lused to think healing meant learning how to carry less grief. Now I think healing is learning how to carry love differently. Grief is love. At first, it sounded too simple but the more I sat with those words, the more they changed me. If grief is love, then every tear, birthday I celebrate, every sunset I stop to watch, every time I say his name, tell his story, or wonder what he would be doing today... that's love. It made me realize something else, too. The depth of my grief will always match the depth of my love. I loved Clark with everything I had. Still do, always will. There was never a part of me that held back. So why would I expect my grief to be anything less than enormous? I wish i didn't have to hurt so much but I never wish I loved him less because if loving him this much means grieving him this deeply, then my grief is simply proof.
So instead of asking myself why this is still so hard, I remind myself on days I'm struggling of something gentler... This is what love looks like when someone you love is no longer here. It doesn't make the ache any smaller, but it reminds me why it's so deep.
I always say to myself I'm grieving like a mother🤍