90s | Libra @cl0ud7 - Tumblr Blog

The book: I Have to Tell You Something

not complaining but i miss thinking about the possibilities and what could have beens

i feel like there's more of 'my life' going on before

now, its thinking about the things that need to be accomplished, making sure everything is in place, and that I'm prepared for the future

maybe i need to give myself some time to be carefree again

I hate myself for always telling you I love you and that you deserve the best, for promising I will work on myself to be better but I'm still the shitty person that I am.

I hate myself for not being deserving of your kind heart, your gentleness, and your love.

I hate myself because no matter how much I know I dont deserve all the good things that you are... I still think of keeping you.

I hate myself for thinking that I own you.

I hate myself for thinking that it's my decision that you're staying.

I hate myself for having second thoughts on accepting your love just cause I feel unworthy.

I hate myself for not appreciating your love enought just because I feel shitty.

How selfish of me.

But really, Im just torn between fighting for what I love and loving someone so much to know they're better off without me.

destroymylife

freshmoviequotes

Someone Great (2019)

rylandgraces

taylor’s control of language always sends me into oblivion when i hear some of her songs. there’s this super sexy thing in linguistics called topicalization where you put the a phrase at the beginning of the sentence instead of its canonical position further right in the sentence to emphasise the an action or feeling over the thing. it appears in cruel summer when she says “it’s new, the shape of your body / it’s blue, the feeling i got” and again in invisible string when she says “bold was the waitress on our three year trip / cold was the steel of my axe to grind / gold was the colour of the leaves / hell was the journey but it brought me heaven” however she usually uses this for emotions instead of actions. she doesnt want to emphasise what happened, but how it feels. she creates such sensory in her songs but not of a sound or a sight but an emotion and thats neat

#picasketch

cling to the one you love the most

#picasketch

#piacapic #bojack

khalasxx-deactivated20230802

do you ever feel like your heart needs a hug

#bbshake

you can calm this heart if you were here 😔

#quarantine #marilumi

1617

I’m not shy, I just don’t give my energy to everyone

1617

I don't get jealous I get uninterested, they can have you

This is the part of me i dont ever want you to see and experience first hand. please. i know it's coming back when im feeling down, a little bit depressed, and just...empty. i feel worthless so i push people away, and trust me, i believe you dont deserve it. But I can sense I will still end up pushing you away. If you refuse, I know it'll be worse. cos I'll push you harder. I'll do everything to get you out of here. Away from the emotional mess that i am. i shouldnt have let you in to save you from me. I cant breathe. The thought of what i might be able to say just to make you give up on me. All the hurtful words I can say but wont really mean. It will permanently damage what we have. I know because Ive done this before. I dont want to lose you and I hope I'll have the courage to fight this emotional wreck.

today, i cancelled monday. woke up feverish and called in sick for work. went back to sleep. woke up for the second time anxious because of this breast lump. aghhh i hate seeing the doctor and doing tests ☹

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90s | Libra