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Not today Justin
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AnasAbdin
izzy's playlists!
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seen from South Africa
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@cloudleaping
[ANOTHER CRUMPLED LIST AT THE BOTTOM OF CLOUDLEAPER’S BAG]
Things that other people don’t do
page before visiting rooms
enter without knocking
eat toast with forks
spaghetti without spoons?
mothers actually care some moms care
no murder for revenge
not everyone knows about the black market
art heists are not a thing
teasing is lying??? Maliah is from the feywild
revenge contracts???
spar with naming permissions during meals
So I met Maliah’s moms and was super nervous and polite, because I nearly killed Maliah and they probably want to kill me.
They were very polite and reserved and didn’t kill me the first time.
Then Maliah said she’d actually talk to Marsa about her girlfriendship but only if I talked on her moms and you better believe I ran right out the door to talk to them. Maliah is a very good waiter, which I am not, but her worrying is driving me insane.
asking Marsa to meet her moms but not asking her to be her girlfriend?? I am not having that pining and miscommunication shit in my life right now.
So I talked to them and they tried to trap me a couple of times, but I deflected with ease and kept my cool and it was all very good. Mrs. Andry laughed so much. And I mentioned that they should have socialized Maliah a little bit more and kinda went on a rant about punching Shaan and how much I love Storm.
So I went and talked and tried very very hard only for MALIAH TO BETRAY ME.
SHE TRICKED ME
TO BE FAIR, I WAS TRICKED
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M STILL MIFFED
She said she’d ask Marsa to talk to her moms on a video call
BUT NOT ASK ABOUT GIRLFRIENDINESS
I am so MIFFED
IRRITATED
DELIGHTED, BECAUSE WE’RE FINALLY GETTING ALONG AGAIN.
And then Maliah got upset about me being polite to her moms.
Apparently they weren’t sparring? And I offended them.
I sulked all night.
But then Marsa pulled and awesome and they’re now girlfriends.
DON’T. SEND. A. BOUQUET.
CL
[crumpled list at the bottom of Cloudleaper’s bag]
you are kind
you are worthy
there are those who love you
you are useful, but useful is not your worth
your friends are your friends
it’s okay to be angry
your usefulness is not your worth
you don’t need to fight
you are loved
you love others
deflection with humor isn’t always needed
you don’t need to be the punchline
feelings are okay
bad feelings are okay
rumination is sticky
remove yourself from rumination
focus on who you saved not who you lost
it is not your fault they were lost
Lots of milkshakes, lots of writing, lots of taking care of myself. I’m working on it, don’t worry!
Love,
CL
So Shaan is probably dead and I don’t know how I feel about that because for one I want to punch him and for two I want to hug him until his ribs crack, and for three if he left our siblings I’m gonna get Elyn to bring him back and murder him again because why would he LEAVE them.
But I’m on a ship now - a ship starring my favorite ship!
Maliah and Marsa are the cutest thing in the world. I’m resisting everything so they don’t spook (AND DON’T SEND ANYTHING, PIKA YOU TRAITOR LET THEM LIVE A PEACEFUL AND HAPPY LIFE WITH NO BOUQUETS).
I am living the dream reading fanfiction as we go, watching the cutest of interactions, getting lots of reviews on my origfic and so much more.
I am also not embarrassing Maliah. Hooray! I am stuffing my mouth with a lot of things. I will do this. I will do the non embarrassing thing.
Love you!
CL
Just FYI, we are taking a vacation.
No fighting, no mysteries, just the sun and milkshakes and therapy.
I promise not to get in trouble.
So I forgot to tell you about the tournament, but we are doing an interview thing about finding another plane. Just so you know. I’ve attached the .eml files of it to this email. Please send me more screenshots of the conspiracy. It always makes me laugh to see them.
Love you!
CL
We’re back, I know you’re worried. Apparently, I am very concussed.
I could have told you that, and I don’t even have a doctorate.
The concussion bit is not part of the memory shit, but I’ve also seen a therapist.
This is the point where I start thanking you for your friendship.
I know I often deflect with humor and try to keep up the bounciness.
Thank you for being my friends where that doesn’t need to happen. Thank you for your love and understanding and friendship. Thank you for being there for me. I’m not going to apologize, because otherwise I’d send you a novel, but thank you so much for being there.
Also, maybe they shouldn’t have let my mother keep kids. I mean, she was always cold and we always did feel like a business investment. But maybe it was deeper than that. I feel disgusted even typing that about my own mother, but you know? She was a great leader, but maybe not a great mother.
I even call her mother instead of mom...
I’m working on being a better Cloudleaper. I love you very much.
CL
So I’m starting this off with this: I’m okay, I’m going to see a doctor, please don’t panic and don’t call and yell at me because I don’t think my poor heart could take it.
I suffered an amnesiac episode where I baited a roc and almost killed Maliah and Squirt in the fighting aftermath. I also spoke in Elven, called Maliah by the name of my younger sister.
Lesser Restoration didn’t work, an elemental said it wasn’t lingering magic, and the head nerd of nerdsville said that there was no residual magic from some magic crap. As soon as we get back on the plane, I’m going to see a doctor...and a therapist.
...I think they might have tried to resurrect me. My family, that is.
I’m going to fucking kill them.
Why now? It’s been over fifty years and now they pull this shit? Why now that I’ve finally come back into space?
So, I’ve been cagey with both of you, but here’s the thing: my family is rich and by the gods, they wouldn’t have had to wait long. I don’t even know it was them. All I know is that they think I’m dead. I made sure of that. I mean, I didn’t intentionally mean to but I did it anyways because I needed to leave.
I wouldn’t survive the aftermath of my rebellion. Not that dramatic, I’m sorry. But Mother would have been mad. I’m mature enough to admit...I don’t know what would have happened after that.
I mean, leaving the monastery, I was actually going to let my dumb twin know that I was still alive. I wanted it to be a little less obvious, and he’d be mad but he’d know I was around.
That fucker disappeared and I’m going to punch him in hte face when I see him again. He ruined the perfect sneaky messaging system I was going to use. I had it planned out! There were diagrams! And codes!
He loved that shit. And now he’s gone and I can’t find him.
I know it serves me right, but a tiny half of my soul aches for him.
But they might have tried to resurrect me and now what if it happens again. Who else might I hurt?
I’m coming back to the plane soon and I’ve set these so they will send, and this will be the top of your email lists so please don’t worry and please don’t yell.
I’m getting help, I promise.
CL
We’ve met the elementals - it was a wonderful experience. I sidled off to ask them if there was some sort of magic or curse on me, but the elder one said it wasn’t so. I tried to be sneaky about it, but...well, you know me.
Dread coats my heart with every step and grief thickens my tongue. Pika, what do I say to them? Do I even have the right to be with them?
Oh, Pika. What would you do? I wish we had reception, so that you could just send a snappy letter back, as you do.
They say we should see a doctor when we get back. That, yes. But also probably therapy. I don’t know what fingers my mother might have in things, but bahamut above I’m messed up.
...he’s stopped talking to me as well.
Pika...
We’re going to meet the elementals.
Apparently it’s not magic, or not one that Lesser Restoration can cure.
We fought some wolves and Elyn made snowshoes.
I’m still not feeling too great, but I’m not feeling like her, so it’s good?
(I’m so worried)
I’m tired. So tired, pika.
Storm,
I’m taking the time to write this and make sure it sends the next time I have reception.
I love you.
You are the breath within my lungs, the oxygen to my fire, the catalyst that makes the stars ignite.
I don’t remember doing it, but I almost killed my party today and my heart is so heavy it might as well be a black hole, sucking everything inside and stretching me until I am a near wisp of myself.
You know me, I agonize, I tear myself apart, but I did something so rash I don’t think I’ll ever be forgiven, let alone forgive myself.
This is not the Cloudleaper-you-deserve, but the Cloudleaper-who-loves-you, speaking. Well, not literally, as I can barely bring myself to speak, so heavy is the disgust that coats my tongue.
But if this is a sign of something, a period of forgetting, of transforming into some strange creature that is no longer Cloudleaper, I want you to know that I love you. I’m going to try and find help, but know this: every beat of my heart sings your name. Every breath I take is a kiss to your cheek. Every atom, every molecule of stardust that resides within me yearns for you. My thoughts circle you like the gravitational pull of a planet around a start.
I am yours. Even if this takes me away, please know that I am yours and I love you.
Yours,
Cloudleaper
So, understandably, Maliah’s still angry. I’m not even sure if I’m going to send that last letter, but let’s just say this:
I think something bad is happening and I’m doing stuff that is a tad more dramatic (and dangerous) than I usually do. Squirt almost died and it’s my fault. I dont remember doing it, but it was done. It’s all my fault.
Needless to say, Maliah and Elyn are colder than the temps right now.
haha.
I’m just staying quiet. I’ve been keeping a little list of things, and so far, I’ve remembered all of them. It’s cold - we’re in a snowy part of the plane and Maliah and Elyn are just so angry.
I’ve been quiet. I want to go back home and i don’t want them to leave me here.
Not that I think they’d do that!
But they might.
I’ve been taking extra watches and making sure everyone gets rest, especially after that fight.
Then we ran into another creature and killed it and maybe found some documents of someone it ate.
Maliah let me carry her up the ridge to look at the creature’s lair and so at least she can bear me touching her. Not that I’ve done anything like that recently. I’m keeping my distance.
Pika, I’m so scared. They said I called Maliah by my younger sister’s nickname. I almost threw up.
I was going to end thi letter here and I signed off with the wrong initials.
Pika, I’m not feeling myself and i’m so so scared
To: The Lady Dahlia
The Court of Flowers
Rugira Prime
Dear Pika,
I’m not quite sure what is going on, but I’m finding myself unsettled and unsure of myself; a mood you know I don’t often find myself in.
Freedom from the hotel came in the way of Elyn taking Maliah, Squirt, and I on an adventure to meet the elemental that knew her parents and produced the tear her parents left her as an earring. I was quite interested to see how it would go.
I feel a bit odd lately, but I miss you and Stormflight.
Your friend,
Cloudleaper
Okay, so I’m leaving the above up there because I wasn’t feeling like myself and I don’t remember writing it, but it’s there. Right there. Ready to send to, Pika. And I don’t remember it at all!
Also, included in what I dn’t remember is THE FACT TAHT I PICKED A FIGHT WITH A ROC AND NEARLY KILLED SQUIRT
WHAT
Pika, I’mso scared and I don’t knwo what’s going on but i don’t feel like me, and i don’t remember what was h appening i don’t even remember the battle and i said “caw caw motherfucker” nd picked a figth and i thought my baby sis was there and then i don’t remember at all and mliah is so angry at me and i don’t know waht to do.
we were getting better
i was so happy!!
but they’re both mad at me and i don’t remember and i want to cry ut i can’t cry and i thought wewer e friends and oh pika
i’m so scared
i don’t remmber it
pika
what if it’s happened again? what if’sts happened before
waht else don’t i remember?
what else am i forgetting/
Hello my most darlingist Pik-bik,
We’re finally becoming free. I don’t begrudge Elyn her time with her new family but between Maliah, Squirt, and I, I am literally climbing the walls to get out of here.
Not that the romances haven’t been nice, not that it isn’t comforting to see that romance tropes transcend planes, languages, and cultures, not that Maliah or Squirt or the feather bed I’m sleeping on instead of dirt offend me. But...
I
Want
Out.
So we’re heading out on a great adventure! I’m excited to see the grass and breathe real air again.
Well, I’ve seen grass here and breathed the air, it’s just that everyone stares at me because I’m not a gnome and everything’s just a little too small, and it’s like being in the monastery again, except it’s smaller not larger and everything down to the enamel of my teeth just itch to move. But I don’t want to terrify the locals, so I’m staying inside and it is just driving me crazy.
There’s nothing active I can do inside and I don’t fit into the airvents.
Elyn found out the stuff on her earring, though! It was Very Emotional.
Love you lots,
CL
[selection from browser history]
丂ㄖ ㄖ几匚乇 ㄩ卩
ㄖ几 卂 ŗ̶̟̲̖͕͓̗͕̖́́̍̊̿e̴̳͚͒̍̽͑̋̍a̷͇͉͎̖̱͕̮̜͔͑͊͆͑̉͜d̶̗̯̘̭̭͔̍͆͝͠ͅ ̸̡̲̠̹̠̫̲̝̣̺̒͗́͑ ㄒ丨爪乇 ㄒ卄
乇尺乇 山卂丂 卂几 乇ㄥ千 山
卄ㄖ 山v卂几ㄒ乇ᗪ ㄒㄖ 尺
乇卂ᗪ 千卂几千丨匚 ㄒ卄丨
丂 山卂丂 卄乇尺
丂乇卂尺匚卄 卄丨丂ㄒㄖ尺ㄚ 尺ㄖ爪卂几匚乇
尺ㄖ爪卂几匚乇 千卂几千 ŗ̶̟̲̖͕͓̗͕̖́́̍̊̿e̴̳͚͒̍̽͑̋̍a̷͇͉͎̖̱͕̮̜͔͑͊͆͑̉͜d̶̗̯̘̭̭͔̍͆͝͠ͅ ̸̡̲̠̹̠̫̲̝̣̺̒͗́͑
匚 ㄒ卄乇 丂Ҝㄚ 乃ㄥㄩ
乇 丂Ҝㄚ ㄩ卩ㄖ几 ㄩ丂 丂
乃丂ㄩ丂 卩丨Ҝ/ᗪ卂
尺匚乇 卩/ᗪ s̴̛͚͓̮̙̯̥̘̅̆̓̀̋͗̔̏e̸̡̧̧̳͎̮̳̼̟̋̈́͊̆̍͊̄͝ḁ̶̼̩̼̩͚͙̔͂͒̉́ř̵͇̥͚̤̭̯̦́̚͜ͅc̸̜̑h̵̡̡̛̲̳̬͉̱̭̞͕ ̶͔̥̺̹̲̾͗̅ 丂乃丂
ㄩ丂 千卂几千丨匚ㄒ丨ㄖ几]
千卂几千丨匚
千卂几-千丨匚ㄒ丨ㄖ几
I’m on another plane and this probably wont send yet, but yes yes a thousand times a thousand years a thousand planes. I want to meet up with you and hold you in my arms and just breathe. This has been an undertaking, but I miss you so much.
What made me come to this conclusion? Well, Elyn’s finally found her family and it took a slightly maudlin dinner and her talking about speaking to spirits, but yes.
I love you. I miss you. I also want to show you the fucking badass new tricks I’ve learned while trapped on the plane of the tiny, but easily scale-able.
We set out on brand new adventure soon to meet elementals! We’ll be able to stretch our legs and I will be able to rant to beings who (vaguely) understand my obsession with fanfic.
I feel a little lighter setting out. I think that if I can admit and say this, I can finally be true to myself.
But for now, we’re going on an adventure!