king of the pine nuts

"One thing that I do find really sexy is a girl who's good at crossword puzzles." not the real Chris -for rp purposes

[chrispwhitelaw]

THE PAST:

date arrived in bayview: August 31, 2020

area(s) lived in: downtown

relationship history & status: Single and always, always mingling

Family: none

career 10 years ago: actor, heart throb

THE NOW:

date left bayview: Summer 2024

past residence: New York, New York

current residence: Los Angeles, California

relationship status: perpetual bachelor

Family: none

current career: actor, slightly more grey heart throb

FUN STUFF:

favorite location in bayview: For shopping? The Folded Page. But damn that ocean has some great views.

favorite food spot in bayview: Sweet Tooth (don’t tell healhty food he’s cheating on it)

favorite drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic!) spot in bayview: Coral Street Cafe

favorite event or party: Annual Halloween Party is a blast, and being in costume means no one notices you’re an introvert.

best memory in bayview: Tormenting Emma and cooking her dinner- getting the chance to synergize and flirt with so many beautiful and wonderful people.

favorite project involved in: n/a

favorite sport played: volleyball

favorite trip taken: Montana

Chris wasn’t sure what he wanted out of moving to town, and to this day he’s not sure if he got it. Does he regret it? No. Is he confused? Yeah, but that’s nothing new there. It was easier for work after a few years to move to New York, because he swore to himself he wanted to escape the busy LA lifestyle when he moved back east. Only NYC is just as much of a monster, and it practically drove him back into the arms of Los Angeles. Settled back in his home city, he felt like a more enlightened version of his old self, or maybe he was the hero on a hero’s journey, just with way less excitement. He still visits Bayview every few years for a breath of fresh air and a good cup of coffee, but he’s happy where he is now.

[chrispwhitelaw]

emmastnc​

A skilled melter wouldn’t call themselves that, that’s exactly how I know it. Alright, I’ll give you a year before I bring up the poems again. But just know I’m not giving up and I’m not forgetting. Will me insisting to see what you wrote be the reason why you end up murdering me? It just might be. You know, when kids are young, girls are told that boys are mean to her because they have a crush on them. So I’m just starting to think you actually really like me, if we use that logic. I don’t know if you’re on that account, you’ll have to go and check for yourself, but there are other hot dudes out there who do read. 

A whole year? That’s mighty kind of you, Emma. You’re a real friend, even if it is going to end in your murder. But we always knew that was how this was going to end. Oh, is that what you’re going with here? If that’s the case, I have a crush on lots of girls which...actually, that’s pretty fair. You might have a point. No, no. I’m the only man who has ever read a book, ever.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

Somehow – and this might just be me, but – I feel like you might be lying. Or at least overexaggerating, but if you want me to go with it, I will tell everyone I know that you really hate children, alright? Thanks, mate, I appreciate that. It’s always good to know that at least one person out there thinks you earned the good stuff. God, yes. I’m happy to spend the rest of my life in either my own bed, or one that’s just as comfortable, please.

I’ve never lied once in my entire life, Dacre, and it hurts me that you’re telling me this now. I don’t, though, children are our future and all that. What if you could, for the rest of your life, only choose to sleep in beds that are increasing levels of comfort? That would be the absolute dream.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

Alright, good point. We’ll have to ask someone who has some experience in that regard, they’ve got to exist somewhere out there. Right, you can always say that you threw out your back or have a bad throwing shoulder, who’s going to be mad at that? She does, or whatever, I’ve lucked into it somehow! Hey, you still learned something about yourself out there, that should count. I had a good time, though. Even if I love my bed right now.

No, I don’t know anyone who has children or is likely to have children. Don’t be fooled there. I don’t go near kids if I can help it, because I hate them. No one can be mad if you’re old and broken, it’s not my fault. You sure have lucked into it, but it’s mostly earned. I learned that I also love my bed and I hate mosquitos and sleeping on the ground.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

Isn’t it cool to have a child when you’re older, though? Think of how much life experience I could pass on to a baby when I’m a senior citizen. I feel like she likes me enough to keep me around, but you present a good thought. I might need to really consider this! Are you out here enjoying some camping this weekend? Surviving the wilderness?

I’m forty and have no child having prospects, so don’t even ask me. That’s true, and you won’t be asked to play catch with a kid at that age, or at the very least you have an excuse to get out of it. Yeah, yeah. I’m sure she loves you or whatever. I’m sort of a delicate man in some ways, that’s what I’m learning from this venture. How about you?

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

Probably the next eighteen years. And then once that Gucci is out of the house, maybe I’ll be able to talk her into another Gucci. But that’s going to be a great big maybe, honestly. I’m not sure that he honestly was thinking, or maybe thinking too much? Either way, I am… not sad to not understand what was going on in his head.

You’ll be pretty old when you’ve got that second gucci, though, so you better think through that. Maybe she’ll have gotten rid of you completely by then, eh? Because...I’d get rid of a man who marries my son Gucci. Yeah, that’s completely fair, sometimes you just don’t want to know.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

I’m pretty sure that what would actually happen is that the moment she realizes what I’ve done, she sends me off to get it changed immediately and I get to sleep for an entire year on the couch, but you know, these kinds of things happen, and sometimes you just have to accept it. I was going to say, a lot of idiots are tragic figures.

It has the dual purpose of you being punished and making sure there are no other Baby Guccis in the next year plus for good measure. There’s a correlation between idiocy and tragedy- I mean...Oedipus was so worried about having sex with his mom and yet he married an older woman? What was he thinking?

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

She’s going to be so busy nuzzling the little one when they are born that she won’t notice when I sign off on the birth certificate. And then what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her… right? Are you just looking for a challenge that’s going to end in a disaster?

I’m sure it would never, ever come up at all. She’d just accept that the baby is named Baby Gucci and be happy with it, because it’s a cute baby. That’s for sure. Sort of, yeah. I like to think of myself as a bit of a tragic figure. Or an idiot, there’s a lot of overlap there.

[chrispwhitelaw]

emmastnc​

Yeah, but it wouldn’t be as good. If you’re melting chocolate, you should make chocolate covered strawberries, which are the best thing to exist in the world. So it’s not working? Let’s reverse this. What would it take, for me to get to read one of your poems? Is it just my life, or do you like to make everyone’s life harder? You know, there’s this instagram account called, hot dudes reading. So I don’t think people would consider you weird.

How do you know it wouldn’t be good? I’m a very skilled melter. I’d make you them next time we have dinner if you promise to stop asking to read my poems for at least another year or so. Just to be safe. Mostly you, but there’s a few others out there that I like to be miserable, so you’re not alone. Oh? Am I on that account or is it for people who aren’t me?

[chrispwhitelaw]

txmhxrdy​

i never leave anything wide open for you christopher, because i never know what might end up there. you do feel a bit like a mystery but i am not sure if it makes you worth it… like, only as much as it’s worth it to get a fly in your eye when you’re outdoors.

You just did, you know. And there I am, to be honest. That’s not a lot to be worth at all. Where has the love gone, Tommy? It feels hollow and empty now.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

Of course, because it can’t be Gucci Jr., given that that’s my name. But he can be Baby Gucci, I think that’s a sweet name for a little one. The more you know, right? But no, me neither. It’s kind of a weird feeling to come back home disappointed that you didn’t run across an animal that could have killed you in an instant, though, isn’t it? But you’re right, you never know what’s out there!

I’m sure your lady has no issues with that, she’d love it. Be absolutely thrilled to have a son named after a brand. Yeah, and now I’m trying to figure out what around town can kill me so I can go looking for them. I think there might be bears around here.

[chrispwhitelaw]

meganfxx​

i love nerds, especially nerds that calls me a pretty lady. it’s good for me. oh come on, you can’t be too old for birthdays. birthdays are fun, that’s when you are allowed to be spoiled and really get everything you want. there must be something you would like?

Well, who doesn’t call you a pretty lady, though? That would be foolish not to. Birthdays are fun, I just think once you hit 40...it’s a little bit less fun. Honestly? I like surprises and things that make me laugh.

[chrispwhitelaw]

maddenhqs​

You’re right, either make em happy and be friendly, or prepare for the worst. Do believe there is a saying like that, so we’ll go with it. Long as two lads can admit when another dashing man is there, all good. Scotland can be quite stormy but in a tranquil way, it’s much more serene and picturesque… in my opinion. Some humidity but it’s typically manageable, especially when air conditioners aren’t the norm overseas. Aye, I’m with you, let’s just toss them out to sea. Don’t think too many would complain. Plus we’re safe in Montana not like they could do anything to us. 

Imagine a large group of attractive men assemble just to cast you out and they say “you’re ugly now” and you are just ugly in the eyes of like...Brad Pitt. That would be really fucked up. Right, lots of rain and all that. I’ve done some filming up there, but the point of the movie in question was to look pretty miserable. Toss them out, let them bob out to sea. We’re back by Bayview, you know, so we can toss anything we like into the ocean now. Just a thought.

[chrispwhitelaw]

dacrekaydmont​

There’s no other Gucci that could live this life the way that we do, Gucci and Gucci Jr., obviously. Apparently they say that there aren’t a lot of mosquitos around here because of not having a lot of standing water, but I’m still not going to take any chances. Ha! Well, see, now you’re golden. Although I haven’t seen any of those…

And if you ever have a son? His name will be Baby Gucci, it’s a legacy of Guccis for all time without end. Huh, that’s interesting. I didn’t get bit by anything, or see any wild creatures that wanted to eat me. I’m just a little bit disappointed by that, though. But there’s always the mountains of Bayview.

[chrispwhitelaw]

txmhxrdy​

ooooouch. that really hurt chris. really hurt. how rude of you. but i also wanna say, you know nothing. so there’s that. i give up this. you’re just too complicated for me with all your secrets. i’m too old, i get tired. i need a nap.

You left that wide open for me, Tom, I had to do it. Anything to make you feel humble, right? Of course I’m complicated, that’s what makes me so worth it, I’m a mystery.

[chrispwhitelaw]

meganfxx​

you’re such a nerd. no i’m joking, i do love a man that… knows how to read. the bar is low, chris. but yes of course a drink. also, your birthday is coming up. any ideas on how you plan on celebrating that?

I am a nerd, and I appreciate that about myself. You know, knowing how to read is a very, very low bar for such a pretty lady. I have no clues on the birthday thing, maybe some nice dinners and an early night in? I’m getting too old for this.

[chrispwhitelaw]

emilyxvancamp​

What if you already are and I am just not telling you?  Tormenting you is fun for me though.  So what kind of shows and things make Christopher Whitelaw Pine cry?  Oh gosh, do not feel bad, I think you are not alone.  Have you had fun so far even if you were not well prepared?  

If I was your favorite, you wouldn’t tease me like this. Oh my God, so I cry pretty often if something is really good. But I’m also not going to let you know my weaknesses while you’re already teasing me. It’s been a good time, even without the toothbrush. Have you gotten up to anything fun?