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Yours truly

I want nothing more than to put into words how you make me feel. Mad, sad, happy... alive. But still, I know you don’t understand.

I crave you when I’m not supposed to. Your hands on my face with your forehead pressed against mine. Your arms wrapped around me with nothing but silence in the air as we embrace each other... your voice as you ramble on about your concerns, your plans, and all of the things that excite you. I miss knowing that the smile you wear could’ve been because of me. But we’re so much less than what we used to be and I can’t tell you how badly that kills me ... I think about cliché quotes like, “If it’s meant to be it’ll be.” I know I shouldn’t... I even promised you I wouldn’t. But i still hold on to the hope that one day, years from now, you’ll change your mind and realize I love you more than I was able to show...

I just miss you. And I’m tired of pretending like I don’t. I’m tired of pretending like I don’t want to call you and talk about nothing for hours.. I’m tired of pretending like I don’t want to share every exciting thing with you or like I don’t want to just hold you at the end of a long day... I love you... and I always will... I can’t put into words how much you mean to me.. but I can tell you this... I will always be,

yours truly.

This was from so long ago when I was in such a dark place but I still think it’s beautifully written.

i want to be free

I get this overwhelming urge. It happens every day. Sometimes in my room at 11am or in my car at 3pm. Other days it’s when I’m with the people I love. Regardless of when it happens... it always does.. I get this overwhelming urge to disappear to nowhere and be nothing. To be free of my thoughts and free of my heartache. Free of myself.. every day I get this feeling; every day I push it aside...I just want to be free

stay-close

I am not actually tired, but numb and heavy, and can't find the right words.

— Franz Kafka, from a letter to Felice Bauer, c. November 1912

Dont forget me

my mind is a constant. it’s like a never ending flip book of random thoughts, ideas and memories but here lately, it’s like this flip book has a theme. it’s only ever thoughts of you, ideas about what could’ve been, and memories of us. I fight sleep every night because I know you’ll be in my dreams. I can’t get away from you.. not that I want to, but I need to. It’s so ironic, because we were like a drug to each other... constantly coming back and forth to each other but never seeming to stay away.. It’s ironic because... I’m trying to quit you cold turkey but you.. you’re having an easier time because of the other drug you’re taking... I wish I could ignore the thoughts of you the way you ignore the thoughts of me, but I have to be stronger than that.. I don’t want to just bury the thought of you underneath a blurred memory from drugs... I want to remember you vivid and clear... I want to remember all of our jokes and good times.. even if it hurts a little. Because you were one of the best parts of my life and I don’t want those memories to fade... I love you and I miss you so much... I hope you don’t forget me.

sunsetquotes

“Life went on without you. Of course, it did. Of course, it does. It was just an ending, not the end.”

— Lang Leav

everybodyhurt

Instagram: douapiersici

dankmemesreasonforliving

remanence-of-love

christianc3138

It really be like that.

Puppet

I tried for a really long time to have control of my life... I tried tirelessly to live my life rather than just walk through it. To make myself happy and my loved ones happier. To make memories and life long friends... not to be careless, but rather, to be a free spirit... I strived to be happy and content... I was determined to *live* my life.. to enjoy it and experience it rather than to simply walk through it.

No matter how many times I got hurt, I wanted to always brush myself off and try again... but I’m getting to a point where I don’t know what to do or how to do it. I want to keep my loved ones happy but I cant do the same for myself... I can’t find the motivation to care the way I should, and I’m not content with anything in life anymore.... i constantly feel alone and like I need company to feel whole... that’s a feeling I never used to have.... I feel like life’s puppet.... like someone else is pulling the strings of my life, but it isn’t the one I want... I’m walking through life as a puppet...