Cincene’s Reblog Blog @cincreblog - Tumblr Blog

May 30

Conceded Confessions

Is it really just pining? Or is he just scared to say something?

A/N: I'm just gonna say this now, this is just me being a neurodivergent, lovesick dumbass. The whole "huhuhuh my friend likes you" bullying tactic has permanently scarred me. I will apologize upfront because it is based on personal experience, but, maybe it'll resonate with ppl that went through the same shit. The whole having a crush being used against you malarkey. Being autistic and wanting a relationship ain't easy, man...

CWs: rejection sensitivity as the main topic, feelings of being used, overall real mental warfare going on. This going better than any of the shit I went through over the years... Happy ending (not a cw just saying)

Word count: 4.5K (whoopsie :3)

Notes: no real gender in mind, neutral language used like always (I personally hate it being strictly men or women based, like where's the neutrality in this bitch? The androgyny?), Beef!!, some Z-Team mentions/chats, Hero!reader (sorry civvie reader lovers), no powers mentioned, up to interpretation.

It wasn't all that often, Robert having to pair someone outside the Z-Team for a call, but the rare chance it happened, you were usually the first one he'd pick. You had the stats, you had the abilities, you had the motivation. You'd always go in, get things done, and then some; it was impressive to him.

The two of you had what some would call a “situationship.” Most others in the office keep asking questions, to which Robert always responds with “I don't know,” and he really didn't.

He didn't know where you stood. You never really said anything, so he never thought twice. He was content with where the two of you were, he didn't ask, and you never told.

With a few key clacks, he tuned into your earpiece to ask, “Hey, think you can handle a job with Prism?”

You didn't initially respond, and when he checked the cams around you, he noticed why. You were in the middle of getting caught up with some paparazzi, hearing the flooding of questions and the cameras going off around you.

One question he heard over the others, “Is it true that you and the former Mecha Man are dating?”

He saw your hesitation, and when he tried to switch cameras, all the others around were out of order.

“I can't answer that,” your response rang through the camera he had hacked, “and I'd prefer it stay out of media view. It's complicated enough.”

That… wasn't what he thought you'd say.

A few more questions, mostly on what that meant, but you cut them all off by saying you had to go, that “duty called” and you were out of view.

He tapped into the one-on-one comms with you again, “You handled that pretty well, I think.”

“I didn't have a straight answer for them.”

“Even if you did, they'd still ask more questions. Those media hounds are fucking relentless when they don't get their precious little stories.”

A couple of minutes of silence, his eyes watching your tracker on the map. He noticed that your little icon stopped midstep.

“So where am I supposed to be meeting up with Prism?”

“Oh, fuck- right,” he typed a few things in before he responded, “north side of town, a possible break-in. One perp, no powers so it should be easy but he is armed.”

“...right. On my way.”

He didn't like the tone, something sounded off with you, “You okay? You seem off.”

A couple of minutes again.

“I'm fine. Just didn't sleep much last night.”

He tried to believe it, but he knew better. He didn't question it further, you had a job to do.

—

You wouldn't really consider this much of a break-in… it was really just a store owner that locked their keys in the building and a neighbor saw them and called it in.

A little disappointing, more for Prism because she wanted to get some action — it was a rather slow evening — but she took that as maybe she could get off earlier this way.

On the way back, after helping the store owner inside to get their keys and lock up for real this time, you kept pace with the popstar.

“Hey… um…” You began, but tapered off. Was this really a good time to ask questions…? And would she even care…

Fuck it.

“Hey, Prism?”

The star hummed, her visor hiding where she was looking but you caught a glimpse of her looking her way.

“Have you ever… like… thought you had a chance with someone, but it feels like no matter how obvious you try to make it, it's like… nothing works?”

Prism drew out a hum, “Look, honey,” she began as she propped her visor up on the top of her head, it felt more one-on-one that way, “we all know what you got goin’ on with Robbie, he's just too fuckin’ dense to see something good looking right at him.”

“It's not that-”

“No, it is that, trust me,” she cut you off, “me ‘n ‘Bae keep askin’ him about when you two’re gonna make it official but he keeps saying bullshit of ‘oh, that you don't want labels’ or ‘you haven't decided yet,’ like you're the one to fuckin' blame. Been pissing me off…”

“Well…” You crossed your arms as you kept walking, “it's not… entirely wrong…”

Prism didn't pry, just kept looking over at you in hopes you'd explain.

The gaze made your façade crack.

“I… don't know if he wants that, I guess that's what the problem is… I don't know if he actually wants it to happen or if he's just… I dunno,” you kicked a rock across the pavement, following it as the two of you were nearing the building, “if he's just… using this for his own gain or something. I mean, kinda used to that, so…”

“Hold up,” she stopped you before the building entrance, “you're used to that?? Who the fuck’a been messing with you, ‘cause I don't like when people fuck with one of my people,” her threat was emphasized with making a prismatic shard, eyes narrowed.

“It's been years, Alice,” you brushed it off, “I'm used to it, it's been too long to change now.”

“That still don't make it better! Hon,” she did a quick check to see if there were any cameras and pulled you to an area that she knew there weren't any so Robert wouldn't back into one to spy.

“I've seen the way he looks at you. Talks about you. Like, being honest here, he's a fuckin' lovesick puppy ‘bout you, he just don't know the words to say it. He's as dense as a motherfucker, got it?”

The pep talk made you laugh a little, and you hoped it would be that easy to just tell him… Your mind wouldn't let you believe it…

—

Robert noticed that you were back, looking up just as you got back into the floor. You looked distracted, you avoided his gaze. His expression hardened for a second in thought, did he do something wrong…?

You had to go past him to get to the break room so he leaned out just before you passed by, catching your arm, “Hey, sorry for sending you out for basically… nothing, y'know, just…” he slipped his headset off, focus on you for the moment, “is something up? You seem… distant today.”

He could see your expression change just enough, you were thinking about how to answer… he didn't like that, he wanted your honest answer, but… he'll take anything. For now.

“I'm fine,” you finally muttered, “like I said. Didn't get much sleep.”

“I don't think it's that-”

“How would you know?”

That caught him off guard. That… wasn't really wrong, how would he know? Other than the fact you were tense, you were avoiding looking him in the eye, you were being short with him…

“Can we talk? After work, I mean,” he noticed how many eyes were in the two of you, “maybe at your place…? I could bring Beef over…?”

You looked him over before shrugging, “Sure… I get off in an hour. I guess I'll just wait for you.”

“Right…”

—

The rest of your shift went raggedly.

A few more calls, solo ones that you could get done and over with without anything getting in the way…

Except your mind kept going on and on about what the hell he was planning on talking about.

You were tempted to take that as him either making… whatever the two of you had official or just cutting it off.

It's not like he didn't know you liked him. You're pretty sure it was Courtney that let it spill, overhearing you talking to yourself and spreading that around like a wildfire… until someone decided to randomly say to Robert that “hey! This person has a wild crush on you!” and went in like it was a normal thing to fucking say…

And ever since he found out, he'd been acting… different.

Kept flirting around with you more, getting close to you…

Every chance there was an empty seat next to you, he was right there… not to the invading your personal space point, just… knees touching.

You'd catch him staring and when you look over, he'd act like it was a normal thing to do.

His team trying to set the two of you up every fucking day, every hour on the hour basically…

You shook your head, hands curling into fists to steady yourself. You were getting tired of being led on…

You barely spared him a glance as you went past to clock out, talking some to Mandy before you gathered your stuff and went on your way. You heard him call out for you, but you kept on walking.

—

Seeing you walk on, even after he called your name, it stung. Did you not hear him…? Or were you still ignoring him…

He felt like it was the latter.

“What the fuck did you do to them?”

Robert turned when he heard Chase behind him, “I… don't know.”

“You don't fucking know- are you that dense? Or that dumb? I'm pretty sure it's fucking both because there's no way you haven't picked up on it.”

Robert dragged a hand down his face, “You're being really vague about this, Chase.”

“Vague? Damn, you really are that far gone.”

“What the fuck does that mean.”

Chase propped the divider between his desk and Robert's, “You need to stop this bullshit of messing with them. They're not a fucking toy, they're a person.”

“Toy-? I don't think of them like that-”

“Clearly you do because you can't get the balls to tell ‘em you like ‘em.”

Oh.

That's what he meant.

Robert sat back in his chair. Had he been doing that…? He didn't mean to- well, he wanted to tease but not… he didn't want to confuse you. Fucking hell, he messed up, didn't he…

“I already told Mandy about you and your problem-”

“First of all,” Robert sighed, “don't call it a problem, and also, I don't need anyone else knowing about all this.”

“You act like everyone in this building doesn't know.”

“That's the fucking problem.”

Chase waved it off, “Just shut the fuck up, pack your shit up, and fix whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you. I'm tired of all this sappy Hallmark bullshit going on around here.”

Robert sighed a long breath, ending it with a groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering a sarcastic “Thank you, Chase… I'll get right on that.”

“You fucking better, ‘cause you're fucking blind if you're passing up on someone like that. If you don't bag ‘em, I'll-”

“No the fuck you are not,” Robert cut him off, his tone getting almost territorial. He didn't even know he had that in him, especially about… hm.

“Keep that fucking energy with them, not me.”

Okay… he supposed he deserved that.

“Fine- just give me five minutes.”

“Finally.”

—

It's not like it was the first time he's been to your place. You had invited him over after work for a little nightcap of sorts. You had intended it that you'd express how you felt, but he didn't pick up on it at first.

The closer he got to your door, the more he thought about how obvious it had been.

He had done it all just to see if you'd crack. To see if you'd say anything, do anything, but you never really reacted. He genuinely thought it was him not trying hard enough, but… now that he thought about it, damn… that was not the way to go.

Beef was waddling as fast as those little legs could carry him, Robert had to slow down to let him catch up. Didn't realize he was pretty much speed walking…

“Sorry, buddy,” he knelt down to pick the dog up instead, “I'm just… stressed.”

Beef took that as a sign to give a couple of kisses, making Robert chuckle before continuing his path.

This was either going to go really good or really bad… he hoped it was good because fucking hell… he couldn't stand the thought of losing you to his own ignorance, and quite frankly… arrogance.

Standing on the porch, his nerves started to fray. What would you say, would you even let him in?? After what he's done to you, he wouldn't doubt it if you'd just slam the door in his face… What if-

He was just about to knock when you got the door, making him stand there, fist raised and everything, looking like a fool.

“Hey!”

He mentally cursed himself, that's the best you could come up with!? Hey!? You fucking-

“Hi.”

You stood there, now in something more comfortable instead of your suit. He felt his cheeks heat up at the sight. Hair mussed, he guessed from getting comfortable; but… it looked good to him. More… natural.

He still stood there like a dumbass, Beef scrambling to be out down to run in and explore. “Could I, um…” He never felt more nervous in his life. “Could I come in, or…?”

You hummed a lazy noise and stepped out of the way to let him in, setting Beef down to go take a look around.

“So…” He stood there awkwardly, one hand running through his hair, “about… everything, really, I-”

“I'm just going to stop you right there.”

He clamped his mouth shut, seeing your dulled, exasperated look. Uh oh.

You straightened your posture up, arms crossed, “I'll say this upfront, I'm used to people trying to fuck with my emotions for a laugh, but this just fucking hurts.”

The words shot straight through him. You… were used to this… That made this so much harder to make up for.

“It doesn't help that Courtney decided to fucking spy on me ranting to myself, but it's worse that she blabbed it to everyone in the fucking Torrance branch, and I wouldn't be too terribly surprised if that spread to the whole god damn city, knowing the loose lipped bitches on your team. I'm genuinely surprised that they still talk to each other after the shit they say about one another but hey, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, I guess.”

His eyes kept staring. He was afraid to say a single word.

“I'm sick and fucking tired of the amount of bullshit I go through on a day to day basis just because it just so happened to slip out thst I have a massive fucking crush on you. I can handle your team trying to play wingman or play shitty pranks, but you?”

Your burning gaze made him stiffen up, your stare made his blood run cold.

“You playing along with it? That's just fucked up. That's beyond fucked up- and you better be glad I have some semblance of a conscience because I'd sick Mandy on your ass in a fucking heartbeat…”

He hadn't meant it to go this way. He wanted to make up for it all, confirm your suspicions… Hearing it all get thrown back at him, hearing what it felt like on your end… He could hardly breathe.

“I'm used to being the butt of every fucking joke. Used to people knowing that there's something, or everything for that matter, wrong with me and that's all I'm good for. I'm used to never being somebody's type… I'm fucked up. I'm battered. I'm bruised. I'm the broken toy you'd find in the back of the shelf, just waiting to be discarded and replaced with a newer, better one… I know I'd never be enough…” You huffed and turned away, going to get a drink, “But to be the joke, to find out that you find this funny, to know you're just doing this for your own kind of sick get-off… That fucking hurts-”

“I wasn't doing any of that.”

You paused when he finally said something. Your head turned, gaze sharp over your shoulder at him, “Really? Because it fucking felt like you love to humiliate me for your own fucking pleasure, since you did it so much…”

“I- I was trying to-”

He took a deep breath and grabbed your arm, pulling you back enough that he could cage you against a wall. Just so you'd stay and listen.

“I know I went about this in all the wrong possible ways- I didn't know. But I do now, okay? I know what I did was fucked up, but I don't know why I did it. I know I was leading you on, but I didn't know how to get the words to work to actually admit it. I didn't know then, but I'm trying to learn now, how to make things right. I wanted to say something before, I just…” He scoffed a dry laugh, “I- I just- I didn't ever think you'd keep… wanting me, y'know? I kept fucking up, over and over, and yet you still… stayed around.”

“Because I was afraid that if I didn't, I'd lose you entirely.”

“That's the problem! I was doing the same shit- and I didn't- I was so fucking stupid that i didnt even realize how much it was hurting you! I never, ever wanted to hurt you- and yet here we are, you still hurt and me bullshitting my way through the worst apology I think I've ever attempted.”

The two of you stopped talking, the words faltering between.

The silence grew, the only sound being the jungle of Beef's collar as the dog was still on his mini tour of your place.

At the same time, both of you tried to start with, “Can I just- no you first- fucking hell-”

You lowered your head with a sigh, as his fell back with an equally frustrated one.

You lifted your head after a beat, “You first.”

That made him scoff, “You sure you really want me to?”

You gave him a nasty deadpan glare, he took that as “shut the fuck up, and just say it.”

Robert took a couple of minutes to compose himself, he had to carefully sort through his thoughts before he said this…

He began with your name, “I've been… wildly in love with you, before it went around that the feeling was mutual. I just… never wanted to believe it was with me- that you liked… whatever the fuck I want to call myself right now. I've been called a washed up, wannabe hero for so fucking long, had partners in the past that I clung onto and ended up pushing away, that I just couldn't hear the thought of doing that to you… and,” he let his head drop with a sigh, shaking it before he looked up again, “I royally fucked thst up by doing the complete opposite this time and just being my usual… sarcastic… aloof self instead, and hurt you, made you question yourself… just… fuck…”

You were staring at him, eyes wide and looking between his for some reason to doubt it. You were silent for longer than he felt comfortable with, maybe he said the wrong thing again.

“So you-” he blinked when your voice came out in a whisper. “You like me… like…” You looked… confused. “Like in… like-like, or- fuck that sounded cringy…”

He couldn't help the snort that slipped out, “Yeah… yeah, I like-like you. But,” he sighed, “if you change your mind, with all that went on, I wouldn't be hurt. I halfway expect it with the way I just m-”

He was mid sentence when your lips crashed into his.

The kiss was sloppy at first… it's been a while since he'd kissed someone, and based on what you had said, it had either been a while for you… or this was your first one. Either way, his arm went to wrap around you, but he made sure to ask with a light tap of a finger to your side.

When he got the greenlight, you leaning into it, his arm tucked around your waist to hold you as close as he could. Your lips tasted good… he couldn't place the flavour, but whatever it was… it was now his absolute favourite.

He leaned back first, you followed suit to catch a few breaths.

A couple of moments of breathing, eyes meeting each other's, before both of you pulled the other in again for a more coordinated one this time. Lips synced together, moving to get some air in between, then connecting once again.

Both of you only pulled back again when Beef tried to wriggle his way between the pairs of legs to get to the kitchen to wander around.

You and Robert stood enough to let the chunky dog through, and he waddled through as happily as a clam.

You looked at him first, eyes darting away when he noticed.

“Ah,” he made a scolding noise, tipping your chin, “eyes on me. You wanted my attention for so long,” his voice lowered as he leaned in again, not for a kiss on the lips, but for permission to move his kisses to your neck.

Your breath caught in a stuttering sound, but you nodded.

He hummed a soft noise, his lips brushing your neck, stubble softly scratching your skin. “And now you have it…”

He absolutely relished in the noises you made when he began trailing kisses from your jaw to your collarbone, then back up, sprinkling in a few bites here and there.

He wanted to make it clear to anyone that saw you the next day that he finally got the guys to say something… and no one could do a damn thing about it.

When you got stiff again, he pulled back in barely a second, concern now at the forefront of his mind.

“Hey…” his voice was soft, “too much?”

You nodded, but he could tell the hesitation. The way your eyes seemed to focus elsewhere.

He didn't say much, other than a quiet “c'mere” as he led you to your couch.

He let you sit where you wanted, then he joined, holding you close. No words, no obligations. Just patience.

He waited for so long, couldn't say anything for longer, but he didn't want to rush. He wanted to savour it.

Savour the moment that he could say he was yours, savour the moment you wanted him, savour the quiet between the two of you.

“Hey,” he was gentle with getting your attention, “what do I need to do to make this better for you… Whatever it takes, whatever the ask… I want to make this safe for you. I want to make up for what I did, the way I hurt you… I want to fix this, and know just what not to do, to fuck it up again… I don't want to ever do that to you ever again… okay? You don't deserve that.”

He didn't expect a straightforward answer, he didn't expect you to list all the ways. Even if he learned it one by one, it's more than he knew before.

“Can we just…” You were quiet again, but more vocal than before, “can we take things slow…? I… I'm not used to… actually… y'know…”

He hummed a soft response, “Yeah… we can take it as slow as you need. Don't force yourself, okay?” He held you back against his chest, a soothing hand rubbing your side. “Is this… is this entirely new territory, or has it been too long?”

“New…”

That… made a lot of sense to him. It slowly dawned on him that this was actually new to you. That you were so used to the rejection, the jokes, that you never… oh… oh that stung, felt like his heart just got stabbed.

“Can I do anything to make it better?”

You shrugged, turning in his arms to have your face fucked up against his neck.

It had been way too long, and he knew that this had to be different from his past relationships to really make it better, but…

He had a little bit of an idea.

“How about one of those night-in kind of dates, hm? For the first official one, at least.”

You lifted your head, “What…?”

A little laugh snuck out as he kissed your forehead, “I'm not one for the whole… restaurant that you have to pay hundreds for barely anything kind of first dates… I like simple. I like fun. I like the whole… junk food and cheesy romcoms instead. Lazy cuddles, falling asleep in each other's arms on the couch and regretting it when we wake up with a crick in the neck… that kind of thing.”

You smiled, the smile that made him fall for you in the first place. “That… sounds nice.”

“Good…” He kissed you again, gentle, loving. Patient. “Just tell me what you want, and I'll get it. Doesn't matter- well,” he slightly grimaced at the thought, “okay, maybe there's a little bit of a limit- but-”

You were the one to cut him off again, a quick peck to his cheek, “I get what you mean.”

He let out a sigh of relief, “Good… cool… um…”

He trailed off. He didn't want to mess things up. He really didn't. But fucking hell, he wanted to tell you exactly what he's been thinking about… for over a month by now.

“And hey,” he decided now was the time to do it, fuck it, “are you… like…” He didn't know how to word it.

“Are you the type to want… multiple dates to make sure you want this, or…?”

You looked like you were thinking for a few minutes. He had expected this to go slow slow, like… no “I love you” on the first date, despite the two of you knowing, the two of you flirting for a while, all that, but…

“I already have what I want, so,” you propped your chin on his chest to look up at him, as if you couldn't be sweeter… your eyes looking up at him like that… fuck. He was way too smitten for this shit. There's just no way…

“Cool-” There he went again, awkward as hell. “So um- can we just- do you want to say- um…x

You snickered a quiet laugh before you sat up, hovering over him, noses barely an inch apart, “Yes, Robert Robertson the third, I want to tell you that I love you, and that I have for longer than I'd like to admit because if I do, I'm going to sound like an idiot.”

Those words had him melting back, his cheeks beginning to burn a deep red. Holy shit, hearing it said out loud, from you, it took all his effort not to make a pathetic noise right now.

Even flustered, he did manage to return it, pulling you down for a kiss right before.

“I love you too…”

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