just for keeps

I simply write what runs on my mind. Life experiences,love and sometimes  lust. A secret page of my life. -earl grey

[closedmouth]

wrong person

I know that was wrong. How I hold you.  How I accept your invitation. How I held your hands. How I looked at you. How I enjoy every single moments with you. 

Why I didn’t think about her in the first place. I was so stupid  and selfish. Fool. 

I know that was all wrong. I will get nothing when I continue doing that. Im just a product of loneliness. Why did I let myself to be on a situation where I know that in the end , it will be my lost. Stupid.

 I let myself to fall in love to a person who’s still in love with my friend.  He’s so nice and sweet. All I could wish. But he’s doing that because she’s not with her. We’re alone. We’re both broken. Both stupid to let ourselves to be on the situation that hurts me NOW.

I should not tell anyone I’ve been in love to the person who court and still in love with my closest friend. I should not keep this feeling. I should keep my head up and pretend it didn’t hurt. I didn’t feel anything about him.

The way we talk, topics we share, we dream about-Dubai. The way you secretly get to hold my hands. That’s NOTHING now.

I should pretend I forget already how does it felt like to be with her man because I care about her-my friend, about our friendship. 

You say “Mahal kita” . Why say things if you really don’t mean it.

Maybe that’s why I didn’t say “I love you” back. Coz from the start my heart knows it wont lasts.

How can I say “good bye” if I like talking with you.

How can I stop talking If you start talking to me.

How can I talk to you again ,If you’re the one who’s still on my mind even I know you don’t think about me anymore.

How can I forget you if she reminds me of you.

How can I forget the person who break our connection by saying “ ayoko ng mawala sakin si “insert friend’s name”.

I hate you for leaving me this fckng feeling. 

I hate you for showing intention to me.

I hate you. You existed. 

Someday, I’ll forget this feeling- how it hurts. Coz this woman knows , I’ll just suffer if I dont stop thinking about you.

Someday, I’ll find someone who is mature enough to fight for me. Mature enough to handle things , who think before doing. Someone who will love me with no other. It is not you boss.

p.s  I WILL SURELY MISS EVERYTHING, YOU. GOODBYE BOSS.

-earl grey

[thegoodvibeco]

Author: Hussa Al-Khalifa

[closedmouth]

i want to cry

[closedmouth]

he’s (still) on my mind-my everyday thoughts

Im so fucking not over it. I cant stop thing about you Paul. 

Since the day you last called-Jan 05 2016, : “ you know what, its my bday. “i missed you”, di ba pwedeng sabihin mo ding “i missed you too?”

Since then, all of my thoughts involves you. I remember all the simple things that will remind me of you. I smell your scent from nowhere. 

The eye glasses, the mustache, your height,  the way you walk, talk, how you smell, your lips, the sound of your voice, the way you speak and simply YOU.

FUCK YOU for doing this to me. It haunt me so bad my prince.

When I close my eyes, my dreams, whenever there is a person that looks the same , clothed like you. shit. I missed you so fucking bad Paul Ian!

I cant get out of you in my mind. Why are you doing this to me?

Deep inside my whole system tells me you were just a piece of trash in my memory that I should forget since day 2 of our fucking lust overcoming -our sex.

Maybe it is true that your first will always have the space in your heart and mind. Even tho there’s no love attached---I’m telling you- I am attached. I cant confirm that this is love or what . I just want to be with you and talk to you again.

I really want to make that call again and make things right-make things that my body wants even if that is completely wrong.

I want to feel your weight, taste of your lips, smell of your hair , how you taste, I want to feel you again. Please talk to me again. Call me again. Tell me you want me again. Invite me again for a sex.

-closedmouth

[kushandwizdom]

34

[closedmouth]

simplest laugh. hahaha

[nevver]

[closedmouth]

still thinking you are a good person.

[onlydoll]

[closedmouth]

alpha

you can never forget all of the things that marked in your life and will give a permanent scar in your entire life. 

-closedmouth

[closedmouth]

to feusf.

QUICKIE (this is not about love but please take time to read this esp. GUYS) (SPG)

This is about the person I met from a dating app . He's from FEU. So yes, nakipag meet ako. He call himself Ian . Meet up place 7/11 near an Aeronautical school in our place. So ako si inosente pa noon sa mga meet ups , akala ko "hi's and hello's" lang but NO and  there's something more than that sa part ni guy . He's tall, well firmed body , maputi , he got the eyes and a great smile that any girl could easily fall into and he got this sex appeal. I didnt expect more about sa appearance nya coz hindi naman sya gwapo sa pic na sinend nya but hell... he almost have it all. So when we get into his apartment, (sabi nya kasi may kukunin lang sya saglit then we're good. Then he asked me to come , so, ako si tanga sumama.) He asked for sex-QUICKIE. I was in a shocked inside sa sinabi nya and without any answer he started to touch me.  Hell no! Hindi ko hinayaang may kung anu mangyari at mawala pa Vcard ko sa kung sinu sinu lang.  Sa kakatanggi ko at layo for more than 30mins (NV) Ian: "you can go. im serious. sumakit na katawan ko sayo wala pa man.." ME: "bakit ka  ganyan? wala ka bang gf?" -asking about why he's so eagered to have sex kahit na di nya ko kilala He answered. " wala akong gf. She left me. Nagmigrate sa Australia" And umalis na ko na medyo shocked pa sa nangyari . (months have passed) He changed his name on that app to "J" then now he called himself "GERALD". It means he's still looking for casual sex (so why I can easily say "he's looking for casual sex"? keep reading)  on that stupid app . Earlier this January, I stalked on fb and found his dummy acount by simply typing Ian and his school. You know what I found ? "meet?" "skype?" "I am at Singapore now. who's free? lets meet here in Geylang or Kallang, Singapore ? PM or comment...." "im in this (insert province) lets meet" "cam to cam?" "Who is free now? let's meet?" "Who is free today? painit tyo?" Sh*t . He's been doing it for two years?! He got likes and even replies from girls when he posts.  That account was inactive now since his last post was 2014. And maybe he mastered that kind of work and pleasure if he really gets some to those random women .

The thing is- he's not aware of STD's or HIV that he could get from those girls. Guys, you can get other sickness tru oral , saliva , skin contact and etc. We should be always aware of that. I know , base from what I read, stories , books, blogs ,magazines and etc ,SEX IS SO DAMN PLEASURABLE but geeks condom is not enough. Stick to one partner or spread it all.

TO THE GUY : And imagine if in the future mag asawa ka Ian/J/Gerald , who ever you are sakit lang ibibigay mo sa kanya and if totoo yung sinabi mo about sa GF mo- why? Is sex will make you feel free ? some pleaure ,yes but damn you cant hide your problems from sex. After confirming some of your dirty deeds, I realized , way back sa couch where I sat , I still remember when I stare at you. There's sadness  I saw that something is wrong with you. Eyes wont hide it. Please stop. I care for you as a person and for your future QUICKIE partner. Pag naman sinabi kong "kamutin mo nalang mag isa" hindi mangyayari yun. WHY? May face value ka. Di ka mag iisa sa gusto mo. Sure yan di ba?

Another thing after knowing that there's kind of person like this who constantly fuck random girls- na less appreciate ko yung mga gwapong nakikita ko sa daan . Deep inside sasabihin ko sa sarili ko "lolokohin ka lang yan, sex lang habol nyan, baka fuck boy yan at lalong lumala trust issue ko "

Sana mabasa mo to Ian/J/Gerald He worked on ADEALS. ZALORA, student of business ad-based on his dummy account. Commerce student , 20y/o  -based on what we  talked on chat last Oct 2015

other PIYU-P

[closedmouth]

late night studying.

In the middle of the night,

when you cant focus on what you are studying,

you’ll be tempted by different thoughts.

Memories that constantly flashing in your mind.

Being on a society who’s not open to tackle about shit of the human body.

I, being experienced on that shit is totally wicked from time to time and I’m needing such pleasure so bad.

I always remind myself to study but every time I pause , in less than a minute it will start.

Mind is so wonderful-endless imagination , no limits , no one will ever know what you think unless you speak it out. 

In this perfect moment all I want is to absorb as if Im actually doing what Im thinking-what Im fantasizing about.

The same scenario,same place and time. The same person who’s name is Ian. But the very worst of this moment is... you created different level of what happened .

You continue  what’s not meant to happen, must forgotten a long time ago.

You know what you want and this is what you want. 

You can lie when you speak but you cant lie on yourself on what you really want.

Specially on what your body and mind wants at this perfect moment.

-closedmouth

[closedmouth]

I met this kind of guy.

This was the very first reason on how my whole simple and innocent life change into not so common to the world I belong. I became SEX OPEN MINDED individual.

I met him 10/20/15, around 2pm , Paranaque city, in front of Ministop near PATTS college of Aeronautics. But before that , I want you to know how we first introduced - a social networking/dating app so called WECHAT.

I was using this app then he sent me a greeting then I added him.  Then the start of our conversation. 

“hi”

“how are you”

“ age”

“location”

Our conversation was something like that. I end up that Im the one who was willing to know about  him by reading my questions I sent to him . And it was like this:

“where do you study?”

“course? year?” etc. (this is bullshit grrr)

and his reply was always like this:

“wow”

“cool”

“lol”

“baka ikaw”- when I ask if he’s a poser or not

“haha”

and Im the one who’s making our conversation long even if he’s just saying those words reapeatedly. again and again. -another shit right?

I didnt notice that everytime we talk on this app, he constantly asks of say :

“wow”

“lets meet”

“where are you?”

“lets meet”

“711″

“near Patts”

This scenario was happened again and again maybe 2-3 times before I ecide to actually meet him in person.

So here it goes. 

That was Tuesday afternoon and I have class from 1:30 pm onwards. We’re started  talking, I think around 11am then he asks me to meet. I decidee to go since all I think that this meet up was be like “Hi’s! and Hellos” only. 

I prepared myself for my afternoon class , ate my lunch, took a shower and even flat ironed my hair (coz im going to meet a person and i should look a little nicer , right? haha lol)

So he gave his number 0917 bla bla bla. Then we continue chatting:

“lets do quikie” -got the idea of sex when he asks the color of my undies

i said the color coz i really dont think that he was serious about that.

then I grab his joke(coz i think its just some kind of trick on how man continue a conversation)

then I rode a jeepney then he started chatting like this:

“san ka”

“san ka na”

“are you coming”

“you said 1:30″ - I came at 2pm.

then ...

He’s in front of me. standing there.

He’s tall. fair complexion, neat in his  simple black shirt and shorts.

Wearing the cutest smile of my afternoon.

He’s handsome. and at that moment I cant imagine that Im going to see this kind of man- pointing at his physical aspects. He’s such a cutee.

I think, Im speechless at that moment coz he dont look like what’s in the picture he gave me - he was totally grown up man than those fucking 2 pictures.

Then he saw me, I saw him. bla bla

“ come, I’ll just get some money” he ask and starting to walk back from he’s apartment. We walked until we get there on that apartment ( and up untill now I still remember how his apartment looked like)

I come and walk besides him under the sun. Then  when we get there , he said “ come in, dont worry my sister is here” (fuck you I know you lied from the start when you said you are just going to get some money).

I came inside. It was a little dark but well suited for he’s kind. I noticed the bed and I sit on the couch . He get me a bottled of water then it started. He started.

-closedmouth

[closedmouth]

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

Mary Manin Morrissey

[closedmouth]

start again.

this is the moment when you realize that you have to forget all of what happened on those darkest months of your 2015.

it is when you realize that let go stop all that fuck.

it is when you knew that was enough.

it is when you have to delete all. NO TURNING BACK.

it is when you have to focus solving FLUID MECHANICS and THERMODYNAMICS instead of chatting on random people or waiting in a fckng message to appear on your screen saying “i miss you”-again

it is when you have to stop making effort to someone who really dont know you and who dont care about you nd maybe already forgets about you.

this is the time to change.

time to fckng start again your life.

time to continue your life fckng 4 months ago. 

time not to  fckng talk about .-couch, inasal, junkshop, lower bicutan and that chat app.

time to delete all necessary things that can remember you from those shit.

be a better person by starting to be myself again.

-closedmouth

[closedmouth]

[closedmouth]

eyes on you.

After all of what happened to me. Things has changed. Im thinking not the same. Seeing not like I am before.

this mind is so much different now. both eyes is not so my eyes 3mons. ago.

the way they stood

his eyes , lips plus teeth

it falls perfectly and wondering what would happen if I have those.

not literally but erotically. not for good maybe just for ones is enough.

the feeling is so unusual if somebody got whats on my wildest dreams.

and all I can do is to bite. try not to over react. bite my lower lip. think. dream of what if’s.

overthinking-thats me.

I do think , imagine .

butt .

uh no. its not just that. firm muscles, their hands and wonder what’s the feeling if that embraces me. holding me, oh. just hold me tight.

Height is a plus. complexion is a subject. not to fair babe.

but its not just that. Hearing your voice. your manly handsome voice will weaken every nerves. how you speak is a devil calling me. Your breath on my skin feels like hell is calling me.

So bad. So good. I dont care. See me wondering. See me staring. you know what I want honey.

-closedmouth

P.S

maybe you want to know what Im thinking when you caught me do staring on you.

[closedmouth]

stalking.

yes. i do stalk a lot.

why? to got some idea .

who? fortunate guys and girls who have it all.

why again? to see how unfortunate I am. they have things I dont. 

huh? Why? to see how challenge I am to aim more.

it is when you’ll see people who wears what you want, look want you want, be on a place on where you want.

Life is so challenging. After all, I realized... I’ll dont settle just for this. i”ll be more than what I am today. Maybe it will take time , but surely, step by step I will make. -closedmouth

[flyingmemes]

follow flyingmemes for the funniest content

[closedmouth]

couch.

handsome as hell.

you cant imagine how this angel is in your side.

touching like you’ve known each other very well.

hands on mine. there and everywhere.

considered as alpha-the very first beginning of the next page.

7/11----10/20/15

almost 2 hours. same couch.

i already memorize what your room looked like.

up until know I still remember everything that happened.

 bad at first . searching for some more maybe not the way it is. not the way you want. not the way I imagine.

I like it. 

i would love to continue the whole scene. on that couch. 

and it hunts me back again and again.

up until this time. 3 months ago and still longing.

-closedmouth