[expert-jumper-deactivated201312]

It is the year 2046. The time has come for the annual Blog Inspection. Armed android wardens begin to arrive at the homes of the country’s prisoners who were once called citizens. A warden knocks on a ramshackle door. It is answered by an old man, bedraggled, starving, weary. The robotic guard’s abdominal display screen flickers to life with the image of a popular post on tumblr. “This has to be on everyone’s blog at least once,” intones the android. Fear enters the man’s eyes. He has not reblogged this post. He shrieks and, with one fell motion, blasts a hole into the android’s head with his laser magnum. Everyone in the neighborhood watches on in horror as the man, calling for liberation, is tackled by dozens of androids. His screams die with the buzz of plasma spears. There is no freedom. This has to be on everyone’s blog at least once. Everyone’s.

[unscinfinity]

are you okay there

[expert-jumper-deactivated201312]

E V E R Y O N E

[45648956459-deactivated20220112]

NO CHANCES TAKEN

[txmriddlx]

This is in less than 30 years…

[its-the-hamfam]

Guys we’re safe

[chuckisgod]

I’m safe now guys

[eiiza-blog1]

SAFE yes haha

[last-an-eon]

Safe…??

[hanatamagosgooglehistory-blog]

Safe

[greecesgooglehistory]

What in the holy hell is this? There’s no way I’m not risking this

[illinoisgooglehistory-blog]

I guess I’m safe?

[nebraskasgooglehistory]

=

[skoreasgooglehistory]

Okay then

[huttriversgooglehistory]

I’m safe….?

[nyobelarusgooglehistory]

Alright then.

[indianasgooglehistory]

LIKE HELL I’M GOING OUT LIKE THAT

[philippinesgooglehistory-blog]

What’s with this post

[katheoclark-deactivated20190819]

im scared y'all

[max-out-of-ten]

reblogging just so i can get some of y’all paranoid lol

[violet-rose-blake]

I’m moderately concerned

[merlinsbearditsthedoctor]

full offence but trump better get assassinated within 1 day of his presidency

[strawberryshortcakekitten-deact]

Things my brother has said to me since I’ve come out

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

____________________________________________________________

Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

____________________________________________________________

Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

____________________________________________________________

Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so…how was narnia?

____________________________________________________________

Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

____________________________________________________________

Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

____________________________________________________________

Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

____________________________________________________________

Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

____________________________________________________________

Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-

Bro: HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???

[technicallythearical]

This is so sweet actually

[guy]

i just made bird noises

[supleena]

AWWWWW I WANT A BROTHER LIKE THIS HES SO CUTE

[yars]

[supersexyawesomeness]

[coffiend-jackalope]

The brain is an organ. Mental illnesses are illnesses of that organ. Brain scans show that there is a physical difference between a healthy brain and a sick brain. Telling someone “You’re not really sick. It’s all in your head.” is like telling someone with asthma “It’s not real, it’s all in your lungs.” The brain is an organ that can malfunction as much as any other organ.

[its-syrupp]

PLEASE READ THIS OVER AND OVER AND OVER

[illuminudes]

eleven looking at boys moodboard

[inhaleddreams]

blessing your timeline with this cutie 💜🙏🏼

[chrismdaf]

Why I Like Minizerk

1. Josh wanted Simon to join 11 Years Gang because it felt like he's known him as long as Tobi

2. Simon and Josh have been practically forced together lately and they enjoy it (look how happy they are)

3. Simon pays Josh in Dr. Pepper for helping him film...

4. ... and Josh is his first go-to for help

5. Josh seems a lot more confident, smiles more and cracks more jokes when around Simon

6. Simon calls Josh 'baby', 'boo' and 'bae', the first two getting no negative reaction from Josh...

7. ... and Josh called Simon 'princess'

8. Holding hands/arms twice in one video to support each other

9. They love recording with each other...

10. ... evidence of this being them having two separate series dedicated around only them

11. They smile or giggle when they make each other laugh or see the other happy

12. Simon once called Josh after he passed out because he got drunk and then Josh took him home

13. "MY Josh"

14. They share sleeping schedules...

15. ... and when they livestream, they usually livestream with each other (maybe with Tobi etc)

16. 'Me and you are gonna be good friends, Simon! =)'

17. They celebrated together by eating alone (and opposite one another) when Simon hit 4 million subs

18. Sharing small touches of reassurance and support every so often, eg a hand on the shoulder, tap on the back

19. Challenging each other to post every day on Instagram for 28 days

20. The way Josh looks at Simon

21. "Josh just said it was romantic and tried to hold my hand"

22. Josh being added to Emon to form Emosh

23. Josh holding Simon's hand for too long when they shake hands

24. The entirety of the 'Not My Arms Challenge' video

25. Every IRL challenge they do together

26. Josh basically resting his head on Simon's shoulder in 'A Mouse, A Magician and An Idiot'...

27. ... and Simon resting his head on Josh's shoulder in JJ's 'GUESS WHO' video

28. Wearing matching shirts in videos

29. Taking selfies together on Instagram and Snapchat

30. Simon said he would call Josh if his computer broke so he could fix it

31. Every single UFC or WWE fighting match

32. Singing "Minizerk, Minizerk, does whatever a Minizerk does" in Simon's 'Would You Rather' video

33. "We also recorded a porn video?" ... "If you want..."

34. Generally just acting like an old married couple

[lavidaextraordinaria]

What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us?

[frenchshower]

My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually

[thepioden]

Yeah this is actually pretty much exactly what is going on. It’s why anti-oxidants are such a big deal. Bonus fact: oxygen oxidizes stuff in your cells or, in other words, it’s not toxic, just setting you on fire very very slowly.

[sarah-mcelroy-deactivated202601]

[femonologue]

What if there are aliens out there but they subsist on entirely different substances and they’re just scared as shit of us and our crazy ass hell planet? Once in a while some alien anthropologist type suggests checking out the people on this inhabited planet out towards the galaxy’s edge. The other aliens just look at the naive academic with horror. No!! We do not go to that world. That is where the DEATH BREATHERS live. They recreationally consume poisons and are more or less composed of biological fire. Their atmosphere is made of rocket fuel. We must leave the DEATH BREATHERS in peace. Do not go there. Do not.

[optimysticals]

I tend to always reblog posts about humans being terrifying weirdos to aliens.

[alessariel]

@brainsforbabyjesus

[brainsforbabyjesus]

okay but…that is actually what went down on earth about 2.5 billion years ago.

Earth was doing just fine with a mostly nitrogen/carbon dioxide atmosphere and everyone was happy to go on living in anaerobic bliss and then cyanobacteria suddenly hit the scene, altered the atmosphere composition so that there was a ton of oxygen gas and killed practically everything (97% or more of all species on earth).

We are literally descendants of the DEATH BREATHERS and cyanobacteria is our deadly mother.

[digitaldiscipline]

The cyanobacteria holocaust is so big, it doesn’t even have a cool name; it’s just called “The Great Oxygenation Event”; the *second* most apocalyptic extinction event in our planet’s history is the one that’s called THE GREAT DYING (the Permian-Triassic event, about 252 million years ago).

This shit makes like the rock-throwing that wiped out the dinosaurs look like kindergarten.

[scottpocalypse-now-deactivated2]

The Great Dying is my absolute favorite nickname for an epochal event.

[fuckyeah-nerdery]

Cyanobacteria, Mother of Death Breathers.

[standingcowrrdly]

do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot

[caskercrush]

Please reblog and like so I can get two kittens 🐱🐱 (spam the replies and I’ll follow you ❤️)

[shit-happens-bitchachos]

@tree-of-blue-squirrel @consulting-angel-timelord @h-stan @winchester11 @snovolovac @mancamonster @cryingtitan @sabriel-fanboy-83 @fangirl-in-flannel @cumbercheston @leavemetomyships @theslaughteredpanda @assbutt-son-of-a-bitch @assbuttboyfriends @runesinthenight @confessions-of-a-total-dork @bellascooby24 @steadyangelnerd @mysongsknowwhatyoudidthere @wildtendermythologia @salt-it-burn-it-winchester-style @supginatural @sociopath-demons-in-the-tardis @teamfreewill-girl @ladynikitablack

[wonder]

That’s a lot of notes sis

LIKE THIS POST OR REBLOG IT!! SPAM THE NOTES, REPLY RANDOM THINGS

[onceuponadeathlyimpalapanda-dea]

FOR THE KITTENS!!

[reblogforkittens]

For you my dear cause tumblr limited my damn notes…I created a blog just for the kittens..2 million notes here we come

[sunset-hickeys-blog]

When someone thinks they can hurt my feelings

[sj0]

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

[hersheyhipster]

Couldn’t risk it.

[justjengie]

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

[pinayputa]

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

[prescriptivism-literally-sucks]

chuckles

[paperlampposts]

nigel farage looks like a lizard

[chrismdaf]

Vote UKIP

Yes

[chrismdaf]

Tell your followers to follow me too

No