Become The Omnipotent Narrator Of Your Own Life

She/Her. Lives in Texas.

[chuckywucky]

I’ve seen divorced!flambert, I’ve seen one night stand pregnancy!flambert

@dirtycombatboots has a delicious divorced!flambert AU that I am frankly way behind on bc there’s so much but go check it out

BUT

New idea:

Single Dad Robert Had A Baby From His Ex He Put In Prison And GOT TOGETHER WITH AS MECHA MAN

Flambae and mecha man have a series of sexually charged fights which lead to Flambae calling himself Roberts’s nemesis in public and in private they start dating

They fight, they both have unresolved issues and trauma and what they have is just not enough to keep it together right now.

They have a breakup argument.

Two days of radio silence from Chad later, they have their fight. Chad is out of control and hoping for Death By Hero. It doesn’t sink in how shitty that is or how close he actually is to torching Robert until his fingers get cut off. Chad goes to prison.

Shortly after that- positive pregnancy test.

Shit.

He doesn’t call Chase. Robert still thinks he has to do this shit alone, that he has to continue the legacy, he has to Get Up. People are single working parents all the time right? His dad was. A few years go by, he’s struggling, broke, and loves his baby star who looks so much like Chad. No powers yet, but sometimes their eyes go bright like glowing coals during a tantrum and boy it is coming.

Then the coma.

He wakes up to Chase, who had been listed as next of kin because he had to set something up for his sunshine in case he died, chewing him the fuck out

Wake up call: he’s not his dad. And he needs to stop trying bc his kid is now traumatized and holy shit is this what a support system is supposed to look like

He starts working at SDN

The tension between Chad and Robert is so real

They don’t find out about the kid right away, SDN might not have an HR but they are so supportive of their staff they absolutely have a daycare

They find out about the kid

Chad does not fucking realize he’s the father. Despite the child looking a hell of a lot like him. He’s too busy being jealous over whatever relationship or one night stand Robert had right after sending him to jail. And when he’s not jealous he’s trying to convince himself that he isn’t falling back in love with the softer, hurting, good dad version of Robert. That he isn’t trying to be better just because Mecha Man believes he can be.

“Flambae, I need you to move fast, the situation is escalating.” “Yeah, you would know all about moving fast bitch”

Somehow, despite suspicions from half the team, they don’t have their You Are The Father moment until after the Sardine fight

Bc Robert has spent this whole time thinking Flambae was ignoring the elephant in the room. Chad just doesn’t want to be a dad. Can’t have an adult conversation about it at least, since Chad gets along w his little sun like a house on fire (ha)

No, it’s just bc he’s an idiot.

“So, Bob-bob, what’s the deal with your little bug? You hop right into a relationship after we split or?”

Robert squints at him, a taco hovering two inches away from his mouth. “Ohhhh. Things are starting to come together. You’re a fucking idiot.”

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[twistedantlerz]

Finally finished this flambert piece!!

[doodleferp]

All of my old He-Man stuff is blowing up lately so here's a little Orko for the road!

[hhhh-snakes]

unironically incredible, all-time performance by Jared Leto as a gay skeleton in He-Man. Nicholas Galitzine looked the best he ever has. so campy so 80s so perfect. everyone go see that move right tf now if you want a She-Ra sequel (they teased it in the end credits scene).

[originaldouble]

I just watched Masters Of The Universe and the script was really off but what got me was how horny Skeletor was. Can we talk about that. What was that about

[a-gay-turtle]

It’s so funny to me the difference between Teela and He-Man’s battle wear. Teela is in normal, practical pants and modest sleeveless shirt. Basically no cleavage at all.

He-Man tho? He-Man’s got the sluttiest little miniskirt known to god

[trashno0dle]

hey so i dont think im ever gonna be normal about adam feeling constantly pressurized to submit gender norms - becoming obsessed with the idea of becoming someone else aka a "true man" like he thinks his father wanted, feeling ashamed for being weak and small as a child yet still trying to talk his way through conflict rather than fight despite being told multiple times it wont work. i dont think im ever gonna be normal about them having boys dont cry, a song where a boy is unable to escape those internalized societal pressures as well as toxic masculinity - play twice during the highly emotional points of his story. im not ever gonna be normal about adams father telling him he never wanted him to be someone different, how he was a sweet boy and he only wanted him to be strong and prepared for the world around him. i am never, ever going to be normal again actually

[imlunanoche02]

I reeaaallyyy like Skeletor

[mayo-advance-sp]

The real power of the he-man transformation scene wasn't the muscles, it was giving Adam that shampoo blowout combo.

[enabuns]

The obvious Leto of it all aside, this movie was so fun and as an OG He-man fan, I loved it!! Not as much as Skeletor loved Adam's lil cunty skirt tho, happy Pride y'all that bone man was SPRUNG 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼

[decompose1]

ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!

[decompose1]

Hold on i should've been more specific.

First: THIS RECALL IS NOT STATE SPECIFIC. IT IS NATIONWIDE.

here are the specific products and dates:

FDA page on this:

Target Recalls Up & Up Fragrance Free and Fresh Cucumber Scented Baby Wipes Due to Potential Microbial Contamination

Target is voluntarily recalling Up & Up Fragrance Free and Up & Up Fresh Cucumber Scented Baby Wipes following customer complaints of produc

[dr-otter]

If you use baby wipes go check them NOW. A lot of Burkholderia bugs are antibiotic resistant so infections can be really difficult to treat.

[throathole]

oh so now the ancient sumerian is gonna preach to us

[amirrorcalledthemoon]

[threeninesfine]

You can't be talking like that, White Gilgamesh

[animentality]

[animentality]

[patheticwhitemenlover]

Robert who is so tired, bone tired, eyes glassy and pouring hot coffee onto his upside down cup tired, but refuses to acknowledge it because he just can't sleep. He's too busy, too worked up, too scared of the nightmares.

So he's awake. Stumbling through his apartment as Chad watches on. Bumping bony hips into the kitchen countertop. Stubbing his toe on every corner. Yawning until his jaw cracks.

And Chad is so sick of it.

So he grabs his pathetic skinny wrist and drags his ass to his shitty couch. Laying on his back and pulling Robert on top of him, face burried in his chest and arms around his waist. And warm.

So warm.

"Sleep, Bob bob"

He kisses Robert's forhead, nose wrinkling at how dry and thin his skin is.

"M'not tired"

Is the mumbled reply he gets. Robert squirming for a moment, trying to fight it. But he gives in. Eyes closing, breaths turning shallow. Drooling and snoring. Unable to hear Chad's scoff as he holds him tighter and watches the sunset turn his still empty living room orange.

"Not tired my phat fucking ass"

[brawlite]

honestly sometimes there's no better feeling than rereading a fic you've written and coming out of it going, "yeah that actually this DOES slap. exactly what i wanted to read. fucking nailed it."