Designs From Things I've Never Seen

I review monsters and creatures from series I have little to no knowledge of.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 010: Fishborg

We’re in the double digits now! Today’s review is something fun. I discovered that some of Yugioh’s cards are separated into “archetypes”, groups of related cards. So I picked a group that sounded interesting, and what a group it is!

Say hello to the Fishborg Archer! This guy is just...an incredibly creative design. Obviously meant to emulate the silhouette of a centaur, the torso section is home to not one, but TWO beautiful seals! At least, I think the top one is a seal? It has ears...

The design is a little overly complicated for my tastes, but it has a great color scheme and crossbow hands. Plus, the concept in itself is just a really neat idea. I wonder if the seals pilot it together. Are they just along for the ride?

Unlike its sibling, Fishborg Blaster is actually piloted by a fish. This one is a more humanoid design, and looks like something out of a silly mecha anime. The bright headlight eyes of the “face” are really charming, and I like its odd, squat proportions. Is...is the water from the guns coming out of the fish tank? Isn’t that dangerous for the fish???

Fishborg Doctor is baffling. So now it’s a person in a fish-shaped mech? It kind of loses some of the charm of these being piloted by aquatic animals, but I still love the design of this mech. It’s sleek, and the radial symmetry of the fins and limbs make it look really high-tech! I just wish they put a crab in it or something.

Cr....ab? What is that in Fishborg Launcher’s hull? It’s terrifying, I don’t like it! Besides that, however, this design is absolutely toyetic. The orange and white, mantis-like blades, and COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY MISSILES make it a wonderful addition to the group, despite having a horrifying headcrab within its cockpit. It looks similar to Fishborg Blaster while still being unique.

Okay, this one isn’t even in a sea environment! The Fishborg Planter is meant to look like an octopus, but within it is...a jellyfish? The roots of the plants on its head?? Algae??? This is definitely the least readable of the designs, but I like how the gold part kind of looks like a frog’s face. Personally, I think the design would be more coherent if it ditched the flowers on top and had, say, some coral within its tank.

Fishborg Group: 4/5

I want these as toys! Very fun and a unique concept, but could stand to be a little more readable, and maybe just a little more coherent as a group.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 009: Gekomon Line

So, fun fact about me: I love frogs. They’re my favorite animal, I can’t get enough of them! So when I was alerted to the existence of a frog Digimon, of course I had to review it. And it’s...something, all right.

What a weird, gross little guy! While Gekomon initially put me off, the more I look at him, the more I appreciate him. His odd pointed snaggle teeth and mismatched, walleyed gaze are just too charming. He even has cute little spirals in them! The holes in a tongue is not something I’ve seen before, though it’s also kind of gross. However, Gekomon’s real charm point comes from its wiki description: “An Amphibian Digimon that charms those around it with a pleasant voice that is hard to imagine by looking at its bizarre appearance. It is rumored to be born when a famous piece is written in music composition software, so it has become sort of a status symbol among the musicians of the world.”

I really like the idea of such a strange, ugly creature being associated with beautiful music and upper-class musicians.

Oh, I’ve seen this guy around before! Maybe he’s one of the more popular digimon? Otamamon is, as you probably expected, a tadpole. But rather unusually for a cartoon tadpole, he’s in the middle of growing up! Look at those far-apart, glassy fish eyes. He has no idea what’s going on. I kind of love that his front legs are so huge and muscly? It’s just plain ridiculous. And then, of course, his back legs. His adorable back legs. Poor guy is growing just a little bit uneven! My biggest critique is that he’s not green, like Gekomon. Even just a little gradient or patch of green would connect the two forms better.

Finally, we have ShogunGekomon, an even bigger frog! Oddly enough, though, he seems to still retain a bit of his tadpole form’s tail. Now, let me say, I absolutely love this guy. He takes everything I find appealing about Gekomon and does it even better! He keeps the pointy teeth and adorable wall-eyes, and also becomes exponentially rounder. His outie bellybutton with the bandages reminds me of King Hippo...the wiki states that “its singing voice, which is several octaves below that of Gekomon's, imparts a feeling of a lordly air of superiority.” A kingly frog indeed!

Weirdly enough, despite being obviously great, it seems like ShogunGekomon has only been used in-series by bad guys? The trope of only bad guys using spooky or ugly ‘mons is an issue I’ll get into at another time, but really, who thinks this guy is spooky or ugly? He has a mustache.

Gekomon Line: 5/5 Everything about them is uniquely charming.

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Review 008: Dazzabel Line

Yokai Watch! That new-fangled monster catching game all the kids like these days. Its popularity exploded practically overnight! So I decided to do a little nosing around, and quickly found the most charming little mon I ever did see!

This is Dazzabel, and she is wonderful. How can you dislike a skeleton-ghost doing the rich woman laugh?? Her perfectly round eyes make her look cute, and the makeup on her skull instantly communicates that she’s a skeleton of high class. Her color scheme is vibrant without being too bright, and I like the little detail of her having no wrists under her gloves. She’s just incredibly unique and distinctly charming!

Rattelle exchanges a little bit of that class for girlish charm, which I don’t mind at all! Her eyes are interesting and contrast nicely with her outfit, and seeing ringlets on a skeleton is just plain adorable. I like how she has a slight overbite, as well as the different pattern on the underside of her dress! Maybe it’s meant to emulate a hoop skirt? If I have any complaints, it’s that they swapped Dazzabel’s stylish pinstripes for a more generic stripe pattern.

Like all fully-evolved yokai, Rattelle has a recolor in the form of Skelebella. While I don’t really see the point of every yokai having one of these, I don’t dislike Skelebella. Her yellow dress is cute, and the baby blue gives her a slightly more eerie look than her counterpart. However, it also makes her loose a little bit of the innocent sweetness Rattelle has.

Dazzabel Line: 5/5

The first of our reviews whose designs actually made me gasp. If I played Yokai Watch, I’d want them to be my main Yokai!

[clueless-critiques]

Review 007: Sistermon Group

I don’t consider myself particularly knowledgeable about Digimon (that’s kind of the point of this blog), but I like to think I know a thing or two about monster catching games. You find a cute, weird thing, catch and befriend it, and then it fights for you. But the group of Digimon I’m about to show you shook me to my very core, and made me re-examine everything I know about mons.

Okay. That’s a person. That’s just a fucking person. It doesn’t have wings or fangs or oddly-colored skin or anything. Dressing like a Gaia Online avatar does not qualify you as a digital monster!! Now I can admit, Sistermon Blanc has a cute outfit and an absolutely awesome hat, but I can’t imagine sending this little girl into battle against a giant mecha-dragon. She has a family, you monster.

Her “awakened” form at least looks a little more battle-worthy. Her outfit becomes even cuter, for one, and the angelic wings coming off her hat make her look like a White Mage. I especially like how her hat goes over her eyes and gives them odd pupils, really makes her look like a superhero. While still not a digital monster, exactly, she’d look right at home as a rival to Dark Magician Girl.

Sistermon Noir is one of Blanc’s two elder sisters, and is explicitly a nun. Despite that, however, she’s said to be both cheerful and violent, along with the fact she trades in her sister’s trident for fucking guns.

She doesn’t quite have Blanc’s charm, and her monochromatic colorscheme could use a lot more gray, since all the black washes away some of the finer details of the costume. However, I like her cat-bat-hat quite a bit. A weird thing is her guns are a T shape. I know less about guns than I do about digimon, but aren’t clips supposed to be on the bottom?

Her awakened form also looks fantastic. It gives me a real Bayonetta vibe, though I’m not sure the neckline was entirely necessary. Converting the hat into a cowl was awesome, and I love the silhouette of it! Kinda wish more designs combined the hood and cape like that.

Finally, Sistermon Ciel. Unlike most recolor Digimon, she changes things up a bit with slightly modified clothes, most importantly a frankly adorable mouse hat. She’s said to be Noir’s twin sister, and oddly enough this was the only official art I could find of her. Since she doesn’t have the same black and white theming as her siblings, it really seems like she was added as an afterthought. Still, you can’t go wrong with sky blue!

However, her awakened form.....misses the mark a bit. A blue mouse cowl is just a lot less cool than a black cat one, and her cape isn’t even dramatically ragged! I’m sorry Ciel, you’re just not as neat as your sisters, and I feel like you already know that.

Sistermon Group: 3.5/5

They still aren’t monsters, but are neat enough designs in their own right. Their awakened forms are vastly more interesting than their regular ones.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 006: Leatherhead

I better get these TMNT reviews in while I can, because with the debut of Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the series is suddenly a lot more enticing to me. So, before I watch the series and actually learn about the characters or some nonsense, of course I have to review at least one of them.

First up is his debut appearance in the original TMNT comics! While his design is pretty par for the course for the “lizard person” archetype, his beady little eyes and stubby snout are charming. He honestly doesn’t look that much like a gator at all, more of a mini Godzilla, which detracts points.What’s with that weird backwards toe? That said, I do like that one of his panels is absolutely terrifying:

Leatherhead gets a redesign in the original series, becoming more humanoid, and oh my god you guys. This guy is insanely charming. He still doesn’t look much like a gator, he just kinda looks like an anthro snake, but everything about him radiates charm. From his tiny hat, to his short-jorts and leggings, to the inexplicable crawfish jammed in his belt. It’s impossible to find a screenshot of him that doesn’t look incredibly silly, and I love it. He’s voiced by Jim Cummings, to boot!

While the Archie Comics Leatherhead doesn’t look too different from the show, besides being more crocodile than ever and inexplicably having eyebrows, his story is the interesting part. Apparently, he used to be a normal dude, and was turned into an alligator by a witch using actual magic. Why, I have no idea! He’s so dang upset to be an alligator, though, I can’t help but feel bad for him.

I also have to mention his design in another Archie comic, which is absolutely baffling:

What??? He goes straight from “alligator” to “Hannah-Barbera dinosaur”. I don’t mind the design, it’s charming, but that’s not an alligator, guys!!

Now there’s an alligator!! Idw stays true to the hallmarks of the reptile, with stubby little legs, plantigrade feet, and a beautifully rendered body texture. He’s finally the intimidating badass the original comics wanted him to be, I think!! I like the colorscheme of this outfit a lot, but for series purists, he also gets a costume more like his classic show one:

In the 2003 series, they for some reason decided to make him a massive crocodile. Perhaps they thought crocodiles were more iconic? Gator or not, his design is decidedly rough. Gone are the days of jorts and leather vests, this guy just has his cool bandages and a...cumberbund? It certainly doesn’t look like a martial arts band to me. And for some insane reason, they gave him the same type of hands and feet the turtles have, which make him look more like an odd monkey hybrid than a true crocodilian.

Next up is Leatherhead from the 2012 series, which is just.....eh. It’s fine, it’s not bad, but there’s nothing really unique about it. It’s exactly what you’d expect from a humanoid alligator. At least his proportions are kind of neat?

Leatherhead: 3/5

A neat idea, and decent execution, but many of its designs are lackluster and made by people who don’t know what alligators look like.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 005: Guilmon Line

I’m using a new system of picking digimon at complete random, and still managed to get a dinosaur! This one is very red, and has a cool name, but can it live up to incredibly cute Gabumon?

Oh, look at this guy! He takes all the charming traits of the modern Agumon and expounds on them, with a bean-shaped lil body and dang head wings. Those are so useless, I love it. Its markings are complex without being too overwhelming, though I feel like more could be done with the simple rings on its limbs, and I the oddly stubby hands mixed with long claws is a look I love!

Digimon’s wiki states that “the mark drawn on its abdomen is called the "Digital Hazard", which is inscribed on those that have the potential to cause massive damage to computer data. However, as long as this ability is used peacefully, it can probably become a being that protects the Digital World.” Probably? I’m not sure I like that wording.

Gigimon is actually the one picked with my new method of Digimon-choosing, but I thought it’d be best to start with the...mainer...form? This little guy looks much more like Guilmon than many of the other little guys look like their bigger forms, which is great. The wings aren’t any bigger, yet it still manages to at least float with them. Maybe the wings aren’t propelling it, and its little round tummy is just full of gases. The minimal markings look nice (though I wish Guilmon kept the black tailtip), and the eyelashes and craggy mouth are unique and lovable.

Jyarimon is an even babier baby, and has an adorable little cat mouth. The eyes are cute enough, I guess, but they also look a little dead to me. Speaking of dead, the wiki says most of these guys “ are captured or die before they grow up”

DDD:

Growlmon, sad to say, looks a little more doofy than cool. The markings get more complex, along with the strange addition of glowing....runes?...on some of its stripes. I don’t actually mind most of these markings, but the rune’d out ones are a little much. The mullet and oddly concerned look it, combined with its potbelly, make it look more like an aging member of an 80s rockband than a badass dragon. The paw beans are good though.

There’s also BlackGrowlmon, which is Growlmon cosplaying as Shadow the Hedgehog.

Now that’s more like it! Wargrowlmon adds some mechanics into the mix, looking more even and intentional than the cybernetics given to Metalgreymon. This feels less like an attempt to Robocop a dying monster and more like a deadly upgrade. I love the design of the arms, and the helmet makes me think of a valkyrie. My biggest complaint about the design is the fact the runes are still there, and the odd metal appendage coming out of the back of the torso. What’s that supposed to be? 

From here on, Wargrowlmon has two evolutions, which I’ll cover one at a time.

Megidramon is the more logical progression from Wargrowlmon, but it honestly feels like a step down to me. I like the serpentine body and the red and gold hip armor, but between the shark mouth, ribcage-like armor, ornate armblades and photoshop-fire, it feels like it’s trying a little too hard to be cool? I’m sure there are legions of 12 year old boys who think this is the most bitchin’ digimon around, but it’s all a little much for me.

Gallantmon, on the other hand, I am very much into. Interestingly, he can evolve from Wargrowlmon, or you can skip that shit entirely and just slam Guilmon into another Digimon. I didn’t know this series had fusion, that’s both cool and a little horrifying. I love knights, and this guy is no exception. His proportions are great, his colorscheme is good, and his shield and lance are awesome. Despite, again, looking nothing like his predecessor, I just like this guy a whole lot! 

Finally, we have Gallantmon Crimson Mode, who falls into the same trap as Megidramon. Too busy, too ornate, and trades most of its cool silver with boring old red. C’mon Gallantmon, I was rooting for you!

Guilmon Line: 3/5

Several strong Digimon weighed down by overcomplicated designs that are all over the place.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 004: Cerberus

I love magical girl animes. As a child, I found Sailor Moon in the corner of my local Blockbuster, and watched the six episodes within with a sense of amazement. However, for someone who l loves the genre, I haven’t seen many of the classics, including CLAMP’s Cardcaptor Sakura, whose little friend is the subject of review today. Mascots are basically monsters, right?

This little guy is one of the first magical girl mascots the genre had to offer, and one of the most appealing. His design is so simple, but lovable! Far-spaced, tiny eyes are always cute, and it’s a nice change of pace from many big-eyed mascots you see in many anime. His stubby limbs remind me of a teddy bear, or maybe a mouse, though his long tail also makes me think of a Popple (first Blockbuster, now Popples. This review is making me feel old.) His wings are perfectly stylized, and overall makes for an extremely huggable friend! I just want to hold him!

Of course, he doesn’t evolve, so this is going to be one of my shorter reviews-

Holy shit. Talk about a glow-up! This is Cerberus’ true form, and man does it look awesome! I appreciate how his simple fringed wings turn into more realistic ones, and his armor isn’t too complicated nor too simple. He looks every bit a wise mentor, which is what the magical girl mascot archetype is all about! However, he still retains the cute, comedic chibi form, which gives us the flipside of the archetype: cute, marketable mascots to buy toys of.

Cerberus: 5/5

Both cute and fearsome, this guy has something for everyone!

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Review 003: Pot of Greed

What, you didn’t think this was going to be all Digimon, right? There’s a bunch of things I know nothing about! And a big one of those is Yu-Gi-Oh. Card games have never really been my thing, simply because collecting enough to be able to play a game is hard and I was bad at remembering rules as a kid. So let’s see what the weird world of serious card games has to offer.

Now there’s a card I can understand! Pot of Greed is one of the more famous cards from the series, and for good reason: It was one of the earliest ones, judging by that 1st edition on the bottom of the card, and easy to figure out the rules for. However, the most distinctive thing about it is its design. Look at that face. That little shit is so smug about you drawing two cards. Its eerily human face drives it straight into the uncanny valley, but its odd, swollen eyeballs and overly-large, bared teeth give it this mocking, sinister vibe. It looks straight out of Majora’s Mask, I love it.

While yugioh doesn’t have “evolutions” in the strict sense, it does have cards that relate to each other. As far as I can tell, Pot of Greed has quite a few.

The first is Spirit of Pot of Greed, which expounds on the original card’s design. The pot now has tiny red pupils, gazing directly up at you. It looks like it knows you did something terrible. And the little spirit popping out of the pot? Horrifying! It takes everything I gushed about the pot and does it more, with its hideously wide smile stuck in a wrinkled face. The ears and horns projecting out of the fire give it a devilish tone, but I would kind of prefer it if it was just a ball of fire? The pointed ears and fiery hair just make it look like Jack Frost from the Santa Clause, and oh god now I can’t unsee it.

The Pot of Avarice is a sort of sibling to the Pot of Greed, and it has a similar look suited for one of those 90s gross-out series, like Garbage Pail Kids or Madballs. However, it doesn’t carry the universal appeal of Pot of Greed- whereas ol’ Greedy looks sinister, Pot of Avarice is downright buffoonish, making it a lot less spooky. The design is also pretty busy, with all the markings as well as the gem teeth, Plus, the design of the face seems kind of....unfortunate, to me? Like it could be an offensive stereotype, though I dunno if it’s anything in particular. Plus, the Hitler ‘stash. I much prefer its counterpart, the Jar of Avarice, which addresses a few of my complaints and overall looks a little nicer.

Jar of Greed goes a little more back to basics, with a more smug design than Avarice. While I still prefer Pot of Greed, I enjoy the detailing on this one; the golden moulding around the face looks nice, and makes it look like its sneering at you. The gem eyes are a nice touch.

There are many Pots similar to the Pot of Greed in the series, judging by the dozen or so ones that popped (or should I say potted up) while getting images for this review. They’re all interesting in their own right, but this review is specifically for Pot of Greed-related monsters, which brings us to our final card in this review:

...

Pot of Greed: 4/5

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Review 002: Gabumon Line

Our next review is Gabumon, a little guy who I’ve been told is also one of the main Digimon. I’m unsure where he stands in comparison to Agumon in terms of important-ness, whether he’s a partner of a second protagonist or of another series protag altogether, but he definitely takes some twists and turns Agumon’s line lacks. Let’s get into it, shall we?

Look at this little guy! He is instantly more charming and recognizable than Agumon, with his pleasingly-colored striped pelt. He seems like some kind of dinosaur under it, but the pelt gives him teeny little ears as well as a fricking unicorn horn. Plus, his eyelashes are adorable. The only thing I don’t like here is his weird chest symbol, which seems incongruous with the rest of the design. A quick glance at the wiki shows it has an “ extremely timid and shy personality”, which just amplifies the cute factor.

Next up is its baby form, Tsunomon, which is....something. I think most baby forms are just little blobs, so I won’t knock it for being one, but the horn is odd. It seems like it would just fall over from the weight of it. However, it redeems itself with its precious little face, with a cat-eye outline to the eyes I really like. Kinda looks like a Waddle Dee.

BlackGabumon is Gabumon, but black. No points for originality, but I will admit I like this colorscheme slightly more. Not much else to say about it.

This is Garurumon, who....sure does exist. I’m not really sure how it goes from the saurian Gabumon to a straight-up wolf, but it retains the pelt markings of Gabumon to give it a somewhat logical progression. However, it completely throws out all the things that make Gabumon so great. The unicorn horn, the color blocking of the design, and even its stubby little tail was replaced by  something a little more Tigger-y than wolf-y. The one saving grace is that its wings and ridge-like fur remind me of the Glaucus atlanticus, a particularly popular and unusual nudibranch.

Overall, however, it doesn’t have the rest of the line’s appeal.

I feel similar about WereGarurumon, though at least this one has some cool pirate-inspired clothing, which incidentally improves the nudibranch resemblance. WereGarurumon is rockin’ some killer nails and eyelashes, at least, even if it’s just entirely a furry at this point. Does that make it Gabumon’s fursona...?

Similar to BlackGabumon, ShadowWereGabumon is just a recolor. Once again, I prefer its colorscheme, as well as its hilariously long name.

Also once again, this line is too big to review all at once! We’ll get to the rest of the Gabulutions another time, but for now let’s review what we’ve got:

Gabumon Line: 4/5

While its third and fourth forms disappointed me slightly, nothing can take away from the pure joy Gabumon and Tsunomon brought me.

[clueless-critiques]

Review 001: Agumon Line

Greetings, everyone! I’m Ness, and I absolutely love monsters. The strange, the sweet, the scary- they’re great! And since the 80s, we’ve started branching out from the usual horror monsters and aliens into some truly unique stuff. Naturally, I wanna give my opinions on a lot of it. But I thought it would be fun for me to dive into things I’ve never or barely seen, and give my thoughts on those designs. So, first up, one of the most iconic Digimon, Agumon!

Of the monster-catching genre, I’ll admit Pokemon was always my darling. I never really gave Digimon much of a look into for one reason or another. This little guy, Agumon, is as far as I can tell sort of the mascot for the series. Unlike Pikachu, it’s this little wrinkly t-rex thing. I will say, as far as an icon for the series goes, this guy is a little....generic? He’s just kind of a t-rex, which is charming, but there’s no real grab that some of the stranger ‘mons out there have. His main attribute appears to be his pug-like wrinkliness, which I love, but it’s sadly been downplayed in more recent years.

However, his face is a lot cuter and more cuddly in recent art, which I really like. Why does he have pecs, though?

This little puffball is Koromon, Agumon’s pre-evolution. Baby form? This little guy is adorable! While I wish he had more in common with Agumon, the little pointy teeth are charming, the big eyes scream magical girl anime, and overall he reminds me a lot of the killer rabbit from Monty Python. Look at that grin!

Woah, look at this guy! Greymon’s apparently one of many evolved forms Agumon can take, and I instantly like him more than his younger form. The wrinkliness is back, and he has a bitchin’ helmet that looks straight out of He-Man. The blue stripes add to his colorscheme nicely, though I do have the complaint that he’s not actually grey. His helm is more a brownish color than anything.

Holy shit, okay, this is the kind of wild stuff Digimon is famous for. This is apparently the “Vaccine” form of MetalGreymon, which also has an accompanying “Virus” form. Version exclusives, perhaps? While his organic bits seem the same as Greymon, this dino has gone straight Robotcop on us in the best way possible. The chunky cybernetic bits add interest to the otherwise organic form, and he also gets feathers, or maybe hair, and....wings? A cape? This looks like something a middle schooler would draw in the best way, and he’s actually grey!

Okay, I actually didn’t know Digimon turned into this many. I don’t know if this many forms is unique to Agumon or a series standard, but there’s way too many to review all at once, and it honestly wouldn’t be fair to lump them all together under one rating. So I’m going to give these guys all one rating together, and subsequent Agulution reviews will be taken in the context of both how Agumon-esque they are, and how generally bitchin’ they are.

Agumon Line: 3.5/5

While it starts off as nothing particularly unique, it takes a hard turn into completely ridiculous at the very end, bumping it an extra half point.