Ready, Set, Let Go. || Self
Clara would never forget, part of here never really wanted to anyway. Montford had given her so much more than she had ever anticipated. Love. Life. Heartbreak. Death. The town didnāt need her anymore, just as much as she didnāt need the town. The woman was curled into herself on a small couch in her now empty home in Montford. It was the only thing she decided to leave behind, everything else was sold or packed away for whatever awaited her.
The simple thought of Montford, Illinois left a melancholic taste in her mouth of the worst kind. It left this painful sense of longing to return to simpler times but also repulsed her. The memories of the town were too much to bear. Her wrists still bared faint scars of what Sully had done to her. So many other women... She couldnāt handle it anymore. Not here. Clara had tried moving back, thinking that creating new memories would overshadow the old ones. It was impossible. She couldnāt face the nightmares that plague her day and night.Ā
No one was left. And no one was the same as they once were.Ā
Clara was desperately clinging on to the old person she used to be, she wanted things to be normal again, easy. She could feel the memories of who she used to be clinging on by a strand. A single strand is how she envisioned it. She had yet to muster up the courage to let go completely, to cut the struggling strand of her own free will. There was nothing but pain that could be accomplished from hanging on, and Clara knew that to be true. But letting go and moving on was never a strong suit. God, she could feel the weight in her chest. The screaming sensation of wanting to forget, wanting to be free of the trauma that stayed with her. She wanted to desperately to let go... beyond words and beyond comprehension, she wanted to be free of the past that kept her weighed down. She could have coped withe liquor, drugs, men, women, any combination of the four could have distracted her. But she couldnāt. Everything she did in this town left a sour taste in her mouth and a weight in her belly that she could no longer chalk up toĀ āadjustment periods.ā Ā She had second guessed herself. Perhaps she needed some more time, maybe a better therapist? Not likely. Therapy hadnāt exactly been her forte, but she gave it one helluva shot. Maybe wherever the world took her next, she would find a better one.Ā
It was time to cut Montford off, it was time to move on. She had that chance. She could have a clean slate. Now was her time to just let go. Her eyes stung with tears, not tears of grief, but of hope. Of potential. Could she truly and completely move on? Never. But embarking on a journey that would let her to heal and move on while still looking back on the good memories of this place. Her home. Part of her will always remain in this town. She knew that and took some pride in the fact that she made her mark. She was ready to let go, cut off her last tie and let her new life run its course. Away from Montford. Away from Chicago. She was the getting the hell out of Illinois.
Clara smiled to herself, biting on the inside of her lip gently. Only one question remained.
Where to first?Ā













