Travels and Adventures of A Significant

This started out as a means for me to leave notes, images, and music for friends. Then it evolved for just one, Wonderful.

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[feralfemmedaddy]

What then, kills love? Only this: Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call.

Jeanette Winterson (via yetbutwoundedfleshweare)

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Saw this on Facebook and thought it belonged up here

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Sometimes I hate that I’m still in love with you and I have too much anger at myself because you look happy having moved on. 

Guess that makes me a selfish hypocrite. 

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A part of me is still in love with you and that’s never going to change. 

I miss you and I have no idea how to talk to you anymore, but I want to so badly.

I’m sorry.

[mild-cherry-pepci-deactivated20]

Dormant conversations with friends scare me. A lot.

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Same here, sometimes i feel like i annoy people, and they just dont want to talk to me…

[bi-nightmare]

Yeah… I feel exactly the same.

[mechanic-of-the-coast]

This is me constantly, with all of my friends. Its quite depressing

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Heard this live last night at Lunatic Luau, among other songs, by a great band I rediscovered after too many years without. I’ve been turning it up on the radio every time I hear it, but live, live hit me in the feels. 

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I know that some of you may think it’s silly I’m posting screenshots from a MMORPG on my blog. But, these right here are super important for two very special reasons. 

One, this is the week of my and Wonderful’s anniversary. Two, he’s allergic to cats.

Guys he got me a virtual kitten for our anniversary! 

-insert epic fangirl squee here-

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A different kind of anniversary

This time last year I was separating our things just in case finding a new place to live didn’t work out. You were already staying at your mom’s to help her after your step-dad’s surgery and we barely saw each other. When we did it was never for long enough. I died a little every day that I tried to figure out how to fix it and came up empty. There wasn’t enough time or money and no feasible backup plan that wasn’t going to land us in the same situation all over again. 

So, my parents came to gather their daughter and her belongings. You told me that we were going to be okay. But it didn’t really hit me that we weren’t going to see each other for a while, however long that was, until I saw my old room and the furniture my parents had scrounged up from around the house for me to use. I could stay for as long as I needed or as my mom put it jokingly, until I was thirty. I remember my dad hugging me one morning not too long after, telling me that he was glad I was home. A part of me, sealed up by tiny remnants of hope that this was only for a little while, broke. 

We started this (going on what four years now?) as a long distance relationship and I guess a part of us figured that the transition back wouldn’t be too terribly difficult. I don’t know about you, but I think we lied to ourselves. 

It is so much harder to not have you working when I come into the kitchen to make tea. Not being able to go for late night drives for a soda and an ice cream cone. You’re not within touching distance when I turn over at night and reach for you to make sure I’m not dreaming. There are no “Have a good day!” kisses on my forehead, nose and mouth as I leave for work. No sprawling on the couch watching TV or napping while you played video games. 

This is harder to deal with because I’ve had those things. I know what it’s like to wake up to you still asleep and think of how beautiful you are. I knew that when I came home from work you’d be there and when you had a break from your own job you’d come to me and hug me and I’d feel myself become grounded in the warmth of it. I could count on you trying to tickle me despite my halfhearted protests because you say you like my laughter. 

If I was going to be honest with myself I would admit that over the past year I’m more cranky, sassy, cynical, abrasive, dark, and (find a better word for sad/depressed and put it here) because I grew attached to you to the point that I feel a part of me is gone, that part being you. 

We are back to being a thousand miles away from each other. 

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about ditching everything and driving back to you just to be able to see you and touch you again.

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I originally heard this song while driving the hour home from work. Fell in love with the beat at first, then I caught the lyrics and absolutely had to share it with you Wonderful ;) 

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The night we first met I threw a pillow at him and almost broke his glasses though I don’t remember why....Hmm?

Now, it’s more of a game. It’s meant to be a joke and not taken seriously.