Guess Who Is In Recovery Hehe

| 20 | Female | 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈|TW:ED | After finding the love of my life on this damn hell scape, I realised there was more to life than numbers. It’s difficult, but I’m getting there. 💙

[cinnamonn]

I didn’t really want to post on here anymore. I’ve been avoiding triggering things, since attempting recovery. It’s going well, I’m coping. Some days are hard.

I met my girlfriend on pr0*na tumblr. I was looking for friends, she made a discord server. We met some lovely people but we became casual friends outside of our disorders. Things became more intense that summer, in the august we got together. I live in England, she lives in America.

I genuinely thought I’d be dead before reaching 20. Chronic SH issues (been a decade-long struggle, over half my life), intense ED, sewer-slide thoughts. Couldn’t see a future for myself. I hated myself. Have for the longest time.

And yet I’m nearly 21 now. I’m lying on the couch, feet in my girlfriends lap, watching Twilight. We had curry earlier, with plans to order sundaes later. I’m completely in love with her, and as a result, life. I’m studying the subject I love, with clearer plans on what I want to do post-university. She’s currently filling out scholarship applications for dental school. Neither of us love ourselves. There’s still things we’d change, if we could. Some days I still struggle to look in the mirror. But I’m okay. We’re okay. A year has passed now since we met. And while it’s been a struggle, it’s been the most wonderful year. I’m so in love with her. I’m in love with our future.

It’s difficult. Recovery is difficult. The thoughts remain, but they’re a little quieter. Easier to ignore. Recovery is a choice you make on your own, and it isn’t one everyone wants to make. But I’m glad, so glad, I chose to make it.

[minseeberry]

1,000 people could call me pretty and I’d still feel horrible I wanna die.

[losing2anaagain]

Me: diet culture is toxic

Also me: *starves myself*

[coldbrewbones]

everyday i step on my silly little scale, lose my silly little weight and continue my silly little life

[0cal-blues]

[ascaryghost-deactivated20251216]

NO! i can’t have this muffin it’s not healthy!! now should i start doing meth for weight loss

[sad-witchyy]

EVERYWHERE I LOOK THERE’S FUCKING FOOD

[jenn1fersbody]

[cinnamonn]

I’m going to university in like. Three weeks. I need new clothes, because mine are all baggy and my mother keeps telling me it looks bad, but I can’t bring myself to like. Go clothes shopping. Because I’m nowhere near the weight I want to be, at all, and I don’t see the point in buying clothes if I’m gonna starve out of them in a few months. Like. What’s the point. I need to take my ID photo by the sixth, but I can’t even Look at myself. Let alone take a picture? I keep crying over it and for what. It’s stupid. I’ve spent the last hour hiding under my blanket, hot water bottle and everything, I’m Still freezing. I don’t feel well, but I don’t want to stop. And I hate everything. I hate my body, I hate myself, I don’t feel like I deserve Any of this. My life, despite everything, has lowkey been going well recently. Really well. For the first time I’m not even suicidal, but I Still hate myself. I can’t stand the way I look and I just wish everything would fuck off. I don’t deserve the good things lmao, I do deserve to be lying here shivering with no energy, no emotional stability and the constant self hatred because I did All of this to myself. I did this to myself? My mother keeps making comments about my eating, but then Criticises me. In what world is that logical. Like yeah let’s just trigger me further? She’s convinced at this point. So why further push me into it. What’s the need. I don’t know. I shouldn’t be venting lmfao I’m like. It’s stupid. I just wish I was skinny.

[luna8601]

me: sees something with literally any amount of calories pfft, rude (¬_¬)

[wordsandbirdsandbonesii]

I have two moods and only two moods and they are "cafe time with the besties! ✨ Loving my life 🌺" and "dinner was laxatives seasoned with the salt of my tears, JESSICA, that's how I am for fuck's sake"

[celyxx]

I just want a thigh gap, and my collarbones to stick out more, my hands to look dainty and skinny. Why is that so much to ask for :(

[weees-stuff]

reblog if you hate your thighs

[daisythin]

[mydeadgreeneyes]

[mortiedoll11]

At what point did eating 800 calories begin to feel like being a pig. 800 calories is 1400 less than a woman my height, build, activity level etc. should be eating, but hitting that number still feels like failure.

[notsohotbod]

To all my fat girls with eating disorders:

- Your pain is not less valid if you are fat - Your eating disorder is still real - You deserve to eat regularly - I believe you - Fat is not a bad word - I love you