peeks.

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@chteru
peeks.
s4crificial:
A LASTING IMPRESSION? on who … ? though she tries to jest, he’s not as humored as he would be without concern weighing him down. her cheeks are warm between his palms, noting bluish veins beneath translucent skin. her pulse. the frailty. and to himself, in the back, of his mind, he opens the door and faces the truth. maybe he’s known this entire time. maybe it hasn’t mattered.
but he knows—and it’s too late to care.
what does he want? she’s got a lot of nerve asking that one. is she dense or does she just want to hear it with her own ears? “ i wanna crush this dumb bird cage you’re in and see how big your wings are. ”
damn, would that even make sense to her? whatever. he means every word. if she’s not a goddess, then she can be something that flies, something that doesn’t belong on the ground. yaketsu releases her face, but not without taking one of her hands as a substitute.
“ now, come on. we have a long list of things to do before the fireworks. unless you wanna grab something warm to drink and head over? ” as much as he’d enjoy seeing her wasted, he wouldn’t really be able to do anything. so he tugs at her hand, and leads her from the shrine, coasting over a few seconds of silence.
“ …oi, hime, you said you wanted to make a lasting impression, right? well, one evening isn’t gonna cut it, so you’ll have to stick around for longer. a lot longer. you know what i mean? ”
‘ if that’s the case.... you’ll have me, until you’re ready to let me go. even after the fireworks, too. ’
if he was going to purposely speak with ambiguity, then she would return the favor and do the same. to fill in the lines on their own, to line the pieces up together... it was more exciting that way.
the allusion to a bird’s cage sits in the back of her head as they went from stall to stall and partaking in ring tosses, katanuki, garapon, and shateki. naturally, chitanda’s aim was abysmal, cheeks puffed if he laughed at her horrid sense of shooting, and any prizes she did win, she presented it to the losing participating child in favor of being able to hold yaketsu’s hand without being encumbered with plushes.
‘ i think the fireworks might start soon, yaketsu. let’s find a good spot to look at them. ’
‘ so what were you saying about me being around filthy mortals, early on, hm? don’t think i forgot! ’
s4crificial.
HER RESIGNATION IS PROFOUND, staring into the depths of their scorching fate and accepting it with nary a blink. how evil must he be, to feel nothing but relief, joy, and excitement? as if damning the love of his existence has not fully permeated his mind, and delusion shields him from numbing guilt? perhaps it’s because he knows he could never uphold his end of the bargain.
at the end of their lives, enma would see into her faultless spirit and push her into heaven, while forcing him into another eternity of punishment. with or without a contract. but it is something that will lie beyond her realm of knowledge until it is too late to reverse.
for now, he will enjoy her devotion, while knowing what lies for them at the end of it all. and perhaps in her next life, she will be paired with someone worthy of her. his gaze refocuses as he processes her claims, prongs of guilt stabbing at him. does she still not know much of him?
after sacrificing her eternity to be at his side? “you deserve to know everything,” he says, a light shudder passing as her hands explore his chest. as much as he would love to express his affection and ensure her pregnancy, it can wait. “let us order dinner and while we wait, i’ll explain how i came to be.”
‘ if you’re beginning to feel sad for me... please don’t. i made this decision without regrets, so you shouldn’t either. whatever happens, we’ll make it through. should anything come to separate us... i’ll find you. in every lifetime after this, i will search for you. you don’t have to go through it alone anymore. ’
with barefaced and transparent reluctance, she parts from him, roaming hands lifting up off his semi - exposed chest, readying herself to be set on the ground and back on her feet. food had fallen into the farthest reaches of her mind, having entirely forgotten that having a meal together had been planned and main objective.
‘ i’m ready, tsurya. ’
she pays little mind to the sudden slow burning sensation deep in her womb.
peeks head in.
.
s4crificial.
SHE’S TIRED…? his expression grows somber, quietly observing her modest mannerisms. with unparalleled grace, she carries so much on her shoulders and it makes him want to steal her away, like some evil goblin in the middle of the night.
if only to set her free.
is that why she loves his laughter? because it’s raw, and unrestrained? his stare narrows, fingers twitching with the urge to envelop her slender frame, to bury, and lose himself inside her. and as she prays, he wonders of her prison, her cage.
are there walls or bars? is she screaming for help by the exit or sitting dutifully in the center?
why does he want to sit beside her in that suffocating space and make sure the ceiling doesn’t come crashing down on her head?
in the middle of his wondering, a divine warmth rushes though, gold flooding his eyes for less than a second. happiness. his happiness. ugh. large hands reach out to squeeze her cheeks, caught between wanting to scold and kiss her at the same time. “ you’re gonna drive me up the wall, you know that? pray for your own damn happiness first. ”
how is she so frustratingly and amazingly selfless? he doesn’t know what to do with that. “ it’s fine, alright? everything will be fine. why don’t you ask for what you actually want? ” then again, it’s none of his business, right? she’s just doing what she needs to, what she has to. why does that bother him so much?
“ maybe i want to leave a lasting impression before the evening ends. ”
to dispel the heaviness in the air birthed in wake of the jaundiced disclosure of her true feelings, she counters back playfully, lips reunited with a whimsical smile even with her face pushed together by his large hands, and she delicately overlaps his with her own.
she wanted to make an impact, no matter how tiny. she wanted to be someone to think back on, someone to wistfully call to mind in the most serendipitous of moments: the wandering human girl that he went on an impromptu, yet fortuitous date with in a random city.
her lifetime compared to his was like a drop in the pond in a neighborhood backroads.
“ what i want...? you’re the first to ever ask. ” i’ve never thought about it / i didn’t believe i could. “ while i think about it... tell me what you want, yaketsu, if you don’t want me to pray for your happiness. ”
s4crificial.
TAKE HER…TO HELL? The words sear his chained soul, a split second’s hesitation causing him to falter. Can he truly be so needlessly cruel? Can he truly condemn her in such a permanent, irrevocable way? Before the question finishes, he is well aware of the answer.
Yes.
After suffering for so long, alone, why should he deny himself this happiness? If she is ever so willing, prepared to accept damnation for the rest of the eternity, who is he to refuse her? Growing weary of false nobility, of long lost honor, of disingenuous attempts to push people away, when all he’s wanted was for someone to find him in this darkness and love him regardless. No matter how terrible or dangerous it was. Even if it cost a life. He wished for sacrifice as great as his own.
They will endure together. They will bleed, and cry, and fight together. Knowing this—he kisses her. The sealing of this contract is warm, addictive, pleasurable, of joining pathways, shared emotions, offering a glimpse into her mind. He can taste her loyalty, her understanding, her willingness and sacrifice. It is all evenly matched, and his love for her grows so much more.
Now, she will never know loneliness, or sadness, or frustration, anger, never again without him by her side. “ Eru… ” He breathes, lips hovering. “ Thank you. ”
even without full comprehension of the extent this contract would reach, it is of little concern to her. call it sheer idiocy or outrageous disregard for her future well - being, whatever would come to pass, she would figure it out then and there. the earth will come to remember them: their legacy would be implanted within the ground with their love. within the composites and filaments of the grass would have traces that they lived, that they endured, that they loved one another with every atom, every fibril, every tendon, and beyond.
“ i don’t know when we’ll burn. perhaps you know, but... before that time comes, i am going to love every minute with you. i still have so much to know about you, where you came from, and what brought you here... but until you’re ready, i can wait as long as you need me to. ”
her hands come to undo the first few buttons of his shirt to uncover flesh underneath, palms warm as they explore his marble - like skin, her traversing fingers as delicate as pittering rain. “ i want ... to preserve every memory we have together. the ones we’ve made so far and the ones we’ll make in the future. ”
ingenuous eyes of lavender unlock from his red spheres and glide down the length of his lovely neck,down to his beautiful, partially exposed torso.
“ you’re beautiful, tsurya. every part of you, even the parts you may not like, or even hate. ”
tumblr almost ate my entire reply to yara. not today! not on the first day of 2023! typio saved my ass!
s4crificial.
HUH. SUCH A LADY. It’s been so long since he met someone this demure, but he chalks it up to her divine status and lets her cling to him. The permission summons a mischievous grin, more than pleased—even if he doesn’t know exactly what she means.
“ Why wouldn’t it be okay? Don’t tell me you’re stuck in the past, concerned about official courting and shit, I mean, stuff. ” Maybe gods shouldn’t curse so much, ugh. “ Times are changin’, women can do what they want, chase who they want. You’re no exception. ” He makes a dull face. Why the heck would he want a cheap charm?
“ Whoa, damn, Hime. You wanna pray, dance, get a souvenir, drink, and see the fireworks? ” Plus a surprise? Yaketsu throws his head back and laughs, a booming, ground shaking sound. “ Hah! You know exactly what you want, eh? I respect that. Let’s, uh, pray first. Then, souvenir, drink and dance, then fireworks. Don’t worry, with your tiny body, you get one drink. Maybe half. C’mon. ”
Yaketsu leads her toward a shrine at the back of the festival grounds, surrounded by much shorter mortals. It’s easy for him to spot the altar across a sea of heads, and he takes her hand, navigating through until they reach the front. “ Here ya’ go, pray away. ”
“ when you shoulder so many responsibilities and expectations,” she begins, her voice wisp - like, far away. “ it’s hard to find time... to have fun. one slip up could lead to so much falling apart. it’s ... tiring. ”
there couldn’t have been a more opportune moment to speak her thoughts freely. admission of any kind of debility was unbecoming, but the tension that sat trapped between her shoulders had lightened considerably. “ who knows when i’ll get to have fun like this again? ”
such a resonant laugh he possessed: it was so full, so resounding, so hearty. her laughter was always tucked behind an elegant lifted hand: oh, how she holds so much in, as though afraid of letting it all out, desperate to preserve a sense of modesty. outdated, outdated.
“ i love your laughter. ” candid, point blank; it had to be said. she trails behind dutifully, grip firm and secure, eyes caught on the back of his head and watching him guide, and once they reach the altar, her hand delicately slips away, like silk ribbon slipping from a crown of hair in the wind.
she searches for the rope to sound the bell wordlessly. eyelids flutter shut, palms coming flat together twice, she doesn’t question why he isn’t doing the same. following the traditional way of prayer, she does so silently. for the well-being of her loved ones, for a rich harvest... and for the happiness of yaketsu.
“ do you think they heard it? ”
divinasolis, oreki houtarou.
“ what do you think about going to the amusement park today? the new one that opened like, a week ago. ” houtarou asks, because he knows the place is nice and lively, and because of his recent discoveries concerning his lack of exposure to what he considers to be his first love, and because rollercoasters, he supposes, are fun, and anything with eru, he is discovering, is fun, anyway, and—chewing through another bite of his chocolate snack—he thinks what else is life if not something to be enjoyed. “ the weather is supposed to stay sunny, too. ”
( small starter call / @chteru )
‘ i never took you for a thrill seeker, houtarou, ’ mirth rose the corners of rose - touched lips, surprise finding her voice at such a taxing suggestion, deviating far from what he would have suggested in the past. committing a day to visiting a theme park demanded a great deal of effort, and she’s delighted at his sense of initiative without complaint or protest. she gingerly tucks away messy locks of umber behind his ear to get a better view of his expression, followed with a hum of amusement slipping through without second thought.
‘ i’ve never gone, either... mother said there was no place for a lady there. i think she was just too prideful to admit she’s scared. i’m a bit nervous! you can’t make fun of me for any funny screams i make, you know! ’
listen, when i go to open my mouth & what comes out is 12 degrees of seperation from what the original topic was, u need to connect the dots bitch. think fast. i’m not gonna hold ur hand but we’re leaving now and visiting every topic along the line. wave it goodbye, don’t get hung up on it
“silence and peace for the heart”
“he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.”
— Richard Siken, excerpt of You Are Jeff (via henrydear)
❛ inbox — @sadistic-sakamaki : Boops her on the head with a book. «You forgot this, airhead». So he is returning it. How nice of him!
there’s a better way of returning things, sakamaki - san! the chide, balmy and gentle, goes unspoken. the action goes abandoned, a smile finding her face upon recognition that he did not have to go out of his way to deliver her misplaced belongings. assuming he hadn’t thumbed through it and unearthed the book’s contents, she takes the item with a relieved sigh, grateful for being spared the embarrassment of explaining why she had taken note of what discomforts him, soothes him, and what seemingly brought him joy. attribute it to stupid human curiosity, but she was intrigued by him.
‘ thank you so much for bringing it back. please let me repay you for the trouble! would you like me to make you anything? ’
i can finally breathe normally and get out of bed on my own, please clap
“When we lie quiet, I love him still, his hands, his wrists, his neck, his mouth, the warmth of his body, and the sudden leaping of his mouth. As he sits there, I feel that I can see his mind as I see his body, and it is labyrithine, fertile, sentient. I am loaded with adoration for everything that his head contains and for the impulses which blow in gusts.”
— Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Henry and June: From “A Journal of Love” -The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin (1931-1932)