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[cinnima87]

Job Offer

This morning I woke thinking about the dream I had. I don't remember all of the details but one thing do remember is how I felt. I had my own home. My mother visited me I was so happy and excited. To be able to hug my Mother again was extremely needed. Later on today, I received an email from a job I recently did an interview for. Now my dream makes since to me. My mother was bringing the good news with her to me.

[cinnima87]

Tuesday

Well, I've been up since yesterday. It's currently 6:03 A.M. on 31 August. I took three sleeping pills thinking that would actually do something. In reality, I knew that it would barely scratch the surface of sleeping. Maybe five would've done the trick. I am excited about my interview on Wednesday though. This is third one I'e received so far. I've been writing down my answers to the those tough questions. Especially the ones that say " Tell me about yourself, or Why do you want to work ". The first interview took my surprise and then second I was so nervous. I am hoping to do better. I've been practicing and watching videos. I think the main is not to let the my nerves and emotions get the best of me. Regardless, this is all new to me and complete life change from the military. I hope to conquer it and move on to the next goal. I really want this job.

[fyblackwomenart]

Cchingo_

[cinnima87]

Friday Log

Well, today of all days I found out that I have early on-set degenerative disc disease. I really need to get my sh*t together, health wise. It seems that my body is falling apart as soon as I decided to get out of the military. Quite interesting, I find it. Well, at least I won't be rushed or pressured to have some sore of timeline with losing weight or having a certain body-fat percentage. Now it's completely up to me and the approach that I want. A healthier approach at that. I have been in the stat of mind of not wanting to do anything. I feel terrible most days. Aches and pains all over. My sleep is terrible. I stay up for days on end and I have not consumed any coffee or sleeping pills. I am getting scared for my health, especially sleep wise. Every time I try to sleep, I'm all of a sudden woken automatically by a jerk or snoring or inhaling trying to breathe. I really need to take better care of myself. I don't want to go down the same path as my mother, God rest her soul. I just want better for myself. I eventually want to have a child. I am not on the right path to do that. I need to get healthier and stay that way. Every day, I have to choose better for myself, because no one will choose it for me. No one will push me or encourage me. I am going to start by waking up everyday at the same time. This is going to be tough after months of not having to be up early for only a few things. I know I can do it. I want this, I need this, and I will achieve this.

[cinnima87]

Since I've been back home, I managed to gain 7lbs over the course of two months. I haven't been motivated nearly enough. I need to look the part the for the job I want. I've always had issues with weight and body image. Now, I feel that it's not a huge spotlight on it. I'm still going to work on myself regardless but the stress from the military has been rough.

[cinnima87]

Myn Rainy Tuesday

I have been dealing with a sore throat for about seven days now. I thought it would be over in a a matter of days. But, boy, was I wrong. It's gotten worse with breathing and I can barely swallow anything. I decided to go to urgent care. I got a shot of steroids and some amoxicillin. Which I took the Amox ask quickly as possible. I though y tonsils were going to fall out. I notices my tonsils stones would shoot out when I coughed and that has never happened before. I'm glad that o be feeling better in a matter of hours. I spoke to a friend, which he texted me out of the blue. Of course he didn't ask. He was worried about being pleased. Aaron. I don't know. It's time to cut sling load. Gusty, being the pleasant man that he is, always send the text "Trust, you're good?" I usually yes, but today I was honest about my health. I could talk to him about anything. Well, I just grateful to have family members and friends to check on me. Its always nice and welcomed.

[cinnima87]

August

August has come and sat down beside me with only the look of urgency and disappointment. I had two interviews this month. To be honest, I didn't want the first job I interviewed for. But I must admit I was disappointment with I got the rejection email. Weird, huh? Now, I'm impatiently waiting the results of the second interview. I feel I tanked the interview. I was asked approximately 9 questions. The first few questions were hard. I, also, didn't have very much experience in those topics. I answered them the best I could. After the interview. I just sat there in horrible awe of myself. It was very humbling and humiliating. I was flustered, nervous, and unprepared. I was ashamed of myself. I still am. I have to do better. I think to myself and say "Why do you want this job.. or any job for that matter?" Well, I have needs and wants for starters, and also I want to build an awesome life. Which will include a family. Some day. I will keep manifesting, researching, and preparing myself for what I want.

[cinnima87]

Starting Anew

Today I have been going over and over in my head over the decision I have to make about my career. It's really getting to me. I know that I have to be ok with my decision because I didn't take the necessary steps to ensure that I didn't get here. I am absolutely dealing with the consequences of my "lack there of" discipline. Everyday gets closer and closer to my separation date. I know what I need to and what I needs to happen. I need to better prepare myself.