christin-me

CHRIST lives IN ME-- For what do I have if I don't have You Jesus

[christin-me]

My 20′s

I heard Tumblr is back in 2022 (!!) so I thought I’d log back in and read the posts I had written a few years back. So much has changed in my life since I last wrote - I graduated college and got my first “adult” job, got married to my wonderful husband, moved to NC then to Boston, graduated from my masters, found a church I love... and so much more in between. Despite life’s seasons and changes, the Lord’s faithfulness and grace have been constant throughout.  

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit my “quarter-life crisis” processing through whether I’m living a purpose-driven life. These past few years have proven to me that this world is fleeting and the one thing I need in life is Jesus, my forever anchor and Lord. So much healing and sanctification have happened, but at the same time the sin and selfishness inside of me tempt me to live for this world. The next big thing in life is to find the right career and, if possible, find one that’s meaningful and fulfilling. And while I’m at it, find one that pays well and guarantees a comfortable lifestyle. There’s always something after the next to live for and be motivated by. 

But I feel that God is telling me otherwise. I must live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. To live a life that is selfless, sacrificial, God-centered, missional, radically generous with my time and money... Lord please help me not to conform to this world but to be holy and set apart in all that I do and commit to. That one day I would be called your good and faithful servant. Lord, you deserve all the glory and you deserve more than my life. I owe everything to you and only you. Help me to live that out with love, joy, and obedience to you. 

[christin-me]

recent thoughts...

It’s one thing when God makes me work through my fears and insecurities with Him. But it’s another thing when I see how much of my fears and insecurities can hurt the ones around me, the people I love so deeply. 

I wish I had no scars, no hurts, no pains of the past to affect my current and future relationships. I wish life were simple like that. 

I sometimes wonder, “LORD, is this for my sanctification or is my evil hurting others?” To risk the hearts of others and still continue... is it really worth it? 

For some reason, God calms me with a firm “Yes”. I don’t know why, I don’t know how this is good when I look at it right now. But I trust that at the end, I’ll be able to see and understand that the Lord is good, and He is faithful. 

[christin-me]

To Cast My Cares on You...

When your promises feel distant to me, anxiety hits and I’m quick to turn to my own methods of control over my life. I know that whenever I try to take control in order to achieve the things I imagine to be good for me, and ultimately do accomplish them, I actually do not find true joy. I’m brought back to my Father, the one who cares for me and shows me the reality of what it’s like to pursue foolishness in this world.  In foolishness, I act, and in foolishness, I think that my best options are to accomplish the things I’ve already set for myself. To inquire of the Lord, to cast my cares completely unto him... this is where true freedom lies and where my burdens don’t have to be carried on my own shoulders. He tells me again and again that he is not only sovereign, but good and in his good sovereignty, he provides the absolute best for me.  Though my plans may fail and I lay bare with everything stripped of me, help me to trust in you. Help me to trust that you will take care of me just as you’ve taken care of me all of my life. 

[the-worship-project]

[christin-me]

He Will Never Fail Me

You not only hear, but you listen. Lord, you truly withhold nothing from me. When I call to you, you are near. When I pray to you, you are listening. When I cry, you wipe my tears. Even my unspoken words you already know. So often I forget the gift of simply knowing Christ as my Lord and redeemer. Knowing you is the best thing I’ve ever received in this life and promises something even better that will last for eternity.

Reading through my past posts reminds me that God has always been with me. God is faithful even in the midst of our confusion, doubt, hurt, loneliness, depression, sickness, persecution. The best gift we can ever receive from him is the promise of being with him forever. When we ask, he provides and when he provides what he promises, his presence never leaves nor fails us.

Matthew 7:7-11 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

[christin-me]

“Therefore, I affirm with John 3:16 and 1 Timothy 2:4 that God loves the world with a real and sincere compassion that desires the salvation of all men.29 Yet I also affirm that God has chosen from before the foundation of the world those whom he will save from sin. Since not all people are saved, we must choose whether we believe (with the Arminians) that God’s will to save all people is restrained by his commitment to ultimate human self-determination or whether we believe (with the Reformed) that God’s will to save all people is restrained by his commitment to the glorification of the full range of his perfections in exalting his sovereign grace (Eph. 1:6, 12, 14; Rom. 9:22–23).”

-John Piper; Does God Desire All to be Saved?

[christin-me]

Beauty for Ashes

Lord, I trade all that I have for all that is better. You are better... You are so much better and You deserve all of my surrender. Take me and use me as You wish for I long to be with my master all the days of my life. 

[christin-me]

Faithful

I just want to be faithful. I want to be faithful to Your word, Your commandments. This isn’t because you demand or expect anything out of me, but simply because how can I not have a desire to be faithful to You when You have saved me from the death of sin and wickedness of this world?  I am realizing more and more that my heart is so fickle, so prone to wander and okay with being satisfied by the “good” things of this world. I find much contentment in people and sometimes idolize these relationships because sadly, but truly, I find joy and worth in them. Lord, if it means that I would desire You more and become more obedient to You, then allow me to become a loner. Allow me to become foolishness in this world, to be isolated, to be persecuted, to be radical and set apart if it means that I would gain just a little bit more of You. 

[christin-me]

A Clean Heart

Psalm 51:7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Hyssop was used in ceremonial cleansing in order to purify one from a defiling disease or an area from a defiling mold. Before Jesus came and shed His blood to make the ultimate sacrifice, man could not be saved from sin unless God literally chose them out of the doom of the earth for the special purpose of leading the Israelites or for prophesying. This is all because God is holy and we can not be in the presence of God unless there is reconciliation, a sacrifice that cleanses us from sin.  God’s holiness was projected onto the Israelites so much so in the Old Testament that those with defiling skin diseases were literally removed from the camp (book of Leviticus) and unless they showed signs of healing/improvement of their disease, they could not even be approached, touched or put through ceremonial cleansing through the priests. This is the extent to which God demands purity and holiness before Him. Metaphorically speaking, we can only approach the throne of grace and live in it unless we are purified from our sin and unholiness. This is why we needed Jesus to make the ultimate reconciliation, and is also the reason why we still need Him to show us, teach us and sanctify us to grow in salvation. 

That’s why my life-long prayer is this: that God would show me more of my sin, purify me, bring me to a place of repentance and allow me to live in grace and freedom. The scariest thing to me is to grow apathetic or blind to my sinfulness, falsely believing that I am always righteous before the Lord. Forevermore I desire to be broken before the Lord because only then will I be able to appreciate and understand the extent of His mercy and grace and extravagant love for me. Help me, Lord, not to grow bitter or cold, rather always thirsty and wanting You to break me continuously. Because at the end of the day, I want to be sanctified, I want to bear the fruits of the Spirit and I want to live according to Your will. 

[christin-me]

I Need You

Oh Lord, how desperate I am to know You more and to be sanctified by You. I truly have nothing, and I will never come to a place in my life where I will be worthy or deserving of grace. I will never be able to become someone who is fully deserving of all of You. But still Lord, I believe that You are a gracious God; You are a God who desires Your people. So won’t You continue to be gracious to me- that you may reveal more of Yourself to me, that I may know You more intimately. All I want in my life is to desire You and to grow in the word of my Savior. So won’t You allow this to happen, won’t You draw me closer to You. 

[christin-me]

1 Timothy

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:15-16 BOOM. BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. K.O.

HIS MERCY NEVER ENDS

[christin-me]

JESUS LOVES ME

JESUS LOVES ME. WOOOOW. JESUS LOVES MEEEEEE AND HE IS FOR MEEEEE! 

His love is so real and so genuine. AND HIS HEART BELONGS TO ME?? WOOOOWWWW 

[christin-me]

Tu Mirada

I was listening to Tu Mirada earlier and I remembered the time when I suddenly broke down during a skit performance that I wasn't even a part of at El Porvenir. 

I got curious- Why did I break down? What was it that spoke to me and was able to touch my heart? I didn't understand any of the lyrics other than the simple/few words I was able to catch like "mirada" or "fidelidad". I looked up the lyrics just now and all I can say that God speaks to us in crazy ways. This is the Google translate version which I'm sure is not 100% accurate but God still speaks haha AMEN: 

Your eyes reveal I  Nothing I can hide  What am nothing without you  Oh, faithful Lord  All you know about me,  When you look at the heart  Everything you see  Deep inside of me  Take my life  A one truth  That when you look at me  Nothing I can hide  I know it is your faithfulness  That brings my life beyond  From what I can imagine  I know I can not deny  Let your eyes on me  I am full of your peace

Over the past few weeks I've realized that no one will ever understand me just the way I am, as I will never understand someone else just the way he/she is. This was always a known truth but it especially hit me as it made me so much more dependent on the One who actually does know me, the only One who fully sees me and understands me. It's weird because I'm not upset at all that there essentially will be no one to really "be there for me"; I'm instead in awe and I'm grateful to know that my relationship with Jesus is that much more valuable- that above all else, He chooses to know me and pursue me because that's just how much He loves me. 

[christin-me]

JUST ONE

Just one glance of Your face is all I can dream of JESUS... that's all I need to get through

[teenofchrist]

[christin-me]

SO BEAUTIFUL

[christin-me]

He was alone

This just hit me now- Jesus really had no one. Even the Son of Man had no one by His side.

Those who believed in the beginning stopped following Him, His own disciples left Him, and He died all by Himself on the Cross. His best friend, Peter, betrayed Him 3 times and one of His chosen disciples traded Him for money. 

There's definitely more than that- that is just a tiny glimpse of the loneliness that He must have felt. 

When I first understood how alone and how lonely Jesus must have felt during His life, I was upset. I was upset to find out that even His closest people were susceptible to betrayal. He didn't deserve any of these things. But then I realized that our walks with Jesus are just like this and they should mirror His life. Jesus was lonely, but He had God. We are lonely too, but we have Jesus. This may sound a little odd but loneliness, I feel, is a gift from God because in our loneliness, we look to Jesus more, we hang onto Jesus more, we love Jesus more.

-For You, Jesus-

[christin-me]

I Love You

"Te amo mas que a mi vida" = I love You more than my life. 

Kept listening to this and singing it throughout the day. I don't know why I'm feeling so much love all of a sudden, but Lord I love You so much. I love You more than my life. I love You more.