So, hello. You haven't heard from me in a while, that's because of school and homework and blah blah blah, you know how it is. Today I want to talk about, well me. I remember when I was young and feeling like my world was crushing down, like there was this huge weight on my shoulders and chest and I had to carry it. My grades were not the best because I could never find any motivation to do anything other than just lay in my bed. I was constantly overthinking every single detail of my life and I was in constant agony over every single thought. I then talked to my mother and expressed my distress and the hopelessness I was feeling for years. My mother looked at me and told me that it was just hormones and that it'a just a phase. Strike one for me, strike two was when I told her about some very dark and dangerous thoughts that I had while I was having an anxiety attack and sobbing, trying to catch my breath, but again, nothing. And then strike three, my mom finally agreed to book me an appointment with a psychologist, then she delayed it a week, then two, then I just stopped asking. I never spoke to her about my mental health after that. What follows is two years of feeling like I am a backround character to my own life, like someone can just snap their fingers and I'll just dissapear. 'It's like you don't exist', that's what they told me. Worse is, that's how I felt for so many years. June 13th 2019 was the day that I decided to save myself. It was 1:00 at night and I had realised that, if I didn't take a step in order to save myself from my thoughts, I wouldn't have the chance to see a future for myself, it was scary, it still is scary. But here I am today, I have a psychologist and I am about to see a psychiatrist soon for my mental illnesses. It's hard, and it will be hard, but I prefer to fight rather than just sink in the pit of my darkest thoughts. To whoever may be reading this, thank you for sticking around. I didn't go into detail, but I wanted to share this story, my story. The story I thought would have a different ending, but I decided to be my own savior, rather than wait for someone to save me. I have a long road ahead, but I can't wait to see what waits for me.
