Tyler enjoyed spending his lunch breaks at the park. It was a peaceful place to enjoy the summer sun and warm breeze out of the stuffy air conditioning of the office. At least that was how his regular trips into the park started. But then something else drew his attention. It was a young man who regularly came to the park the same time several days a week. But this was no ordinary young man, there to jog or meet with a friend. No this young man arrived each afternoon being led by his hand by another man.
Each day he saw him the sight intrigued Tyler. This young fellow, probably a few years his junior, arrived wearing what was clearly a thick diaper with no pants or shorts to hide its existence, to give this man a modicum of privacy, of dignity. No he was always in a t-shirt, sometimes with the most juvenile of designs itself, and a diaper. Sometimes he wore Velcro light-up sneakers, or cartoon themed sandals as well. Sometimes he simply padded into the park barefoot.
But this young man wasn’t embarrassed by his infantile outfits. He didn’t blush or try to hide his diapers. No he smiled, he grinned ear to ear while hopping about like a hyperactive little toddler, yanking at the other man’s hand, trying to pull him forward faster. He gleefully played on the playground meant for small children, giggling audibly as he scooted down the shortest slides, landed diapered bum in the sand and dug his hands into it, letting the grains escape between his fingers.
It was perfectly obvious that the man was ‘special’ as they say. The other fellow was obviously his caregiver, like a Daddy even. But he was not old enough to be the actual father of the man, so perhaps he was a brother or something. The odd thing was the man didn’t really look mentally handicapped aside from his clothing, behaviour and a certain emptiness in his eyes. He didn’t bear any other signs of disability. Perhaps it was a head injury or a mental illness which had rendered him a giant toddler. Tyler wondered about it constantly, even when he arrived back at work and should have been focused on his projects.
It was just that he felt… well, jealous. His life was work. It was finishing a project and then always having another waiting. It was getting home at eight in the evening and getting takeaways for dinner because cooking was too exhausting. His life was going home to an empty house and taking care of himself. There was little time for fun, for play. When was the last time he’d done that, played? When he was twelve? Younger than that?
It wasn’t just the man’s carefree, innocent playing that caught Tyler’s attention. It was the kind way his caregiver watched over him. It was simple little things like watching the man run over to his caregiver sitting on another bench, asking him to tie his shoe. And the caregiver just took the man’s foot between his legs and tied the shoe for him before pulling him in for a tight cuddle and a pat on the back. That happened so much, cuddles and kisses on the cheek. They were so open with their emotions. There was no awkwardness, no hesitation. The big toddler loved his “Daddy” and expected regular physical affection, even here in the park.
That was what kept him coming back to the park for lunch day after day, not the sun or the breeze, but the chance to watch the man-toddler. It was intoxicating, watching a man nearly his age playing like the youngest of little boys, watched over by a loving daddy.
Then one afternoon the routine suddenly changed. The ‘Daddy’ arrived leading his big toddler as usual, he got him started on the swings, but then he walked not to an empty bench, but right over to the one Tyler sat on, eating his bag lunch.
“Hi there, mind if I take a seat?” the fellow asked.
“Oh, um, no, of course not,” Tyler managed to say, moving to one side of the bench.
The man dropped down beside him and let out a sigh. “He’s a great kid, but boy can it drain your energy,” he said.
“Yeah… I can imagine,” Tyler replied, feeling more awkward by the second.
“Three year olds have endless energy,” the man continued. “And it’s especially tricky with such a big one.”
Tyler was lost for words, but luckily the man didn’t seem to expect any response. “The important thing is he’s happy. That’s my job really, keep him safe, yes of course, but keeping him happy is just as important.”
Tyler looked at the young man swinging back and forth, giggling again, looking right at his ‘Daddy’ with big eyes. Yes, he certainly looked happy.
“I’ve seen you here quite a bit mate,” the man noted.
Tyler blushed now, his heart doing a flip-flop. “Oh yeah… I like to eat my lunch here. Y’know I like the breeze ‘nd trees and stuff.” he explained, perhaps a little too quickly, a bit too rehearsed sounding.
“Right of course. It is nice here, my little Tommy loves it very much. He just loves coming here to play.”
Tyler nodded. “Yeah, he looks like he’s having fun.”
The man smiled warmly. “He certainly is,” he agreed, then, quite unexpectedly, he placed his hand on Tyler’s thigh. On the one hand it was a huge violation of his personal space, already under attack by how close the man had sat to him on the bench. But it was also oddly comforting and perhaps more than a little erotic.
“Would you like to play too?” the man asked kindly, looking sincere, like Tyler might actually want to play on the children’s playground.
Tyler felt awkward on so many levels. He squirmed but didn’t pull away entirely. “Well I don’t think I could, I mean I’d ruin my clothes,” he answered quietly, gesturing to his shirt and tie, his dress pants, his polished black shoes.
What a stupid answer. He knew how foolish it sounded right away. Why hadn’t he just said he wasn’t a little kid, he was an adult and certainly couldn’t play on a child’s playground?
The man nodded though, like that was a good excuse. “No, we wouldn’t want to ruin these clothes,” he agreed. “But that’s okay, I have some more appropriate clothes for you to change into right here,” he added, leaning over and opening his bag.
Tyler looked down at blinked in shock at what he was seeing. There was a t-shirt, decorated with Bart Simpson’s image, and there was a big adult sized white diaper. And that was it. A shirt and diaper, that was the more appropriate clothing.
He chuckled nervously, trying to act like it was all a joke. “Well I can’t where that,” he declared.
But the man looked serious, he wasn’t joking. “Why not? I think you’d be much more comfortable than in those stuffy clothes you’re wearing.”
“There’s a… a diaper,” Tyler whispered.
“Of course. They’re ever so comfy. Tommy loves his diapers. He’s been refusing to be potty trained because he loves them so much.”
Tyler wanted to scream that he was a grown man and they didn’t wear such babyish things. But of course Tommy was a grown man too, and he was wearing exactly that.
“There aren’t even any pants, or shoes,” he added weakly instead.
The man nodded. “Little boys don’t really need to wear pants or shoes and I think they’re much more comfy without them. Tommy does like wearing his sneakers sometimes, but usually he’s happy to leave them at home.”
Tyler shook his head. “I’m not a little boy,” he explained, feeling very weird to even have to say such a thing.
But the man didn’t seem impressed. “Are you sure buddy? I’ve been watching you, coming here, watching my little boy play with so much envy in your eyes. I think you’d like to be his playmate. I think you’d like to go join him on the swings right now.”
Tyler pulled back now, scooting over on the bench. Why not just get up and run away? No, he had to make it clear to the man that he was wrong first. His pride was wounded. “I’m a grown man,” he snapped.
“Tommy was too,” came the answer. “But he was just pretending to be grown. His body was adult but really, in his mind, he was just a little boy. And I helped him stop pretending. I can help you too.”
“I don’t need your help!”
The man gave him a kind but pitying smile. “Oh, sweetie, I think you need my help more than you know.”
“I have a project to finish, so I’ll have to be going now,” Tyler insisted. Why didn’t he just go, why wait for permission? It was like he was being torn in half, one side of his desperate to leave before… something, happened. The other half needing to know what this man was offering. Was he going to let Tyler dress up like a toddler and spend the rest of lunch playing on that playground like the dumbest of toddlers? And didn’t that sound like the most amazing idea ever?
“You don’t have to go anywhere Tyler,” the man assured.
“How do you know my name?” Tyler snapped.
The man shrugged. “You want to play with Tommy, don’t you? Just answer that question honestly for me and I’ll answer yours.”
Tyler hesitated, considering running away. He glanced over at Tommy, watching the grown man in the diaper squatting down in the sand, pushing a red plastic truck, making noises for it, so simple, so playful and innocent.
“I… I don’t know…” Tyler mumbled, so horribly torn.
The man nodded with understanding. “I know buddy, you want to play but you’d feel so silly about it, you’d be embarrassed. But I can solve that problem, I promise.”
Tyler shook his head, but the man continued. “All you need to do, if you’d like to play with Tommy and just forget all those grown-up fears and worries for a bit, is hold your breath for me. Just hold your breath until I count to five, and then you can let it out. Just do that for me and I can help you.”
Tyler shook with conflict. He undeniably wanted to join Tommy in silly play. But he was a grown man, he had responsibilities at work, he couldn’t take the afternoon off here. But would there be another chance? But what if a work-mate came through and saw him? But what if he never saw this man or Tommy again, and always regretted it.
Tyler took a deep breath, still uncertain, still shaking. But he took the breath and held it. The man smiled and nodded, He took one finger and pointed it right at Tyler’s head.
“One,” he said, beginning to move the pointing finger closer.
“Two, three, four,” he continued, the finger getting closer, Tyler’s eyes crossing as it closed in on his forehead.
“Five!” the man snapped, tapping Tyler’s forehead right as he let the long held deep breath out. And suddenly his other hand was tapping the back of Tyler’s head and without warning the deep voice ordered, “Sleep now!”
Tyler’s inner conflict was wiped out, his train of thought completely broken. His muscles turned to jelly, head flopping forward until his chin rested on his chest, eyelids heavy as stone, dropping closed, the world fading away. The last sensation he knew was his head being rested on the man’s shoulder, his body pulled into a warm embrace and the voice softly assuring he was a good boy.
“…four, five and wide awake, refreshed and alert.”
Tyler opened his eyes, his senses working again. He was sitting in someone’s lap. Instantly he knew it was Daddy’s lap. He could feel Daddy’s chest rising and falling against his back. Daddy’s arms were wrapped around him, cuddling him close. His diapered bottom was nestled on Daddy’s legs. It was soft and comfy. His legs, his bare smooth legs, were sliding across Daddy’s his bare feet almost brushing across the grass.
Daddy pecked a kiss on his cheek. That tickled! Tyler giggled and wriggled.
“You feeling all better Ty?” Daddy asked.
Tyler felt warm and safe and lovely. He nodded. “Yeff Daddy,” he answered.
“You want to go play with Tommy now?” Daddy asked.
Tyler didn’t need to answer, he climbed out of Daddy’s lap and tottered into the playground to where Tommy was playing. Tommy was his brother. Tommy was fun to play with. These truths were written in stone in his mind. They were undeniable.
“Ty wanna pway!” he yelled to his brother.
Tommy looked up at him and smiled around his pacifier. He stood up, looking Tyler over like he’d never seen his brother before. Then he plucked his binkie out and said, “We pway now,” taking Tyler’s hand and leading him over to the see-saw. Before climbing on it, he turned to his new brother and said, “Hab dis,” as he stuck his still wet, drooly binkie into Tyler’s mouth.
Tyler was surprised but not unhappy with the offered pacifier and quickly took to suckling on it. Then he climbed onto the see-saw, his bare feet gripping the toy and giggled around his binkie as he and Tommy hopped up and down on the diapered bums making the children’s toy swing up and down. It was just the start of a fun afternoon of play.
It only came to an end when the two young men toddled hand in hand over to Daddy, Tommy holding his diaper and announcing, “Done tinkles!” and Tyler wiggling his bare toes in the dirt and saying, “Ty pee-pees Daddy.”
Daddy nodded and told them, “Well, I only have one spare diapee here I’m afraid. So let’s head home and get you boys in fresh nappies.”
Tommy and Ty hopped up and down and chirped, “Home! Home!” before letting Daddy take one of their hands each and lead them out of the park.
Tyler let Daddy lead the way, feeling perfectly comfortable padding along the footpaths in his bare feet, his wet diaper on display, a pacifier bobbing away in his mouth as they walked right past his former office. He never even glanced at it. Daddy had been good as his word. He’d taken away all the conflict and worry, all the shame and embarrassment. The only problem was that Tyler’s afternoon of escape and play didn’t come to an end as the sun set that day. Instead Tyler, or little Ty, would be toddling back and forth to that park, barefooted in his diapers the next day, the next week, the next month.
