Shadow Land

But I want this, you know I want this So come on, mess me up And you can break me, if you'll still take me Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget 'Cause I want this, you know I want this So come on, mess me up

[victoria-pedretti]

REIGN (2013 — 2017) 1x19 | Toy Soldiers

[donske]

Irréversible (2002) dir. Gaspar Noé.

[dylnsohbrien]

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

Low Tide (2019) Directed by Kevin McMullin

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

he’s aware he’s in trouble, the man starting to prep himself for the inevitable. her emotions radiates to him, in the moment, it reminding roman how perfect they are for eone another. she’s literally his other half, the love of his life. when they’re apart or when they’re fighting, the communication is off but typically it’s on and it’s on high alert. chuckling, roman nods, “the great peacher that i’ve heard many things about. fortunately for me, i came towards the end of their reign and didn’t really experience em.” in a sense, roman is grateful. had the peacher stayed around for much longer, then they would’ve spilled the few secrets he came into town with. he begins to think for a moment, maybe that would’ve been better. maybe if they were outed earlier, then clarissa wouldn’t have been so indecisive, then she wouldn’t of gotten scarred from one of the few mans she’s ever loved before. “well isn’t that beautiful. a straight forward love story, like the shit clarissa forces me to read about.” he jokes. truth be told, he’s pushed himself to read many romance novels in their downtime. the books allowing roman to cry about losing his forever love. “whether or not i am, don’t think that’s anyone’s business aside from my own..and maybe hers.” the male cocks his head in clarissa’s direction. he adjust ash in his arm, bouncing the baby lightly. “you didn’t finish your wine.” he points out. the male primarily not ready since he didn’t want to get into a disagreement with her right now. he still feels relaxed and he knows it won’t last long if dinner abruptly ends with this awkward silence.

Clarissa visibly shuddered at the mention of the Peacher. Though she had never been exposed, the Peacher had contacted her and threatened to reveal her secret. Furthermore, she had witnessed several of her friends get exposed and she remember how Dylan was even physically assaulted  by the Peacher. She was glad that he seemed to have vanished but she always secretly feared he was only lurking, waiting for the right time to come back. “I’m just glad that part of the town history is done. Some of those things said were brutal.” At Scarlet’s earlier remark to Roman, Clarissa didn’t comment much on it. It wasn’t Scar’s place to say anything but she wasn’t entirely wrong. Roman was a tad impulsive and it was something she had expressed to him before with this whole mess. He called her indecisive when realty, it had taken her so long to leave because she was still processing. Her therapist had validated her. In a span of 2 years or so, she lost her parents, lost her childhood best friend, started her life over, lost a child, Roman admitted he loved her, Cillian came back for a second chance and then her Roman began. Her mind was still reeling from everything. “I think that’s her point.” Clarissa murmured, her look tight-lipped as she took a sip of her drink. She kept the glass near her mouth, trying to finish the wine quickly. Sensing the tension, Scarlet glanced between the two friends and sighed. She had hoped this transition would be smoother for Clarissa. Trying the break the tension, Dom speaks up after swallowing a rather large bite of potatoes. “Are you still a department detective, Roman? I thought you wanted to quit that gig?”

[clarissaxgallagher]

It was three in the morning when Clarissa jolted up from deep sleep. The brunette’s heart raced and she could feel the cold sweat the nightmare had left her with. With still panicked eyes, she scanned the apartment - all was clear. She was safe. With a sigh, she sank back onto the couch, pulling the blanket closer to her but despite her best efforts, she couldn’t go back to sleep. Fear still gripped and without thinking, Clarissa got up from the couch and padded to Roman’s bedroom. The door was closed and she hesitated at the entrance. Was this okay? Given their tumultuous relationship, would Roman be okay with this? Despite the doubt, Clarissa still opened and door and quietly walked over to his bed. “Roman?” She whispered, reaching over to lightly shake him before she straightened back up and hugged the blanket closer to her body. “I had a really bad nightmare... can I stay here for a few minutes? I can’t sleep.” It was a risky ask but she hoped that he would allow her the small comfort. Clarissa waited for him to process her words in his sleep daze and anxiously shifted her weight between her legs, chewing on her lower lip. @romanxreign​

[poppy-alex]

What are you doing?

You were freakin’ out. I thought I’d snap you out of it with my generic beer breath.

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

it’s almost alarming how quickly he relaxes under her touch. almost as if he needs it more than he needs to breathe. it’s no secret that the man loves her more than he’s able to show, and he’s certain the feeling is mutual. at least he assumes so until he locks eyes with her. he’s alarmed, aware that something may have been taken out of place. licking his lips, roman thinks back to his comment, brown eyes glued to each other’s. almost instantly he’s regretful. he didn’t mean to hurt her, showcase his anger now, especially when her friends probably just want another reason to not like him. he’s grateful when she avoids reacting the way she seemingly would prefer to react. he isn’t sure why he brought it up, and wouldn’t be able to argue anything reasonable.  he smiles hearing her speak about her business ventures, proud to know she has built that from the ground up. “it is.” he sighs, eyes shifting from scarlett to clarissa. he didn’t want to ruin her night, and almost hates that he’s brought her mood down. “just trying to let you know you deserve more, better.” he utters hoping to end the conversation. taking a spoonful of food into his mouth, roman looks down at ash, “i’m assuming peaches will be your home for a while? scarlett and dominic what drove you here?” they’ve had little conversations about this but never with the other two. “i don’t think i ever saw myself in another town like this…but, i guess i tend to let my heart lead me.”

Once again, Clarissa bites her tongue to make a comment - mostly because she’s still upset. And secondly, it wasn’t the time or place to get into it, especially when they both had more that they wanted to say. Lowering her eyes to her food and eating in silence for a few moments, Clarissa is glad when the conversation shifts. Scarlet seems unhappy to let the topic drop but she follows Roman’s lead and nods, taking a bite of her food. “Probably, we haven’t discussed moving anytime soon. With the Peacher no longer around, this town is a great to place to live.” As she speaks, Dom leans back against his chair and wraps an arm over Scar’s shoulders. He takes a swing of wine before speaking up. “Scar grew up here and my grandparents live here. When my grandpa passed away, I came back from Europe and met Scar and well, the rest is history.” He smiled at Scar and leaned over to give a chaste kiss causing Clarissa to smile warmly at her friends. At Roman’s comment, Scarlet can’t help but roll her eyes, “You don’t say. Impulsive, aren’t you?” It was a off-hand comment, but Clarissa could feel the dig right at Roman. She fears that the night would get worse and Scar and Roman began to come at each other. It seemed like Ash had a similar thought as he started fussing in Roman’s arms.”Maybe we should get going?”

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

the man smiles at scarlett, eyes drifting to clarissa. the topic of kids, the memory of their conversation of her losing one makes his stomach turn. truth be told, roman isn’t sure how to ever react, so he typically stares at her until his stomach settles. roman snickers, his mind instantly moving to the idea of dominic possibly leaving scarlett, and scarlett using the pregnancy for him to stay. in his mind, he wouldn’t stick around scarlett, but he also didn’t know the woman dominic has gotten to intimately know. “cheers to your family.” he breathes, lifting his glass of wine and holding it in the air. roman doesn’t wait to a sip of his drink before placing it back down as ash reaches for the glass. roman continues to bite at his food, listening to how clarissa offers herself to her best friend. it almost upsets him even more, how caring she is to people who doesn’t completely deserve that. “oh yeah, i remember those days.” he muses thinking back to when he was privately investigating. his job completely different than clarissa, a lot more dangerous depending on the case but now a days roman almost misses it. the structure now is good, it just isn’t what he wants long term. “thankfully we could keep that with you basically giving everything away.” the shade is sudden and he almost curses and apologizes out loud. they had a brief conversation about this, roman reading over the divorce documents when he found them a few days ago and seeing clarissa willingly let cillian have majority of their assets. “how has that been going?” he wonders. they haven’t really had time to speak about it, but since the topic has arise, he  thinks about whether she’s happy or is it still too connected to her past life.

Clarissa’s heart gave a pang as the talk about babies surfaced around her and without having to check, she could feel Roman’s eyes on her checking if she was okay. She would always grieve her son but she was able to tolerate the loss a lot better now than she could even a year ago. To comfort him, Clarissa placed her hand on his thigh and gave it a squeeze but upon remembering that the action didn’t match their current arrangement, she took it away. Joining Roman in a toast, she smiles and takes a sip of her wine, content that the night seemed to be going well. The shady comment that comes barreling from Roman is as hurtful as it is unexpected and she can’t help how she spins her head to look at him at disbelief. For a second she’s angry because it seems that no matter what she does or doesn’t do, Roman is never happy with her. She finally leaves Cillian, is ready to be with him and gives up everything so they would have no more ties and this process wouldn’t drag on and yet, he’s angry. Enough to bring it up at dinner with people she hasn’t even shared that part with it. She bites her tongue, however, not wanting to get into this while at dinner. Instead, she composes herself and decides to just answer his question, fidgeting with her fingers under the table. “It’s going really well. Planning to buy the store next door that just closed down to expand the shop, add a coffee shop of sorts.” It’s a fresh start for her store, much like for herself. But though she seemed to want to move on from the earlier shade, it seemed her friend didnt. “Wait - Rissa, you gave him everything? Are you freaking serious? After everything he did to you? That was a dumb move.” Clarissa sighs and looks down at her food, picking at it with her fork. “Maybe - but isn;t that my choice to make?”

[lostonyoubabee-deactivated20250]

[romanxreign]

clarissaxgallagher​:

Dominic gasped dramatically, covering his mouth with his hand while Scarlet watched him, clearly used to his stupid antics. Before answering, he grinned and shook his head, earning him a whack to th stomach from his girlfriend. “Nah - no mushrooms tonight but good to know for the future.” Clarissa was instantly relieved but couldn’t help the gentle slap of her hand against Roman’s shoulder when he tried to get out of dinner. “I’ll get you a plate and teach you the fine art all women know: eating with a baby in one arm.” It was a few minutes that everyone was settled at the dinner table, Clarissa having set a plate for two was looking at Roman to make sure he was okay with eating and holding the baby. Scar noticed her watched and said, “I can take him, if you want?” Dom wasted no time in diving into dinner and Clarissa chuckled over the rim of her wine glass as she watched him stuff his face. “So,” Dom began, the words muffled by the food before he swallowed. “Are you two back together or what? I always like you two together - better than you and C…OW!” The comment earns him and elbow to the side from Scarlet and it causes Clarissa to stiffen, barely chancing a glance at Roman. “Uh…we..” She stutters, knowing she doesn’t owe them an explanation but feeling like she has to anyways. “No - we’re just friends right now. Seeing how things play out. We didn’t want to force anything.” The answer is followed by a rather large sip of wine”

“thanks man.” roman mutters, a smile filling his features. clarissa’s food is usually delicious, so he’s excited to taste what dominic has whipped up. widing his eyes, roman can’t help the twitch in his lips, aware that clarissa’s catching on to what he was trying to do. “eating with a baby in one arm, might as well get practice before i have my first kid.” he breathes, his words feeling a lot more heavier with the knowledge that he isn’t anywhere near that stage in his life right now. “it’s fine, we’re fine.” he utters, locking eyes with clarissa as reassurance. ash would be roman’s anchor as he attempts to get through this night, his stressball wrapped up in a baby. he’s confused as dominic begins talking, the question a lot more personal than the setting calls for. he wants to argue dominic’s comment, ask if they preferred him to his brother then why hadn’t they come forward to tell him about cillian hurting clarissa. it still hurts, and with the knowledge that he can’t trust her friends to care for her, it just makes roman side eye them both. roman clears his throat, “just friends.” he agrees. they fell out of touch, and now they need to find out if there’s a road back to each other, if that’s the right road or not. “that’s not awkward or anything for you guys? i mean, it shouldn’t be…how long have you two been together? long enough to plan for ash?” he wonders taking a spoon full of mashed potatoes, “whoa! dominic, these mashed potatoes are so fucking good.” the man moans, “definitely top 5 best i’ve ever had. it’s perfect.”

[clarissaxgallagher]

“Yes, practice while you can because the real thing is exhausting” Scar chuckled but despite he words, her gaze was full of affection as she looked at her baby in Roman’s arms. After Dominic’s foot-in-mouth moment, there was a notable tension in the air and Clarissa knew that Roman was internally angry over Scarlett’s and Dominic’s lack of action when it came to what was happening with her. Clearing his throat, Dominic answered. “A couple of years now but Ash was a total accident. I was going back to Europe but when we found out we were pregnant, I decided to stay” he shrugged, smiling at his girlfriend. Romans comment caused a grin to spread over Doms face and he leaned over to give Roman an over enthused high five. “He’ll yeah, man!” Scar and Clarissa can only laugh the action of their men. Scar turns to look at Clarissa. “Have you figured out where you’re staying?” After taking a bite of food, Clarissa gave a half shrug. “I’m staying with Roman for now. I haven’t planned much further than that.” The future was so unknown that she didn’t know what to plan. “When do you go back to work? I can take Ash for you when you. Perks of being your own boss” She chuckled.

[lihiominaa]

- Look at me. Am I the only one in this bed with something to forget? - What do you mean?

REIGN S01E19 • Toy Soldiers

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

ash does all the soothing roman needs to be in this house right now. who would’ve thought a baby is all he needs to take a chill pill. it’s nice, different, desirable. although kids haven’t been on his radar much lately, the topic of them still floats through his brain every now and again. gasping exaggeratedly, roman shakes his head, “a chef? oof, who would’ve thought?” he jokes, thinking about the daily meals the woman has cooked up for the both of them. clarissa is an amazing cook, and now that he knows dominic played a part in that, it gives roman more insight into the relationship between the woman and the couple. despite it, the food smells amazing, and roman is sure he’s putting back on the weight that the stress of his personal and work life has taken off. as she rises, he smiles and gives the femme a simple nod. his heart jumps at her memory, pleased to see that their past isn’t completely neglected by the little gesture. “i’m fine though, if you guys want to eat, i’ll sit with ash. we’re bonding right now, so i wouldn’t mind.” it’s his way of trying to get out of sitting at the table with them. he’s certain it won’t work, sure clarissa will see right through him. “if you did, no problem. i should’ve mentioned it ahead of time.

Dominic gasped dramatically, covering his mouth with his hand while Scarlet watched him, clearly used to his stupid antics. Before answering, he grinned and shook his head, earning him a whack to th stomach from his girlfriend. “Nah - no mushrooms tonight but good to know for the future.” Clarissa was instantly relieved but couldn’t help the gentle slap of her hand against Roman’s shoulder when he tried to get out of dinner. “I’ll get you a plate and teach you the fine art all women know: eating with a baby in one arm.” It was a few minutes that everyone was settled at the dinner table, Clarissa having set a plate for two was looking at Roman to make sure he was okay with eating and holding the baby. Scar noticed her watched and said, “I can take him, if you want?” Dom wasted no time in diving into dinner and Clarissa chuckled over the rim of her wine glass as she watched him stuff his face. “So,” Dom began, the words muffled by the food before he swallowed. “Are you two back together or what? I always like you two together - better than you and C...OW!” The comment earns him and elbow to the side from Scarlet and it causes Clarissa to stiffen, barely chancing a glance at Roman. “Uh...we..” She stutters, knowing she doesn’t owe them an explanation but feeling like she has to anyways. “No - we’re just friends right now. Seeing how things play out. We didn’t want to force anything.” The answer is followed by a rather large sip of wine”

[photografya-deactivated20230917]

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

part of him wants her to jump the gun, jump in his arms and kiss him like she missed him. a huge part of him desires that in the moment, and then he’s triggered by the vision of her scars. triggered by the sight of her crying and the fact that he allowed her into a room with cillian after knowing the violence he subjected her to. he wants her to heal, to trust him, to trust the world again. the thought of the shitty cards she has been handed makes him hot with anger, because the beautiful woman before him deserves nothing less than what he’s willing to give her. “relationships are just tough, especially when you’re figuring out your work..is all. just trying to figure things out.” the male assures. wetting his lips, roman takes a deep breath, brown hues lingering on the beautiful face of the woman he loves. how did they get so lucky to experience each other yet so unlucky to be forced through this much pain. “you and i both. i’ve missed you so much, rissa, felt like i’ve lost apart of me not having you around. so i’m already feeling a bit more whole.” a smile graces his lips, big hands falling over hers on his knee. this is nice, it’s alright. it makes his heart leap, the hope that the silence brings him as they keep their gaze locked on each other. clearing his throat, roman looks away and smiles, “i haven’t had a home cooked meal in forever. what did you buy? i’d be open to eating any and everything!” he’s reminded that they’re working towards a goal, and clears his throat before suggesting, “i can help you out. i’m shit at chopping or even seasoning but i hear i’m good company to have in the kitchen.” a witty smile appears on his lips. she’s the one who has told him this countless times, and he wants to hear it for the rest of his life.

It takes every ounce of self-control to stop herself from crawling into Roman’s lap and kissing him senseless, reassuring him that she’s okay and they can start again. However, she knows it wasn’t the wise or fair thing to do. With a sigh, Clarissa centers herself as Roman speak and give him a nod, hoping to communicate that she understood where he was coming from. They were on the same page. Their friendship was worth more and it needed to be salvaged. Once that was healed, the rest would come. “It’s like you said once, if its meant to be, everything will work out for us.” In her heart, she knew they were still destined to be together, she only regretted that it took this much pain to get there. Her eyes tear up at his confession but she doesn’t speak, letting her eyes communicated everything she wished she could say and all she was feeling. There was hope of a new and brighter future for them in the long and enamored gazes and when their lock broke, Clarissa knew for certain this was just the beginning for them. Standing up, Clarissa laughed at Roman and began to walk towards the kitchen. “I bought a little bit of everything. Your fridge was empty!” She teased him, starting to pull what she bought from the bags. “Here, you at least start washing the vegetables - you can’t possibly mess that up.” She elbowed him playfully as she handed him the bag with all the veggies she bought. As they cooked dinner together, a time full of laughter and teasing, it almost felt like normal again. There was hope that they would doing this together for the rest of their lives. 

[clarissaxgallagher]

romanxreign​:

despite the uneasy feeling, roman’s mind is instantly distracted by the view of clarissa with a baby. a smile crosses his features, glossy eyes admiring the girl he loves with a child. roman is instantly reminded that this could’ve been her, had she not had a miscarriage. he’s reminded that this is something she wants and possibly being with baby ash is feeling her with all kinds of emotions. “he is.” roman muses, “looks just like scarlet, thankfully.” it’s a joke, and as he watches scarlet laugh he feels a bit more at ease. roman shrugs, not hesitating to take the baby from his girlfriend…his friend. it feels foreign yet so familiar. it’s been way too long since roman has been around a newborn, but still, deep down inside, he loves every second of delicate touches and thoughtfulness it provides him. as he listens to the women conversation, he assumes that clarissa hadn’t filled scarlet in on everything. he isn’t sure why but he simply minds his business and makes a mental note of it for later. broke up? roman wants to scoff. the whole conversation is absurd, but he’s thankful she isn’t going on as if all of that hasn’t happened. “no surprise there, huh?” he chuckles, “i’m good. work is fine.” he breathes, sniffling his nose. “dominic is cooking?” he raises a brow, “he’s good in the kitchen? i didn’t know that.”

Carefully, Clarissa handed over Ash to Roman and for a second, the rest of the world faded. Her eyes glimmer as she watched him with the newborn. This is what she wanted. Her heartaches as she was reminded of her own baby but it grew with hope that maybe someday, the baby he was carrying would be theirs. Clarissa leaned over as he conversed with Scar and tickles the baby’s belly. The little half smile warmed her heart and subconsciously, Clarissa placed her hand over her abdomen. An action she did whenever she thought about her baby. At Roman’s question, Dominic poked his head out and scowled playfully at Roman. “I’ll have you know that I was training to be a chef at one point.” Clarissa chuckled, watching the men interact. Pointing to Dom, Clarissa spoke up. “He’s the one who gave me cooking lessons and the only reason why I can cook now.” Feeling validated, Dom grinned before moving to stand next to Scar. “Food is ready by the way. There’s steak, asparagus and mashed potatoes. Help yourselves!” With the invitation open and Roman still holding the baby, Clarissa stood up and placed her hand on Roman’s shoulder. “I’ll get you a plate. You want everything, right?” Suddenly remembering a detail, she lifted her eyes and gave Dom a sheepish look. “You didn’t cook anything with mushrooms, right? I forgot to tell you Roman is allergic.” 

[cutedatesuggestions]

concept: you and me on the wood floor of our first apartment, surrounded by unpacked boxes full of things the two of us have accumulated over our lifetimes, meeting for the first time. the light is low, the music is quiet. it’s just us and takeout and all the mystery of the first night in this new place, the life we’re building together