Things I wish I was brave enough to tell you :
1. What do I think? I think you’re making a huge mistake. I think you’re fooling yourself into thinking we won’t work out so you don’t have to try. I think you’re scared out of your mind and that’s why you’d rather call it quits than give us a chance. I think you know your heart beats louder than your thoughts and you’re trying to protect it because even though you don’t want to admit it, you’ve been hurt before and you think I’m going to do the same. I think you’re scared. You’re fucking scared.
2. If we’re just friends, how come you don’t act like one? How come I feel you hurting in silence and how you do everything to hide that rather than just telling me what you feel?
3. I really don’t want to be “just friends” with you. But I’d rather be friends with you than nothing at all. Because I don’t want to loose you. I cannot loose you.
4. I know it doesn’t need to be spoken out loud but I just want to say it, so it’s official. I like you. Like. I really like you. And it’s not the things those guys, who sweet talk you, tell you everything you want to hear do. I don’t care much about that. It’s when you asked me if I wanted to eat together despite how far away from each other we were and how you promised to watch a show with me even though you have watched it before. It’s when you would kiss me until I forgot how terrified I am of everything wrong in my life. It’s those things I cared about the most.
5. If we’re still friends, why haven’t I heard from you in ages?
6. Remember the time I helped you out with an assignment and how you told me your professor could be a jerk sometimes? I still put the simple fact that you succeed better than others in your class out there in this world in forms of prayers and wishes because I know how badly you’ve worked to get where you are today.
7. I wish you gave me something to remember you by. I have nothing to look at or hold on to remember you and that really hurts when I go through days where it’s hard to crack a smile.
8. One night you told me you missed me and wish I was closer. Darling, I wish you were next to me every single night.
9. I still wish there was something more. Part of me still hopes that we’re worth more than whatever ended us. I keep missing you and somehow, I miss you even more. Even after all these months I still can’t let it all go. I still replay our moments and I still hear conversations we had. There are so many people in this big city but all I see is you. Or maybe you’re the only one I wish to see.
10. I miss you and I really wish I could tell you that or hear that coming from you, but that feeling is irrelevant to you and I don’t want to seam weak. I am weak, but I don’t need you to know I still search for you in the strangers next to me.
11. Listen, please just hear me out. I have so much to say but I need you to promise me that you’ll listen. I have never felt so much for someone in such a short amount of time. And even through it all, I have to say that I’d do it all over again, a million times. Those feelings I had wasn’t just butterflies, it was a house burning down and I ran in. I didn’t care about the flames because I knew you’d be there, somewhere, and you were my shelter, a home. I’ve never felt more alive than I did that evening we spent drinking. Time never passed as fast as that night we laughed with each other until our stomachs hurt. Things never felt as right until you came along. And I make sure it never will each day because I’m strung onto believing I owe that part of me to you alone.
- 11 things I wish I was brave enough to tell you.
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