CLW

This is where I talk about thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Bite me.

[clwspeaks]

Want to impact and change the world? Then be kind, show love to others, and most importantly share the good news.

my thoughts

[clwspeaks]

"God doesn't see color" is a very incorrect statement. HE isn't just an American God, just an African God, just a European God, just an Asian God, just a Middle Eastern God. HE is the creator. The one who greatly spoke all that is into existence. HE loves all. HE loves those who lie, cheat, get abortions, are homosexual, who murder, etc. HE loves the red, yellow, black, brown, and white. HE loves and speaks to all languages. Don't put a limit on the God that spoke everything into existence. HE is the great "I AM."

my thoughts

[clwspeaks]

How are people going to love one another when they have no idea what that means, or even what real love actually is?

my thoughts

[clwspeaks]

His presence in you life makes this really hard. 

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Whatever you do, please don't be screwing with my heart.

[clwspeaks]

Timing? I refuse to blame it on timing. We are too perfect together to blame not being together on timing. When will timing not be an issue? It's about time we make it 'time.' Don't put off this true love for a temporary love. I'm here, I'm available, I'm willing, accept my love.

[clwspeaks]

Seemingly

Why does it seem like I am second priority?

Why does it seem like he is still something more?

Why does it seem like you care more about him?

Why does it seem like I am a secret?

Why does it seem like I am a fantasy?

[clwspeaks]

Not Good Enough

Why do I always feel inadequate? Why do I always feel insecure? Why am I threatened by him? Why...

Why do I feel insufficient, unsatisfactory, incapable, and simply just not enough, or even not good enough?

I show you love as well as I can. I do my best to be merciful and understanding. I try to be the best I can for you. 

I try, yet.... I feel like I'm not good enough.

These lies that fill my mind, tormenting me in my insecurity. 

Why does he still threaten me?

[clwspeaks]

Haunting

You used to be with him, and you said that was over.

We exchange "I love you" and say "Let's be with each other." 

We talk every day.

Yet, when you are around him... I am the most insecure. 

My mind starts making up stuff, trying to convince me they are true. 

"I bet they are holding each other."

"They probably will be physical in one way or another."

"Oh, everyone is staying the night at his house? Surely, they will fall asleep next to each other."

I am constantly haunted by the lies and scenarios my mind has created. 

He is your past lover, and I hope that is all he is.

I try my best to show grace and trust, but I am scared of past feelings resurfacing.

All I can do is hope and trust that all these lies are just figments of my imagination. 

Long distance is hard, but I love you dearly and I want so proudly to claim your love to the world.  

[clwspeaks]

I hate him, but he is your friend. He is my enemy, but y’all hangout. And I must show mercy and trust, but I don’t know how. Oh, Lord, help me.

Cody’s mind and heart

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The day we are finally, officially, an 'us' is going to be a beautiful day. Being able to proudly tell everybody such a beautiful and amazing woman is mine will put the biggest smile on my face. I dream of doing life with you and serving you the best I can.

25 Feb 15

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If we are as good as we seem, I think I like where things are headed.

24 Feb 15

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We said our good nights, and I can't get you out of my mind.

my wandering mind

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My heart is cold and my emotions are numb.

lies that haunt my mind at night

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I thought this was real, but now it seems like a big facade.

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You say you love me, but I don’t feel it. Surely if you truly did, you would show it.

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Will we persevere? Or will we crumble like the walls of Jericho?