Chronically Equipped

Hi, I'm Eulix! 🎮 | 31 | US. Navigating life, gaming, and a recent Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis (Dec 12). This is my personal diary for self-expression, sharing my daily struggles, and finding my way through it all. Welcome to the journey!

[goblinbloggeruk]

The 10 Most Infuriating Things People Say to Someone With MS

Living with multiple sclerosis is exhausting enough without everyone becoming a neurologist, wellness guru and Here are 10 things people with MS are completely tired of hearing and the brutally honest replies we wish we could give.ability inspector.

The 10 Most Infuriating Things People Say to Someone With MS

From “You don’t look sick” to miracle cures and unwanted advice, here are 10 infuriating things people say to someone with MS—and the brutal

[chronically-equipped]

Friday, August 7

What a shit show of a week. I definitely predicted it. It wasn't so much the kids as it was all the adults. People squabbling over stupid mundane shit, not being able to talk to each other about people stepping on their toes, and not being able to communicate their feelings.

One of my coworkers seems like they're in the midst of a mental break down. My boss is trying to keep the pieces from falling apart meanwhile she's falling apart, and I'm trying not to physically collapse.

My only solace:

1. My Kesimpta

2. The weekend

3. An AC

[fibro-memes]

[chronically-equipped]

Tuesday, August 4

This week hasn't been bad, but also is. Idk how to describe it. Unfortunately my partner is having a hard time at work again when I thought it was going super well. He works at a big name brand store because he can't find a job atm to pay his bills. I'm not sure how to help and I've tried to give him advice but idk if it's going to help at all.

Work hasn't been bad but the plans for work that my friend left behind for her vacation was kinda crazy. She wanted the kids to make wind chimes from tin cans. There is a lot of steps to make them like

You're supposed to freeze them to which we do not have enough room in the freezer to put them together.

It was not specified what materials to use because most of the ones we had we didn't have enough for all the kids.

The string someone brought in was waaaay too thick and the ONLY beads we had didn't fit.

My boss also heard from Medicaid that we might not be able to keep our jobs so she's kinda high key panicking on what to do. I am unsure what to do.

I just want to get through the day and the week. It's already sooo stressful.

My foot has an apple sized bruise on it which I have no idea how I got it. From that - my right foot for the entirety of today was in so much pain (either because of my regular chronic illness or from the bruise). Tomorrow I'm supposed to "play" in the water with the client I work with in the school. We'll see how that goes.

[chronically-equipped]

Message from my Sister

Yesterday I got a really weird message from my sister. My sister is 15 months older than me and is engaged. Essentially she messaged me saying that she doesn't like the way she handles her emotions. My sister notices that she reacts like our mother in a lot of ways where she just rolls her eyes, scoffs, or chooses to ignore the problem. She also stated that she often times has to go lay down and shuts down as well instead of trying to deal with the problem.

I was very put off by this message. I wasn't expecting this conversation and wasn't sure how to help. I was hoping that if my sister felt this way that she would feel comfortable talking with me about it before it got to this stage. It also was hard to reflect and look back to how we, especially us millennials (in my opinion), deal with extreme emotional situations. In my area I notice that a lot of people deal with high emotional situations like this, it's very normal. My sister also expressed her extreme dissatisfaction with the way she responds and how upset she is at herself.

What I told her is that:

It's great that you are recognizing that you need help. The first step is noticing where you want to improve and the next step is to figure out how to help yourself and your relationship.

Have an open discussion with your partner about how you realize that you need to improve your communication. Figure out steps or things that you can start to do that can help when you feel emotionally distressed or what would be the best for both of you when you realize that emotions are getting high.

-It is also okay to say that you need space to process and manage your feelings. It will only hinder things if you both try to figure out a solution when you are both upset. Take space, collect your thoughts, and then talk together to find out a compromise and solution.

3. Try to get out of the mindset that you are "dumb" and stop hating on yourself. The fact that you realize that you need to improve is an important step. If you face a situation head on and then have these feelings - these feelings won't help you solve the problem and only make it worse. If you come from a mindset of negativity it'll also hinder your progress and decline your mental health.

Being in a relationship is hard and especially when you face high emotional situations where both sides might say or something they might not mean. The time you have been together is important and if they want to be with you as much as they have promised themselves to you - they will work with you to help you.

As a side note, if you are in a committed relationship I would hope that the partner would recognize when you mean something and when you don't. It's okay to look after yourself and take space when you need it. I know I have conversations with my fiancée about stuff like this and I feel like we're in a good spot, but we also haven't had gotten into any huge arguments yet.

Idk if anyone will read this but if they do, I hope this helps you.

[chronically-equipped]

Sunday, August 2

Officially got the snapchat that my friends made it aboard the ship. So now mentally preparing for the hell week. Hopefully it won't but we'll see how it goes.

Speaking of snapchat I noticed that a lot of my friends/coworkers use it so I tried to use it. Streaks - impossible for me to remember. Half the time I have to be the one to snap to keep the streak up and other time most pictures to keep a streak aren't even worth viewing or creating. I decided last week that I was all done trying to keep it up. I also shouldn't have to set a reminder to try to keep it up either. So annoying.

Anyways my body felt actually pretty good. I got some good sleep and felt very refreshed. So while I had guests and my fiancée was out I decided to embody a hurricane and clean. I finally got most of the bathroom cleaned where most of the dust is gone, the bins are organized (the best we can in our apartment), and everything disinfected. Which made my undiagnosed ADHD skip to the laundry room and then into the kitchen to our dishes. I'm actually very happy about it but I doubt my fiancée is going to notice that it's cleaned so well.

Our friends decided to leave around 11:30 which opened up the opportunity to go shopping and get some vacuuming done. Usually around this time I feel very fatigued but I was actually still feeling pretty decent. However I don't know if this is due to me not eating yet or actually having a good day.

I crashed around 4:30 and took a nap. We'll see tomorrow the repercussions of today to see if I'll make it. Probably shouldn't have gone so hard knowing it's going to be a hot week and the new changes for work. I guess I like making my life more difficult than it is anyways.

[fibro-memes]

[fibro-memes]

[chronically-equipped]

Thinking about World of Warcraft next patch

I checked in with my fiancée and I'm going to start applying to some new guilds - I think. I've noticed that my fiancée and I were kicked out of the discord channel for our team. We were both extremely disappointed in our progress. Our team struggled with communication, showing up on time, and performance - there was much left to be desired.

I am definitely going to be playing healer next expansion but I am unsure which class. I am excited to get back into it. Lately I've been too social to be able to play. I'm going to try playing more in these next coming weeks.

[chronically-equipped]

Saturday, August 1

Just like anything in my life, thought I would try to be consistent with this but life has been so busy. My friend left for the vacation with my other friend officially and they are going to be out of the country (maybe?...maybe not? Idk). Luckily last night the couple that we're friends with wanted to hang out. I'm trying to think of what we did. Oh, we went to see the new Spiderman movie - "Spider-man: Brand New Day". Now I wouldn't say I'm the biggest fan of Marvel by any means, but I was able to follow along pretty well to the movie. It was pretty good and the animations were good as well.

Today we went to a pretty popular arcade and activities place called "Fun Spot". It was my first time going there. We went with the couple from last night and we got to play different arcade games and My fiancée and I played air hockey. It was a 1-1 tie. I played our male friend and he utterly destroyed me. However by the time it was time for me to play him my back felt like it was 100 pounds and I couldn't stand up straight (MS for the win). Between trying to figure out how to navigate the stairs and my feet because my feet decided to spam and go along a side quest instead of focusing on the main quest and then trying to see where people were going. It was fun but I was also lost at the same time. I was happy I ended up winning over 881 tickets (the collecting machine ate about 4-5 of my tickets because they were singles). I got some play-doh which I will bring in to work for the kids. I can definitely can tell that this was made for kids because most of the prizes were stuffed animals. The cool prizes were over 4500 tickets.

The other thing that kinda sucked was that my friend also drives super fast. It makes riding in the car with them super awful. Between the super fast turns, the side to side bumps, and the music being super loud it was really rough to navigate. Next time I am going to try to bring loop earbuds or headphones to wear to deafen the noise. I absolutely love them both but man they make my body so physically exhausted. We got back around 8 and trying to decompress.

I gotta meal prep with them here tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.

[chronically-equipped]

Wednesday, July 29

Today actually wasn't a super bad day. It was super busy. Morning work was rough because all I basically did was listen to a child scream intermittently for an hour. When I did leave to go do part 2, I was COVERED in sweat. So then went to the second building where it was busy as heck. It just went from one thing to the next to the next. It was pretty crazy.

I don't know if I would describe it as stressful but it's been a lot. I'm also thinking about joining a support group for my MS. I think it'll be helpful for me, we'll see how it goes. My body felt good then when it didn't it hit like an 18-wheeler. It was crazy.

Luckily it is almost Friday and maybe tomorrow it should go easier, but we'll see.

[chronically-equipped]

Tuesday, July 28

I forgot to post yesterday. It was actually a good day both in work and outside work as well. Today, not so much. My body intermittently decided to freak the freak out. Not like 2000s Brittney style but pretty close. Out of nowhere while trying to exist I got stabbed. For a second I thought I was in a horror movie which progressed through the afternoon as it was.

The gym was after and my body decided to freak out more and try to intermittently get me drunk and dizzy.

I also accidently made my meal prep meals too soupy and now I feel like I have nothing to eat for lunch so idk what I am going to do.

It's going to be a great week.

[melancholicstardust]

Do you ever mourn who you could have been?

You never stood a chance

For you, there will be no wins

Only loss, of a measure

Your potential life the treasure

Here you seek

Alas only crumbs you find

So much despair

It takes you nowhere

Stuck in a room

Creating joy remotely

Counting spoons

Everyone you know progressing

Moving up in life

While you stagnate

Regress

Deteriorate

Bitter thoughts

But never out loud

"You're inspirational

You should be proud

You didn't kill yourself

What a feat!

I could never live that pathetic"

So you smile

And fake contentment

Never grouse about your containment

One day they will mourn your loss

Once you depart

Will they ever know

The sorrow of your bleeding heart?

[niminuu]

apparently i'm just gradually collecting all the health conditions like pokemon. why is everything wrong with me wtf

[goblinbloggeruk]

The Asshole in the Room

The Asshole in the Room - Living with MS Cognitive Dysfunction

Living with multiple sclerosis means fighting more than weak legs. This honest, darkly humorous account explores MS brain fog, cognitive dys

Ever forgotten a sentence halfway through saying it?

Living with MS isn't just about wheelchairs and walking.

Sometimes your own brain turns against you.

My latest post, The Asshole in the Room, is a brutally honest—and occasionally funny—look at cognitive dysfunction, brain fog and what life with MS really feels like.

[chronically-equipped]

Sunday, July 26:

Saturday I had to go to a sleep study probably where I am going to hear that I have sleep apnea. I definitely most likely won't be able to afford a CPAP machine each month. I also have MS which makes me tired all the time and if I have sleep apnea just extra fatigue besides my thyroid problems. Idk.

Woke up intermittently throughout the night just to try to turn to find I'm like a dog on a leash to get reminded to pull back or to hear this guy's voice saying I can't listen to my World of Warcraft lore videos so I dont think the mistake I made last week or the social situation I fucked up on. Also just to be woken up each time to a bright light.

After deciding to end the sleep study when was way too early to go shopping or buy breakfast. Everytime I tried to touch my head I touched something sticky from the wires. What an exhausting nightmare. Tried to eat food to find it was expired...then said fuck it to the world and went to sleep for another four to five hours.

I was so physically exhausted I didn't want to go grocery shopping so I picked up my groceries. Tried to meal prep where I probably fucked up my tiktok Mac and cheese recipie. Today sucked.

Luckily I got to see my Fiancée which recharged my battery. What do I tell people? Got a sleep study and it sucked. Complain? Idk it feels like I'm a burden and I don't want to trouble anyone. So I'll post here... to the internet to complain to the random person who probably won't read this.

Here's to a fucking awful Monday tomorrow.

[chronically-equipped]

Friends

The post i wanted to focus on today for Saturday was Friends or at least what I thought was friends. I have noticed more in my adult life that I am the one constantly asking some people to hang out or to go out. As of right now, I dont have kids, or any restrictions besides my auto immune disease, which I will say if I can't do something due to it. Only two people reach out and tell us if they can't or not.

Two friends, or at least who I thought they were, are going on a vacation together. I know they want to spend alone time but I can't help but feel like the one left out all the time. I see on Facebook all of my "friends" hanging out and no one asks me. So I just stopped.

I have noticed people treat me different, and it really does hurt. Its also hurts when I am not even thought of or included. The only friends I have are my Fiancée and a few in my circle that actually ask ME. I want to go on a vacation, concert, kayaking, or something with you; but I'm not even a thought in your brain.

I'm ignored when you have something to share. I'm pushed aside and told about your weekend. I'm a stepping stone as you go to your friend for support. I am that carpet you tread as you put yourself together. It hurts, when will it stop.