always, worlds within worlds

Cly 31 nb lesbian they/them pls no minors don't post my shit to twitter this is my ao3

[calamitysong]

founding tenets:

- beware the moving image

- all actors should be burned at the stake

[clytemnestraaa]

your magician hollanov au is so incredible . i feel like ilya is doing a rah rah rasputin russia’s greatest love machine thing for his branding so he ends up doing a lot of bachelorette parties that think theyre getting a stripper . but he’s so hot & his abs are so insane that most of them never say anything theyre just like wowww its so cool that u dropped the deck & spilled cards all over this air bnb carpet & still found my two of spades 😍💋 & he ends up giving all of them lap dances anyway so no harm no foul

ah excuse me ladies i think there’s something in your hair. pulling coke baggies out of everyone’s updos.

they are constantly trying to figure each others tricks out and getting so mad that hollander managed to master the Egyptian Snare or whatever before ilya did.

[clytemnestraaa]

what does burnout on the sex front look like for ilya and shane? like i love playing in the sandbox of romance novels where couples just fuck everyday for the next fifty years of marriage but also… cmon

mmmm probably ilya having a bad time and shane also having a bad time at the same time because their bad times kind of contradict. in that i think super depressed ilya is not really capable of crazy sex and super anxious shane really needs crazy sex. like their needs conflict in that situation and it’s not like anybody is wrong but also they’re gonna feed each others spirals where shane is going to get more and more neurotic and stressed and ilya is going to feel more and more like a failure.

i think there’s also potential for ilya getting really angry and getting mean and violent and shane loves that the sex is rough but then ilya afterwards is like absolutely spiraling and shane is like ok but i like it when you’re rough? and ilya is like but I DON’T LIKE IT, I AM A MONSTER, like i think ilya is capable of really scaring himself because he’s so worried he’s a cruel violent sadistic abusive person and the problem is that he is not entirely wrong, that element does exist within him, and he has no idea how to handle it other than despair and guilt and panic. like if shane asked ilya to hit him during sex, and ilya didn’t like it but did it anyways, ilya would be okay with that. but if ilya did like it and had to stop himself from hitting shane harder, he would be freaking the fuck out.

idk this is a tangent but i do think it’s interesting how shane is such a tightly controlled person and so exacting except in his romantic and sexual life where he’s like full wind in his hair ride lana del rey music video embracing his goddess, and then ilya is such an outwardly hedonistic person except when it comes to interpersonal relationships where he seems to view himself as something that needs to be bridled and handled, something to be corralled and controlled so that his inherent badness can’t hurt anyone.

[clytemnestraaa]

magicians au ilya cruising shane like "hollander 😏 is that a pigeon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me"

also in this scenario shane's stage name is Hollander the Hocus or some bullshit

“is this your card?” “no.” “ah… um… is this your card?” “no. cmon rozanov aren’t you meant to be a professional.” ilya waits until they are entirely naked and he is inside shane and then he says “oh. i forgot to ask. is THIS your card?” and shane is like “wait how the fuck—”

[polkadotmotmot]

Bui Thanh Tam - Utopia III, 2026 - Acrylic on canvas

[imgonnaeditstuff]

poem on my fortieth birthday to my mother who died young, lucille clifton

[clytemnestraaa]

rival stage magicians AU. rozanov is all flash and charisma but he is technically SLOPPY!!! hollander has the skill and technical knowledge but he can’t work a crowd for shit….

[clytemnestraaa]

i think shane had an amateur magician phase as a kid. skilled at tricks and a terrible terrible stage presence. and i think sometimes ilya goes shane shane shane do the thing do the ear thing shaaaaaaaane and shane sighs and walks over and pulls a coin out of ilya’s ear

[clytemnestraaa]

snoozin details

[clytemnestraaa]

the first birthday where shane gets ilya a cake and presents he worries he did something wrong because ilya freezes and then is like “what is this? “and shane is like “it’s your birthday?” and ilya is like “you remembered this?” and shane is like “well obviously i remembered your birthday?” and ilya is staring and shane is like “sorry do you not like it i can exchange it for—” but then ilya is crying big boo hoo tears. the second birthday ilya spends the entire week being a bossy bratty little bitch. hollander you must come swimming it is my birthday. hollander you have to come dancing it is my birthday. hollander you need to wear that blue mesh shirt it is my birthdayyyyyyy.

[nonlynear]

who up mistaking oars for shovels

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

obviously ilya’s 33rd birthday is going to be really hard for him and I think by this point he and Shane have been married and living together for a couple of years and Shane has seen him on good days and bad days and he’s trying to be upfront about how this is not going to be a good day but shane’s doing that thing where he’s like “babe we’ve got this. Together.” which is all fine and dandy but ilya doesn’t want to have this he doesn’t want to be shane’s version of fine which oftentimes is just smiling and nothing else. he wants to be blowing out his birthday candles with his mama he wants to give her a hug as she tells him its a hard year but it’ll be alright that he’ll get through it he wants one of her silly presents that she used to leave on his bed so it would be the last thing he’d get on his birthday to make up for any stuffiness that he had to suffer with his father he wants the honey cake that she used to get him from the bakery around the corner that’s was closed the last time he went to moscow and god he wants to go back to moscow he wants to be where he grew up and for a moment be eleven and ten and eight and five and two but that’s not going to happen and its not shane’s fault that shane’s not getting it but the fact of the matter is that shane doesn’t get it. So on the morning of his birthday he gets up before shane which is only possible because shane sleeps til 7 when theyre at the cottage and goes for a run and then stops down by the dock and smokes three cigarettes in a row and the water looks so peaceful and running shorts are basically swim trunks so he jumps in and just floats there and thinks about how he’ll be older than his mama ever got to be soon and how he’s older than he ever thought he’d be and he doesn’t really know how to feel about either of those facts and then he hears shane’s voice at the end of the dock saying happy birthday and ilya yells out that hollander should join him for a swim and instead of rolling his eyes or mentioning the ashtray with three very obviously fresh butts he just goes okay and he doesn’t even bother to fold his sweats he’s strips down to his boxers and jumps in and is on ilya and gives him a little kiss before saying that he got them breakfast and it’ll be getting cold and ilya’s like oh you made us breakfast? And shanes like no i got us macdonalds and then he’s pulling ilya back towards the dock and of course he brought them towels cause he was going to jump in the whole time cause he knew ilya would ask and maybes its not moscow and it’ll never be moscow again but maybe this can be okay too.

[haywardfreud]

Hilma af Klint, The Dove No. 12, No. 13, 1915

[jareckiworld]

Konstantin Korovin (1861-1939) — Moulin Rouge by Night, Paris [oil on hardboard, 1920]

[wishbow]

A second illustration for the Swords Without Master ttrpg, so much good art is being made for this thing. I'm very happy to contribute to it, I'm in good company.

[clytemnestraaa]

what do you think their honeymoon was like if it leaned more dirtbag

still ibiza but ilya gets a lobster red sunburn through his fishnet top and also gets GIDDY and UP tattooed on each hip

[clytemnestraaa]

You've turned me into a real Ilya girl like I saw someone on twitter say he would be offended if people thought he was a bottom and I got so mad I out loud said fuck off. Nobody knows Ilya. I don't even know Ilya. Which sucks because he is so desperate to be seen. I do however know Ilya well enough to know that he somehow does not have the toxic masculine post ussr view of bottoming as a moral failing. Like this would be a compelling version of Ilya but he does not give a fuck man. To me. Who knows. Iive laugh ilyove

offended if people thought he was a bottom, nah. scared? yeah, for sure that one. like if you follow the sounds-gay-in-russian thing… idk i’m always struck by how he makes those little wrist movements but only when he is alone with shane. like people think that because he isn’t ashamed of his sexuality the way shane is that means he is like, not suffering with it. no. that kind of fear is damaging. that level of perpetual unsafety where anything can happen to you at any moment. he’s living in a bomb shelter. i keep coming back to that scene with sasha. he’s clinging to the barest margin of security by his fingernails.

and then emotionally he wants to be seen and he also is a feral cat. please pet me but don’t look at me. if you touch me i will bite you. also please touch me. i’ll scratch your eyes out. please touch me.