After the Party

[clduncan75]

Post Number Two

If you haven’t followed me on my new page, please do, if you feel so inclined. 🙂 Navigating Motherhood’s Emotional Challenges

[clduncan75]

Check It Out

I’ve started a new blog! ANOTHER one, yes. Please take a look, and if you like it, follow along. Embracing Change: A New Chapter Ahead Also, for some reason I don’t know how to do anything on WordPress anymore, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually. 🙂

[clduncan75]

My Last Post Was A Lie

Unintentional, for sure. But a lie, all the same. Let me explain- you see, when I wrote that post, Cam was still tucked away safely in her dad’s little apartment, doing the same thing she’d been doing for the entire three weeks she’d been there. Which is to say, a whole lot of nothing. Sure, they’d go up to the lake here and there or get food or whatever, but for the most part, she was spending…

[clduncan75]

(unintentional) Exposure Therapy

Those of you who know me, whether in real life or through my writing, know that I have anxiety. For the most part, it doesn’t keep me from living a normal life, although there are times when it really does hinder my enjoyment of things and that gets old for sure. There are two main facets of my particular formulation of weirdness- the first one being my health, and the second being my kids. If…

[clduncan75]

The Lonelies

I have been single now for the better part of nearly a decade, with the exception of about eight (not consecutive) months. I will be the first to admit that dating calls up a type of awkward anxiety in me like nothing else, and the weird mechanics of being in a relationship seem to grate on me terribly. In the beginning (dating) I agonize over whether or not someone will want to see me again,…

[clduncan75]

Escaping or Enjoying?

I’ve known for a while now that I use reading and TV as a way to escape my uncomfortable feelings- speaking of which, for whatever reason just sitting here and making myself write this is bringing up all sorts of unpleasant feelings. I must really not want to talk about it. Oh well, it’s out there now, I guess. So yeah, as a person with anxiety that I would rate as a solid, baseline 5-7 out of…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Aiming For Happiness

I confess, I am only doing this out of desperation. I suppose I think that in writing down what I am feeling and proclaiming my intentions, I am more likely to stay focused on the goal, which, right now is simply not to go completely insane- or die of anxiety (if anyone could do it, it would be me)- or slip so far into the deep, dark, murky waters of depression that I am never able to escape.…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

It's Been a While...

It’s Been a While…

I would apologize, but I’m at a point in my life where I no longer say I’m sorry for doing what works best for me. It’s quite liberating. You should try it sometime. A moment ago, I glanced up on the shelf above my desk at the spot where the clock usually sits, but it was gone. I had to move it yesterday to make room for something else. In my head I heard my own voice say “Sometimes you give up…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Liminal Space

As I write this, I am sitting in a living room in a small pool of light given off by the white clamp-lamp attached to the shelf just above my monitor. I love this dumb little lamp and had to rip open a garbage bag to get to it, where it was wrapped in a tangled set of sheets printed with bears and owls. I bought them- the sheets, not the lamp- maybe a year or two ago, when they were still…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Moving Day...Again

Moving Day…Again

I had to go back through my last couple of posts just to see where I had left off, and to my surprise, I hadn’t mentioned anything at all about the fact that I might be moving soon. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that on February 21st, I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing; that’s kind of how this entire experience has been for me- no clue what I’m doing now, what I’m doing next, or…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Reckoning

I have been quiet. I know that I have, and there have been many times when I sat myself down here to write, but the words just didn’t come. Here’s the thing- for maybe the first time ever, the things I have been wrestling with are not things that I feel like sharing with the world. It’s not that I have some dark secret or big story- to be honest, it’s not ever very interesting. And maybe one of…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Playing Outside Again

I just got back from my morning walk with Lucy- we left a little later today, and we went a little further, since Devon is here (albeit, locked in the spare room where he has been since last Tuesday when he arrived- he caught a bug somewhere between California and Maine, and though he was only sick for 24 hours, I am not willing to take any chances) and I don’t have to worry about leaving Cam…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

The Longest Night

I have never lived in a place like this before, with this strange juxtaposition of wealth and wildness, this funny mix of such salt-of-the-earth people and streets full of empty summer homes, front steps blanketed in untouched snow. The people here are friendly but mostly quiet, and it often feels as though I am too much. Too loud and too chatty and too…other. It’s nothing new to me, but that…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Wherever you go, there you are.

Wherever you go, there you are.

It is 5:30 in the morning, and pitch black outside. Giant gusts of wind roll in off the Atlantic, just across the street, and howl fitfully against the windows and walls of this hundred year old building, shaking the floors. Inside, with the heater blasting, my cat asleep in front of it, and my desk light casting a warm pool of light around the corner I’m tucked into, I must admit, I kind of like…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Monday Musings

After a fabulous Thanksgiving of my favorite sort- the kind where I have to do absolutely nothing besides show up and eat- where I miraculously avoided thinking mournfully about my family even once, and then a slow Friday after, where I may have done a tad too much online shopping, and then ventured over to Ogunquit to poke around, I was worried I’d used up all my luck. My happy luck, you know?…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

The Art of Not Knowing

The Art of Not Knowing

The stupid tide, in again

Sunset from my deck

I know that it’s not unusual for me to go long stretches of time without writing, but it is unusual for me to want to write and not be able to figure out how. Obviously, I still know how to write, but getting the right words to come out can be tricky sometimes. I wanted to paint this beautiful picture of my new life in Maine, but what kept…

View On WordPress

[clduncan75]

Grace Period

A funny thing that recurs repeatedly for me is the realization of how well I think I know myself, how much I think I know about the way I show up and operate within my life…only to be smacked upside the head with reminders of just how forgetful I am. Now, here’s the thing- I can predict pretty accurately how I am going to feel and react and show up in a familiar situation. But put me in a new…

View On WordPress