"Live to ride, ride to live." @choose-2-be-happy - Tumblr Blog

I really don’t like my boyfriend or this relationship. I’m just so absurdly stuck. I’m living entirely in his world. I do whatever he wants. Eat what he wants or separately from him. Follow him around. Travel to his family and friends. If he does something I want to do, he makes sure I know it’s a chore. I hate him.

I just want to be loved the way I love you. I want someone to touch my skin like it’s the softest most wonderful skin to ever touch. To look at me like I’m magnificent and to hold me on a pedestal the way I hold you. It’s all I want

I’m ashamed of who I am

I’m in remission now and I don’t deserve it. I’m a terrible human. I’m self centered, selfish, I play the pity card. Life is hard for everyone I’m nothing fucking special. In fact I’m the opposite. I’m a trash human and I don’t even know how to deal with myself. I’m just stuck with me and I hate it. I hate me. I’m so sorry to everyone I’ve hurt with my words. I don’t know what to do. I don’t deserve jack shit. Fuck you kelly. Seriously fuck you.

dawnforests

I’m so exhausted. My soul just aches

I’m so incredibly depressed. I’m not in line for car t therapy, the most promising treatment. I feel it’s a waste on me considering I don’t even care to live

It just all feels like too much. The weight of the world feels unbearable. I don’t know myself anymore. I have no goals no wants. I don’t feel like I have real joy. I feel broken and lost beyond repair

realifezompire

there are many benefits to being a Naval Salior

it used to be pretty common for there to be cats on boats. they'd take care of any rodents who would chew on ropes or wires and spread diseases. sailors were also superstitious and believed that having a cat aboard would bring good luck! this belief passed on to their wives, who kept cats - especially black ones who were believed to be extra lucky - at home in order to keep their husbands safe when at sea.

another popular superstition? that if a cat came aboard it was a sign of luck, but if it only boarded halfway and then left, it was a sign of bad luck.

most ship's cats are only found in modern times on private vessels, but they have roots going back to early history. one such example is the Vikings, who took cats with them on expeditions.

Sources: Ship's Cats, @Manglewood

I don’t want to do this. I don’t care to survive anymore. I want to be gone.

boohwanj-deactivated20240316-de

2021-10-03

Canon EOS R6 + RF15-35mm f2.8L IS

Instagram | hwantastic79vivid

I want to sell everything I own and disappear. No one deserves this. If I’m gone, it illuminates so much stress in so many other lives. It changes to grief. That can be dealt with

Chemo. Fucking. Sucks.

allthingseurope

Hintersee, Germany

holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe

“I’d spent the last three years trying to build up some kind of a skin, so I wouldn’t drip with blood every time I brushed up against something.”

— White Oleander, Janet Fitch

How am I supposed to heal if I don’t care to? My will to live is gone and it has been for quite some time. I don’t enjoy anything in actuality. I’m a shell. I walk around and people tell me I’m so brave and strong. I don’t want to live like this and I don’t see my life getting any better. Even if the cancer in my body can be killed, the methods to do so will leave me practically just as bad off. I have no feasible goals. I’ll have to find a job and work because that’s how society works. I have no energy for jobs that I’d actually enjoy, which means I’ll spend every ounce of energy I have working things I hate to go home and wait to go back to work. My life as I knew it is gone. The person I knew myself as, she’s dead. I don’t want the new life or new girl. I want my life and body and mind back and there’s no going back.

I’m scared the depression will never leave. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make friends or be a friend. I don’t know how to take care of myself anymore. I don’t want to. I don’t feel like doing anything. I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world and I hardly feel like I exist and he doesn’t deserve that. I’m a shell of a being. I’m not supposed to be here. I’m so depressed. My sweet old man pup will be 14 in February. His heart is the biggest to exist and it’s so painful watching and listening to his cough. Or watching him fall and having to pick him back up. I love him with my entire heart. He gives me purpose and I’m so scared to not be with him. I’m scared I’ll stay with him because of how I feel. I don’t want to hurt my family, I really don’t I just don’t want to be. I am pointless. I can get myself out the door to volunteer once a week, I can get myself outside for a couple of walks a day but I feel nothing but sadness. I want to choose to be happy but it’s such a constant battle

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"Live to ride, ride to live."