~soil and stars~ @cloudcaper - Tumblr Blog

Years ago my sister told me abt how she used to play online survival games like Rust or something etc. w her friends and she’d go in VC this over-the-top ‘girly’ voice like “ummm hey I don’t play videogames much and I reeeaaallly don’t know what’s going on teehee, can anyone pleaaase come help me I’m so confused” and then when some guy showed up all of her friends would swarm and kill

logarto

aardvarks are very good but what really charmed me about them was seeing them sleeping… theyre just so chilled out

glumshoe

I have always been partial to stories which feature the removal of many layers of clothing as an important plot element. One of my favorite Scandinavian folktales is about a queen who, through some magical conception mishap, gives birth to twins. The younger twin is beautiful and normal in every way, but the older twin is just. Y’know. A big horrible snake with arms.

When the younger twin grows up and wants to get married, the lindworm returns and insists that he, as the elder prince, must be married first. When a massive horrible snake with arms lays down the law like that there isn’t really any room for disagreement, but it turns out to be awfully hard to find a bride willing to marry him. The king and queen search far and wide for a woman who will take a husband who is 50 feet long, doesn’t have legs, and may or may not eat his would-be wives when they are appalled by him, but eventually they find a local shepherd’s daughter who is either coerced, a monsterfucker, or just very open-minded and agrees to marry the lindworm.

Depending on the version, the bride either seeks out the advice of a witch or comes up with the idea all by herself, and goes to the bedchamber on her wedding night dressed in many layers of dresses. Her big horrible snake with arms husband is waiting for her and bids her to disrobe, but she asks him to shed a skin as well. Her sexy Russian nesting doll cosplay has so many layers that by the time she is naked, he has shed all of his skins and is 1.) either a sexy naked human dude underneath or 2.) is this meaty blob of helpless worm meat that must be whipped and bathed in chemicals before he transforms into a sexy naked human dude. Either way, they presumably live happily ever after and the younger prince can finally get married.

I’d like to know how the elder prince adjusted to having a human body. He was born a lindworm and lived his entire life slithering around—he’s never worn pants! He’s never had to sit on a toilet! What’s he gonna do now that he’s a sexy 20-something heir to the throne? Is it a shock for him when he looks down and he’s just got one sexual organ? His butt is in the back now, he’s got to shave, he’s got to eat with a fork and a knife and chew his food instead of unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole.... is it weird for him? Is his honeymoon spent learning to walk on two legs? Is his instinct to crawl out of bed and drag himself across the floor by his arms? Does he roll onto his back and play dead when he gets scared? Does he wrap his torso around his lunch and attempt to constrict it? Is his wife... into this?

headspace-hotel

There’s no way to predict where this post is going from just the beginning

libbyframe

Most powerful wizard

#ZAP!!!!!!!!!!#< sound of magic spell

sweetestwildfire-deactivated202

☁️✨

#<3

i have a new chapstick formula too! ask about bundle discounts!!!

delvedreamer

Sunscreen isn’t just for summer and snow glare is a real problem, so if any vampires are looking to stock up, they should contact myself or my sister. We even have holiday packaging.

And we’ll subtract the cost of the packaging if you bring your old containers back for a refill. :)

cloudcaper

be sure to ask about SEASONAL SCENTS AS WELL!!!

#gingerbread and pine!#i wanna experiment with putting seaweed glitter in the sunscreen also #if u wanna be my lab rat!