sometimes i write

clau. 24. multimuse blog. var sc_project=12188398; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="c6fd758c";

[clauwrites]

elleswords‌:

“Who I pissed off? How about whoever pissed me off?” Marina incredulously asked before setting her drink back on the counter top, closing her eyes, and massaging her temples with her fingers. She hated this town, she hated feeling stuck here, she hated feeling helpless, knowing there wasn’t anything she could do but stay put here. Family is everything, as her mother would say, and Marina knew that even if she could leave, she’d still feel incredibly guilty about it. “And you? Out here celebrating or being mopey?” She asked, just for the sake of conversation, opening her eyes and tilting her head back to finish off her drink. “Though the latter is your regular mood anyway.”

“That’s highly unlikely.” He finished off his drink and ordered a new one. Milo knew that so much time had passed since their moment and maybe he should lay off her, but it was hard to just go on and pretend that they could easily fix things when deep down, there was still pain in his heart from her rejection. “Can’t a guy just come have a drink after work? Not everything is a celebration and no, I’m not being mopey,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You clearly had a bad day. So who pissed you off?” It wasn’t an option to walk away and find a different bar when this was his go to and he wasn’t going to sit there in silence either, so at the end he concluded that it was best to make the smallest of conversations. 

[clauwrites]

elleswords‌:

Marina raised her eyebrows when she saw who it was that was by the bar, and since all the other tables were occupied, she knew she had no choice but to head over there. Great, she couldn’t help thinking. Out of everyone in the world, she had to be seated next to the one person who probably hated her guts the most, and on this fine night too, when all she wanted was to get drunk and forget about her problems. She pretended he wasn’t there for a minute as she ordered, only turning towards him after taking large gulps from her drink. “If you’re going to fight me tonight, save your breath. I’m already pissed off enough as it is,” Marina impatiently said as she put her drink down. @clauwrites​

Milo was enjoying his first night off in what feel like forever. He thought about just staying home and indulging in a drink from there, but it wasn’t the same when his favorite bartender made the drinks so great. And everything was going just smoothly until he heard the voice and he turned to look. Of course out of everyone it had to be her, but he wasn’t about to walk away and give up his night. No. “I’m not gonna fight you,” he rolled his eyes and turned back to his drink. “I am wondering, however, who you pissed off.”

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

“I find that hard to believe.” Not because Oli had lied to her so many times, it was just Gillian being a cynic. As he continued, she couldn’t help but start feeling a little bit anxious. Was he implying that Gillian was his crush? No, no, no. That can’t be right. “I’d probably lie to you.” She admitted with a shrug, her gaze still locked with his. “If you are going to say what I think you’re going to say, just think twice before saying it.” Gillian pressed her lips together, shaking her head slowly. “You wouldn’t want to say something you don’t really mean it.”

Just as he expected -- her not believing too much of what he was saying. It ticked him off that he wasn’t being taken seriously as much as he wanted. Not that he blamed her because of his previous antics. Oliver wasn’t exactly the type you’d trust right away, it was something to build up to. “Don’t you always lie to me about something?” He raised a brow. “If I were going to say something I didn’t mean, I wouldn’t have brought up in the first place, Gilly.” He shook his head, leaning back slightly away from her. 

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

If there was one thing Gillian was afraid of, it was being vulnerable in front of other people. In fact, it was the only thing she was terrified of. She saw it as a weakness and she hated the idea of being in that position. Weak people were the worst, they were the kind of people she belittled and she’d much rather die than be one of them. “What do you want me to do about it?” Her brow raised in curiosity as she mirrored his smirk. “How do I know you are not lying? Maybe you are trying to get me say something, then you will tell me it’s not me.”

“I think you know what I would like for you to do,” he muttered. Usually he’d be playing some game with her, messing with her to push her buttons and annoy the shit out of her. “That’s probably something I’d do to you but I’m not lying, not this time.” He told her, inching closer to her slowly. “I wouldn’t want us to waste any more time... or we could waste time and leave us wondering for who knows how long,” he teased, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “If it was me asking you about this crush, what would you say?”

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

At this point tears were raining down on Mara’s face, her mascara was all over her eyes, she looked like a badger and that wasn’t a cute look. Then again Luke saw the worst version of Mara, so at this point he wouldn’t mind seeing her get all snotty. As he continued, she seemed more confused than ever. Didn’t he just say that he didn’t care about her? Of course instead of what he’d just said, Mara decided to focus on his previous statement. As much as she hoped his next words would comfort her, they certainly didn’t and now Mara was feeling worse than ever. She was both feeling hurt and guilty. Why did she always find herself in the exact same situation over and over again? Her state completely changed now, the anger she’d completely disappeared, devastation too its place real quick. That was the thing with Mara, her feelings could change in an instant, she could go one point to another so fast, people couldn’t keep up with her. “I never meant to hurt you.” That part was true, but she also didn’t stop herself from hurting him either. “Things got messy when Sam started calling me again. I got conflicted.” Once again, instead of owning what she has done, she was trying to put the blame on someone else. “I know It was a bad judgment, I shouldn’t have let him confuse me like that.”

This was frustrating. It was frustrating him more than he wanted and after all the time that had passed between them since the party, he had just gone on about his life not worrying anymore about it all. But she had to be at his doorstep waiting for him that would all lead up to this. Them arguing, Luke saying words that he did not mean but he was tired of being pushed around like a puppet. It wasn’t the first time he encountered women like Mara. Luke took a seat on the couch, hands coming up to brush against his beard and he thought out what to say next. He didn’t want to be an ass, it wasn’t much like him to be one, but there was only so much he could take before he snapped. “So what?” He shrugged. “Did he just stop talking to you now and you came back to me to use me again?”

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

“Jealous of you? Please..” Gillian gasped playfully as if he was accused of doing something terrible – such as killing babies or stabbing homeless people for the kicks. Just when she was about to elaborate, Oliver shushed her with his finger, which only made her raise a brow. “I might do something about it.” She started with a smirk, leaning over to face him better. “Tell me though. Is it me?”

“No?” A brow quirked up, smirk still playing on his lips as he watched her tentatively. He didn’t know what it was about the drink or just the conversation in general that was making him slightly...vulnerable to saying anything. Their usual hangs out were the two of them insulting each other or bickering until it ended up with them making out or having sex. But right now, it wasn’t exactly that. “It might be you and I can only fully tell you if you do something about it.”

[clauwrites]

@annielandsbergwrites

Oliver raised a brow at her question, a slight mirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Would you be jealous if I said yes?” He was going to wait for an answer but before she could do so, his finger came to hover over her lips. “Would you do anything about it if I said you?” His finger moved away from her lips, eyes lingering on them before glancing up to meet her eyes.

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

“I don’t know!” Mara yelled, shaking her fists. “Just tell me how much I hurt you, tell me how angry you are with me, I don’t know, yell at me but don’t act like I don’t matter to you.” Once again Mara was completely disregarding the fact, maybe she actually didn’t matter anything to Luke. Her brain was deliberately ignoring that possibility of course because Mara has always lived in a delusional state where she kept telling lies to herself until she lost the fine line between the right and the wrong. “I hate myself for hurting you like that. I feel horrible for putting you in a position like that. Trust me, you can’t even hate me as much as I hate myself..” Her voice was getting shakier, her tears were coming from her eyes. “And now you are acting like you don’t even care enough to hate me. Like, all this time, I thought you really liked me, I know I don’t deserve it but that’s beside the point.” Mara whimpered, her bottom lip was trembling. “Honestly, did you even like me? Or was I just a pretty girl you wanted to fuck? If I was, just fucking tell me, so I will try to stop hating myself for hurting you.”

“I’m not gonna yell at you, Mara.” Luke rubbed his face with his hands. It wasn’t the right time to be having this fight, he was tired and whatever he ended up saying, he might regret later. But Mara was right, he did care about her despite of everything that had happened since that night at the party. There had been silence between then two since then and now she had shown up to apologize and this is where they were. Luke remained silent as she kept going off, the nice part of him wanting to reach for her and tell her to stop crying and wipe away her tears. But the part that was trying to hold a strong front kept him in his spot for a couple more seconds. “I did like you - I do like you,” he corrected himself. “That’s why it fucking hurt seeing you with that other guy days after we went out and I know that we’re not in anything serious but I’m not the type of guy to just go around hooking up with whatever girl I find!” Maybe that’s what he needed to do to stop getting stuck in shitty situations like this one. 

[kierankyleculkin]

+ ▤ oliver and gillian

send one for my muse’s reaction to your muse

▤ = falling asleep on them

“Are you fucking serious?” Gillian groaned when she’d heard Oli’s snore, turning to his direction, only to find him asleep. It wasn’t even midnight and she definitely didn’t have any plans to have him falling asleep on her when she’d invited him over. She almost reached for his arm, she thought about shaking it hard so he could wake up and leave but after seeing his face, she changed her mind. He looked so innocent, even Gillian couldn’t bring herself to kick him out of her house. Rolling her eyes at herself, she sighed and shifted in the couch. Slowly, she placed herself next to him, trying not to wake him up in the process. Gillian couldn’t help but smile after looking at his face, her hand touched his cheek softly. Maybe sleeping next to Oli wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. 

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

Whatever excuse Mara was going to use completely vanished, she almost went blank after Luke’s words, they made her frown. “What?” Mara genuinely asked, surprised. She certainly didn’t see this coming. So basically, Luke didn’t like her, she meant nothing to him, she was just a good fuck (hell, maybe she even wasn’t). Once again finding herself in the exact same situation, Mara took a deep, long breath. “That was it?” She repeated him, eyes widening. As much as she loved being in denial and telling lies to herself, it was almost impossible to put another meaning into Luke’s words. The realization hit her like a train, she was so focused on his revelation, she couldn’t think of anything else. Mara could feel her tears were making their way to her eyes, she could feel every single of them on her throat, they were slowly becoming little lumps. To be fair he didn’t say anything that bad, but Mara was Mara, even the tiniest word had such a big impact on her emotions, as if she didn’t have any emotional barrier, she would feel everything in an extreme level. Of course the outcomes of those extremities usually manifested themselves as destructions – sometimes big, sometimes small. And today wasn’t an exception. 

“Fuck you.” Mara finally muttered after a moment of silence, glaring at Luke. 

This wasn’t him. This wasn’t the real Luke, but he was tired of being pushed around and around by other people that it was driving him crazy. Was he supposed to forgive and forget with Mara? No, he didn’t have to do that even if deep down he wanted to just let it go. Though her next words came on as a bit of a surprise. Here he was thinking that she came to apologize and tell him that that was it for them and she was going to go her way, but she expecting him to say more? “Seriously Mara?” Luke scoffed, getting up from the couch and taking a few steps around the living area trying to put coherent words together. “What do you want me to say? That it’s okay that I saw you kissing another dude in a bathroom at a party?” He took a brief pause before continuing. “No, Mara, it’s not okay. I don’t know how you like to do things but I’m the kind of guy that if he’s seeing a girl he sticks to her and doesn’t go around kissing others because he wants to.” His tone had raised a little but he still tried to maintain his cool and not just snap at her, though that’s what his words felt like.

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

Mara bit her bottom lip so hard, it almost bleed, she was feeling extremely anxious, there were no proper words in English language to describe it. Though it wasn’t the guilt she felt (because back in her mind, she still thought she was entitled to follow her heart) but the idea of Luke hating her was unbearable. Not that her feelings for Luke were that deep, still, for a selfish reason, Mara wanted him to like her. Taking a long, deep breath, Mara shifted in her seat and looked at Luke. He looked so naive (also very handsome) and she hated herself for breaking his heart. God, why was she such a little whore? 

“I am sure you know why I am here.” Sure he was naive but he certainly wasn’t an idiot. “But I am still going to say it,” Mara started, her lips trembling. “I came here to apologize. You know,” She paused to take another long breath. “About that night.” The night he walked in on them with someone else. “I am so sorry. I fucked things up so bad, I don’t even know how to fix it.” Did Luke even want her to fix it though? Mara had no clue. After a long, awkward silence, Mara started to speak; “Do you hate me?”

It wasn’t the first time Luke was down a road like this. Though he didn’t talk about much, not that he needed to with anyone, whenever he found himself dating a girl or just seeing one here and there -- when they found someone who could offer them something better or had more spare time than he did, they went for it. Did it sting? Sure. Anyone who had some sense of feeling would be hate to have that happen to them, but it had been the first time he had somehow found someone he had been seeing making out in a bathroom with another guy. 

At least she had come to apologize. Which was better than just nothing saying a word and keep going with their lives like nothing had happened. Boston wasn’t so big, they sure were going to run into each other sooner or later. Especially with their mutual friends. To be honest he had been a little surprised at her apology and all. “I don’t hate you.” He shook his head. “And you’re probably going to wonder why I don’t hate you. Well, I don’t have a valid reason to. We’re not together. We slept together once and that was it.” Was that harsh?

[clauwrites]

purisimc‌:

theo quiets at her statement. she’s not wrong. it’s not that he doesn’t want to take any serious steps with cassie. it’s just, he’s so comfortable where they are at right now. bringing in outsiders to their relationship was likely to make things more complicated. parents always had to have a say in relationships. theo sighs, “when would you like us all to meet up?”

“You could be a little more enthusiastic about it,” Cassie chuckles softly, but she knew how his attitude was and she wasn’t trying to change that. Her brother already wasn’t the biggest Theo fan, but she thought that perhaps her parents would have a slightly different opinion on him and give him a chance, much like she had. “Some time next week? That way it gives you time to plan a runaway strategy if something goes wrong.”

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

Mara couldn’t help but widen her eyes in surprise once he let her in. Which was stupid because she should’ve known already that he certainly was going to let her. Luke was different than the guy she’d dated before, he was nice, thoughtful and genuine. And that’s exactly why Mara screwed him over, she never knew what to do when people show her kindness. Still, that wasn’t an excuse for her shitty behavior but if there’s one thing Mara struggled the most, it was her ability to admit the guilt. She would apologize for the sake of it but she never thought she was the guilty one, she would shift the blame on others. 

She stepped into his apartment, she was familiar with the place. Her eyes watched Luke head inside his kitchen, her lips pursed in nervousness after his question. Was he being nice for real? Or was he trying to make her feel worse than she’d already been? “No, I am good.” She said, sitting on the couch. “Thank you.”

This wasn’t his bed idea was it? Despite of being sort of played by Mara, he was still inviting her into his home and even offering something to drink. Part of him hated the fact that he was too nice at times, wanting to see the better side of others even if he had already seen some sketchy parts. Flashes of the party he had found her with another guy making out in a bathroom, popped back into his head and he was going to make sure that he wasn’t won over too easily. 

After grabbing his beer, Luke walked over to the living room area and sat on the couch adjacent to the one Mara was sitting on. For a few moments he stood silent, taking a sip of his beer before speaking up. “Okay so?” he pressed his lips together with raised brows, awaiting for her said apology. 

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

Mara always wondered, how would she turn out if she’d been born into a perfect, wholesome family who were willing to give all the love she’d been craving for? Would she still be this messy, selfish person? Was it fair for her to blame her family, her ex boyfriends, pretty much everybody except herself? Deep down she knew the answer, but she was too much of a coward to accept it. Life was much easier when you always blamed other for your own stupid decisions. 

So, in Mara’s mind, this was all Sam’s fault. After all, he led her on, he gave her hope, he flirted her, he acted like he was into her – Mara’s confusion was understandable. Pursing her lips together nervously, she stood up, her gaze met Luke’s and she gave him an apologetic look that she’s mastered at. “I am here to apologize.” She didn’t want to waste any time with small talk. “Can I come in?”

This was one of those moments where Luke wanted to turn on that side of him that could be an asshole because of what Mara had done to him and yet, he couldn’t do that because the other part was telling him to hear her out. This is why everything went to shit for him. He was way too nice and he knew that. Slowly he was starting to learn not to let people just walk all over him, it was a painfully slow process but he was going to get there. 

It took him a few seconds to respond, his eyes scanned hers with furrowed brows. When he finally made up his mind in his head, he sighed before speaking. “Fine.” His fingers fiddled with the keys in his hand to find the one for his apartment door, unlocking the door and stepping to the side once he opened it to let Mara in. Once inside his apartment, he set his things down on the couch before heading inside his kitchen to search for a beer in the refrigerator, he’d definitely need it seeing how the evening was starting to go. “Do you want anything?”

[clauwrites]

annielandsbergwrites‌:

Once again Mara Richardson found herself in the middle of a huge mess – another mess she created knowingly. This was the problem with her, every time she met a decent, nice guy, she always managed to hurt his feelings and feel horrible about it afterwards. And today wasn’t any different. Chasing another guy while she was seeing Luke wasn’t the wisest idea but getting caught when she was about to have sex with he who shall not be named? Well, yeah, that was way worse. 

It has been almost an hour since she has started waiting for Luke to come his apartment, his shift probably lasted longer or he was with someone else (though Mara didn’t want to consider that possibility). Mara was sitting on the floor when her big eyes finally spotted Luke, she quickly stood up and watched him walk towards his apartment’s door, forcing a smile. “Hey,” She said quietly, brushing a few strands of her blonde locks behind her ear. @amareism

What was it about him? Was he that bad that every time he found a decent girl, it all went to shit and he seemed to miss opportunities before they even began? And what was it about Mara that she was still lingering in the back of his head when clearly he wasn’t even a concern, or at least that’s what he thought. Part of him just accepted the fact that there was something about him that made him bad at the whole relationship thing. Perhaps he came off as too clingy or a guy with way too many feelings, but there was nothing wrong with that. 

Work was the best distraction for all of that though. He was constantly working on something new and it served as a great gateway to not think about his problems in that department. Once he arrived to his apartment complex and went up to his floor. The person that was waiting outside his door was the last person he thought he’d see any time soon, let alone at his place. “Mara?” His brows furrowed, walking closer to his door. “What are you doing here?”

[clauwrites]

@anumrps

“Oh yeah? I’m ready to pull it up and technically I can be used as a reliable source.” He pointed out, reaching out into the pocket of his pants and taking out his phone to google for the first research article he could find that would back him up. “Body to body touch releases  oxytocin which can lower anxiety and blood pressure, among other things so.” Of course that was one of the many things he knew about the subject at hand but he wasn’t going to go too in depth very well knowing that Genevieve was going to keep challenging him. “So if you ever get too anxious, your blood pressure gets too high or you just want some company, I’m your guy.” He offered, though he was half joking just in case it was stepping over a boundary. “You know, the more you mock me the more I’m going to say no to being your personal doctor, that bandage would’ve easily cost you like eighty bucks.” Obviously he was aware of how shitty the healthcare system was and even if he was joking now he wouldn’t mind taking care of his roommate. “I thought you’d request something a bit more unusual but hey, I’m not going to complain if it’s something that simple.” He continued to grab spoonfuls of the ice cream, basically battling with Genevieve’s spoon. “Colton as your future husband? You can do so much better than him.”

“I still don’t understand the whole concept of the whole AMSR videos and what they’re supposed to do for you. I think it’s just an excuse for people to be creepy and whisper into a microphone.”

[clauwrites]

purisimc‌:

“you want to kill me, don’t you? is this some sort of punishment? did i do something to you? is it because i didn’t get us nando’s last night?“

“No, it’s not punishment.” She laughed quietly looking down at her hands for a second before her eyes met up with his again. “It’s just... it’s been over a year Theo, stuff like that happens a little sooner than that and I mean, what we have is great I have no complaints. We’re fine the way we are, but maybe take a little step further?”