THE SHORTTANK SPIDER!

Similarity is not sameness. Two things alike are still different. [ ind. 1610 jessica drew. ]

[clona]

keewazikid:

Well… You’re not wrong. Technically. But you’re also a bad liar. It’s bruised.

It’s what? ( scoops aubrey up again. ) Where do you want to rest?

[clona]

i know this is Big Jess’ signature line but “listen up, bitchcakes” sounds like something this jess would say in imitation of her. moment of WWJD (what would jessica do?) & then, “listen up, bitchcakes” & she’s talking to ornery seventh graders

[clona]

hulksdontdoweak:

the government cares.

THIS IS IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT GOVERNMENT THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU

[clona]

hulksdontdoweak replied to your post: There’s no way to say this that’s not incredibly...

jen, with a ron swanson voice: tinder is how the government uses pretty girl bots to track your location.

WHO CARES GO ON A DATE

[clona]

while we’re here, jess deadass got two of the biggest hardasses in ults!shield history to warm up to her

there was an ults!clint -- you know, the “my entire family is dead and also I Kill People With My Fingernails” clint barton -- on here that she annoyed but he liked her enough to lend her his motorcycle for her first date with aubrey so she could Look Cool (she didn’t crash it, thankfully, but it was raining hard as shit, & it’s v. difficult to look cool on a motorcycle when ur soaked)

and then ults!jen, an uber paranoid conspiracy realist (i’d say theorist but Jen Knows Shit) & also generally not a nice person, to not only be her mother-figure but write her into her gd will by just being her awkward, dorky self 

[clona]

There’s no way to say this that’s not incredibly awkward but would you consider going on a date with my mom?

[clona]

what if jess had an arbitrary scottish accent as a parallel to 616 jessica’s arbitrary british accent in that agent of sword motion comic

[clona]

i’ve decided She Does

[clona]

youonlywishiwasvenom:

“Well I’m NOT!” She shouted, rubbing her face where she’d just been punched.”I’m one of the good guys!”

“How do I know you’re not just lying!?” Jess shouted back. “Because people do that! People lie! Very often, in fact!”

[clona]

venomblastings:

“That was my mother’s name.” Jessica frowned at that. She would never want to be a Miriam. Not that she could even live up to that title. Name. Title. Whatever. “I never really asked your super secret spider themed origin story, but just know that Miriam is an ideal at this point.”

The older woman took the envelops with the M initials and threw them to the counter top to her side. “I’ll look at those later. Or until I get another notice.” She winked before motioning to her couch so they could both sit. 

“Y’know, I did instate another dimension’s Jessica Drew as the queen of Loomworld, so maybe talk to us if there are any stragglers of that… universe.”

“Oh, they made me in a lab,” Jess states simply. Nonchalant, even. She was very much chalant about it but she could be Cool. Other her was Cool. “Now that everyone involved and the entire corporation responsible is dead, I don’t feel as bad as I used to.” 

Jess looked down after that for a moment to recover. That wasn’t Cool or even just cool, it was actually Mean. But she sat down on the couch anyway.

“What I’m saying is, I’m not interested in my old universe so much.” Except for a few friends. Continuing the conversation wasn’t in her best interests, it seemed, because she didn’t know how to be cool.

 “Is money tight being a PI? I mean, I was a costume model for a bit and that paid pretty well, so I’d think you’d make more than that, at least.”

[clona]

what if jess had an arbitrary scottish accent as a parallel to 616 jessica’s arbitrary british accent in that agent of sword motion comic

[clona]

hulksdontdoweak:

That’s the spirit. And drink your orange juice. It’s good for you.

But we’ll get to how to actively disobey the government and work against it another day. When you’re older.

I’m twenty one, you know. How much older do I have to be?

[archiveburnout-deactivated20260]

@clona started following you

“Ow! Christ! Why’d you hit me so hard!?”  

[clona]

Jess is so ready to throw down. “I was going for a one & done!”

[clona]

one thing i’ll always miss about both jess’ costumes are those big weird white eye things

[clona]

venomblastings:

“Yeah, it figures you thought that. Cause of course you would… seeing as that’s my middle name.” Jessica would never be used to this. Or like this. “Alright, that also figures. Gimme the Jessica M. stuff and you keep the rest.”

“Huh. You look more like a Miriam than me, if that helps.” Would it? She didn’t know. This was kind of awkward, as nice as it was to know her counterpart in the Universe That Survived was a cool old lady. Older, she meant. 

Well, anyway. She handed everything she could find with an M. on it to Big Jess.

“I used to pay bills. Had an apartment until... the death of my universe. Which, not to make a big deal out of it, happened like three months ago, so I’m really still processing the whole thing. But hey, at least I don’t have to worry about a light bill, right? Right.”

[keewazikids]

@clona

Not… Not upset or anything, but… did you drop me on concrete again? My knee is killing me.

[clona]

Wha~at? No. I didn’t -- I didn’t drop you at all. This time. You do a lot of standing, maybe it’s all the standing.

[clona]

hulksdontdoweak:

Because the government is an inherently flawed, actually terrifying entitiy of power, Jessica.

But don’t let that ruin your waffles.

I’m gonna’ need some more of that “ignore atrocities” syrup.

[clona]

@venomblastings

"No!” She’s not sure why she yelled. Maybe it’s a breakthrough. “Although, I did think about using Miriam, but I never went through with it. Anyway, I think everything that looks like a bill should be for you. I, um, I don’t pay bills.”