CloudedConcept

There is literally no consisten theme to this blog sorry bout it

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Dark dark dark times this year. Can the universe give me a break yet? I better be a queen in my next life cause this life just feels like one massive unrelenting slap in the face :)

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Ah... Relationships 

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My Living Room

my living room is currently occupied by anxiety, anger, hatred, doubt, regret, compassion, happiness, fear and despair.

Feeling, determination and mindfullness are in the basement and are starting to get too big, they might have to come upstairs next.

Anxiety is almost always there and I can’t get it to leave, it always finds a reason to stay

Anger and hatred are visiting due to the latest drama concerning my dad

Doubt is there due to my lack of belief in myself

Regret is there because I think there are so many things i could have changed

Compassion is there because im trying to understand others and why they say and do the things they do that so negatively effect me.

Happiness is there simply for my sanity

Fear and despair are there to remind me that my father could permanently damage my brothers development and my mothers life.

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Dear Depression,

Still here uh? Would’ve thought you’d have shifted by now. Been around since I’m 14 but I don’t need you anymore. I have friends now, i have a relationship now, i do what i enjoy now, my family is safe and happy now. So why ?

I never even asked for you in the first place and you never did anything good for me. All you ever did is make me harm myself, distrust others and hate my life. I know you stick around with some people for there whole lives, but I dont want that for myself. 

I want to be in a happy relationship with a man who loves me, but you’re sabotaging us? you’re making me distrust him, youre making me not enjoy myself, youre lowering my sex drive but worst of all youre making me want to leave him just because you think we will never last. Because he will leave me, but he will only leave me because of you. You.

I know where you came from though, you come from somewhere different for everyone, but as soon as my dad turned into a vindictive arsehole, you turned up. And at first you were a comfort, you helped me deal with the pain I felt and let me wallow in it and process it. but there’s nothing to process now. he’s not even in my life and yet here you are. putting me down everytime i think i can be happy, and bringing your best buddy anxiety to the party. Who by the way is the bane of my life.

I don’t want to be with you, either of you. So if you would kindly leave me alone and let me be, that would be swell.

Sincerely, 

fuck you

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I want nothing more than to be happy. 

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Well. My relationship is over. And I need to check myself in somewhere :)

[1000-life-hacks]

[onlytwitterpics]

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I love you so much, I wish I wasn't such a selfish bitch

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Never been so aware of the sound of my breathing before

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Thought I wanted to drop out of uni, turns out I just wanna drop out of life.

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I don't even think I want to keep you, im so destructive you'd never last anyway. I'll ruin this relationship so slowly you won't even notice till it's over

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I'll never get to keep you and that sucks

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When you feel so numb you can't even cry cause you're spent. There's nothing left, and I just wish I could stop existing, just for a minute

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So glad that I'm getting the chance to be your dream girl

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I don't want to ruin this

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I wish

I wish you were holding me and stroking my hair as i cuddled into your chest. That's when I feel most safe.