My partner would be ‘fine never having sex again’.
Me and my partner are both early 20’s, both female.
She started lexapro around 6 months ago, it hasn’t been helping her depression whatsoever. Before and when she first started them, our sex life was great. It was wild, fun, experimental, and I always felt really connected because physical touch and intimacy makes me feel loved.
She loved sex, and she was very touchy with me, though she didn’t love hugs or kisses. She just always wanted me to have a hand on her, or cuddle, or hold hands, and almost every single night we were together, without fail, she would want to have sex and initiate.
Now, we don’t touch, we don’t kiss, we don’t hug. Cuddles happen when we spend the night together and since she’s been feeling very unwell it’s not been often. The last few times one of us has initiated sex, she hasn’t been able to come without significant stimulation, she can’t get wet, and it’s made her feel really overwhelmed and like she needs to stop. I always, always respect this.
Though I love touch and am currently a little touch starved, I don’t entirely mind because touch is a consent thing and I love her and appreciate the connection we share regardless of sex or physical touch. I sort of feel like it’s selfish of me to say I miss having sex with her, because she’s the one dealing with all the side effects and frustration, but I do. I don’t miss sex in general, I miss sex with her.
Because of the overwhelm and it happening 3-4 times in a row, she said that she doesn’t even like sex enough to have it anymore, and she’s rarely horny anymore, and that it mightn’t be worth it to her to try again after the last time she couldn’t come. She’s borderline asexual at this point.
I keep reading about SSRI’s and how they impact sex, and coming across PSSD, which is dysfunction generally after coming off SSRI’s, but I feel like that’s the same thing she’s dealing with. I even went in the lexapro subreddit and read personal accounts, and person after person were saying they would be happy never having sex again, they don’t think about it after being on this med, they can’t come or get aroused like they could before…some people were anguished that it had been taken from them.
I don’t know what to do, or if this post should go in relationship advice (can’t cross-post), but I thought since it’s a sex related issue, you guys could help better.
Should I talk to her about the SSRI thing? Do you have any other advice?
I don’t want her to think I’m desperate to have sex or don’t care about her personal feelings, but I don’t even think she knows how terribly her medication can effect the ability to function sexually, and it isn’t helping her depression whatsoever, so I thought she should bring it up to her doctor, and without knowing about it, she won’t.
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