C&D Private Investigators

Private Investigators Kit Clancy and Jacob Doohickey || Hire us or ask us a question!

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Leather shoes pad against a creaky wooden floorboard. A lightbulb flickers overhead. A coffee machine whirrs obnoxiously.

Two men stand by the front door, with its squeaking hinges and polished window. Together, they turn the paper sign to 'OPEN'.

C&D Private Investigators is now open for business.

(Kit Clancy will be in blue and prefaced by KC, Jacob Doohickey will be in red and prefaced by JD.)

[Storyline submissions are closed! Any asks trying to set up a new narrative/thread will be deleted.]

Welcome to the cloohickey rp blog, starring our favourite detectives in love! (Not that they know that yet :>)

For those returning and sensing something amiss: your senses do not deceive you! Long story short, i got scammed, hacked, lost access to my account, briefly terminated whilst in the process of setting up this new blog, and then finally regained it for good. The old blog unfortunately got permanently deleted in the process, but don't think that'll stop me from getting back on my bisexual detective bullshit.

This blog is run by @morhido, perhaps best known for my spiderjimmy works, though please note that this is not the same universe although many details will overlap. My stuff will be in [brackets] and regular coloured text.

Please also note that i am an adult rping two adult characters, so posts will be tagged #nsfw and #suggestive as necessary.

Tags:

#memo - q&a asks

#detective's notes - posts from the detectives

witness statement - written narrative

#c&d - joint content

#clancy

#doohickey

Plotlines:

🌹

James Warren

🎪

🔇

The Director

[clancy-and-doohickey]

[Inbox empty! Resend your stuff and/or spam the detectives!!]

[clancy-and-doohickey]

(A quite chubby, kind-looking man walks into the office, finishing off a pastry. Detective Daniel “Doughnut” Thomson looks around, grinning when he locks eyes with Doohickey)

“Heyyy, man! Listen, I’m here on official business, but I’m not in a rush to get back there. Wanna hear how the Chief fucked up this time?”

Doohickey looks up, his brain and face already in business mode, but it immediately melts into a playful smile.

"Oh, fuck. Clance, come down, the cops are here," he calls out with a laugh, standing up and offering out his hand. "Hey, nice of you to drop by. And yes, of course I'd love to hear, who do you think I am?" He gestures to their coffee machine. "Coffee?"

[clancy-and-doohickey]

*knocks on the door*

Hey, are you in there? Anyone? Please.

Clancy and Doohickey pause their debate on filing systems to look up. The person doesn't sound quite like a client, more just like a scared person who needs help. Together, they head to the door and open it up.

"Hey, you okay?" Clancy says, ushering them inside. "Come in, it's okay. What's happenin'?"

Behind them, Doohickey locks and bolts the door closed.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Jacob: Clancy’s a “fun fact” drunk. Kit’s Fun Facts:

No one knows the etemological root of “wine” (very good fact)

Jimmy’s like a horse (technically true but I don’t think similes can really count as facts)

Jacob is hot (also technically true but everyone knows it already)

KC: Well, actually, it ain't like we got no clue where the word comes from. It's just widely debated since there seems to be a fuckmillion possible origins and it's hard to say where it comes from, 'specially since wine's existed for so long. The oldest bottle of it actually dates back to three hundred somethin' BC, I think? And it was a Roman tomb, but wine was first cultivated in a region encompassing—what're you lookin' at?

JD: ...huh? Oh—uh, nothing. I—I was just listening.

KC: ...uh, yeah. Um. Anyway, ah, yeah, Jimmy is a lot like a horse, I think. Drunk me was onto something.

JD: He is pretty tall. And spooks real easy.

KC: That's what I said!

[clancy-and-doohickey]

I mean to be fair, Jacob IS hot. Not like Kit’s spilling new information here.

JD: Ha, aww, how sweet. Much appreciated, thank you.

KC: (Grumbling)

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Day 13 of asking a question until It happens:

What’s a useless fact you know?

KC: Fact—it's actually day fourteen. You're a day off.

JD: Fact—you're a know-it-all.

KC: Fact—I don't care.

JD: (Rolls eyes) Fact—the founder of the most popular guitar brand in the world never knew how to play guitar.

KC: Fact—they used to put lead in wine for preservation and better flavor.

JD: Lotta wine on the mind recently, huh?

KC: Wonder why.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Clancy has one drink and immediately ends up in the floor lol. Definitely a lightweight (and we love him)!

KC: That was my second drink, thank you! And hey, floor's comfy.

JD: Really?

KC: Sure it is. We have a soft carpet. S'like lyin' on a bed of roses.

JD: Well, whatever you say. But you are a lightweight. You did not need that second glass to end up on the floor.

KC: ...shuddup. Floor's comfy.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

point of order: was it actually kit’s hoodie, or was it one he stole from you, jacob?

KC: Hey, I'm capable of wearing my own clothes, jackass. It was my hoodie.

JD: (Muttering) Which I bought for you.

KC: ...you did?

JD: Yup.

KC: Oh. Well. Point still stands. My hoodie. Fuck you.

JD: I didn't do anythin'!

[clancy-and-doohickey]

(it can't be a coincident that both Lex and Cindy are going to Hatchetfield right?)

[Oh you've got no idea]

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Hey kitty, how fluffy are you??????????

JD: ...quite.

KC: Still think I got some competition, though.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

[have a good time mod!]

[I fucking KILLED the animated movies round of a pub quiz and we ended up winning lmao thank you i had a great time!!]

[clancy-and-doohickey]

The stairway up has a trail of blood halfway up, but it’s devoid of people. The Director, and Doohickey, are long gone.

When Clancy bites the bullet and types in his own name as a passcode, the video changes from the rooms camera (which is, apparently, a live feed; he can see himself in it right now), to a feed of a cathedral with two spires, with the camera name labelling it St Patrick’s Cathedral. It seems to be closed, for the moment; the doors are shut, despite it being the middle of the day, and there are some signs outside of it, too far away from the camera for Clancy to read.

After half a minute, a new message shows on screen. It’s not as convoluted as usual, though.

Knock the start of the classic wedding march and the doors will open. Come alone.

Great. So this entire scheme has just been an elaborate setup for a fucking wedding march. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Clancy bites back a sigh. No time to complain, apparently he has a princess to save. He gets back into his car and damn near breaks his GPS inputting the address before driving off to this stupid cathedral. If Doohickey's not there this time, he's gonna make Notre Dame look like a campfire.

He throws himself out the car as soon as he parks and heads to the doors, slamming his fist on the doors in the classic rhythm─here comes the bride.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Hey! Don’t call him that!

Don’t worry, king, I know you’re the ruler of your country, not a child to be married of for political gain.

JD: (Snickers) 'Princess'.

KC: Shut it, peasant. You're right, nobody's marrying me off. I'm a king, bitch. You get it.

JD: Relax, nobody's tryna stage a coup here.

KC: (Shrugs) I don't know that.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

Oh, so you think you’re hilarious? So you think you’re hysterical? Well you are. That’s the best joke I’ve ever heard

KC: Wh—oh, the head joke. Yeah. Ha. Get better standards for comedy.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

so, Doohickey.

…

how was last night?

KC: Oh, here we fucking go....

JD: ...(quietly) I mean, you were drunk, right? No use lingering on anythin' you didn't mean. You were fine. A little grumpy when I tried taking your hoodie off you, but that ain't anything new.

KC: ...yeah, well, whatever. Thanks for, uh, dragging me to bed and not letting me sleep on the floor.

JD: Yeah. Any time.

[clancy-and-doohickey]

…sure we will bud

KC: Ignore it. Fuck you. I was drunk and spoutin' shit. Hell, I'm always spoutin' shit. Don't start listening to me now.