Before the year is done there's something I want to say. This is not porn so feel free to scroll on, but it might help some people.
YOUR FANTASIES DO NOT REFLECT ON YOUR REAL BELIEFS.
You might have a particularly shameful kink or fantasy that sometimes gives you that slap of guilt in the face when you least expect it. I know I do!
When that happens, run a simple test:
- Did you harm anyone by having that fantasy and engaging with it? No? Awesome!
- Did you share it with someone who is safe, if at all?
- If you played, was it consensual, safe, and adult?
If so... you have my permission to dodge guilt!
Let's be frank. Some degree of drop, sub, dom or otherwise is to be expected. Call it the toll on the road between fantasy and reality. Acknowledge it's there, and pay it no mind. You might feel a bit iffy for a little while, but if you focus on something else it will go away. Think of it as cloudy weather. It kinda sucks but you don't stop your life for it!
Now, about your shameful, shameful fantasies: that which is taboo is attractive. Getting turned on by something you know you shouldn't do/be in real life is... completely normal. In fact, that it turned you on might be a good sign. You found it hot because you KNOW it's wrong. You have a moral compass there, friend. Trust me, some... don't. And that compass is what will keep you from doing harm.
Sometimes you'll feel sort of... exposed. Like people will be able to tell you get down to all that evil freaky stuff by looking at you. To which I tell you... HOW? Telepathy? Is Professor X around? Not only no one will know, you deserve an area of intimacy and privacy. And your head is that space. There is no celestial daddy to spank you for your sinful thoughts.
And if there is... that's kinda hot too.
And EVEN IF SOMEHOW SOMEONE PEERED INTO YOUR SOUL... they'd see... you. You with your kinks and your values and your beauty and your mistakes and your messed up humanity. And that "you" is worthy of love. Yes, with the messed up kinks, too.
We are messy bitches, humans. Our brains are these ongoing chemistry experiments that do weird shit all the time. We sexualize shame, we shame sexuality, we sexualize trauma and morality and fear... even politics and identity!
And that's perfectly fine, as long as you don't harm others. And if you accidentally do, listen, be humble, learn. We all fuck up sometimes. I sure as shit have!
So how about in this new year we, you know, extend some kindness and grace to ourselves? We deserve it. As a treat.
