I went through recovery recently and have done a lot of work to better myself physically/mentally.
My mental health improved a lot and for a while things were really good. My girlfriend has recently been developing an eating disorder and struggling a lot with the same issues i had been going through before we were together and she’s told me her thought process and tells me about her insecurities and feelings and i’m very thankful she trusts me with them.
Before now i had never experienced what it felt like to be on the receiving end of having a partner with a restrictive eating disorder and how it felt. I ruined a lot of relationships when i was going through the hardest part of my eating disorder and i knew it was hard for the other person but i never realized it was this heartbreaking to watch.
At first it was triggering because it was this first time i’d let myself be exposed to ed behavior/thoughts since recovering and it was hard not to have those thoughts about myself. But trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and feeling the way i feel about her and knowing the way she feels about herself hurts so bad and it’s breaking my heart.
It doesn’t matter what i do or say her feelings about herself never seem to change and she doesn’t seem to be able to find another way. I feel helpless not being able to do anything and having to watch her go through the same things i went through knowing how it feels.
