instead of taking the risk of losing each other with nothing left to show for it but devastation.
I could stand the idea of losing the dream of having a child with your eyes but I cannot fathom the idea of losing you.
And maybe you’ll hold my hand as my body miscarries our child. But I’ll still have you…..but you can’t hold me after. Because we don’t touch like that. Even though we both want to.
What kind of intimacy is that?? What kind of fear is that? To want to comfort someone through that experience and not be able to fully.
IVF is *intimate* y’all. Maybe more so than sex. Coming from someone who’s been there. It is a roller coaster of hope and disappointment. Its physical. Incredibly physical. Vulnerable. Holy crap they did that. Did he give her injections? Navigate the ups and downs of her ridiculous nonsensical hormonal mood swings? Food cravings? Weight gain?
Theres a lot of plot points they skipped over that I can swallow reluctantly but this one…
When Mulder hummed that lullaby to William was that part of an actual tune? Was David writing music even then? Was that scripted? Was it something David sang to West?
There’s never gonna be a day when I don’t think about Mulder running to some no name GA town Walmart to buy a car seat before they left the hospital. The ride to the airport with Scully trying in vain to soothe his fussy, hungry newborn in the back seat. That view of his entire world in the rear view mirror. The need for a manual pump before the flight and the frantic search for a CVS to grab some breast pads. The first call to Maggie, Mulder’s voice thick with guilt and overwhelming pride. Walking into her apartment for the first time as a family of 3.
MULDER WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE 😭🥺
#the x files is actually a comedy show - part two
#she wasn't subtle #at all
GILLIAN ANDERSON and DAVID DUCHOVNY in THE X-FILES (1993-2018)
Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. DANA SCULLY and FOX MULDER | The X Files, Season 1
Before, I could only trust myself. Now, I can only trust you. DANA SCULLY and FOX MULDER | The X Files, Season 2
The X-Files Small Potatoes | 4.20
When words are not needed.
They’re in perfect harmony !
Apparently, believing Gillovny and believing that they lie to us all our lives bothers a lot of people.
F*ck the Gillian and David fandom
The truth is out there
Photo: Gillian, David and Blue
Content: Rolling Stone shoot (1997)
this photoshoot bc why do these look like engagement announcement photos 😭
One thing about DDGA is that they will die on the hill of “I don’t remember I don’t remember” and then proceed to drop the most detailed lore from some obscure November parking lot in 1996 that they experienced together at 5:36pm
Being a Mulder/Scully shipper (aka everyone except Chris Carter) is such a profoundly confusing experience.
You get gaslit by the showrunner himself because for the first 6(?) seasons the characters are platonic. You get six years of them glancing at the other's lips, standing and walking so closely they're always touching, you get tender touches and warm embraces, you get forehead kisses, you get displays of jealousy and one of them even admitting to being territorial. You get this as soon as the damn pilot.
You get Mulder speaking into Scully's hair, you get Scully cradling and singing to him, you get Mulder making a scene threatening to fight anyone in sight when Scully is returned to the hospital, you get Scully wanting to have his child of all people.
You get that the connection is so profound they only trust the other and would (and have) gone to hell and back for their partner.
You have all of these feelings culminating in the intense way in which they gaze at each other, both directly and when the other isn't looking.
Then you have the actors, who were so horned up and fed up with the tension they went off script and made out like that, the same actors who did photoshoots in bed and kissed at award shows and interviews despite never being together, despite the characters never being canonically a couple. You get David, who when asked if he played it like he wanted Scully, he said he simply played it like he cares about her input and you get Gillian, who kissed David in the mouth before turning to kiss her husband when she won an emmy in 1997.
It's clearly love and although the absence of romance and sex don't make a connection any less legitimate or meaningful, I just don't buy it that there was never supposed to be an attraction from the beginning. That they remained friends for that long.
And still you're left questioning if it isn't all just projection because the two actors are so insanely attractive you can't help but want to see them in a sexual setting. If it's all just two good friends having so much chemistry that it makes it easy to come off as romantic. You're left to wonder if you have just been so blind in your own personal life that you have never so much as seen that kind of connection in marriages, let alone with coworkers. That perhaps you've just never had the fortune of having such a special connection with your platonic friend that you make out just for fun. You're made to believe that what you're seeing isn't desire but a deep understanding and care for the other's well being and happiness.
What is the truth. It's out there and at this point I have to believe it's all a ploy from the shadow government and Old Smokey himself to cover up what everyone already knows. The evidence is right in front of us and they keep trying to veer towards a specific answer and call bias if you don't agree.
x files studies but this time I tired to achieve that VHS feeling. I very vaguely remember watching some episodes as a kid, and I think this is as close as I've ever got to recreating that memory of a small, grainy tv in a dark room
