melancholy @clusterchell - Tumblr Blog

my best friend is a gemini so i have full clearance to say Why are they like that.

Me: I think I’m getting better and it sure would suck if things were to start going downhill all of a sudden

My mental illnesses:

i hate that i immediately distrust someone that shares the same name with someone that hurt me because part of me Knows theyre not the same person

but what if they are

#.#and what if theyre secretly trying to stalk me and see if i say anything about them and use it against me???#ive seriously avoided following blogs bc of this

me after getting hurt: k we're never trusting anyone ever again

someone: *pays attention to me for .2 seconds*

me: it all started in 2012

#.#bpd #actuallybpd

avpdsnail

[the mission impossible theme tune playing in the background as i sabotage my relationships]

#avpd #LMAO yeah

sometimes-dailydpd

Without fail if you’re nice to me I will treat you like a god

#dpd #:~)

well that person broke up with me so that’s where i’m at these days

#.#we never really dated anyway #i have got to stop trusting people

me after i take an stpd test that tells me i’m likely to have stpd: But what if i don’t

#.#stpd #i cant believe i do these tests like every month and im still questioning it smh

this person likes me and i like them and i really can’t understand how this happened to me

#.#we talk a lot and wow i really like them #theyre at work rn and im so lonely lmao ckshckehfkf

no offense but i literally feel the fabric holding me together tearing apart

#.#i’m having an identity crisis don’t mind me #i want to talk to someone but even if i could find someone who could tolerate me long enough to listen #i don’t know what i’d say

the maximum word count for this paper is 750 and i have 757 words and i can’t for the life of me find any unnecessary information to delete so i’m within the limit and it’s killing me

#.#ocpd #actuallyocpd #i’m trying to tell myself it’s ok and that it doesn’t really matter but i can’t stop #thinking about my professor counting and failing me because i’m over the maximum #andmy life will fall apart and i’ll die a failure #u kno. casual sunday night things

arterialtrees

#ptsd

i love being abandoned by my family and being blamed for it :-)

#.#the moment i feel like healing is possible i get shoved in the dirt and told i’m making a mess

idk how i can manage a conversation irl and be totally fucking incomprehensible when i’m messaging someone online

#.#if u met me irl u would think i’m an outgoing person #i’m not i’m just rly good at pretending to be neurotypical #if u forget abt the fact i don’t understand social cues or what’s considered inappropriate #i was telling the girl who gave me the pencil abt the fact i fell down the stairs and she was so concerned #it made me a lil more gay for her but i kept laughing and idk if tht made her uncomfortable or not

me: ok lets get to work on this assignment

ocpd: Have you considered that your life is in shambles and if you can’t even find an important thing in your small bedroom then you have no reason to even attempt doing the assignment?

me: fuck youre right

#.#ocpd #actuallyocpd #i should care about my paper due Tomorrow that i havent even started yet #but uhh im gonna stress about this envelope and cry myself to sleep cos if i cant adjust my bedsheet properly then who am i

seems my existence is pointless

#.

if anyone was keeping score its been a month and my sister hasnt apologized for calling me an inconvenience so thats where im at

#.#sry this isnt relatable mentally ill content #if it is. holy shit im sorry

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