I put you on a pedestal so high in the sky because I foolishly believed every word you told me. Said the words I wanted to hear and I didn’t stop to think for a second, “he wouldn’t, not him.” I didn’t have a reason to doubt you all these years, but I was so blinded by the sun behind you, I didn’t realize that you had so much to hide in your shadow from me. We weren’t perfect, we had our flaws, our mistakes, but I didn’t realize that I wasn’t enough. When I told you I loved you every single day for a decade, I thought that your love was as sincere as mine. How could you look me in my eyes and tell me that those messages you sent meant “nothing”? You deny and lie through your teeth, but can see it in your eyes. That’s why I can’t look at you. It’s why I don’t believe you. It’s why I had to leave. You would smile at me, tell me you love me, tell me sweet nothings to hide the facade of what you were deeply ashamed of; and yet you were able to sleep soundly at night. I wasn’t enough. I thought I was, you said I was, I tried to be all that I could; how typical of me to fall so flat. I really did dedicate everything I could offer to you. The pain I feel in my heart and the tsunami of emotions washing over and over in my head, it’s as deep as the ocean runs and as dark and mysterious beyond this fucking planet. My mind can’t wrap around the fact that you were deceiving me, stringing me along, knowing damn well that we were going to get married. Clearly commitment is something that terrifies you and why you went running to other girls behind my back…all while knowing you were twisting the knives into my back. Was I fool from the start? What was the point in destroying a decade of life we built together for temporary and “meant nothing” pleasure? I am the biggest fool on this planet to have been played by you all these years.
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