Choices Gone Wrong *Gone Sexual*

Living Vicariously through Choices. Hopefully the content of this blog adds to your Choices expirence in some way | MASTERLIST

[choicesaddictionwriting]

I’m working in America this summer and what am I most excited about?

Seeing the sights? No.

Experiencing American culture as a Brit? No.

My last adventure before University? No.

Crying at the Statue of Liberty because that’s where I got engaged to a Prince and visiting every hospital in Boston looking for real life Dr Ramsey. Hell yes!

[choicesaddictionwriting]

UPDATE

I'm crying in public to the soundtrack of the SoL audio tour

[agirlwithadiary]

Me explaining how TRR has changed my life and how excited I am that it’s back and I’m going to have a child with the love of my life, Liam:

Everyone else around me having no idea what in the fuck is a “the royal romance”:

[darthspideys]

Open heart is getting a book 2!! (This is from the choices insiders email btw)

[choicesaddictionwriting]

I'm working in America this summer and what am I most excited about?

Seeing the sights? No.

Experiencing American culture as a Brit? No.

My last adventure before University? No.

Crying at the Statue of Liberty because that's where I got engaged to a Prince and visiting every hospital in Boston looking for real life Dr Ramsey. Hell yes!

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Literally all I'm saying is that now that Platnium is a thing. We're closer than ever to getting a Scrubs musical esque chapter of Open Heart.

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Acquainted by the Weekend and Guys my age by Hey Voilet were written for Ethan and MC and you can’t change my mind.

Haven’t caught up on OH as it’s Exam Season but I’m so glad I have something to look forward to from what’ve heard 😂😂😂

[choicesaddictionwriting]

UPDATE: Adding Ruin my Life (Piano version) by Zara Larsson to my list.

MADE FOR ETHAN AND MC 💕💕💕

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Acquainted by the Weekend and Guys my age by Hey Voilet were written for Ethan and MC and you can't change my mind.

Haven't caught up on OH as it's Exam Season but I'm so glad I have something to look forward to from what've heard 😂😂😂

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Dads | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

SUMMARY: Kendall and Ethan get to know each other’s respective Father figures and even if they don’t. They might just learn something surprising about each other

TAG LIST: @perriewinklenerdie @bucket-harrington @mfackenthal  

WARNING: Brief Suicide mention

Dads | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Ethan wasn’t asked often to represent the hospital, in official matter or engagements. After the incident at the American Medical Association, the former chief steered clear of it, doing almost anything to avoid it. Much to Ethan’s favour but now Emery was in charge. And she knew him well enough not to let him get away from ‘his responsibilities as one the hospitals most noteworthy spokespeople’. And here Ethan he was just thought he was an employee.

But alas, he had been made to attend an increasing amount of events, representing the hospital. And though he made it through well enough, he made a point to keep lists of all the more important things he could have been doing.

And tonight’s event was no different. The Chief of Cardiology was supposed to attend a speech at one of the support centre associated with the Hospital by one of their biggest donors of their fifth anniversary. She couldn’t make it and Emery only thought it would be suitable to send Ethan in her place. He disagreed but nevertheless he was here, though reluctantly.

He knew the only reason he had been asked was that he had cleared his schedule that evening to work on Naveen’s case. Dr Archer had offered to cover for him but he couldn’t back out at that point. So here he was sitting in the front row at the Support Centre, surrounded by other Medical professionals from neighbouring hospitals who referred patients and their families here for support. All of them had made a point of making themselves known to him. Besides that, there were other donors, patients both current and former, their families, press and other invested parties. The room was packed enough, he had considered slipping out but the organiser had directed him to his seat personally.

There was no escape.

Keep reading

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Sorry, I've not been around. Still need to thank everyone for there comments!

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

(A/N: I tried to include details from today’s chapter but I hope you enjoy regardless. This is also sort of long, soory about that!)

TAG LIST:  @perriewinklenerdie  , @bucket-harrington and @mfackenthal 

SUMMARY: Kendall and Ethan await the result of there first diagnostic case together. With hours to kill on the observation deck, alone together. They both have time to talk and confront things that are being left unsaid between them.

Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

“You really do find it impossible to sit still, don’t you?” Ethan observed, glancing up from his paper to Kendall who was pacing the front of the observation deck, clearly uneasy and she played with her fingers and fidgeted.

“You noticed?” She asked, quickly glancing down at the surgery unfolding in the operating theatre before quickly snapping her head back as she continued to go up and down the length of the observation window, also right in front of where Ethan was seated, as he worked through the paperwork.

“You’re not going to make time go faster,” He commented, returning to the file in his hands, that he was balancing on his leg.

“I know, I’m just so nervous…” She sighed, even though she continued, picking up speed, refusing to look down at the surgery.

“Rookie, do you think I would have let our patient go through an incredibly volatile surgery on your recommendation if I knew you were wrong?” He pondered out-loud, his words relevant enough for Kendall to stop in her tracks, right in front of his seat.

He looked up at her, peering over his glasses.

“Well, do you?” He repeated.

Keep reading

[choicesaddictionwriting]

@perriewinklenerdie Thank You, I’m always glad when you enjoy my stuff. I adore your stuff and blog it’s basically Ethan central!

@aria-karina  and @my-lovestruck-choices Thank you so much for reading, I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

@bucket-harrington You are the sweetest thing! It’s so lovely to have someone like my MC as much as me! Thank you for always reading my stuff and taking the time to tell me what you think!

[choicesaddictionwriting]

*Me constantly having more Ethan x MC fics but only having enough time to write two more before I have to stop*

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Dads | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

SUMMARY: Kendall and Ethan get to know each other’s respective Father figures and even if they don’t. They might just learn something surprising about each other

TAG LIST: @perriewinklenerdie @bucket-harrington @mfackenthal  

WARNING: Brief Suicide mention

Dads | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Ethan wasn’t asked often to represent the hospital, in official matter or engagements. After the incident at the American Medical Association, the former chief steered clear of it, doing almost anything to avoid it. Much to Ethan’s favour but now Emery was in charge. And she knew him well enough not to let him get away from ‘his responsibilities as one the hospitals most noteworthy spokespeople’. And here Ethan he was just thought he was an employee.

But alas, he had been made to attend an increasing amount of events, representing the hospital. And though he made it through well enough, he made a point to keep lists of all the more important things he could have been doing.

And tonight’s event was no different. The Chief of Cardiology was supposed to attend a speech at one of the support centre associated with the Hospital by one of their biggest donors of their fifth anniversary. She couldn't make it and Emery only thought it would be suitable to send Ethan in her place. He disagreed but nevertheless he was here, though reluctantly.

He knew the only reason he had been asked was that he had cleared his schedule that evening to work on Naveen’s case. Dr Archer had offered to cover for him but he couldn't back out at that point. So here he was sitting in the front row at the Support Centre, surrounded by other Medical professionals from neighbouring hospitals who referred patients and their families here for support. All of them had made a point of making themselves known to him. Besides that, there were other donors, patients both current and former, their families, press and other invested parties. The room was packed enough, he had considered slipping out but the organiser had directed him to his seat personally.

There was no escape.

Eventually, after ten minutes of excruciatingly dull pleasantries and introductions, finally, a tall burly man, not any older than early to mid-fifties, stepped up to the podium to the soundtrack of welcoming applause. Ethan could assume he was the spokesperson of Randolph Productions, the sponsor.

“Good Evening everyone, I would just like to start by thanking you all for attending this event tonight to celebrate five years since the opening of the Goenka Support Centre for those with Terminal Illness and their families,” The man introduced with a dazzling smile and thick accent despite his appearance he came across as quite welcoming, “My name is Declan and I’m a Senior Manager at Randolph Productions and I’m here to tell you all how myself and Michael Randolph, our CEO, set up the Goenka Support Centre network,”

“Dr Banerji?” Kendall asked, popping her head around the door after knocking the best she could with her hands full.

“Ahh, Kendall,” He beamed, resting his book down, “Come on in, what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You texted fifteen minutes ago begging for coffee,” She chuckled, handing him two cups in turn, “Here’s your Chai tea and black coffee,” before opening the brown bag, “And a triple chocolate cookie, fresh from the Cafeteria,”

“Thank you,” He grinned, before handing the coffee back to you, “And that one is for you,”

“I thought you wanted both?”

“Oh no I can’t stand coffee,” He dismissed, blowing on his tea, “I just knew you wouldn't bring yourself a drink, so I made you bring one,”

“How did you know I drank black coffee?” “Your boyfriend told me,” He muttered, amused, into the rim of his cup.

“What?” Kendall questioned, sure he hadn’t said what she had heard, taking a seat in the seat beside him.

“Dr Ramsey, told me,” He corrected, louder this time, with a wicked smile on his face.

“Hmm,” Kendall, entertained but remaining unconvinced, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him, as she took a sip, sighing in delight afterwards, the effects of her fourteen-hour shift momentarily alleviated.

“Ethan, always says the cafeteria coffee is awful,” Dr Banerji commented.

“It is,” Kendall confirmed, “This coffee is from Dr Ramsey’s office,”

“How did you get into his office,”

“I jimmied the lock,” Kendall shrugged nonchalantly, taking another sip as his eyes widened at her, she then burst out laughing, “I’m kidding, he gave me a key,”

“He gave you a key?” He questioned, “To his office?”

“Yeah,” Kendall confirmed, dragging it out in confusion.

“Interesting,” He nodded before grinning at her devilishly, “ Anyway I think you know why I called you here…”

“Because Dr Ramsey was called away and you were lonely,” She teased, with a good-natured wink.

Dr Banerji rolled his eyes before straightening up expectantly.

“So you didn’t hear this from me but there is some major drama with the Nurses in ENT,” Kendall began, leaning back in her chair, “And it all started over…you guessed it…Jake,”

“So as you might be able to tell I’m not around here,” Declan continued, “I’m from a County Cork in Ireland. It’s where I was born and raised. I moved to the states when I was 18 which was when I got accepted to Stanford for Engineering. Wasn’t the career I wanted but I was raised to do what my Mam told me, so I went and I’m so glad I did because I hadn’t even been at Stanford for a year when I met my wife, Priya. And she changed my life, in every way. I’ll never forget the first thing she ever said to me. And it was why do they call you a redhead when hair is orange. And from that point on she had and we were together from that day on. Priya was a San Fransisco girl from birth, a party girl and she refused to live according to anyone's rules but her own. She was reckless and free and she lived the life that I wanted. A life following her dream. Everyone told me I was crazy but I married her anyway. I graduated and we had our son. And I decided around a month after he was born that I wanted to be a little like her, so I left a steady engineering job and decided to pursue music, music production might I add. I don’t have any pipes. It was a struggle, we lived off her earnings as a singer in a club, but eventually, I found Mikey and things really started to take off. We had our daughter and for seven years we had a perfect life. Two great kids, a great job, a happy wife, the happiest she’d ever been. I got seven great years. But then everything changed when she got sick,”

Ethan monitored him carefully as he spoke, watching the light in his eyes went from bright to dull as he continued to speak. It was a sense of familiarity that struck him. He couldn't place it and it was the only thing keeping him interested. A natural public speaker this man was not. He tapped his foot and was constantly wiping away imaginary sweat from his forehead. Ethan knew it was going to be a long evening.

“Ahh, Kendall,” Dr Banerji chuckled heartily, squeezing her forearm in delight, “You can’t keep telling me such things while I’m trapped here. You make me wish I was still working, I miss the drama. And I can’t even go marching up to ENT to find  out if she picks Jake or Jesse, myself”

“As soon as I know, you’ll know,” She promised, her ribs hurting due to laughing so hard.

“Thank you, Kendall, for staying with me,” He smiled sincerely, taking her hands gratefully in his, “I know your shift ended a while ago,”

“Don’t worry about it,” She dismissed, “I like spending time with you, Sir and you don’t need to ask me to bring you tea to get me here. Even if you just need a chat I’ll come running,”

“I ask you to bring me stuff because Ethan absolutely refuses to let me have anything that isn’t ‘safe’. But I’ll keep that in mind,”

“He’s protective because he cares about you,”

“Oh, I know,” He chuckled, “And I love that boy all the same even if he acts miserable half the time.”

“Has he always been like this?”

“More or less, he’s always been very driven and determined to be the best. And even though I was his teacher I spent the half the time we’ve been together trying to get him to stop taking it all too seriously. But he never listened…well up until recently,” He elaborated before giving Kendall a telling look.

“What do you mean?”

“Kendall, you know what I mean,” He insisted, “Despite everything that’s going on with me, he’s different than he was before and I can only think of one explanation as to why,”

“Are you talking about me?”

“It was little at first. Mood swings, depression but eventually it turned into her not being able to control her leg. And this was over a year and I kept asking her about it and she would keep arguing and arguing. Until eventually she broke down and told me the truth. Earlier the day we had met she had been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease. She was adopted so she didn’t know that she had the gene. And she admitted that the night we met, she was looking for someone just to marry and have a life with before she ran out of time. There was nothing special about me. I was just the first one who showed interest,” He proceeded before pausing, the smile still bright on his face but his whole demeanour was shaken, the whole room was captivated by the tale.

He heard sad stories all day and yet he could feel himself being drawn into this one.

“But I didn’t even time to process that because I was suddenly faced with not only the fact that my wife was dying but my kids might too. I’ll never forget, taking them both to the hospital and demanding someone screen them. I couldn't handle not knowing if I was going to lose my whole family. My son was ten at the time and I remember him telling his baby sister that she was going to be okay because she was terrified. She was only young so she didn’t really know what was happening but obviously that something was wrong. And he was right she was going to be okay because she was clear but he wasn’t. He had the gene. I was going to lose him too,”

“Dr Banerji, I don’t think…” Kendall began.

“Can I tell you story, Dr Archer?” He interrupted and posed.

“Sure,”

“When I was doing my residency all those years ago, I fell in love with one of the other interns that I worked with. Her name was Anna Nolan and she was and still is the smartest and most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She was vivacious and she made me feel like I could do anything because she could do anything. I thought I had met my person and I truly believe I did but…” He retold.

“But,” She prompted.

“I had a lot of pressure on me from my parents. They were immigrants and given up everything for me so I felt like I owed them to be successful so very much like Ethan I was very driven to be the best but in spite of that, I couldn't help falling her. Eventually, I had to make a choice, she was offered a job across the country and she wanted me to come with her. And I didn’t, I couldn’t. Time was different back then so gave her the excuse that her family wouldn't accept an Indian man and I broke her heart. But I know deep down I know if I had fought for her we would have made it, overcome it all to be together. But the truth was I was scared, scared to let myself be happy because I felt like I didn’t deserve it.” He continued, beaming wistfully as he did.

“Oh, Dr Banerji,”

“But I did deserve it.” He continued, “I know that now. And letting her go was the worst mistake I ever made.”

“Where’s Anna now?”

“Married, with kids probably with Grandkids by now,”

“I’m so sorry,”

“I’ve come to terms with it,” He sighed, “It was a long time ago. And I found fulfilment in my work and I consider Ethan very much to be my son over my student. So even though I don’t have kids of my own, I have Ethan and I wouldn't change that. But I do know that while being a world-renowned Doctor is nice I don’t think it would have compared to spending my life with Anna.”

“That’s what got Priya. At least that’s what I like to believe. Knowing what she had done to our son because it could have been avoided if she had said something. She killed herself a couple weeks after. Priya lived selfishly and if you ask my daughter she died the same way. Priya was flawed but she was a good person at heart, I know it. But she left me with two kids and I didn’t cope well. I struggled. I could barely look at my kids without wanting to cry, I did anything to avoid coming home. I turned to alcohol. It was like that for five years until my son got sick himself. If you know anything about Huntington’s it’s very rare to get symptoms before thirty. But my boy started displaying them at fifteen. And I had to pull myself out. I couldn't let him lose the time he had. So my parents moved to California and I dedicated my life to him. And I realised it was much better having a support network around me. But I still deal with a lot of pain. I’ve never had time to process my wives death because I needed to take of my son. I still deal with the guilt of not being there for my daughter. To the point where she said to me once she wished that Mommy had loved to want to live because apparently while drunk I had told her that, that is why her Mother killed herself,”

Ethan seized as realisation struck him, grasping the armrest of his chair.

“And even though she says she’s forgiven me, I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven myself. When I close my eyes, I still see her face sometimes, asking me the same question. And knowing I did that to her, I’ll never forgive myself. And I doubt I ever will. ” He took a sharp pause, the tension in the room palpable, even Ethan dared not breath, “It’s why I do this. So no one has to suffer like I do. Like my Kenny does, even when says she doesn’t. I know she does. And it kills me every day.”

“What are saying?” Kendall questioned, cautiously, watching carefully as the sad expression that formed on his features, as the happy memories faded and his eyes flooded with regret.

“What I’m saying is…” He began before pausing and taking in a shaky breath, and Kendall suspected that his shallow breath wasn’t due to anything but the gravity of it all, “I hope he doesn’t make the same mistake I did,”

“What mistake?” She pressed, not understanding what he was saying.

“I really hope he doesn't let you get away, Kendall.”

“I…” She stuttered.

“He looks at you the same way I looked at Anna,” He continued, “And you look at him the same way. I’ve asked Ethan about it and he denies it but he’s really bad at being convincing when he talks about you,”

“He talks about me?”

“Oh yeah,” He nodded, “First it was how annoying and incompetent you were but I’d never seen him get so worked up over an intern but has time went on he got worse at pretending he found you annoying,”

“What does he say?”

“Whenever I tell him to go for it. He gives all these excuses about how he can’t put your career in jeopardy or the teacher relationship you have or even what the hospital would think. But there all excuses, yeah it would be hard but it would be worth it. But he’s too scared to let himself to be happy because he doesn’t think he deserves it. And I worry he’s going to make the same mistake I did by letting you go,” He breathed, patting your hands, “I just want him to be happy and I don’t think he ever will be without you,”

“I want him to be happy too,”

“So you might be wondering what this story, my story has to do with this centre. My partner and I started the Goenka foundation after his wife died of cancer and we realised that we had no support for what happened to us. And if we had maybe we wouldn't have made the same mistakes hurt ourselves and our children the way we did. So as soon as we could open centres like this one to help people with terminal diseases and their families. To give them support, to be there for them. We are proud of the fact that we have now opened twenty-five centres across the country all of them named after my late wife, Priya Goenka, the mother of my kids and the love my life. I also wanted to tell this story to let everyone know that it gets better and you can move on with help. And I hope that we can help you with that if you need it.” He finished up, flashing a smile, Kendall’s smile, “Thank you all so much for listening to me and cheers to a great evening,”

“I have a question,” Ethan asked loudly, right before the applause broke out, Declan stopped and looked straight at him, “What about your children? What happened to them?”

“Well, um,” He began, going back over to the microphone, “My son lives in a residential facility back in Ireland now which is where my parents and I are and my daughter,” He breathed as the biggest smile of the evening formed on his face, “She’s a first-year medical resident at a hospital here in Boston actually. I might be using this trip as an excuse to see her as well as celebrating the clinic. But yeah, she’s doing amazing, graduated the top of the class as med school and now she saves people every day.”

Ethan nodded briskly as the applause started. Everyone began to mill around and Etan made his way over to Kendall’s father.

“Mr Archer,” He greeted.

“Ahh, it’s you,” He smiled, recognising him from the audience straight away, “Thank you for attending…”

“Dr Ramsey,” He offered, “Dr Ethan Ramsey,”

“So you’re doctor, Dr Ramsey,” He commented in surprise.

“You know who I am?”

“You’re my daughter’s boss aren’t you?” He countered, raising a telling eyebrow at him.

“Yes,” He confirmed, waiting for a reaction.

“Well, it’s wonderful to meet you,” He chuckled, taking Ethan by surprise, “My daughter talks about you all the time even before she started at Edenbrook. Pretty sure that she’s your biggest fan,”

“Probably not,” he quipped.

“Why are you giving my girl a hard time?” He questioned.

“A little,” Ethan admitted.

“I know she can handle it,” He smiled, “She’s handled much worse.”

“Yeah,” Ethan nodded, “I just wanted to say that you have an incredible daughter and I think she’s going to be an incredible Doctor someday.”

“Thank you,” Declan Archer said sincerely, shaking Ethan’s hand firmly, “You know what I’m meeting Kendall for dinner in a bit why don’t you come along?”

“I can’t,” Ethan dismissed, “But it was nice to meet you,”

And with that Ethan turned starkly and walked out of the building. He started making the trip back to Edenbrook, to see Naveen. Plus the walk gave him time to consider what he was going to do with all the new information had. Kendall despite her tendency to overshare rarely shared more than superficial facts about her family. And now he knew every detail and even though it wasn’t his fault he felt guilty. Like he intruded on her privacy, unintentionally as no one knew who was being talked about besides him.

He wandered through the doors so lost in his own thoughts that he almost missed Kendall walking in the opposite direction. “Dr Ramsey,” Kendall greeted, casually.

“Kendall…Rookie,” He quickly corrected, regaining composer as fast as he had lost it.

“What are you doing back here?” She questioned, “I thought Emery sent you to some event,”

“I left early,”

“That bad?” She inquired.

“No, it was just…” He struggled to find the words under her gaze.

“Are you okay?” She asked, slightly concerned.

“Do you have a minute?” He eventually let out.

“Sure,” She agreed, shakily, before they walked silently up to his office.

They remained that way until he shut the door. Leaning against it as she wandered into the office before turning to face him.

“What did you want to talk about, Dr Ramsey?” Kendall asked, curiously.

“The Goenka Centre,” He admitted, “Your parents,”

“I knew he flew in for a reason,” Kendall sighed in understanding, taking a seat on his couch, “Crazy to think it was all about seeing me,”

“Why did you never say anything?”

“I’m not involved and that’s my choice. I didn’t even know there was in Boston,” She admitted, “So you heard about it all right, the story, everything?”

He nodded.

“Are you going to treat me differently?”

“Of course not,”

“Then it’s okay,” She concluded, “You probably would have found out eventually, the gory details and all,”

“If I had known,” He started again.

“I choose to live without myself being defined by all that,” Kendall shrugged, “You should too.”

“What?”

“Live without fear, Dr Ramsey.”

“It’s not that easy for everyone,”

“Maybe you’re just overcomplicating it,”

“What are talking about ?” Ethan interrupted.

“Nothing,” She dismissed, “Is that all?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ethan nodded, taking way for her to pass.

She smiled at him as she walked past him.

“One more thing,” Ethan quickly added.

“Hmm?”

“I’m really sorry for what happened,”

“You don’t have to be,” She responded, placing a hand on his cheek, “And for what it’s worth I’m sorry too,”

“For what?”

“I know how hard it is to let go of fear.”

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Sneak Peak | Dads (Ethan x MC)

Since you all helped me decide which fic to write first. I only thought it would be fair to share a little bit of what I’ve already written. 

[choicesaddictionwriting]

MASTERLIST

(Still under construction. But working on it. I really don’t like some of the people on here. I don’t even romance them but it’s from a while ago. All of it’s from last year besides the Ethan stuff) 

ETHAN RAMSEY X MC (KENDALL ARCHER) 

Hope 

Lose 

Wait

Dads

DAMIEN NAZARIO X MC (EMMELINE ‘EMMY’ PARK)

Breaking Point

When Damien Met His Perfect Match (Fic Series)

- PART ONE

- PART TWO

KENJI KATSAROS X MC (ALENA LANE)

...And He Knew He Was in Love

Without You

MICHEAL HARRISON X MC (SPENCER BELLISARIO)

You’d Really Do All This For Me?

Misadventures In PDA

CHRISTOPHER POWELL X MC (ODETTE MERCER)

Literally Falling For You

JAKE MCKENZIE X MC (ANALEIGH)

Touch

DRAKE WALKER X MC (TESS CARSON)

Ten Minutes To The Alter

Stay The Night

Seven Thousand, Five Hundred and Forty-Eight

What Drake Said v What He Was Thinking (QUOTE SERIES)

- BOOK ONE

- BOOK TWO PART ONE

- BOOK TWO PART TWO

- BOOK THREE PART ONE

- BOOK THREE PART TWO

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

(A/N: I tried to include details from today’s chapter but I hope you enjoy regardless. This is also sort of long, soory about that!)

TAG LIST:  @perriewinklenerdie  , @bucket-harrington and @mfackenthal 

SUMMARY: Kendall and Ethan await the result of there first diagnostic case together. With hours to kill on the observation deck, alone together. They both have time to talk and confront things that are being left unsaid between them.

Wait | (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

“You really do find it impossible to sit still, don’t you?” Ethan observed, glancing up from his paper to Kendall who was pacing the front of the observation deck, clearly uneasy and she played with her fingers and fidgeted.

“You noticed?” She asked, quickly glancing down at the surgery unfolding in the operating theatre before quickly snapping her head back as she continued to go up and down the length of the observation window, also right in front of where Ethan was seated, as he worked through the paperwork.

“You’re not going to make time go faster,” He commented, returning to the file in his hands, that he was balancing on his leg.

“I know, I’m just so nervous…” She sighed, even though she continued, picking up speed, refusing to look down at the surgery.

“Rookie, do you think I would have let our patient go through an incredibly volatile surgery on your recommendation if I knew you were wrong?” He pondered out-loud, his words relevant enough for Kendall to stop in her tracks, right in front of his seat.

He looked up at her, peering over his glasses.

“Well, do you?” He repeated.

“No,”

“Then take a breath and then take a seat,” He instructed calmly, pointing to the seat beside him with his pen.

His eyes wandered back to his work and he heard her sit down heavily beside him.

“But what if…?”

“A ten per cent chance of survival is better than zero,” He interrupted, purposely not engaging in any other way and he signed the bottom of his document, “You made the right call, rookie. Now learn to live with it.”

“You’re right,” She gave in.

“I know,” Ethan added, before asking, “I thought I told you to bring your paperwork with you  to finish while we wait,”

“I did, it’s under the chair,” She informed, “I’m just too distracted to even think about doing it,”

“You should work on that,” He commented again, clearly distracted by something different.

There was a beat of silence before Kendall piped up again, “How long has it been now?”

“An hour and twenty-two minutes so we still have fourteen hours and thirty-eight minutes to go,”

She groaned and sank in her seat.

“Why do you think I suggested bringing something to do?” He asked, “You’ll make yourself crazy if you just sit and watch the surgery or in your case fidget and watch the surgery,”

“Sorry,” She whispered, clasping her hand together in an effort to stop.

“Just…” He sighed, feeling bad, “Just relax,”

She nodded.

Another beat of silence and he noticed that she had started holding her breath.

“Are you always this impatient?” He demanded.

“I just have a lot on mind,” She confessed.

“That makes two of us,” He breathed, meeting her gaze for a second, before clearing his throat and continuing, “Rookie, being on the Diagnostics team means having much fewer patients to focus on which means you’ll have to do a lot of waiting for test results, surgeries. Usually, during this time I do other things but since my entire job today is to have one of you interns shadow me as part of this ridiculous fellowship competition, I have been relieved from all my other duties besides Diagnostics. Which is why we are watching this surgery instead of doing something more useful. So can you please start acting like you’re working and not having a nervous breakdown.”

Kendall rolled her eyes but headed his advice, regardless. She reached under her seat and pulled out her first file. Ethan gave her a nod of approval as she opened it up. They sat in a comfortable silence, for the first time.

“How is the research going?” She asked, remembering she hadn’t heard any updates on Naveen in a while.

“Not as fruitful as I was hoping,” He revealed, “But I still have some other ideas that I need to follow-up,”

“Well, if you need anything I…”

“I know,” He cut off, but he flashed her a grateful smile.

Ethan was acutely aware that things between him and Kendall remained, tense with a lot remaining unsaid even though it was very apparent what both of them wanted. They had both made that clear in the lab even if it wasn’t said. Fighting the inevitable, indeed.

Kendall was infinitely better at pretending she wasn’t disappointed or hurting and acting like nothing had changed. For a few days after it happened Ethan found it hard to even look at her because the guilt was overwhelming. The guilt of almost ruining of there working relationship, her chance at objectively winning the fellowship, her career as well as the guilt of knowing no matter how hard he tried to let her go. He still felt exactly the same way about her as he did on that balcony, in fact, he liked her even more. He liked her more than he should, so much more. But inspire of all the guilt, he didn’t feel guilty about kissing her.

If a kiss was all he was ever going to have with Kendall, in that way, then he was glad it was that one, at that moment. He couldn't help thinking about it whenever he caught her eye and if that continued he knew he was never going to get over it.

He snapped back to reality when he noticed the Kendall was humming softly to herself as she wrote, concentrating intently.

“So, how have you been?”

“How have I been?” He repeated, sceptically, “Are you trying to make small talk with me, Rookie?”

“No, I’m genuinely curious,” She insisted, “I know you’ve been really bust trailing everyone in Diagnostics this week and I was just wondering how you’ve been,”

“I’m not telling you about how the other interns did,” He informed.

“I asked how you were, Dr Ramsey,” She corrected, “I know you were struggling a lot last week with everything that’s been going on,”

“I’m fine,” He insisted, before cautiously adding, “Thank you for asking and for helping me through all of us, I really couldn’t do this without you. Or at least it would be significantly more difficult,”

“You’re welcome,” She chuckled, squeezing his shoulder, and without thinking he leaned into her touch ever so slightly. 

“Besides from that,” He continued, “I won’t say it wasn’t exactly my idea to babysit a different intern every day for a week. Thankfully it’s almost over,”

“I’m the last intern?” She questioned, surprised, “But some haven’t…”

“Only interns that I think actually have a shot at being on my team have had the opportunity to shadow me for the day,” He elaborated, “And that includes you,”

“Well, thank you,”

“Why are you thanking me, I didn’t put in the work, you did,”

“I’m thanking you for recognising my effort,”

“You’re insufferable,” He breathed.

“You say that but you’re the one who decided which patient to give me and you picked this one knowing that it would end up in a long surgery, so you knew I would have to stay with you through the whole thing because I’m shadowing you today,” She deduced, playfully.

“Did you strain yourself coming up with that nonsensical conclusion?”

“Deny it all you want. I know you secretly like me,” She chuckled before quickly adding with a nervous smile, “As an intern, I mean. Not in any other way, of course, I just me…”

“I got that,” He commented sarcastically.

“Right,” She played off, badly.

“I picked this case because one it was urgent and because I knew you were the only one capable of solving it,” He said, finally turning his head to look at her.

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is, you were right, Rookie. I’ve been distracted lately with…everything going on with Naveen and,” He started to explain, clearly uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat, turning his head so was he was looking at the surgery and not at her, “And I couldn’t think of what to do in this case, and I figured if  that if anyone was going to have an idea it would be you,”

“Why?”

“Why not, Rookie?” He questioned, “Do you think I made a mistake in hiring you.”

“No,” Kendall argued.

“Here Rookie, tell me,” He demanded, “what diseases has a common symptom of nosebleeds but if left untreated in advance cases leads to both blindness and paralysis?”

“Leprosy,” She responded without thinking, “But that’s an easy one,”

“For you, it’s easy, Rookie. Not for everyone else,” He pointed out, “If you just had a little more confidence in yourself and your ability, you’d be an incredible doctor.  And besides, I trust you and…I knew you wouldn't think less of me for not knowing the answer myself.”

“Nobody always has all the answers,”

“I used too,” He sighed, “As soon as you suggested the surgery it clicked and I didn’t why I hadn’t of thought about it sooner,”

“You’ve been going through a tough time,” She insisted.

“That isn’t an excuse,” He dismissed.

“Yes, it is,” She stated, “You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first,”

“That is…” He paused before continuing, “A rather basic analogy from you, Rookie. I expected better,”

Time wore on and the surgery continued into the night. The long shifts had caught up to Kendall as she now had splayed out over several seats, sleeping. Her own lab coat tucked under her head as a pillow. And Ethan had put his own over her, as the room was cold. He’d finished his own paperwork and had started on hers. The least he could do, he convinced himself, after he had kept her distracted for the past few hours before she slept.

Perhaps it was the combination of the silence, the time he had on his hands, the long conversations they’d just had and the fact she was sleeping so soundly, so peacefully, beside him, that he indulged himself in his thoughts, his feelings.  

About her, of course. Kendall Archer, the one and only.

How do you even know if someone is the right person for you?

Ethan had always accepted the fact that love and the act of falling in love could happen. Of course, it could, he’d seen it happen with colleagues and friends of his and only a couple ended in divorce. There was legitimacy to the idea of falling in love, it was a plausible idea.

It could happen,sure, but Ethan had never considered that it might happen to him.

What are you saying? You’ve only known her a couple of months.

But even when he was Harper he always assumed his life would follow the same path as, Naveen.

That was, of course, until she arrived.

Ethan likes to think of Kendall as his own personal tornado. She had crashed into his life, a reckless devastatingly perfect storm.  

Reckless.

Kendall knew herself well enough that she needed to stop thinking in order to get things done though that never stopped her from worrying endlessly as soon as it was out of her hands again after the fact. Ethan was the opposite, methodical, always weighing up the risk-reward. But Kendall acted on knowledge, emotion, happy to accept the repercussions of doing the right thing. Before you arrived, Ethan never thought he needed to change. He had won, master the game, why would he need to? But she showed him that being reckless wasn’t scary or even inherently going to end in disaster. It could be exhilarating, freeing, it made him feel alive. Even if it was the reason why they were in this mess.

Devastating.

Kendall had devastated the foundation of what everything Ethan thought to be true. Challenging his belief system entirely, all of sudden there was this glimmer of belief that he deserved more. And she did that by just being herself. Ethan hadn’t ever thought about safe he played his life until he met her. Kendall lived optimistically with hope, belief and that took a lot more strength than he had ever imagined. You had to be vulnerable to live every day at risk of everything going wrong. But she lived that way, maybe because she knew no different or maybe because she knew life is too fragile to play it safe and be pessimistic.

Perfect.

He hated admitting it. Everything he had found irritating about Kendall when they first met, her annoying habits, her grievances, her quirks, had become endearing to him. Making up who she was, he wouldn't change anything about her. Because if he did, she wouldn't be Kendall anymore. She’d be like the other interns. He liked everything about her, the way her mind worked often in fifteen different ways at once, the way she talked with that west coast edge, the way she felt so intensely for everyone around her, the way she smiled like her sole mission was to light up the room, the way she looked at him. Like he was special and the only person she could see. She was perfect. Perfect for him.

A storm.

Like a rainstorm after a drought. Kendal was inherently good but if you dug deeper it was evident to see that there was darkness and destruction within her. She carried more guilt than he could ever imagine. The guilt of being healthy, the guilt of being alive. She battled with inadequacy, she was bright and capable, more than anyone else he had ever met and yet she couldn't identify it in herself. She doubted herself endlessly. And the more he got to know her, the clearer it became for all the love Kendall carried it in her heart and spread to those around her, she never extended any of it to herself. In spite of all that though she remained hopeful. She believed, she believed in him and not just Ethan Ramsey everyone thought knew but the actual person he was.

Kendall was his tornado all right and there was nowhere he would rather be than her warpath.

When Kendall woke up a few hours later, she was alone with Ethan’s jacket wrapped around her. The surgery continuing below her, she noticed that the staff had rotated and she caught Bryce’s eye. She gave him a wave and winked back at her. With a laugh, she turned to the stack of files left in Ethan’s seat. On top was a note.

Getting Coffee. Try to keep our patient alive while I’m gone, Rookie.

Kendall snorted before glancing back at the surgery just to double check. She smiled to herself after she was satisfied everything was fine. It was moments like this that made her think back to who she was when she first started medical school. That Kendall couldn't ever even have imagined being where she was today, an intern at Edenbrook, in the lead of the competition to earn a spot on the Diagnostic team she’d dreamed on being on. Working with the man who had written the book she always kept on her desk as a reminder of why she was doing this in the first place.

In a weird way, Kendall had never expected to really meet Dr Ramsey. Sure she assumed that she would meet him someday, at a book signing, a medical conference maybe even after she got accepted to Edenbrook all she had expected was to see him in the hall from time to time. But not this, never this, this was beyond her imagination. And yet here she was, working with him, they were collages, friends and more even if they couldn’t talk about it.

The funny thing was the more she had gotten to know Ethan the less of hero he became in her eyes. She still idolised him professionally but he wasn't her hero anymore as she realised that the picture she had painted of him in her head was far from the actual person. Ethan Ramsey was more than the world-renowned doctor everyone knew. He was a person and maybe that’s why he struggled with the attention do much. She figured that going from an outcast that didn’t get on to everyone to a doctor that everyone wanted to know, was a big adjustment especially for him. Which is why she made a point not to hold him up to the expectations of the person she had imagined him to be but the person he actually was.

And to her, that Ethan, the one she knew today was the one that deserved to be idolised. The Ethan she knew had a big heart even if he showed it in an unconventional way, he cared about those who were close to him and his patients. He was fiercely protective and she was sure there was no obstacle he wouldn't face for them. The Ethan she knew was funny, she remembered fondly how intimidating he seemed to be when they first met with his cutting insults and mind games but now she enjoyed his dry humour even when it was aimed at her. He made her laugh a lot and she wasn’t quick-witted enough to think of a comeback so it was by default her only response. The Ethan she knew made her feel worthy, sure he would question her ability but that was only when she was questioning herself or not working hard enough. He for some reason thought she could do incredible things in this place and sometimes she didn't understand why. He thought she was special enough to be given a chance and she sure as hell wasn't going to blow it. He made her feel like she could do anything if she worked for it. She liked that even though he thought he couldn't change the world anymore that she might be able to.

Yeah, you could say Kendall liked Ethan.

She liked Ethan a lot.

“Here you go Rookie,” Ethan said offering her coffee as soon as he reentered the observation deck.

“Is this from your office?” She asked, taking the drink from him with a grateful smile.

“Of course,” He responded, sitting back down beside her as you sipped, “Did you sleep well?”

“Not, well enough,”

“Well, you woke up on time, they should be finishing up soon,” He informed.

“Can I ask you something?” She inquired, pulling the mug from her lips.

“Could I stop you even if I said no?” He retorted, watching the surgery intently.

“Why did you let me sleep?”

“I don’t recall you asking me my permission before you did,” He responded, cuttingly.

“But you could have easily kept me awake and it just doesnt seems like you to let an intern sleep on the job,”

“That would have been cruel,” He offered, confused, “You were tired, I remember what it was like being an intern. I figured letting you sleep would be the nice thing to do after everything especially. I even…um…did your paperwork while you were sleeping too.”

“Why would you do that?” Kendall asked, taken aback.

“Because I owe you one after everything you’ve done,” He offered before adding annoyed, “Most people would just say, thank you,”

“I am thankful,” Kendall reassured, sighing heavily she added, “It’s just would you do that for any other intern?”  

“No,”

“That’s the problem,”

“What are you getting at, Rookie?”

“You're the one…” She began hesitantly, “That wants to pretend that there is nothing between us. So why do you keep treating me differently? Like I’m special.”

“I’m not giving you special treatment,” He stated, the tone of his voice making it clear that there was no question about it, but then he continued and he wasn’t as collected as was before, “But you are different. You know that Kendall. You aren’t like the other interns to me. I trust you. You’re the only one that knows about Naveen’s condition and where he is. My helping you is my thank you for being my partner on this and that’s the reason we are close. Closer than we should but that's how it is now…When we’re together I don’t think about the fellowship at all,”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself?” Kendall said without thinking, helpless to the aftermath.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He interrogated, unconvincingly to Kendall at least.

“You know what it's okay,”

“What's okay?”

“It's okay, I’m fine with waiting,” She stated, smiling sadly at him.

“For what?” He questioned.

“For you to figure it out,” She admitted, reaching over and giving his hand a gentle but brief squeeze, “I'll wait for you to figure it out, not forever but I'll wait for you.”

“Kendall I…” His voice hitching as soon as she retracted her hand, he had forgotten how much he craved her touch.

“I think they're done,” Kendall interpreted, as the intercom crackled.

Without a word Ethan walked over, leaving her sitting there in anticipation. Soon he turned back round to face her.

“Well, how did it go?”

“The surgery was successful,” He informed.

As soon as he did, she beamed brightly, jumping out of her seat. Immediately hugging him tightly in pure bliss.

“Rookie,” Ethan warned, as he stumbled back.

“Sorry,” She apologised, jumping away from him but the smile still fixed on her face, “I have to go and hug everyone on that surgery team,”

“At least let them change first,” He called after her, as she darted towards the door, he waited a second before following her down, the smile on his face only comparable to the one she had on hers. 

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Going to have to change a couple details in my fic after that chapter but I like how close I got!

[choicesaddictionwriting]

What I’m working on…

Since I’m an idiot I started working on yet ANOTHER Ethan Ramsey fic but to be honest it is what is getting me through revision while also distracting me from it. So worth it I guess?

I figured I’d share a small bit since I haven’t finished it yet…

[choicesaddictionwriting]

Lose | Ramsey x MC

a/n: Did I stay up until midnight to finish this? Yeah, but I’m not mad. I hope you enjoy this mess. WARNING: Includes discussions about death, deadly illnesses and mentions suicide (alludes to but not explicitly stated) 

Oh and @perriewinklenerdie asked to be tagged. I hope you enjoy this! 

SUMMARY: After Kendall loses her first patient on the job, Ethan tries to figure out her unusual reaction to the loss and in the process learns something new about his favourite intern.

Lose | Ramsey x MC (Kendall Archer)

“Time of death, 14:26, June 14th, 2019,” Kendall announced, sombrely, glancing at both the watch on her wrist and the clock on the wall.

Express Sympathy?  No need, they weren’t any family in the room. She has to do that in a minute.

Listen for Heart Sounds? Done.

Watch for Breathing? Done.

Stethoscope on the heart? Done in one.

Felt for a Pulse? There wasn’t one.

Kendall quickly went through the mental checklist one more time,just in case she had missed something, even though the nurses who surrounded you had already begun to gently pull out the intravenous lines that had once run fluids into her veins and, one by one, removed the stickers on her chest that had recorded her heartbeat.

You’ve done everything right Ken, she told herself.

Keep reading

[drakewalkerfantasy]

This is so good written. All their feeling, sadness, pain 👏👏👏

[choicesaddictionwriting]

@drakewalkerfantasy

Thank you so much. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!