EXOPTO

omnes aliquid cupio.

[ciel-elyseen]

a difficult life lesson:

let them go. they do not desire you the way you desire them. do not waste your moon and your stars when they cannot give you the sun.

[ciel-elyseen]

she lays in bed with you, hearing your stories and trailing her fingertips down your arm that’s wrapped around hers while i lie in bed alone, agonizing over someone else having you the way i cannot.

sincerely, unrequited love.

[ciel-elyseen]

i would’ve given everything up for you even if you surrendered nothing for me and that is what will ruin me in the end.

[ciel-elyseen]

while you write songs about her, i write dreams about you.

[ciel-elyseen]

i would’ve protected your heart with mine if only you had given me the chance.

[ciel-elyseen]

how did you know it was her you loved most? he asked.

because when i even so much as glanced at her, i knew that i could not exist in a world without her.

[ciel-elyseen]

take my soul and set it on fire.

[ciel-elyseen]

you are the sun and the moon, the journey and the destination, the prologue and the epilogue. you are, and always will be, my beginning and end.

[ciel-elyseen]

strawberry lemonade

-        732022

[ciel-elyseen]

what’s he like?      

i sigh.

he’s like sunflower fields and clear blue skies.

late night talking and crystal blue sea glass.

a lop-sided smile and a wanderlust heart.

drunk love words and razor-sharp wit.

a tight knot in the pit of your stomach when you know you won’t be able to reach him.

hard work and the taste of strawberry nicotine.

he’s like a promise you want infinitely kept.

[ciel-elyseen]

i saw you got a new kitchen table, i say let’s break it and buy a new one.

[ciel-elyseen]

pin me against the wall with your hand on my neck and your thigh between my legs and tell me you want me.

[ciel-elyseen]

late nights

a collection.

[ciel-elyseen]

he said, put your hand in mine and i will ease your suffering,

as he held a blade in his other hand behind his back.

- a “love” story.

[ciel-elyseen]

sixteen at midnight.

--

our best ideas always came at midnight,

long after the sun had set.

do you remember how we stayed up late?

2 am,

3 am.

we were so young,

walking carefully along the side of the road by your house,

to the baseball fields.

bowling lanes and mountain dew kickstarts,

always on a friday night.

bare feet padding along the pavement of the neighborhood roads, flip flops in hand.

small talk and laughter.

eye-rolling and side smile jokes,

hidden crushes and broken hearts.

the boy next door, the girl down the road.

it was always humid, sometimes hot.

tip-toeing into your kitchen and opening the refrigerator door,

god, im so hungry.

cheap wine coolers hidden under your bed,

one of our best kept secrets.

hey, i’m here, outside.

the feverish excitement of freedom and teenage dreams.

blankets on the floor and your fan,

always on because it was the only way you could fall asleep.

cold pizza and cereal the next morning.

dread overwhelming, knowing another memory was over.

we always had the photographs, written plans and we knew

there was always next weekend.

[ciel-elyseen]

twenty.

--

it was a decently quiet summer night in june.

we didn’t necessarily have a plan, just an open road

and you rolled the windows down, my hand in yours.

i remember, you had chills up and down your arms

and you kept saying you weren’t cold

but we both knew you were lying.

you rolled the windows down for me,

to watch me fan the hair out of my face

because that’s when you told me i looked the most beautiful.

i think that was the moment i fell in love with you.

some country song had been playing on the radio but i don’t remember which one,

you turned it down and looked at me.

you had stopped down some back road near your house.

i had been too busy in my own head to notice.

you reached behind my seat and grabbed a bottle of whiskey,

i don’t think i’ve tried it before.

you opened my door and held out your hand, the same one i had been holding before,

warm and inviting.

you helped me up and onto the bed.

you sat one way, while i sat opposite of you.

i looked at you, across from me, and couldn’t help but think:

i can’t see myself without you.

you held my heart, but i don’t know if you knew that.

you passed the bottle over, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and you laughed.

all of your problems seemed to have disappeared.

you watched as the burn stung my throat and you came closer,

sitting right beside me.

aftershave and cinnamon.

it was hard to imagine wanting to be anywhere else

when all i wanted was right in front of me.

you, a bottle of cheap whiskey, and the stars.

good enough.

you were close enough to make me nervous, always in a good way.

you reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear.

i may have been a little intoxicated,

kiss me. please.

and you did,

caramel and vanilla, a hint of spice.

and only then i realized you could only love me if i asked you to.

[ciel-elyseen]

i see you now,

lying in the snow, drawing an angel.

in the middle of a january night.

i see you now,

pulling me by my hand underneath the neon sign

心の平和.

i see you now,

your brown eyes blinking away tears when you told me you loved someone else.

i see you now,

shaking your head when i begged you to stay, beautiful brown hair draping around your shoulders.

i see you now,

lying underneath red roses, just like u wished.

they were always your favorite.