nhl changes i’d make were i ever to become nhl emperor
too many men penalties must be served by one of the guys who was too many
if you get a shorthanded goal scored against you, the rest of your power play goes away
if ANYONE’s helmet comes off, whistle gets blown IMMEDIATELY
if ANYONE is down and hurt, whistle gets blown IMMEDIATELY, possession be damned
goalie penalties must be served by the backup goalie
10 minutes of 3-on-3 overtime
or, alternatively: 5 minutes of 3-on-3, then 3 minutes of 2-on-2, 1 minute of 1-on-1, and then the goalies fire pucks at each other
goalies can do whatever tf they want
everyone has to make both of their benches big enough for all the players; like wtf why are some of you banishing the backup goalie to the zamboni tunnel of shame
arenas must configure themselves so that there’s actually a tunnel behind the bench that goes back to the locker room, the whole coming in through the zamboni tunnel is inefficient especially for injury emergencies
if an injured player will not return to the game, a healthy scratch can replace him if he can race down from the press box and get completely ready and onto the bench before the end of the period
multiple pride nights and it gets just as much hype as stupid st. patrick’s day or military nights
more jerseys in womens cut and it’s the same price as mens cut
a consistent standard of punishment set by the department of player safety
all rules like “no facial hair” or “no long hair” that some teams mandate is going away, because you know what that’s fucking ridiculous
every team that does a dads trip is also required to do a moms trip
we’re bringing back the breakaway challenge in the all-star game
non-all-stars are allowed to participate in the skills competition; please i desperately want to see colton parayko in the hardest shot
new skills competition - goalies jousting at center ice
every team is required to send some of their players into a haunted house and record them every year
every team has to make one of those videos where the players give their teammates superlatives
the head coaches are allowed to get in a fight - one coach must toss a rainbow challenge flag onto the ice, and the other coach will toss out a green flag to accept, and a red flag to decline; then they rush out to center ice and fistfight
an alternate broadcast to every game in which players are mic’d up: an r-rated broadcast with all the obscenities
all the captains are in a groupchat together
every team has to have at least one female reporter on the beat
remove the entire nbcsn crew and replace with women
use the thanos snap on don cherry
any analyst that mocks or belittles a player for having fun gets fired immediately
give ilya bryzgalov his own show or let him do analyst work for games (bryz behind the glass?)
delete p*trick k*ne from the league
every team that doesn’t have a mascot is getting one, because we’re not a league of cowards
yes this is a direct callout for the rangers
goalie battle to the death: every team sends their starter to one arena, where all 31 goalies battle, in their full pads, until there is only one remaining
izzy806
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