I've had a number of questions
asking how I am as I've started blogging again (albeit somewhat sporadically) - so, here's an attempt to answer those.
I am at a healthy weight. I haven't dropped to an unhealthy weight since I was discharged almost 2 years ago (from what I remember, anyway).
I would like to say I've been strong enough to not weigh myself upon an encounter with scales. However, every time, I do. Sometimes I see the number and freak out and try to fix myself later, when I'm ready. Sometimes I see the number and tell myself it's okay because I'm healthy and I need to be healthy to be happy.
I have seen my eating disorder specialist a number of times since my discharge, but not in the last year or so. However, I've really been considering CBT therapy for my depression because
I think I could have bipolar disorder. But, I am not a psychiatrist so I do not know this. All I do know is sometimes I am so euphorically happy I feel as if I can do anything, and sometimes I get so low I do think I'm better off in another realm, so to speak. This can happen within an hour, or within a week, or month if I'm lucky.
During a bout of euphoria, I went onto the site "shagatuni" and planned to meet with around 10 guys to have sex with. I confided in a friend where I was going one night to try and keep myself relatively safe. She was so shocked and I suddenly clicked back into this world and, "thought what the heck am I doing".
I cut off all contact with them sans one particular man, who I really got along well with. I eventually met him in December '13, and he is now my FWB.
I have an obsessive personality (duh), and my current little obsession is him.
It is unhealthy and it is making me unhealthy and I do not know what to do.
So, there, sorry if I bored you.
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