Coffee under the Moon ☕🌙

TW : ED - 20 height : 167 cw : unknown lw : 55.4 gw1 : 55 gw2 : 50 ugw : 45

[coffee-under-the-moon]

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I'm reconverting my account into an ED account. Please PLEASE be careful, if this can harm you, DON'T follow me on this, unsubscribe or whatever it is on this app. I'll post very triggering content. I'm not pro, or at least only for myself. I don't encourage others to engage in these harmful behaviours. I use this as a journal and a way to cope.

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[coffee-under-the-moon]

went to the gym but im kind of a disaster right now..i purged three times in two days. this never happened for a long time, probably because my flatmate went home for holidays. weight-wise things are good i think but it's a bit messy, i'd rather do my usual don't-think-about-it restriction but oh well

17.02.2025

[coffee-under-the-moon]

I JUST FOUND OUT MY "sugar-free" sweetener HAS CALORIES. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT THEN.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

officially subscribed to the gym again

[coffee-under-the-moon]

the less hours of sleep i get, the more chances i am going to commit arson

[coffee-under-the-moon]

of course my mom had to stay a week at my home, just before my exams. now im sitting my tests with my malnourished brain because i am not eating normally for more than a week no. also it's mostly the fault of my nightmares and trauma that i mess up because wth do you mean i can sleep only 2 hours?? i have a life you know ???? hypervigilance sucks.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

me only drinking unsweetened green tea

*adding 0kcal sweetener for the first time*

"...this is heaven" *biblical music intensifies*

[coffee-under-the-moon]

definitely dropped a size in clothing, I don't even fit the downgraded size (too large at my waist but this is usual with my body type i think) really and have not tried others. but where's the difference ahhh

[coffee-under-the-moon]

Hey there! Just curious if you’re 18+—I’m looking for adult mutuals and you don't have your age anywhere.

hi ! i do have my age in my bio, maybe you didn't see it or the metrics units might have disturbed you if you're in US or UK (i believe? im european).

to answer you i am 20, i would have liked to have mutuals but i can't accept the idea of pulling someone further into their ed/addiction though. when i do something self-destructive, i do alone (and secretly) for that reason.

thank you for the invitation still !

[laceboned]

hot girls survive on caffeine, self-hatred, and the occasional apple.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

warning : this is a vent, about childhood sexual abuse under the moodboard, the first is an imagination writing. i don't feel really fine posting thinspo, i usually don't do it but i'm having an insomnia, way too tired to edit it out (wasn't supposed to post it).

i'd like to leave live in a space where time is irrelevant, where the night never ends. not the ones filled with doom and death, not the ones haunting me from memories. i'd love magical, misty nights where comfort comes even from the cold, filled with safety, only limited by imagination. when i was in italy, for the beautiful nights (or was it already to escape?) i admired bats flying through the street lights, imagining to be a witch. with my glittery halloween costume, black and iridescent. i'd be flying, feeling the harsh wind on my face, observing the town from above. whispering to the shadows in silent alleyways, traveling through dimensions you can only pass reuniting specific conditions and explore the spirit world.

but the mirror was already begginning to crack, wasn't it ? i could hear echos but i had no idea, no one did. you tore it all away and my nights were filled with terror and torture. there's not sugarcoating it, there's no nostalgia to this. abuse is intemporal yes but harsh, raw, violent, atrocious. it sends you straight to the pits of humanity, there's no imagination to it, no expression, nothing positive in it. it's pure witnessing, pure pain. you don't feel like you're you, you just act and it ends at some point and then you're still here with this knot in your stomach. but the worst comes after, it comes when life loses all its magic and all you have left is the void and agony. over time it gets worse. worse than what it was sometimes. because it's not just a memory, it's everyday's behaviours, thoughts, absences, dissociation, slow crumbling until your present life is only that or worse than at that time in some way.

but i still find comfort in the night when your ghost isn't here and i'm hoping life could be magical again. my mind is my territory, you're at disadvantage. im going to bleed you out of my veins and my brain. you'll die in misery but i'll get through the fear. may tomorrow be tasteless like it's been for years, i can daydream until it's real again. we can't both exist in this family world, your time is up.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

08.02.2025

went out with my friend and her boyfriend's colleagues. was a bit apprehensive cause i'd be the only girl with her. but it went really fine, we went out drinking. i'm just not fond of the calories in alcohol, i'll drink less next time cause they also add A LOT of sugar and not only does it taste like diabetes, it's also calories for nothing

also ate jackfruit today like bbq style. it was really good ! with some edamame.

[ashyxana]

when ur fasting and the dizzy starts to feel like a high >>>

[coffee-under-the-moon]

does anyone else also DON'T get dizzy at all ? i get fucking cold but dizzy or seeing stars when you stand up aren't things that happen to me.

[oshidorifuufu]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[coffee-under-the-moon]

SO REAL

[coffee-under-the-moon]

i dropped a size in clothing, maybe a little more even but since my waist usually doesn't fit morphologically speaking, I'm not sure. anyway i lost weight, but I can't see it !! i really don't look thin yet.

oh and i don't use a scale. makes me too frustrated.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

03.02.2025

ok yeah i'm skipping dinner. otherwise there is always good in my body and I don't like it. i think i'll go to the gym i just need some loose pants because i'm definitely not wearing leggings.

[coffee-under-the-moon]

i'll really try to restrict today, i don't like eating normally so I'll just have one meal and i think that will do.