My Experience with Ayahuasca
The way these few weeks orchestrated itself to align my soul with my ayahuasca ceremony was very intentional. I’m grateful that I’m able to trust my intuition to guide me to good and I’m grateful that I have the strength to follow through. Discipline takes work. It’s not that it’s difficult.. It just takes genuine work and effort. The gifts that come from that discipline make it all worthwhile and can even have you question why it took you so long to get here in the first place. But everything is as it is supposed to be. The struggle. The lessons. The choices made. Everything.
For the most part, I felt very relaxed and ready. I had been preparing for as long as I could remember and I trusted that I could handle this experience. I originally wanted to go to Peru, the sacred land where the magic started. To be in the jungle with the plants and the medicine, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that would be like. All year, I asked questions and researched how to get there. I accepted that it wasn’t time, but one day it will be. I had then crossed paths with someone who had done ayahuasca… here… in Winnipeg. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. If I can’t experience the jungle, what better way to do ayahuasca than to do it in my hometown, the city I was born in (rebirth is such a strong theme for me right now). A few months had passed. My heart was still yearning and this time the universe was taking the lead in our harmonious dance together. She guided me to this woman, Lori, who’s partner holds ceremonies in Winnipeg. Get this… she was the newest hire at my work. This allowed me to create a friendship with her, a bond that I could trust and feel safe with. It is incredible how magical this Life can be if we let it. There are so many loving and supporting energies that want you to be happy and want you to live the best Life. We’re all in this together.
Originally, the ceremony was supposed to take place a week ago, December 29. I was excited to end 2018 with a healing experience to help me recharge for the next year. I had felt ready and I anticipated it more and more with each day. The night before the ceremony, I received a message from Lori saying that the ceremony needed to be postponed for another week because her partner had caught the flu. At first, I was frustrated and upset. I allowed myself to feel those emotions and with each breath, I accepted the situation. I then realized that I have more time to cleanse, prepare, and rest. I said to myself, “I guess I have more work to do.” And I sure did. I spent my New Years alone. At 5pm on New Years eve, I packed a bag and booked a hotel room. I was going through an exhausting time because of the holidays and everything that comes with it. I felt drained in all areas and needed to refill my vessel. I had a very spiritual and intimate evening with myself. I was relearning how to love me again. As it hit midnight, I laid in a bath tub with my crystals. I aligned my chakras, did a breathing meditation to centre myself, and brought in the new year being reborn.
I woke up right before the sun started to rise. I stretched with the sun and enjoyed breakfast with my fellow crows. This will be my new ritual every year (maybe even every season). I am beyond grateful that I followed my intuition. I was broken before this. I felt like I “needed” to be with my family to celebrate or I “needed” to be out with friends partying. But deep, deep down.. that was all ego. When you can get out of your head, and into your heart, it can be so healing. This needed to happen for me because immediately after my beautiful experience, I was back in work mode. I had 4 days until the ceremony and I worked at my job all 4 days.
~ It was during this very moment that my heart had felt full. The sun was shining through me & I could feel absolute gratitude for all Life ~
Leading up to meeting the medicine, I chose to make some changes in my lifestyle (my guides also helped me with this as well). With about a week left, I took care of myself and my health. I chose carefully and intentionally what food, what feelings, and what information to process. I cut out caffeine and only drank water or herbal teas. I chose to ate mainly vegetarian dishes with the occasional fish or chicken. I ate ALOT of fruit. This alone took training and discipline. During this time, I was staying at my grandmother’s house and let me tell you… my grandmother’s cooking is my favourite cooking. She puts so much love into it, it’s always perfect. With that being said, it was really hard for me to watch my brother eat adobo, which is my absolute favourite, as I munched on a spinach and apple salad. Or how much I wanted to have a slice of Little Caesar’s pizza hours before my ceremony.
~ vanilla chia pudding with mashed bananas & blueberries ~ avocado toast with bruschetta ~ spinach salad with apples ~ quinoa with mixed veggies ~
Now that I’m on the other side, I’ve realized that those temptations and cravings are temporary. And temporary gratification is worth the lifelong gifts you can receive if you choose otherwise. My vessel was clear and pure for the medicine to be absorbed and for the healing energies to transform. I was ready. One step led to another and fast forward to January 5, at the peak of the new moon in Capricorn as well as a solar eclipse, I had journeyed with courageous and beautiful beings.
There were seven of us. The number seven is considered to be “the Seeker, the lifelong Searcher of Truth”. And that is exactly what we all came here to do, to seek our truths of our world. These people were all strangers to me, but I felt safe. I felt like we’ve walked this path with one another in a different Life. The ceremony was held in an art gallery in the heart of downtown Winnipeg. We had open space and it was perfect for the size of our group. I became comfortable in the corner close to our main guides. I laid out my crystals and stones that were also ready to walk this path with me. After brief introductions, smudging, and settling into the energy of the room, the ceremony began.
~ This was my time traveling space ship (hehe). My fucking awesome homies to the left: obsidian, selenite, amber, lapis lazuli, and a pine cone :) ~
Jeff, our ayahuasquero, blessed the medicine. I kept wanting to watch what he was doing because I was so intrigued. But that was my ego talking. My spirit was telling me to “centre in and stay grounded because it doesn’t matter what he looks like, what matters is where you are about to go”. I was the first one to receive the medicine. My female companion, Lori, came to me with a gentle smile and with a whisper, passed me a small wooden cup and said, “cheers”. With gratitude, I drank the ayahuasca very slowly, wanting to feel every bit of it move through my body. I closed inwards and gave thanks. As I sat still, I moved my awareness to my body, needing to stretch and move the energy through me. I repeated to myself, “I will heal. I will grow. I will let go. I will heal. I will grow. I will let go”. It was time for me to lay down. The lights turned off and it didn’t take long for me to feel the magic. At first, a red light dawned over me. I opened my eyes to see where it was coming from, but there was no red light anywhere. I only could see it with my eyes closed. This resonated with my root chakra and gave me the gift of grounding. My spirit was preparing me for my journey. I then saw a tiny eyeball blink at me and it scared me. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to be some crazy shit.
I closed my eyes and then I saw a key hole. It was inviting me in and I trusted it and kept going. Mama Aya appeared. She carried this essence of an ancient wise grandmother. Her face was a carving on a large tree trunk. Her roots extended out to me, comforting me, telling me that she was here to help me. Jeff began to sing. The timing was perfect because the medicine had finally settled and I was somewhere else. The frequency of his voice was creating images and colours within my mind. Everything was very bright and electric. “This is a lot. This is intense,” I said to myself. Fear began to rise. I wanted to go home and be in my bed. I wanted to be in a familiar place. Everything I was experiencing was new and different and it was a lot for me to process. In my head, I was trying to figure out what to do next. I would try to enjoy the intense high I was feeling, but it felt like system overload. I called over to Lori to comfort me. I looked up at her, and she came to me as a bird. I told her I wanted it to stop because it was a lot. I felt her touch and she continued to comfort me. She looked down on me, and whispered, “it’s okay Mel. It’s the medicine. Everything will be okay.” It took me awhile to release resistance. I felt cold, I just wanted to be warm, I wanted water but couldn’t figure out how to grab it. There was a moment where I knew I was going to throw up, but couldn’t get up. I accepted that I was going to throw up on myself and call it a night. This was it. This was my experience. I whispered out loud, “I need help. Can someone pass me my water bottle? Where is my bucket?” But a voice came to me and said, “you can have whatever you want, but it’s you that needs to do it. No one else can do it for you.” So I sat up and opened my eyes. Thank God. I took a few deep breaths and observed my surroundings. The art gallery was no longer a gallery. But a blur of energy floating through the air. Every direction was a different realm. I came back to contact with my physical body. “Where is my wrist? Yes.. there it is. Grab the hair tie, Mel. Put your hair up. Drink some water. Where are my glasses? I got this. I got this. I have control. Shake it off. Try to throw up. It’s okay, just get it over with.” I couldn’t throw up even after hunching over my bucket with my finger in my mouth. I talked to myself, ALOT. (I mean, I talk to myself alot as it is so it makes sense that it was necessary for my experience. Lol) I laid back down and snuggled in my blanket. Intuitively, I went in the fetal position. Jeff and Lori were going back and forth in song. It was so beautiful. The song was coming from their heart and it helped carry me through my fear. Their song also moved the plant medicine within me. Everything was working together in every moment. I never felt so connected. I then felt like I was being packed into a cocoon. Spirit animals surrounded me in a circle to protect me. I could feel their physical touch pat me as if I was a baby. Waves of energy were pouring into me. My demons were nearby, but my spirit animals were warding them away. But I couldn’t have them do all the work themselves. It was my turn. I began to release resistance. I opened up from my cocoon and spread my body out. In that very moment, my heart opened and I was blessed with so much love. Ethereal beings showed me their world and it was so bright. It felt like they were each taking turns feeding me and nourishing me with love and light. They cleansed my body and had me in a bubble of unconditional love. I saw codes and symbols but I couldn’t understand it at the time. “What is happening? What does this mean? How do I integrate this information?" System fucking overload. My galactic family was showing me light language. Matter did not exist here. There was nothing physical to this experience. I had to touch my face and body just to make sure it was still there. I felt detached from my body. I felt like my mind was floating through consciousness and all it has to offer. Everything worked in frames and layers, pulsing back and forth. Now I wonder what would have happened if I stepped into each frame. Everything was detached, yet all connected.
~ This is the best image I could use to describe the pulsating frames & layers. Holy fuck, I was inside bismuth ~
Then Mateo started to play his didgeridoo. I was in awe the whole time with what I was experiencing. I couldn’t help but say out loud, “this is so beautiful. How is this happening? How are you doing that?” There were moments when Lori and Jeff greeted me in my corner. They had me sit up as the blessed me and placed mama beads around my wrists. Jeff had blown tobacco smoke around me to cleanse my energy. They both worked so well together. Their intuition, guidance, and all-loving energy made the ceremony perfect. I was in admiration by what the medicine and sound can do together to any experience. It was very spiritual and deep and our energies were all working together collectively. There was a moment when I had felt that everyone was hovering over me. Watching me and protecting me. Their spirits came through and journeyed into my world for a moment. I couldn’t believe all the beauty and love I was witnessing within. I now finally understand how our universe is holographic because I was in the matrix. I traveled through space and time and I am so grateful that I was filled with the most loving energies.
Leading up to the ceremony, my angels were sending me messages of support. They do this by showing me angel numbers (one number repeating itself 3 times, for example: 222, 444, 555). On the day of the ceremony, I didn’t feel or see any messages. But I knew that was because I needed to do this one on my own and I needed to trust that they are always with me and sure enough, they were.
~ When trying to use words to describe my experience, I was blank at first. I came across this photo and this is very close. This is where my galactic family greeted me and showered me with love~
I was finally coming back to Life. The medicine was still within me, but my travels were coming to an end. I was coming back to my physical body and needed to reground. I felt a wave of excitement and happiness. Everyone was very pleased with their journey. We began to share stories and exchange wisdom with one another. It was hard for me to process everything at the time. My body was back on Earth, but my mind was still running around the universe. As I sat up, I enjoyed the aura of our space. Everyone was happy. Everyone was working through their blockages. People had break downs. People had break throughs. We supported each other and it was perfect. We sang songs and gave hugs. As we let light into the gallery, the reflection shined through the window. A beam of light stretched across the room and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was the most perfect way to close my ceremony. It’s so beautiful to see how the medicine works. It doesn’t work for you, it works with you. There is a relationship between the medicine and the human being. The medicine is there to show you what you are willing to see. The human being is there to receive the gifts and share it with the world. I learned a lot about my flight or fight tendencies. I initially craved for warmth and something familiar because the unknown scared me. But man oh man… the moment I let go and released resistance, the unknown was the most sacred and most wonderful world I could dream of. It was hard for me to fall asleep because my ego was coming back & I started to judge myself. I was telling myself I was acting obnoxious or I was talking too much, and as I was doing this to myself, I could feel my heart hurting. My rose quartz necklace even broke from tossing and turning so much. And rose quartz helps with the heart and unconditional love. So I placed my hand on my heart and told myself to be gentle. Focus on the good, because there was so much to be gained. I also now see my potential as a human being. There is this world that I can tap into to gain wisdom and to recharge my vessel. I woke up the following morning feeling awake inside and energized, but my body needed to rest. I needed a full day in my pajamas, my grandmother’s cooking, and the opportunity to share the love I gained. The best gift I gained from my experience is feeling secured. I feel secure in my body and in my skin. My eczema is healing. I’m letting my hair down. I’m comfortable with who I am and I have so much love to give. Now all I can do is spread my light and inspire others to ignite their own.
There is so much to our world outside our four walls. We are conditioned to live in fear, but once we move from that, we possess so much magic within. Our Creator gave us the tools to succeed, but we must come back to our natural selves. Love, light, and nature are our best healers. They are here for us and are wanting to shower us with many gifts. You don’t have to see it to believe. You first have to believe, then you will see.
I will work with plant medicine again, but in moderation. This experience was very intense and a lot for me to process. But I survived. I didn’t throw up, and I didn’t shit myself so that’s always a win. Haha!
Wherever you are, I am sending you so much love. I encourage you to challenge your beliefs and explore the corners of your mind, and push through your inner fears. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
Love and light to you and yours,
