🌿 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏

please picture me in the weeds before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted. sweet tea in the summer cross my heart, won't tell no other. and though i can't recall your face, i still got love for you. pack your dolls and a sweater, we'll move to india forever. passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long.

[chrlseatn]

SEVEN.  —  a  charlie  self  para

click  the  source  link  to  be  redirected  to  a  google  doc.  content  warnings  include  light  alcoholism,  depictions  of  depression,  mentions  of  therapy  and  religion,  hospital  imagery.  playlist  to  capture  the  vibe.

[chrlseatn]

ofanya​​​​      /​      anya  casiraghi

– “C'MON,” SHE LAUGHS, NUDGING HIM BACK WITH HER OWN ELBOW, “ i’m just teasing you. ” she makes a face, scrunching up her nose, “ you know i don’t mind whatever you have to say. i like hearing what you’re thinking about. all of it. ” so, she thinks she’s earned the right to tease him because more than anyone else, she wouldn’t mean it. anya bottles up her personality a lot of the time around people, tries not to stand out or be too memorable in case the impression she leaves is unlikeable. but with charlie, it spills out over the edges, and she doesn’t mind if she leaves a bit of a mark behind because she’s comfortable with the impression. she can’t help but be herself around him. “ it’s not your fault, ” she repeats firmly, leaning into his touch as his fingertips brush over her cheeks. it was a big part of her life, so she was bound to think about it, and money is something that comes up more often than she’d like. it’s funny how you don’t really notice money until you don’t have any of it. “ but thank you, that’s kind of you to say. ” he’s being polite. she appreciates it, though, and she knows the puffiness will subside momentarily as long as she can distract herself. for all of charlie’s bravado in proposing this now, he’s going to have to bring it up again because anya won’t. she’ll be nervous that he didn’t really mean it about paying for her, and she won’t want to be the one to push it if it was just an offer made after a couple drinks. still, it’s not the first time she’s thought about seeing more of the world with him, all the times that he’s brought up his travels with her she’s wondered what it might be like to be there, right alongside him. there’s the usual voice in the back of her mind that tells her not to get her hopes up, but she can’t help it – she’s beaming, caught up in his smile and the sweet way that the corners of his eyes crease when he’s happy. her expression softens for a beat. “ i always worry about things, ” anya reminds charlie, because it’s practically a personality trait of hers though a therapist would just call it anxiety. “ but okay, we can talk about it. i want to know everything. ” basically, she just wants to be included, and surely she’ll be excitedly sending him ideas once she’s more comfortable.

once, when anya was fifteen, she’d written this : “i’m so frustrated with my parents. it feels like i could stand in the center of the room and scream and scream and they wouldn’t even look up. my mother would probably say something like, “ that’s nice, honey. ” i just don’t know what to do. i feel like no one here notices me and i don’t know what i’ve done wrong.” it’s essentially the dramatic diary entry of a teenage girl, but anya is still trying to grow out of that. most of the time she has felt overlooked, unnoticed unless she did something absolutely drastic, something like nearly getting herself killed. charlie has never overlooked her in such a way, and even now, his eyes meet hers in a way that makes her feel like he really SEES her. she doesn’t feel forgotten or misunderstood in the slightest, in fact, she feels so completely at ease. it’s impossible not to adore someone who impacts your life like that, and the way she feels for him runs so deep that she doesn’t think she’d ever be able to get it out of her. she has never had a friend like him, and she probably never will again. she wonders if back then there was some intrinsic part of her that knew how special he was, some instinct that drew him to her – but even as the thought crosses her mind, she knows that’s not true and there’s no need to overcomplicate it. as a child, it’s much more simple than that, you gravitate toward comfort and the things that make you happy. she chose him because he looked at her like he saw her, spoke to her like he knew her, and that hasn’t changed over the years.

anya notices how quickly he finishes the glass of water in his hand, and she hopes she’s subtle about the way she trades their glasses, casually replacing his with hers while he’s speaking about the terrace. “ okay, let’s walk, ” she agrees, “ but i can carry my own heels, charlie, it’s okay. ” she instantly feels a little more free when they can head out the door onto the path, undoing the strap on her heels so she can carry them while they walk. it takes her down a few inches, even shorter in comparison to charlie’s lankier stature. however, she feels more free, more relaxed, and maybe a bit pleased with the thought that her mother would hate how completely unladylike this behavior is. the only regret she has is that she doesn’t have a free hand to hold his. it’s lucky the stars are bright tonight. “ i’ve never taken my heels off at a party before, ” she says, holding them up, “ i feel sort of rebellious. ” 

“  i  know,  ”  charlie  starts,  shaking  his  head  with  a  flutter  of  his  eyelashes.  “  just  be  careful  what  you  wish  for  —  it’s  going  to  be  a  long  summer,  and  we’re  allowed  to  text  now.  i  can’t  promise  i  won’t  spam  your  inbox  a  little  bit  —  but  i’ll  spare  you  anything  past  midnight.  ”  it’s  meant  to  be  a  joke,  though  perhaps  there’s  some  truth  there.  charlie’s  been  known  to  text  rather  unashamedly,  and  it’ll  be  no  different  with  anya.  he  reckons  tommy  should  thank  her  —  she’ll  be  getting  all  the  thoughts  that  don’t  go  into  letters,  now.  the  tinier  things  he  doesn’t  have  time  to  ruminate  on  or  forget.  it’s  a  domain  they  aren’t  quite  used  to,  and  he  hopes  the  illumination  of  daytime  anxieties  won’t  discourage  him  from  reaching  out  to  her.  anything  beyond  midnight  will  be  savored  for  letters,  regardless  of  whether  he’ll  actually  send  them.  “  you  don’t  have  to  thank  me,  ”  there’s  a  small  breath  of  laughter  at  the  thought,  and  charlie  doesn’t  know  that  she  understands  he  isn’t  saying  it  to  be  polite,  or  to  make  her  feel  better.  rather,  it’s  because  he  means  it  ...  he  hasn’t  ever  said  anything  to  her  that  he  doesn’t  mean.  there’s  no  should  be  no  question  of  whether  anya  casiraghi  is  beautiful  —  she  always  has  been,  always  will  be.  from  the  smallest  fibers  of  her  soul  bared  onto  parchment,  to  the  way  her  eyes  glitter,  and  the  way  she  just  shines  without  ever  having  to  try.  it’s  impossible  not  to  recognize  her  radiance,  even  when  he’s  only  reading  her  through  a  thin  page  of  paper.  it’s  the  kind  of  beautiful  that  doesn’t  dim  with  time,  for  it’s  so  well-ingrained  in  her  bones  in  a  way  that  spans  beyond  mere  looks.  he  tilts  his  head  at  her  softened  expression.  “  i  can’t  blame  you  for  worrying  ...  but  i  don’t  want  you  to  feel  like  you  have  to,  ”  charlie  starts,  though  he  knows  all  too  well  you  can’t  simply  shut  off  anxiety.  “  i  just  ...  i  want  you  to  enjoy  yourself,  is  all.  no  weights,  nothing  to  stress  over.  i  know  i  haven’t  got  the  best  track  for  staying  organized,  but  it  isn’t  my  first  time  planning  something  like  this.  i’m  plenty  capable,  you  know.  ”  he  says  it  with  an  amiable  grin,  to  show  there’s  no  malice  in  his  tone.  charlie  doesn’t  always  do  a  great  job  of  showing  it,  but  he’s  thoughtful.  even  despite  every  destructive  tendency,  he  couldn’t  mess  something  like  this  up.  “  i’ll  keep  you  updated,  but  you  can’t  know  everything.  there’s  got  to  be  some  surprises.  ”  charlie’s  got  the  upper-hand  of  having  spent  six  months  in  greece  prior  to  his  first  year  at  blackthorne  —  he  knows  enough  of  the  language,  and  all  the  best  places  to  eat,  to  see,  to  experience.  he  wants  to  share  it  all  with  anya,  to  watch  her  feel  the  joy  he  can  never  quite  shake  when  reflecting  on  his  adventures.

the  glass  of  water  is  switched  so  seamlessly,  charlie  hardly  registers  it’s  a  different  cup  as  he  brings  the  chilled  rim  to  his  lips  again.  it’s  an  easy  flow  to  fall  into  when  you’re  with  someone  you  trust  so  completely  —  anya  could  talk  him  into  anything,  even  without  trying.  he’s  too  entranced  by  their  interaction,  anyway,  his  gaze  devoted  to  her  features.  the  blue  of  her  eyes,  and  the  way  they’re  more  cerulean  than  his.  he  gets  tired  of  the  grey  of  his  reflection  —  but  hers  is  something  he  could  get  lost  in.  there’s  the  slope  of  her  nose,  and  the  curve  of  her  lips  ;  the  way  her  cheeks  turn  rosier  when  she  laughs,  as  if  the  sheer  act  is  something  to  feel  shy  about,  no  matter  the  joke.  in  all  his  twenty-some  years  of  knowing  her,  chalie’s  never  wanted  anya  to  feel  she  has  to  shrink  herself  when  she’s  around  him.  he’s  always  preferred  the  opposite  —  getting  to  know  her  in  a  way  that’s  unapologetic,  as  if  he’s  got  a  front  row  seat  to  the  cinema  of  her  imagination,  her  deepest,  innermost  musings.  he  wants  to  devour  what  little  time  they  have  left  together,  for  tomorrow,  they’ll  be  back  to  nearly  four  million  feet  separating  them.  back  to  letting  weary  days  and  hazy  nights  quiet  the  sound  of  her  voice,  blurring  the  candidness  of  her  features,  the  delicacy  of  her  touch,  and  the  way  his  fingertips  seem  to  buzz  as  they  trace  her  skin.  he  wants  to  enjoy  these  six  inches  while  they’re  still  a  luxury  they  can  afford  —  it’s  only  inevitable  the  summer  will  be  less  sunny  without  her  around,  and  perhaps  it’s  embarrassing,  but  he’ll  count  down  the  days  until  she’s  breathed  into  existence  once  more.  separation  will  be  easier  to  bear  after  greece,  knowing  there’s  a  shorter  span  of  time  between  their  next  encounter.  in  all  his  years  of  academia,  he’s  never  once  looked  forward  to  standing  at  the  foot  of  another  long  school  year  ;  but  as  he  stands  in  this  ballroom,  he  thinks  there’s  a  thousand  tiny  things  that’ll  make  it  all  worth  it  —  and  anya  casiraghi  is  worth  more  than  all  of  them,  combined.

“  well,  you  should’t  have  to,  ”  charlie  argues,  finishing  his  water  and  discarding  it  onto  a  server’s  tray  before  they  exit  through  the  ballroom’s  french  doors.  he  lets  her  lead  the  way  until  they’re  beyond  the  terrace,  stepping  onto  a  stone  path  that  leads  toward  the  gardens.  having  been  wrapped  so  closely  in  her  embrace  only  moments  before  makes  things  feel  emptier  —  as  if  he’s  missing  something  he’s  otherwise  yearning  for.  it’s  natural  to  long  to  be  closer  to  her,  his  shoulders  brushing  past  hers  like  a  light  breeze  kissing  their  cheeks.  charlie  would  hold  her  hand,  too,  if  he  had  the  chance.  he’s  distracted  from  the  thought  as  she  speaks  again,  a  light  chuckle  escaping  his  lips.  “  oh,  it’s  very  rebellious,  anya,  ”  he  teases  lightly,  feeling  playful  —  as  if  they’ve  snuck  away  into  their  own  pocket  of  the  universe,  a  land  with  no  rules  and  far  from  the  patronizing  gaze  of  judgmental  parents  and  brothers.  “  promise  i  won’t  tell  anybody  ...  it’s  our  secret.  ”  he  smiles  cheerfully,  lightheartedly.  it  occurs  to  him  that  it  doesn’t  matter  what  they’re  talking  about  ;  this  feeling  is  consistent  in  her  presence,  and  perhaps  some  of  the  only  consistency  his  emotions  have  known.  and  though  the  night  is  threatening  to  come  to  a  close,  he’ll  elongate  these  moments  for  as  long  as  he  can.  he  isn’t  ready  to  say  goodnight  or  goodbye,  no  matter  how  brief  it  may  be.  he  wants  to  be  here,  there,  and  everywhere  that  anya  casiraghi  is.

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black​

        THE SLIGHT SMILE ON TOMMY’S LIPS IS HUMORLESS, because there’s nothing really funny about stella being a constant in his brother’s life, even if it’s arguable that it’s something he deserves. charlie pointing out that tommy will only have questions is annoying, because obviously he’s going to have even more questions if he’s told NOTHING. there’s nothing more annoying than someone dangling missing information in front of your face, and sometimes he feels like charlie does that on purpose, to get him to bite, so tonight he’ll let it lie.   “ you don’t know ? ”   it doesn’t seem like a question that’s very hard to answer – but this is charlie, and tommy’s seen how complicated he’s made his relationship with sloane in the past. he won’t point out that it’s a yes or no question, and tommy ALMOST lets him off the hook and changed the subject — but god, he HATES when charlie gets self-deprecating.   “ i mean, if you like her, i’d say it matters. ”   his words are gentle, because he knows it’s not charlie’s fault his brain seems to tell him otherwise.   “ just because you’re… going through things right now doesn’t mean you should shut yourself out to something that could be good for you, you know. you deserve to be happy. ”   whether it’s sloane, or anya, or anything else. it’s not lost on tommy that they seem to never be able to NOT have a heavy conversation, but this is so not the place for it ;   with a tired laugh, tommy takes a long swig of his drink.   “ christ. ”

it’s  hard  for  charlie  to  fathom  what  he’s  truly  deserving  of,  unsure  of  whether  everyone's  equally  entitled  to  feeling  good  and  nurtured.  he’s  put  too  much  destruction  into  the  universe  to  feel  he  can  deal  in  terms  tommy  speaks  of.  if  you  believe  in  karma,  you’d  think  he’s  hardly  begun  to  repent  his  crimes,  and  he’s  got  enough  rotten  fate  left  in  him  to  last  for  at  least  another  century.  if  you  believe  in  redemption,  you’d  think  he’s  still  got  a  second  chance  or  two  left  in  him.  charlie  doesn’t  quite  know  what  he  believes  in,  but  he  thinks  a  heart  is  perhaps  the  last  thing  he  should  be  trusted  with.  maybe  he’s  too  hard  on  himself,  or  maybe  it’s  payback  for  all  the  times  he’s  been  self-centered.  whatever  it  is,  he  isn’t  apt  to  figure  it  out  tonight  —  not  when  they’re  at  a  party,  not  when  they’re  meant  to  be  having  a  good  time.  so  he  gives  his  brother  a  smile  that  doesn’t  quite  reach  his  eyes,  wrapping  his  arm  around  tommy’s  shoulder  as  a  playful  gesture.  “  er,  right.  thanks  tommy.  let’s  just  go  and  enjoy  the  party,  yeah  ?  ”

[chrlseatn]

ofanya​​​      /​      anya  casiraghi

– ANYA SUPPOSES THAT IF ANYONE’S GOING TO BE UNCONDITIONALLY IN HER CORNER, it might as well be charlie. he’s already been offered every warning label that she could possibly come with, knows all about her family, her past, and the things that scare her. he’s the only person in the world that knows how she got the weird scar on the back of her left knee when she tried to climb out her bedroom window, just to see if she could ( it’s in one of her letters, the angle she’d fallen at illustrated with a diagram. ) so to speak, he’s best suited for the job. charlie always speaks in such absolutes, and there’s a pull at the corner of her lips only because he’s so dramatic. anya just shakes her head slightly without the energy to argue with him because she doesn’t think that’s true, she just isn’t a burden because she tries so hard not to be. she’s made herself small to the point of invisible sometimes to keep from troubling others, and she hopes one day she will have the confidence in herself to believe she is the person that charlie seems to see in her. 

“ alright, alright, ” anya concedes, “ i just had to push a little to be sure, i know you’d tell me if it was genuinely irritating to you. you do love to complain, ” she tries to lighten the mood, though the fond smile on her lips might betray her a little bit, it’s almost too soft. unlike herself, charlie isn’t exactly subtle when he isn’t the biggest fan of someone, but that has always been good for anya to be around someone where she never has to worry where she stands. if there is room for interpretation, insecurities will have her assuming the worst. anya cringes slightly at the sheer volume of charlie’s voice, announcing to everyone in the nearby vicinity that she’s a sensitive baby. she tries to blink the tears back but they wind up running down her face as charlie’s fingertips wipe them away. “ yes, i know, ” she says with a laugh, because his reaction was so amusing to her that for a moment she nearly forgot why she was starting to cry in the first place. “ i just…i thought about last summer and i just got sad for a moment. i’m okay, though, ” she adds with a sniff, “ i’m trying not to look like a mess. ” charlie pulls her close quickly and she wraps her arms around him, welcoming the initial comfort that comes from it. the smell of his cologne lingers along with the scent of alcohol, and it occurs to her for a moment that maybe a holiday alone with charlie for such a period of time might not be the most positive thing for her. there’s also the thought that makes her feel like it’s not fair, that other people wouldn’t have to worry about things like that, and she’s tired of not doing what she wants out of fear. she puts it out of her mind for now and listens to his advice. “ okay, ” she nods, pulling back from charlie’s embrace and so that she can look up at him properly, “ yes. ”

charlie has a luxury anya doesn’t have right now, and it’s the liquor coursing through his bloodstream. it gives him the ability to not overthink every move he makes, to act on instinct. anya is keenly alert and not afforded the same luxury, aware of each idle movement of charlie’s hands, the way his touch lingered on her for so long. she’s sure it wouldn’t have if he were sober, but that doesn’t offer an explanation as to why she feels so affected. they talk about everything, and normally he would be the first person she’d turn to in order to work out a mess of her own thoughts, but she won’t bring this up. he’s still her best friend, though, and maybe that’s exactly why. “ i was thinking the same thing, ” she agrees, features lighting up in response, all too quick to not allow this to end. tomorrow, she has a plane ride back to italy, full of daunting prospects : looking for a job, breaking that news to nico, visiting her parents…it’s going to be a much different summer than ever before, and that’s partially why she’s in no rush for this night to end. she’s also just having a good time. she’s light on her feet as she makes her way back toward the bar, two glasses of water in hand when she turns back to him, pushing the cup into his grasp. “ to the terrace ? or should we walk ? ”

he  shakes  his  head  at  the  comment,  though  it’s  in  good  nature.  he  might  be  offended  if  it  was  anyone  else,  but  this  is  anya.  he  has  no  reason  to  feel  insecure  with  her.  “  you  think  i  love  to  complain  ?  blimey  ...  you’re  starting  to  sound  like  tommy,  ”  charlie  jests,  giving  her  a  light  nudge  with  his  elbow.  it  makes  him  feel  better  when  he  sees  her  smile  again,  though  he  can’t  help  feeling  a  little  guilty  for  getting  her  to  that  memory  in  the  first  place.  “  that’s  my  fault,  ”  he  frowns,  though  he  doesn’t  want  to  dwell  on  the  bad  right  now.  they’ve  got  all  summer  for  that.  he  wants  to  enjoy  their  last  night  together.  “  but  you  look  lovely,  really.  tears  and  everything.  ”  it’s  another  attempt  at  making  her  feel  lighter,  although  he  does  truly  mean  every  word.  he  doesn’t  think  anya  could  look  like  a  mess  if  she  tried.  as  their  embrace  ends,  his  hands  drop  to  her  arms,  grasping  them  lightly  as  he  grins  at  her  acceptance.  a  bystander  might  think  he’s  out  of  his  mind,  merely  proposing  the  idea  because  he’s  had  a  little  too  much  to  drink  and  he’s  feeling  impulsive.  but  in  spite  of  his  tendency  to  be  spontaneous,  charlie’s  truthfully  been  thinking  about  this  for  a  lot  longer.  he  always  raves  about  his  travels,  recounting  stories  and  imagery  seemingly  straight  from  a  painting  ...  but  like  the  shared  adolescence  that  was  stripped  from  them  when  they  were  young,  spending  holidays  together  is  another  thing  they  never  had  the  fortune  of  experiencing.  he  thinks  they’ve  earned  it.  for  the  year  they’ve  both  had,  and  for  the  sake  of  getting  to  be  someplace  where  it’s  practically  impossible  to  feel  low.  “  perfect.  i’m  truly  so  happy,  ”  he  smiles,  the  corners  of  his  eyes  crinkling  as  a  breath  of  laughter  falls  past  his  lips.  “  i  can  pick  you  up  in  tuscany,  and  we  can  take  the  ferry  ...  i’ll  work  out  all  the  details.  you  won’t  have  to  worry  about  a  thing.  ”

their  entire  interaction  has  charlie  thinking  back  to  his  conversation  with  tommy  from  earlier  in  the  night,  when  his  brother  asked  him  if  he’d  ever  looked  at  anya  as  more  than  a  friend.  it  caught  him  off  guard  in  the  moment,  a  frown  turning  onto  his  features  as  he  combed  through  the  few  physical  memories  they’ve  shared  together.  there’s  enough  that  he  can’t  help  the  fondness  he  feels  when  thinking  back  to  the  family  gatherings  that  brought  them  together  —  but  they’re  also  distant.  scarce.  prior  to  last  school  year,  the  sound  of  her  voice  ringing  in  his  ears  was  that  of  a  faraway  melody,  muffled  enough  that  if  he  wasn’t  careful,  he  could  lose  it  to  radio  static  and  the  scratch  of  a  warped  vinyl  record.  it’s  changed  since  then,  the  image  of  her  features  no  longer  a  mirror  of  the  girl  from  those  memories  they  made  so  long  ago  —  but  anya  casiraghi  the  way  she  is  now.  the  way  she  is  standing  before  him,  with  her  curled  brunette  locks,  and  her  glittered  white  gown.  initially,  he’d  answered  that  he  didn’t  know  ...  that  it  didn’t  matter.  charlie  couldn’t  bear  the  thought  of  it,  not  wanting  to  veer  into  a  treachery  where  he’d  have  to  take  into  consideration  the  notion  that  she  truly  is  too  good  for  him.  that’s  the  way  it  always  goes,  when  romantic  feelings  become  involved.  but  nothing  is  ever  the  way  it  is  with  everyone  else,  when  it  comes  to  anya.  when  he’s  with  her,  he  isn’t  worried  about  how  he  measures  up  against  her.  she  doesn’t  make  him  question  his  worthiness,  or  whether  he’s  deserving  of  the  love  and  companionship  she  yields  him  everyday.  it’s  never  been  one-sided  ;  they’ve  both  done  so  much  good  for  one  another.  if  he  were  to  really  think  about  it,  he  might  have  a  different  answer  the  next  time  tommy  asks  him  the  same  question  about  the  girl.  it  isn’t  because  he’s  drunk  —  he  looks  at  her  in  a  way  a  friend  wouldn’t,  and  his  touch  lingers  in  a  way  a  friend’s  wouldn’t,  because  perhaps  in  some  ways,  they’ve  always  been  just  a  little  bit  more  than  a  word  like  friends  can  define.  she’s  half  his  soul  ;  like  twin  flames,  forged  from  the  same  fire.  there’s  so  much  of  her  inside  of  him.  charlie  doesn’t  know  what  this  means  in  the  terms  of  which  tommy  posed  the  question  ...  but  he  knows  it’s  at  least  a  little  more  special  than  friendship.  they’re  too  well  entangled.

he  brings  the  glass  to  his  lips  carefully,  the  rush  of  liquid  feeling  cool  in  contrast  to  the  red  of  his  cheeks.  he  hadn’t  realized  he  was  dehydrated  until  that  moment,  and  he  downs  the  drink  rather  quickly.  he  considers  her  proposal,  his  eyes  moving  toward  the  french  doors  on  the  edge  of  the  ballroom.  “  the  terrace  is  always  so  busy,  ”  he  muses,  the  decision  all  but  made  up  in  his  mind.  charlie  looks  back  at  her  with  a  grin.  “  but  it  looks  really  nice  outside  ...  we  should  walk.  ”  he  could  use  it  —  he’s  been  in  one  place  for  too  long.  “  c’mon.  i’ll  carry  your  heels  and  everything,  if  you  need  it,  ”  he  laughs  lightly,  an  attempt  to  sway  her,  though  he  isn’t  sure  she  needs  any  convincing.

[chrlseatn]

julixneaton​      /​      julian  eaton

“Yeah, I am. No complaints here, either.” Parties and events are not his thing and he’d rather skip them, yet he has attended most of them this year (thanks to Aylin leaving him no choice and the fact that he can never say no to her), but he’s more noticeably in better spirits tonight, too, after everything that happened with her and coming together tonight. He’s actually going to let loose (only a little). He’s still Julian. Unfortunately. He nods. “She’s very cute. Thanks. She actually helped me pick up the blazer.” Anyone who knows Julian well knows he has the most basic ass clothing style. He reaches to take a good sip of his drink. “Did you come here with anyone?”

“  that  makes  sense,  ”  he  jokes,  an  attempt  to  poke  fun  at  julian.  it’s  a  lot  more  stylish  than  either  of  them  are  used  to,  but  charlie  knows  virtually  nothing  about  fashion  —  only  that  he  likes  what  he  likes,  and  that’s  what  he  wears.  “  are  you  two  dating,  or  did  you  just  come  as  friends  ?  ”  shaking  his  head  at  the  question  pointed  at  him,  charlie  shrugs  a  little.  “  i  didn’t  really  think  it  was  that  kind  of  events.  ”  the  kind  where  you’d  need  to  stress  about  bringing  a  date.  charlie’s  been  too  caught  up  with  himself  to  think  about  something  so  trivial.  he  takes  a  sip  from  his  drink  before  piping  back  up.  “  tonight  feels  weird,  i  think.  the  last  night  always  is,  but  there  was  berlin  last  year.  it  feels  strange  to  just  ...  leave  everyone  behind  for  a  whole  summer,  ”  the  boy  muses,  blue  eyes  fixed  on  the  crowd  in  front  of  them.  he  doesn’t  know  that  he’d  call  it  bittersweet  ...  it  feels  more  like  the  former.

[chrlseatn]

monilanchest​​​​​​      /     monique  lanchester

“Just--” they shrugged. “-- nervous. About leaving Gallagher and going into the real world.” Gallagher has always been home, even before they attended the school. It was always talked about while at home, listening to stories of old professors and nir family’s experience at Gallagher. All of their memories became Monique’s instantly. “It’ll become official once I walk across the stage and get my diploma. And, I don’t know, I’m second guessing myself on it all.”

“  i  get  it,  ”  charlie  shrugs,  nodding  his  head.  at  least  he  thinks  he  understands.  “  change  is  scary,  and  it  bloody  sucks  most  of  the  time.  but  i  dunno.  ”  there’s  a  shift  in  his  tone,  expression  perking  back  up.  he  cant  help  but  feel  optimistic  for  monique  —  he’s  always  seen  them  as  strong,  as  smart.  someone  who’s  meant  to  make  it.  “  you’re  monique  ...  you’re  great.  surely  you’ve  got  plenty  of  job  offers  and  plans  waiting  for  you  after  tomorrow.  ”

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black

        “ MARTINA IS STELLA’S BEST FRIEND, ”   tommy wastes no time feeding THAT piece of information to his brother,   “ so maybe think twice before dating her. and that’s different. ”   there’s definitely a difference between dating two people who share blood, and two who… don’t. though in charlie’s defense, nur and fallon were probably close enough to be sisters. but he’s known fallon forever, and they had been friends for a long time before dating and deciding they weren’t right together. on the other hand, he’d never date stella’s best friend, and not just because she doesn’t like him.   “ you could just tell me, but that’s fine, ”   he says, in a tone that implies it’s not REALLY fine, but he doesn’t want to argue with charlie tonight. but it is very annoying to be told he wouldn’t understand, when tommy thinks he’s been nothing but understanding towards his brother this entire year  ( which hasn’t been easy to do, for the record ) .   he had expected some kind of reaction from him calling anya lovely, so tommy smirks a little in satisfaction.   “ do you see her like that ? ”   first sloane, now anya — perhaps charlie has a type.

charlie  can’t  help  a  bit  of  laughter  at  that  one,  eyes  fluttering  to  the  ceiling.  “  of  course  she  is,  ”  he  sighs,  because  it’s  just  another  example  of  how  inescapable  stella  is.  she’s  everywhere.  “  yeah,  but  we’re  at  a  party,  and  i  know  you’re  going  to  have  questions.  ”  he’d  certainly  have  a  list,  if  he  was  in  tommy’s  place.  but  it’s  that  last  bit  that  gets  to  him  a  little.  “  i  don’t  know,  ”  the  boy  starts,  the  corners  of  his  lips  falling  into  a  frown.  when  you  know  someone  best  through  lead  pencil  and  scraps  of  notebook  paper,  doodles  in  margins  and  stamps  on  an  envelope  ...  you  aren’t  thinking  about  them  in  a  way  that’s  tangible.  in  charlie’s  adolescent  years,  his  last  physical  memories  of  anya  were  the  ones  that’d  been  forged  when  their  families  got  together.  during  mealtimes  and  playdates,  picking  the  seats  closest  to  each  other  at  the  dining  room  table,  or  exchanging  made  up  stories  and  tea  parties  in  the  girl’s  childhood  bedroom.  after  that,  she  was  rendered  a  voice.  she  became  his  conscience.  he’s  gradually  begun  to  look  at  her  differently  since  she’s  come  to  gallagher,  things  like  touch  and  proximity  bringing  them  closer  together,  in  a  new  way  ...  but  he  tries  not  to  think  of  anyone  like  that,  let  alone  anya  casiraghi.  she’s  just  another  person  who’s  much  too  good  for  him.  “  it  doesn’t  matter.  ”

[chrlseatn]

riaflicke​​​​​​​​      /     ria  flicke

“You have to try someday to prove to the world that there’s an ounce of fashion hope in there somewhere.” Ria’s hand dropped from the chain, looking up at him with a giddy smile. “Perfect!” Plan successful. “Uh, I don’t really know. In the past I’d pick a city and get a vacation house or airBNB or something.” On dad’s dime, of course. Kept her out of their hair. “There’s a few people I’m planning to visit, so, I don’t know. Hotels in between?” It sounded worse now that she said it, voice soft.  Sounding pitiful was not the plan!

“  i  can’t  say  i’m  really  concerned  about  proving  that  to  anyone,  but  i’ll  take  your  word  for  it,  ”  charlie  settles.  considering  he  couldn’t  even  properly  describe  the  color  turquoise,  he’s  probably  the  last  person  on  a  very  long  list  of  people  to  turn  to  for  outfit  advice.  “  i  think  that  sounds  kind  of  nice.  who  are  you  visiting  ?  ”  the  last  time  charlie  traveled  long  term,  he  never  went  in  with  a  plan.  he  just  went  where  the  day  took  him,  and  usually  found  friends  along  the  way  to  give  him  a  place  to  stay.  it  was  good  for  someone  who  prefers  a  bit  of  spontaneity.

[chrlseatn]

sylphidstella​​​      /      stella  manchesi

The worst part of not knowing whether Charlie will initiate conversation is not knowing if she wants him to, or if she would even engage. In real time the moment is smooth, moves with the wind around them but in Stella’s head it feels like a ticking clock. She can hear the clicks of every second, like she’s running out of time to make a decision on how much she’s willing to give him. This night feels like the last night to write epilogues. Time moves faster when concluding if she can settle with disfavoring him forever. This might be her last chance to decide. They’ve crossed paths so few times this year and she knows the odds they’ll never speak again are higher than a stranger’s, and while Charlie might consider Stella an enigma she’s under the impression she knows him as well as she needs to. He brings up the only reason she has to think otherwise. “I did.” Stella exhales quietly, over the ledge her fingers pick beneath her nails. She can’t help the faint laugh that finds escape in a breath at his description of Anya, sensing his reservation. “She’s wonderful, yes. But you don’t need me to tell you that.” Or at least Stella hopes he doesn’t, but he lacks a shiny track record in mutual respect for those who care for him. Contemplating silence, she glances over at him. “We’re good friends. Anya and I.” She’s not sure if Anya talks to him about her, but she assumes she doesn’t. 

charlie’s  cigarette  is  lit  before  she  even  answers  him,  the  boy  taking  a  drag  in  an  attempt  to  feel  a  little  more  sober.  he  only  nods  at  first,  because  of  course  he  doesn’t  need  her  to  tell  him  that.  he’s  too  well  ingrained  in  anya’s  being  to  not  know  it  himself.  smoke  falls  past  his  lips,  and  he  can’t  help  a  light  breath  of  laughter  —  it’s  barely  there,  but  it’s  matched  with  a  tiny  grin  that  lasts  only  a  few  seconds.  “  she’s  told  me.  it’s  a  little  funny,  ”  charlie  starts,  though  he’s  certain  that  isn’t  the  right  word  for  it.  ironic  maybe.  tragic,  for  both of  them.  stella  might  feel  he’s  avoidable,  but  he  wouldn’t  agree.  he’s  spent  the  past  year  with  her  shadow  in  the  backdrop  of  nearly  every  conversation  —  in  passing  for  the  most  part,  but  spotlit  in  every  piece  of  advice  he’s  dealt  his  brother,  in  the  only  tricky  conversation  he’s  ever  had  with  the  eldest  casiraghi  girl,  in  conversations  of  his  character  with  others.  his  words  flow  out  in  a  sigh,  “  she’s  ...  my  best  friend.  oldest,  too.  our  parents  used  to  be  mates,  so  we  saw  each  other  a  lot  as  kids.  played  dolls  and  dress-up  ...  stupid  little  things  like  that.  ”  but  charlie  bought  into  it,  because  he  liked  being  around  anya.  he  liked  smiling  and  laughing  with  her,  and  playing  pretend.  it’s  easy  to  pick  your  friends  when  you’re  a  child.  there’s  no  prejudgements,  or  the  thought  of  consequence  ...  you  go  where  your  beating  heart  takes  you.  his  still  leads  him  to  anya.  “  it  was  different  after  tommy  got  sick.  her  parents  didn’t  want  to  be  associated  with  ours  anymore,  but  anya  isn’t  really  like  them.  i  dunno.  you  can’t  unknow  her,  i  guess.  ”  he  doesn’t  know  why  he’s  telling  stella  this,  when  he’s  sure  his  voice  alone  is  enough  to  make  her  want  to  check  out.  but  charlie’s  drunk,  and  he’s  tired,  and  he’s  had  a  strange  night.  rambling  comes  easier  in  this  state  ;  it  makes  him  sound  more  sure  of  himself.  and  though  he  doesn’t  like  to  let  the  lens  other  people  see  him  through  bother  him,  he  almost  feels  he  owes  it  to  both  tommy  and  anya  to  try.  to  not  take  the  easy  way  out  by  pretending  stella  manchesi  doesn’t  exist.  “  we  weren’t  supposed  to  talk  anymore,  so  we  wrote  letters  instead.  i’ve  never  told  anyone  that.  ”  he’s  always  kept  their  little  universe  separate  from  the  charlie  most  people  know  —  but  stella  doesn’t  know  that  charlie.  she  doesn’t  know  any  iteration  of  the  man.  telling  her  about  their  secret  correspondence  doesn’t  make  him  feel  like  he’s  clouding  this  universe,  but  rather  helping  her  understand  why  a  person  as  good  as  anya  casiraghi  would  ever  want  to  be  associated  with  someone  like  him.  it  isn’t  just  that  they’re  old  friends.  they’ve  grown  together  in  a  way  he  hasn’t  with  anyone  else  ...  like  two  halves  of  the  same  soul.

[chrlseatn]

but  you  dream  of  some  epiphany  ;  a  brief  and  slightly  vague  glimpse  into  the  post-gallagherian  future  of  charlie  eaton,  detailing  his  journey  during  fourth  year,  through  medical  school,  and  into  the  spy  world  beyond  !      pinterest.  playlist.  para.

fourth  year

during  charlie’s  fourth  year,  he  completes  his  medical  training  coursework,  passing  with  a  3.6  gpa.  his  major’s  the  only  topic  he’s  ever  been  happy  to  be  immersed  into,  and  when  career  awareness  courses  start,  he  feels  his  first  real  sense  of  clarity  in  what  he  envisions  for  himself  and  his  post-graduate  career.  though  fears  of  failure  threaten  him,  he’s  been  working  on  not  letting  intrusive  thoughts  weigh  him  down.  with  a  sturdy  support  system,  a  consistent  therapy  schedule,  and  medication  helping  combat  his  now-diagnosed  depression  —  charlie  makes  the  decision  to  apply  to  medical  school.  he  doesn’t  tell  anyone  right  away  ;  at  least,  not  until  he  receives  his  first  acceptance.  several  more  arrive  swiftly  after,  and  by  the  end  of  his  fourth  year,  charlie  commits  to  attending  the  university  of  virginia  school  of  medicine.

medical  school

after  gallagher,  charlie  attends  the  university  of  virginia  school  of  medicine  in  charlottesville  for  four  years.  here,  he  studies  to  be  a  physician  with  a  focus  in  emergency  medicine.  of  course  it  isn’t  easy  —  but  he  isn’t  drinking  anymore.  he  isn’t  turning  to  his  vices  when  things  feel  unbearable.  he’s  learning  to  cope  and  to  live  with  himself,  letting  a  newfound  drive  push  him  toward  a  future  he  finally  wants  to  be  alive  for.  it’s  a  stark  contrast  from  his  days  at  gallagher  academy,  where  he  could  hardly  see  himself  making  it  five  days  into  the  future,  let  alone  five  years.  but  he’s  been  working  hard,  and  he  wants  it  all  to  mean  something.  he  wants  to  find  his  direction  and  purpose.  though  his  journey  is  not  without  conflict  and  plenty  of  missteps,  he’s  confident  he’ll  get  it  down  eventually.  medical  school  is  his  turning  page.  and  in  2026,  charlie  eaton  graduates  with  his  doctor  of  medicine.

career  and  retirement

though  he  never  thought  he’d  see  the  day  where  he  finally  grows  homesick,  charlie  misses  europe.  he  misses  his  family.  while  he  made  friends  and  a  life  for  himself  in  charlottesville,  he  yearns  to  be  surrounded  again  by  the  people  who  have  known  him  the  longest.  for  the  first  time,  charlie  eaton  is  proud  of  himself  —  and  naturally,  he’s  eager  to  show  off  the  person  he’s  become.  when  he  returns  to  london,  he  begins  a  residency  program  with  the  mi6  secret  intelligence  service.  it’s  the  perfect  occupation  for  a  man  with  both  his  m.d.  and  a  degree  from  gallagher  academy  ;  and  with  his  emergency  medicine  specialty,  he  thrives  here.

due  to  the  fast-paced  nature  of  the  mi6,  charlie’s  residency  and  fellowship  programs  are  expedited,  and  he  quickly  becomes  board  certified.  as  a  physician  for  the  british  secret  intelligence,  his  job  is  to  provide  medical  care  and  aid  to  spies  working  in  the  agency,  using  his  clinical  expertise  to  act  as  a  consultant  to  the  mi6.  he  has  the  opportunity  to  travel  frequently  while  working  on  missions,  with  a  comforting  freedom  that  wouldn’t  exist  in  traditional  medical  practice.  he  makes  six  figures.  he  retires  by  age  60.  he  lives  out  the  rest  of  his  days  somewhere  in  southern  europe  with  the  love  of  his  life  and  his  children.

all  is  well.

bonus:  future  headcanons

at  some  point,  charlie  will  legally  change  his  last  name  to  eaton-black  !  it’s  a  show  of  brotherly  solidarity  and  something  tangible  to  convey  how  much  the  boys  have  grown  together  <3

he  takes  a  pledge  of  sobriety  halfway  through  medical  school  and  starts  seeing  someone  about  his  addictive  tendencies.  he  struggles  with  it  for  a  while  in  fourth  year  and  beyond  because  he  doesn’t  view  it  as  a  problem  —  he  assumes  that  if  he’s  in  therapy  for  his  depression  he’s  fine  ?  but  he’ll  eventually  recognize  alcohol  and  his  lows  coincide  and  he’ll  want  to  get  help  to  get  better  !

since  he’ll  be  sober  in  his  later  adulthood  —  instead  of  being  the  kind  of  dad  who  makes  his  own  wine,  he  takes  up  the  craft  of  making  his  own  homemade  strawberry  jelly.  it’s  very  wholesome  and  he  probably  brings  jars  around  as  housewarming  gifts  the  way  you  would  a  bottle  of  wine  <3

his  summers  are  spent  vacationing  in  southern  europe,  where  he  has  a  chateau  that  neighbors  his  brother’s.  i  wanna  say  when  they  each  have  families  of  their  own  and  have  children,  they  become  little  first  cousin  besties  !

speaking  of  children  ...  at  first,  charlie  will  struggle  with  the  idea  of  having  kids  solely  because  he  thinks  he’d  be  a  terrible  father,  incapable  of  raising  a  tiny  human  :(  it  just  makes  him  super  anxious  and  he  doesn’t  want  to  bring  a  child  into  a  world  that  doesn’t  feel  perfect  ?  but  he’ll  work  through  this  and  eventually  it’ll  be  the  best  thing  he’s  ever  done,  giving  him  unmatched  fulfillment,  happiness,  and  the  domestic  au  he  deserves  !

on  particularly  warm  days  when  the  tide’s  low,  charlie  and  his  family  set  up  a  dining  table  in  the  shallow  end  of  the  ionian  sea  where  they  eat  dinner,  much  like  this  inspo  pic.

they  also  go  to  the  town’s  farmer’s  market  every  sunday  and  probably  take  idle  drives  in  the  mountains,  the  radio  playing  and  the  windows  down.  they  have  a  picnic  with  croissants  and  fruits  and  cheeses.  they  are  happy  <3

he  totally  brings  his  wife  fresh  flowers  from  a  local  merchant  every  friday,  and  their  house  definitely  always  smells  like  florals  and  baked  goods.  probably  grows  lavender  and  takes  an  interest  in  gardening  !

in  his  retirement,  he  shares  the  wealth  by  funding  local  artists  and  their  exhibits  around  town  <3

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black

         “ SAVE THEM, ”   he rolls eyes, mostly because this entire conversation is tired. where was charlie a month ago when he had actually asked nur out ?   “ you know fallon and i are friends, so it’s not weird. i double checked with her before anything happened. ”   except for him and nur making out in the astrology tower, but that one wasn’t on him. he’s not even sure what charlie is saying good for you about, because it’s very obvious it’s pretty clear that there’s nothing going on between him and nur anymore, but he’ll chalk it up to how much charlie’s had to drink tonight.   “ it was just one date, ”   he adds, since apparently charlie must know the whole story.   “ why did you get into a fight about it ? ”   if his brother can be nosy, then tommy can, too. it wouldn’t be the worst thing to try to understand his relationship with the casiraghi girl a little better, especially if she’s apparently charlie’s best friend. it’s hard to believe charlie when he says it was his fault, because he’s always the one that’ll take the blame.   “ what ?   it’s a valid question. she’s very lovely. ”   from the way his brother chokes on his drink, tommy’s a little insulted on anya’s behalf. surely charlie could do a lot worse. 

“  that’s  so  weird.  it’s  like  if  i  went  on  a  date  with  ...  i  don’t  know,  martina,  or  something.  ”  although  cousins  would  probably  be  a  little  worse  than  best  friends,  charlie  still  can’t  imagine  being  with  someone  so  close  to  an  ex.  but  he  doesn’t  mean  to  judge  tommy  !  he  just  finds  the  situation  interesting.  he’s  very  excited  to  meet  nur  for  obvious  reasons.  “  i  said  it  was  nearly  an  argument,  and  ...  it’s  complicated.  you  wouldn’t  understand.  ”  it’s  a  history  lesson  charlie  isn’t  sure  he’s  equipped  to  teach  —  he  doesn’t  know  what  his  brother  would  even  think,  learning  how  long  they  stayed  in  correspondence  without  him  ever  knowing.  he  gives  tommy  a  side  eye.  “  i  know  she’s  lovely,  i  don’t  need  you  to  tell  me  she’s  lovely.  ”  pardon  charlie  for  getting  a  tad  defensive,  but  he’s  insulted  tommy  thinks  he  needs  someone  to  point  that  out  to  him.  this  entire  conversation  is  just  very  uncomfortable  for  him  !  “  it’s  just  ...  she’s  my  friend.  she  doesn’t  see  me  like  that.  ”  or  at  least,  he  never  thought  about  her  seeing  him  like  that.  he  thinks  it’d  be  impossible  —  she  knows  too  much.  anyone  who’s  seen  that  much  should  surely  be  scared  away.

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black

         TOMMY ROLLS HIS EYES, because of course charlie would let himself be the victim.   “ it’s common sense to know what the color turquoise is. she’s definitely not. ”   he suddenly doesn’t want to talk about nur anymore, and is beginning to second guess the two brothers spending time with her in turkey, if charlie’s going to be like this.   “ she’s fallon’s best friend. ”   who can forget tommy’s model ex-girlfriend ?   “ but we’re friendly. we’re friends, ”   he corrects.   “ why does that matter ? ”   there’s something about the word ENEMY that rubs tommy the wrong way, as if stella’s the one that screwed charlie over.   “ stop that. ”   guess who doesn’t like hearing about his own feelings out loud, for anyone to overhear them ?   “ don’t be dramatic, she’s not your bloody enemy. ”   charlie might be her enemy, but that’s a fact he’ll choose to ignore.   “ are her and anya really that close ? ”   somehow they’ve cycled back to the beginning of their conversation. his eyes glance over to where the girls had once been, but now they’re out of sight. it’s funny that tommy is surprised at anya and stella’s friendship, when not too long ago it had been anya and charlie’s friendship that had surprised him. why charlie had wanted to be associated with any of the casiraghis had been beyond him, but it’s impossible to deny that anya is good for him – and when charlie enjoys so little that’s actually GOOD for him, tommy knows not to question it. the friendship is still no to him though, so he’ll have to trust charlie when he says it, not really sure what he means. he squints a little at his brother.   “ have you and anya ever… ? ”   he’ll be a gentleman and not finish that sentence. 

charlie’s  rather  certain  he  was  never  wrong  about  his  perception  of  the  color  turquoise,  but  now  a  part  of  him  won’t  be  able  to  rest  until  he  sees  the  dress.  he  isn’t  going  to  trust  tommy’s  judgement  on  it,  because  while  it  isn’t  saying  much,  he  does  reckon  he’s  always  had  a  slightly  better  sense  of  style  than  his  brother.  surely  he’d  be  a  more  proper  judge.  he  isn’t  enough  of  a  prat  to  mention  that  tommy  looks  like  he  went  for  both  saint  and  sinner,  but  he  surely  thinks  about  it  as  he  eyes  his  brother’s  suit.  “  she’s  fallon’s  best  friend  ??  i  have  a  few  choice  words  about  this,  and  i  don’t  think  you’ll  like  any  of  them.  but  good  for  you,  i  guess.  ”  charlie  isn’t  sober  enough  to  comprehend  the  fact  that  tommy’s  ex  would  be  okay  with  him  going  on  a  date  with  her  best  friend.  it  just  sounds  messy.  “  it  doesn’t  matter,  i’m  just  curious.  if  we’re  going  to  be  traveling  with  her,  i  should  probably  know  the  whole  story.  ”  in  other  words,  charlie  is  nosy.  “  no  one  knows  who  i’m  talking  about,  tommy.  it’s  fine.  ”  he  rolls  his  eyes  at  his  brother,  because  he  doesn’t  know  what  else  he’d  call  her.  he  doesn’t  even  know  that  it  matters,  to  have  a  proper  title.  using  a  word  with  less  bite  wouldn’t  change  the  situation.  he  just  thinks  he’ll  have  to  live  with  it,  hoping  there’s  no  future  birthday  parties  they’ll  have  to  be  at  together,  or  worse  ...  a  wedding,  if  tommy  and  stella  ever  decide  to  kiss  and  make  up.  the  thought  nearly  makes  him  ill.  “  yes,  tommy  !  we  nearly  got  into  an  argument  about  it,  when  she  told  me  ...  though  that  sounds  a  lot  worse  than  it  actually  was.  it  was  my  fault,  really.  ”  he’s  rambling  a  bit,  having  never  reflected  on  any  conversation  he’s  had  with  anya  out  loud.  those  moments  are  typically  reserved  for  quiet  nights,  or  the  other  end  of  a  lead  pencil.  his  brother’s  next  question  makes  charlie  choke  on  his  drink  a  little,  letting  out  a  small  cough  before  looking  to  tommy  with  raised  brows,  “  excuse  me  ?  no  !  blimey,  tommy.  ”  charlie  feels  like  he’s  literally  going  to  die  right  now.

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black

         “ I DON’T KNOW ON WHOSE BEHALF I SHOULD BE INSULTED FOR, ”   tommy snorts. maybe he’s a little insulted on his own behalf, that charlie thinks so little of him that he wouldn’t want him around. maybe he should be insulted on charlie’s behalf that having charlie on the trip hadn’t been his first thought. maybe he should be insulted for both of them, but instead he’ll just have another drink.   “ it’s blue-green. and it has little flowers on it. i’m pretty sure she’s not going for a sinner. ”   it’d be pretty ironic if she was, because tommy only thinks the best of nur. it’s easy to do so when you barely know someone beyond surface level. he glances at his brother for a moment, before rolling his eyes.   “ you’re happy to hear about that, probably. ”   not said with hostility or judgment, though perhaps he’s a little peeved that charlie can find enjoyment over something tommy’s not looking forward to. it’s clear enough when his brother says that it could be GOOD.   “ yeah, maybe. ”   he’s unconvinced and it’s clear in his voice, although on a better night tommy would be the first to say that it’s for the best.   “ it’s your last night having to dodge her, you may as well go over there and talk to anya if you want to. i’m sure she’d like it. ”   anya, not stella.

“  mine  for  sure,  ”  he  nods  sardonically,  a  testament  to  the  woes  of  being  charlie  eaton.  “  sorry,  i  didn’t  realize  you  were  so  advanced  in  color  theory.  she  could  be  going  for  both.  how  well  do  you  know  her,  again  ?  ”  he  thinks  it’s  worth  asking,  though  he’s  mostly  just  being  a  dick.  “  i’m  not  exactly  happy,  but  it’s  hard  not  to  feel  a  little  relieved.  i  mean,  you  imagine  it.  your  brother’s  in  love  with  your  enemy,  your  cousin’s  closer  with  your  enemy,  your  best  friend’s  best  friend  is  your  enemy.  should  i  keep  going  ?  ”  he  realizes  the  term  is  highly  dramatic  —  he’s  never  once  loathed  stella,  regardless  of  how  his  actions  may  portray  it.  he’s  fascinated  by  her  in  pure  honesty,  and  there’s  the  thought  that  if  so  many  people  in  his  life  get  along  with  her,  surely  he  would  have  too.  having  so  many  people  he  cares   for  rave  about  her  presence  ...  it  feels  like  some  big  secret  he’ll  never  be  let  in  on.  there’s  shame  in  never  getting  the  chance  to  know  what  he’s  missed.  to  show  himself  as  the  person  everyone  tells  him  he  is.  but  in  stella  manchesi’s  world,  he’ll  forever  be  the  boy  who  waged  the  end  of  a  world,  and  in  charlie’s,  she’ll  be  another  open  ended  regret  —  something  he’ll  never  forget.  and  though  the  price  of  walking  cautiously  around  these  halls  is  hardly  anything  compared  to  what  he’s  put  her  through,  he  won’t  act  like  her  leaving  isn’t  a  giant  sigh  of  relief,  straight  from  his  chest.  he  shakes  his  head,  “  she’ll  be  fine.  anya’s  seen  enough  of  me  to  last  her  a  lifetime.  you  don’t  even  know.  ”  he  really  doesn’t.

[chrlseatn]

ofanya​​      /​      anya  casiraghi

– “WELL…” ANYA TRAILS OFF FOR A MOMENT, and maybe if she had proper sense she’d have more shame about the rambling pages of writing she’d sent to charlie in her early teenage years, something about a crush or frustrations with her parents and siblings, a horrible dance practice, or the cutest things her cat does ( ranked. ) but she doesn’t have proper sense at all, and there’s no shame when she looks up at him, the memory of running to the mail slot in her eyes, “ you’re a bit biased, i’d say. ” anya was always writing for him, anyway. she nods her agreement, “ i think so too, but…well, you know cecilia, ” she smiles softly, “ or, at least you know what i think of her. she’s always been stubborn. i’m just going to take whatever i can get at this point. ”  anya also doesn’t think her sister ever had bad intentions, she can remember the look on her sister’s face when the book came out – she’d been the FIRST person to check on her, a stark contrast from the teenager that ran away all of those years ago. she furrows her brow, puzzled at charlie’s reply, but she’s not in on the joke. maybe she just feels too much loyalty to stella to laugh, or she doesn’t know tommy well enough to piece together the particular humor. she’ll take his word for it, though ! anya doesn’t think she’s ever felt so speechless as when charlie lifts her head up, in a moment where she feels so vulnerable, so ashamed that she can’t even look at him…he actually reaches out for her gaze, telling her that it’s okay with so little words. she’s comforted by the softness in his gaze, the warmth that she didn’t know was possible to exude from eyes so blue, and a gentle, almost bashful smile lifts the corners of her lips. “ i just…it’s new to me, i guess. it’s never a problem i’ve had before, so…i just don’t want it to be another way that i’m a burden on people, ” she admits, “ and i don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything either. anything i did, that was just because we’re friends and i care about you. ” the look on his face implies that he’s doing the same, and she wishes there weren’t tears pricking in the corners of her eyes because that’s embarrassing – it’s just hard not to think of her financial situation, her once awe-inspiring mother who walked the halls in expensive designers sitting behind a cell in a jumpsuit. more than anything, she wants what charlie is offering : an escape. “ of course i want it, ” she laughs weakly, “ don’t be silly. ”

there is something so…different about this dance, about the way he holds her, fingers laced together like they were made that way. “ of course you did, ” anya laughs at charlie’s remark, just because it’s so completely CHARLIE, leaning her head against his chest for a beat as she catches her breath. anya thinks back to the early spring, when she talked to stella about the idea of having a spark with someone…a specific moment of instant chemistry, or how sometimes that moment is instant and sometimes it’s not. it’s not something you can create or engineer ; it’s just there or it isn’t. anya wonders if it’s possible for that to be delayed, if you can know someone for a while and still feel a sort of shift in your world, and if it can still be just as instant as it would if you’d just met them for the first time – it’s something she hadn’t thought to ask until now. anya’s the first to let go of his hand – but only to reach out to fix a fold in his collar that had been bothering her. she already sort of wishes she hadn’t let go, but what else was she supposed to do ? there’s a smile that she isn’t holding back when she adds, “ there. ” they’re both just standing there, smiling, and while anya doesn’t feel particularly inclined to break the silence, the way he’s looking at her makes her feel suddenly shy. blushing, she ducks her head slightly before she looks off into the crowd.  “ want to get some water ? ” she won’t say it, but…probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for charlie to have a glass or two. 

he  kept  every  letter  she  sent  him,  some  tucked  away  at  the  bottom  of  a  desk  drawer,  others  scattered  in  storage  boxes  under  his  childhood  bed.  he’s  too  sentimental  to  ever  throw  them  away  —  the  type  to  hoard  ticket  stubs  and  old  papers,  christmas  cards  and  grocery  store  receipts.  his  own  letters  became  anthologies  to  his  youth,  and  anya’s  are  just  another  volume  of  the  same  story.  he  thinks  he’ll  want  to  read  through  them  again,  when  he  returns  home  for  the  summer.  it’s  the  sense  of  comfort  charlie  seeks  when  he  feels  like  everything  else  around  him  is  changing.  of  course  the  luxury  of  knowing  her  so  intimately  makes  him  fairly  biased  —  he  holds  her  in  such  high  regard  she’s  all  but  become  the  standard,  and  though  he  used  to  be  concerned  about  doing  something  wrong  to  drive  her  away,  he’s  never  once  considered  she  might  be  capable  of  the  same.  he  figures  anya  could  hold  him  at  the  wrong  end  of  a  knife,  and  he’d  still  think  the  world  of  her.  this  year  has  proven  there’s  enough  trust  to  forgo  these  insecurities  —  hurting  each  other  would  only  mean  hurting  themselves,  anyway.  “  maybe,  ”  he  shrugs,  because  she’s  probably  right.  but  charlie’s  happy  he’s  got  the  privilege  of  bearing  that  bias.  when  anya  speaks  again,  he  looks  at  her  more  pointedly,  a  frown  on  his  lips.  “  —  you  could  never  be  a  burden,  ”  he  cuts  in,  thinking  it’s  absurd  she’d  even  suggest  the  idea.  he  wishes  anya  could  see  even  a  fraction  of  the  person  he’s  looking  at  ...  perhaps  she  might  not  see  a  human  at  all,  but  something  ethereal.  angelic.  his  voice  is  steadfast  as  he  continues,  “  and  i  know  i  don’t  owe  you,  but  it’s  just  ...  i  care  about  you,  too,  and  i  want  to  do  this.  ”  he  means  to  reassure  her  —  his  intent  is  purely  selfish,  acted  on  because  he  wants  to  spend  time  with  her  this  summer,  without  having  to  worry  about  nico  and  cecilia,  or  sal  and  his  girlfriend.  it’s  no  offense  to  them,  but  things  have  always  been  rather  personal  with  anya.  he  cherishes  time  alone  with  her.  he  also  knows  it’ll  be  the  first  summer  since  her  parents  were  incarcerated,  and  surely  that  warrants  some  yearning  to  get  away  from  everything.  when  he  notices  tears  brimming  at  her  eyes,  charlie’s  own  eyes  widen  a  little.  “  anya,  you’re  crying  !  ”  there’s  surprise  in  his  tone  as  he  wipes  his  thumbs  at  the  corners  of  her  eyes  —  gently,  so  he  doesn’t  ruin  her  makeup.  there’s  a  fleeting  thought  that  he  should  have  stayed  away,  for  she  shouldn’t  be  dealing  with  this  in  the  final  hours  of  her  second  year  at  gallagher  ...  but  he  doesn’t  let  himself  have  it.  he  doesn’t  regret  asking  anya,  no  matter  her  reaction.  in  haste,  his  lips  find  the  top  of  her  head,  planting  a  kiss  before  he  pulls  her  into  a  cradling  hug.  with  his  arms  wrapped  around  her,  he  shakes  his  head,  resting  it  on  top  of  hers  as  he  speaks  up  in  reassurance.  “  then  just  ...  say  yes.  don’t  worry  about  anything  else.  ”

a  hand  idly  strokes  her  hair  as  she  rests  her  head  on  his  chest,  his  heartbeat  in  tune  with  hers.  charlie  doesn’t  overthink  it  right  now,  though  he’ll  feel  the  hangover  of  her  touch  in  the  morning,  lingering  in  stride  with  the  spinning  headache  he’s  sure  to  be  greeted  with  at  sunrise.  he’ll  probably  question  himself,  wonder  if  this  was  okay,  or  if  she’ll  think  it  was  strange.  it’s  anya,  sure,  and  it’s  only  dancing  ...  but  there’s  a  shift  in  their  laughter,  in  their  smiles,  in  the  way  a  simple  gaze  becomes  so  focused  it’s  as  if  time  has  stopped  moving  completely,  and  they’re  not  amidst  a  crowd  in  the  ballroom.  there’s  new  light,  and  though  charlie’s  always  been  too  caught  up  in  himself  to  see  it  even  now,  their  hearts  have  gradually  grown  beyond  mere  old  friends.  a  fluttering  chuckle  escapes  his  lips  when  she  smoothes  over  his  collar,  and  he  no  longer  knows  where  to  place  his  hands,  so  they  fall  at  his  side.  the  ballroom  feels  warmer  as  crystal  hues  drag  up  toward  the  ceiling  just  to  lessen  the  tension  of  the  moment,  and  he  doesn’t  blink  back  at  her  again  until  she  speaks  up,  making  a  suggestion  for  a  refreshment  he  didn’t  realize  he  needed.  “  water  sounds  good,  yeah.  i  could  use  some  air  too.  ”  an  invitation  to  join  him  outside,  or  a  chance  for  her  to  return  to  prior  entanglements,  if  she’d  prefer  it.  he  hopes  for  the  former.

[chrlseatn]

casiraghis​​​​     /​​​​     nico  casiraghi

“ you’re very welcome. ” he’d always found charlie a little … odd, but he finds him more personable tonight. probably because he’s drunk. “ i am, indeed. though i don’t feel great about leaving anya behind, but i suppose that’s life. ” 

“  you  look  nice  too  !  the  white  suit  was  a  good  choice,  ”  charlie  comments,  paying  it  forward.  he  supposes  nico  always  looks  very  put  together.  it’s  almost  admirable.  at  the  mention  of  anya,  his  face  lights  up  a  little.  “  oh,  right.  i  think  she  mentioned  you’re  staying  together  for  the  summer  ...  in  your  brother’s  flat,  or  something  ?  you’ll  have  time  together  then,  at  least.  ”  and  since  he’s  already  rambling,  he  figures  he  may  as  well  continue  to  overshare  his  thoughts.  “  i’m  really  glad  she’s  coming  back.  i  didn’t  think  she  wouldn’t,  but  so  many  people  are  leaving.  i  would’ve  missed  having  her  around.  ”

[chrlseatn]

ofthomas​​​​      /​​​​      thomas  black

        TOMMY CAN ONLY LAUGH AT THAT, because charlie’s not exactly wrong.   “ who do you think will get sick of the other first ?   are you going to ditch me halfway through because my drink choices are shit ? ”   he’s keeping the conversation light, because he doesn’t want his brother to actually think that tommy will just get sick of him and leave him behind. part of him is glad that charlie will be traveling with him ;   after everything charlie’s been through, he’s glad to have him close in his view, to see for himself how he’s doing. not to mention that tommy doesn’t entirely trust HIMSELF alone. he hasn’t entirely been making smart decisions lately, and he’d hate for that to bleed into the summer. charlie’s words are cheesy, and tommy can only snort, rolling his eyes a little.   “ i am happy. ”   it’s all of a matter of perspective anyway, happiness, and in this moment and at this party, tommy is happy enough. right now it’s all he can really strive for.   “ are you kidding ?   everyone here is dressed in red or white or black. you do know what color turquoise is, don’t you ? ”   he’s thankful for a relaxing back-and-forth with his brother, although the drink in his hand certainly doesn’t hurt. the mention of stella has him taking a sip from said drink.   “ probably. i may as well say goodbye, since i don’t think she’ll be back in the fall. ”   charlie can rejoice over that one. tommy glances at him curiously at the last comment, arching a brow.   “ you’re really not going to talk to her all night because she’s with stella ?   i don’t think she’ll slap you during a party, you know. ”

“  i  think  you’ll  want  to  jump  off  the  plane  before  we  even  have  a  chance  to  get  to  a  bar,  ”  charlie  jokes  along,  because  even  with  all  his  overthinking,  he  doesn’t  think  tommy  has  it  in  him  to  leave  him  behind  in  a  foreign  country.  he  thinks  he’s  polite  enough  to  suffer  through  his  antics  —  and  charlie  knows  there  won’t  be  another  stella  situation  happening  any  time  soon,  even  if  he  would  be  the  type  to  try  to  nudge  tommy  toward  nur.  he  won’t,  not  after  their  conversation  tonight  ...  but  it’ll  cross  his  mind  !  “  just  checking  !  ”  it’s  nearly  defensive  as  charlie  shrugs,  brows  raising  before  he  drops  it.  “  don’t  be  a  prat,  of  course  i  know.  it’s  like  ...  green.  and  that’s  one  of  the  seven  deadly  sins,  tommy.  ”  this  is  a  saint’s  and  sinner’s  party,  duh  !  he  takes  another  sip  of  his  own  drink,  though  not  before  scanning  the  ballroom  in  case  he  can  spot  any  trays  of  that  grenadine  cocktail  tommy  spoke  about.  “  right  ...  ”  his  voice  trails,  and  he’d  be  lying  if  he  said  the  thought  didn’t  make  him  rejoice  just  a  little.  there’ll  be  no  more  dodging,  at  least.  no  more  worrying  about  whether  he’ll  get  stuck  in  a  course  with  her,  or  matched  for  sparring  during bootcamp.  “  maybe  that’s  good,  then,  ”  he  says  almost  optimistically.  he  doesn’t  think  time  away  from  it  all  is  a  bad  thing,  per  se.  it  could  offer  perspective.  he  rolls  his  eyes  at  his  brother’s  last  comment.  “  i  know  that.  i  just  don’t  want  to  be  a  bother,  if  it’s  her  last  night  and  all.  i  can  say  goodbye  to  anya  another  time.  ”

[chrlseatn]

ofanya​      /​      anya  casiraghi

– “WELL, I’VE NEVER BEEN MUCH OF A WRITER,” SHE JOKES, because if anyone would say so, it’s him ! though she doesn’t think of herself as extremely eloquent, more rambly than anything once she gets going where she’s comfortable. though this is probably a result of holding back so many thoughts on a daily basis, filtering herself for polite company or out of fear of offending or even burdening others with her thoughts. but if anyone called anya quiet or someone without much to say around charlie, he probably wouldn’t know what they were talking about. “ i don’t know, i wish she would – it would be nice to go to school together, but i don’t think she’s thrilled about coming back to a place where so many people don’t hold her in a favorable light. i suppose i understand that. it will be sort of strange, if i’m the only one coming back. ” usually, anya’s reputation has been defined by her siblings, people hold her in association with nico or cecilia. without them around…it will be more of an opportunity to make her own impression. “ you really think it’s that funny that tommy would have a girlfriend ? ” anya asked, an amused smile on her lips, though she of course has no idea where tommy stands on the stella situation, but she hopes that he isn’t lingering for stella’s sake. she just worries because it’s been a hard year for her friend. this train of thought falls off the tracks when charlie starts to ask her a question. at first, she’s thrilled – an obvious smile on her face, like the idea that she’d say yes would be no question at all, he’s her best friend and she’s always listened with stars in her eyes when he’s talked about his travels, it sounds like a dream come true to get to explore places with him, and to not have to miss him as much as she knows that she’s going to when they’re apart. but then, there’s crushing reality, a thought that makes her hang her head a bit in shame as she hesitates : “ charlie, i would love to, but…i don’t have the money to travel like that, ” her cheeks burn in embarrassment, it’s something she’s never experienced before, wanting something that she cannot AFFORD. it’s been an obvious separator between her and her friends this year, and it shines in this moment. because of her pride, it would never occur to her to expect him to pay for it. “ but i’d love for you to come see me, if you can…cecilia and i are talking about trying to find our own place, ” doesn’t even mention that she’s considering working retail or food service to get by this summer. “ i’m really sorry, ” she adds apologetically, but it’s actually a selfish sort of sorry because now that it’s an idea within her reach, she wants it very badly.

this sort of intimacy is new to them, and that’s probably what makes her nervous. it’s not a bad sort of nervous though, it’s the kind that makes her feel energetic and alert, maybe it aligns more with excitement than anything else. anya’s nervousness is usually ever-present, manifesting itself in anxiety that’s hard to shake, but charlie’s presence has always come with a sort of peace and acceptance that would make it impossible for her to be uncomfortable. if anything, charlie is the PROOF that she should be more confident in herself, in all of her decisions, because the ones that she seems to make for herself are the ones that make her happiest. anya feels almost hyperaware of everything around her, the way his fingertips ghost over her bare skin, the weight of his touch on the small of her back. there’s not really anywhere else to look except back at him, and she’s sure that her heartbeat can be attributed to the circumstances of the moment, any girl would feel at least a little enamored under these specific conditions, especially if she enjoys a good period piece. though there’s no denying that…well, charlie has always known how to look at her in a way that makes her feel special, and it’s no secret that she adores him right back. “ well, if you do, i’ll be sure to let you know, ” she tells him, both true now and in the context of their future, but it’s easy for her to say that because it’s hard to imagine that he would disappoint her and if he did, that he wouldn’t try to fix it. call it her blind optimism, but either way, she can’t not believe in him. giddy laughter is on her lips when he spins her, and though it’s a little clumsy, there’s no question in her mind that he will catch her. she’s an experienced dancer, can adapt herself easily to his movements and with charlie, it’s almost automatic, following his mismatched footwork effortlessly. she’ll look up at him with a breathless smile when he dips her back, the usual expression of unbridled trust. the room is loud and full of people, but it feels like they’re the only ones there, and it’s not until he pulls her back up that she’s suddenly aware of everyone again. still, even as the song fades, anya hasn’t yet made an effort to move away. 

“  i’d  say  otherwise,  ”  charlie  counters,  because  having  read  her  writing  for  so  many  years,  he  thinks  that’s  far  from  the  truth.  it’s  true  that  he  doesn’t  read  enough  literature  to  know,  but  even  in  the  carefree  form  of  journal  entry  letters  to  a  close  friend,  he  reckons  she’s  always  been  good  with  words.  she  knows  how  to  paint  a  picture  that’s  hundreds  of  miles  away  ;  she  knows  how  to  make  him  feel  something.  granted,  charlie  prefers  tangents  and  rambling,  but  he  doesn’t  think  it  makes  a  difference.  “  i  can’t  blame  her,  but  i  dunno  ...  surely  people  can’t  be  angry  with  her  forever.  ”  it  could  be  wishful  thinking,  and  maybe  charlie’s  alone  in  the  way  he  believes  in  people.  but  even  despite  never  being  close  with  cecilia,  he  can’t  imagine  her  intentions  were  ever  evil.  and  charlie’s  all  too  well  acquainted  with  the  grey  area  between  good  and  bad  to  try  to  place  anyone  in  either  category.  on  the  subject  on  his  own  brother,  he  tilts  his  head  in  mocking  thought,  “  it’s  a  little  funny.  ”  but  he  doesn’t  expect  anya  to  understand.  they  don’t  often  get  into  the  business  of  discussing  tommy’s  love  life.  it’s  better  that  way,  given  anya’s  allegiance  to  stella.  as  her  cheeks  turn  rosy,  her  head  hangs,  and  charlie  suddenly  feels  terrible  for  proposing  the  idea  of  traveling  in  the  first  place  —  if  only  for  the  way  it  appears  to  make  her  feel.  but  the  boy’s  no  stranger  to  financial  struggle,  even  if  not  to  the  casiraghi’s  caliber,  and  he  didn’t  bring  it  up  to  make  her  feel  ashamed,  or  let  down.  “  anya,  please  don’t  say  you’re  sorry,  ”  he  starts,  a  hand  moving  to  lift  her  head  up  by  the  chin  so  they’re  looking  at  each  other  again.  seeing  the  blue  of  her  eyes  makes  things  better.  “  i  don’t  mean  to  overstep  or  sound  rude,  but  i  wasn’t  asking  you  to  pay  ...  i  invited  you,  and  i  wouldn’t  want  you  to  feel  bad  about  that.  you’ve  done  so  much  for  me  this  year.  it’s  honestly  the  least  i  could  do.  ”  he’s  so  earnest,  his  eyes  glitter,  and  he  doesn’t  drop  her  stare  the  entire  time.  the  whole  situation’s  some  degree  of  comical,  because  while  anya’s  embarrassed,  it’s  charlie  who  feels  like  she’d  be  doing  him  a  favor  by  saying  yes,  providing  him  with  a  distraction  and  a  means  for  comfort  at  a  time  when  he  knows  he’ll  miss  her  most.  but  he’s  got  enough  in  his  savings  to  afford  traveling,  and  he’s  shockingly  good  at  managing  his  money,  even  with  the  drinking  problem.  he  doesn’t  mention  that  his  dads  would  likely  help  him,  either,  for  he  doesn’t  want  to  push  it.  pride  isn’t  a  familiar  term  between  the  two  of  them,  and  charlie  doesn’t  want  it  to  be.  “  but  it’s  up  to  you.  just  know  the  offer’s  there,  if  you  want  it.  ”

the  song  turns,  but  charlie  doesn’t  try  to  move  away,  either.  he  stays  paused  with  anya,  one  hand  still  cradling  her  back,  and  the  other  laced  with  the  girl’s  manicured  fingers.  a  beat  passes  just  like  that  —  his  eyes  stuck  on  the  upturned  corners  of  her  smile,  and  it’s  only  natural  to  blink  into  light  laughter  at  the  thought  of  his  dancing.  “  i  always  wanted  to  try  that,  ”  charlie  says  daintily,  the  apples  of  his  cheeks  blushing  red.  he’d  learned  a  little,  through  gallagher’s  dancing  lessons  last  winter  ...  but  it  was  different.  he  was  clumsy  and  so  unsure  of  himself.  he  felt  guilty  with  amanda,  being  her  date  when  she  had  no  idea  what  she  was  getting  herself  into  with  him.  but  anya  knows,  and  she  loves  him  anyway,  and  it’s  truly  a  feeling  he  never  thought  he’d  know.  if  charlie  makes  anya  feel  confident  for  knowing  he’s  all  hers,  anya  makes  him  feel  that  way  just  by  how  she’s  accepted  him.  though  he’s  beaming  amidst  his  giddiness,  he  doesn’t  feel  foolish.  he  feels  lighter,  in  a  new  way.  it’s  something  he  hasn’t  quite  felt  before,  and  for  the  first  time  that  entire  night,  he  isn’t  dreading  the  end  of  it.  he  isn’t  even  thinking  about  tomorrow.  charlie’s  here,  with  anya,  and  he  thinks  this  might  be  the  sort  of  happiness  that  people  chase  ...  the  happiness  that  reminds  him  why  he  wants  to  get  better  in  the  first  place.