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One Nice Bug Per Day
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@coffeemeetsbaegoals-blog
Sometimes I just crave the most innocent parts of a relationship: holding hands, forehead kisses, hair stroking, falling asleep on someone’s chest. To me, it’s these things that make the world go round, the things that truly fill me with happiness.
only then will I feel loved (via youre-all-thats-ever-on-my-mind)
Entering the Cesspool that is Tinder
After royally fucking up a potentially good CMB match, I decided to create a Tinder in order to practice text flirting on guys that E referred to as “irrelevant fuckboys”.
I was wary and didn’t think that I would like it but like everyone else who enters the cesspool that is Tinder I was completely absorbed in my judgmental shallowness. Swiping left like mad on anyone I deemed unattractive and swiping right on anyone I was intrigued by, I was completely addicted to the endorphin high I got from being validated of my own attractiveness when I received a match notification from one of the hotties that I swiped right on earlier.
Some of these matches even initiated conversations with me. Some I ended up ghosting after feeling like both of us were only entertaining the conversation to be polite and others that I ghosted after taking a second look at their photos - shallow, I know.
That same night I got drunk, as one does on a Friday night, and whined to my friend S about how I was insecure about myself and how I was embarrassed for ruining a shoe-in dinner date with a seemingly great guy. Sympathetic she tried googling how to reopen a closed chat on CMB and encouraged me to remessage him again but we never figure it out.
I went back on Tinder for an ego boost and to my surprise ran across Bagel S’s profile. I was going to swipe left out of embarrassment of my CMB experience with him but then swiped right telling myself that if we matched on this app then it was fate. I told myself that if me matched on Tinder then he probably really liked me since he was liking me across different platforms and because my Tinder profile was created after what I had said to him on CMB. I swiped right and as fate had it; we matched. :)
I took that as a sign and decided to step up and initiate the conversation this time by writing “Hey you look familiar ;)” making sure that I added a winky face at the end to convey my interest in him.
1st Bagel: S
On my first day of using CMB I was curious about what potential matches I would be presented with and anxious about whether or not anyone would like me back. My first bagel, S, was totally my type.
Average height, lanky, dark-haired, and self-depreciating sense of humor. In his bio he apologized for not being Ben Affleck and stated that although he wasn’t a good cook he knew all the good restaurants in Boston, and ended with his height in heels (6′5″) and his credit score. I didn’t think it was possible, but I was smitten with a profile and immediately pressed “connect”.
To my surprise, we matched and for the next hour I was giggly like an idiot, butterflies were in my stomach and I was completely over the moon. Too shy and nervous, I refrained from messaging first but was delighted when after my evening SoulCycle class, I received a notification of a CMB message.
“Does this mean I get to take you out to dinner?” I squealed and embarrassingly jumped up and down on the sidewalk. My smile widened and I panicked, asking my friends what I should say. I definitely wanted to meet up but wasn’t sure if I was ready for a full on dinner so after consulting my friends E and J I decided to write, “You’re going to have to impress me with your wit and charm first” which was a perfectly flirty response and a perfect start to a conversation until against my better judgement I decided to ignore his next message.
I still can’t explain why I did it, but I ignored his message that night until the next afternoon. It read, “What? My profile wasn’t captivating enough for you.” Not at all skilled in text flirting I consulted E and J again and wrote as a response, “Still not sure I can justify going out to dinner with someone who’s a bigger Justin Timberlake fan than I am” (referencing a blurb in his bio about listening to the Sexy Back song for all four years of high school).
This was quite possibly the worst thing I could have said and the worst course of action that I could have taken. I was expecting a response later that day but got nothing and then another day had passed and nothing. He had ghosted me.
I dissected our very brief conversation and realized that:
1. My delayed responses probably came off as me being uninterested in him.
2. What I said, and my lack of emojis or lols in my comment to him about the JT thing made me come off as a bitch strong.
How could I not see it?! It looked like I was making fun of him instead of being flirty. I was so embarrassed that a deleted our conversation from the chat room and ignored CMB. I vowed not to go on CMB which was one of the more “serious” dating apps and told myself that I needed to practice text flirting before going back on CMB.
My next, potentially poor decision?
To create a Tinder that night.
The Leap
I was a bright-eyed 18-year-old freshman when I met my first boyfriend, A. In high school I wasn’t allowed to date and as a shy, introverted girl I kept to myself and was terrified of the opposite sex. Cue A who walked in on my first class and chose to sit next to me in the corner of the classroom despite all other seats in the classroom being available. It started with a “Hello” and for the next six years we dated and I thought we’d end up married happily ever after...until we didn’t.
I was hurt, lonely, angry, and was so pessimistic that I completely shut down and became a former shell of myself. I stopped going out, ignored my friends, and completely blocked out any men that expressed any interest in me. I ceased to live and was merely existing.
After nearly a year of being miserable, inspired my friend E (a self-dubbed dating app connoisseur) convinced me to take the leap into the next stage of my life and to enter the world of dating apps.
I was skeptical at first and told her I wasn’t interested and didn’t think I would enjoy it but after researching my options I reluctantly signed up for my first dating app, Coffee Meets Bagels. The premise of CMB is that users are presented with a limited number of potential matches at noon, “pass” and you move on, “connect” and you are given the option to chat with the person. I liked that I would only have to choose from a handful of options each day instead of sifting through the thousands of users on Tinder, Bumble, and OKCupid and it seemed slightly less shallow since everyone’s bios seemed to be more detailed (mini bios, likes, and what you look for in a partner are listed).
So here goes nothing, I’ve now reentered the dating field and can’t wait to log the details of my journey.
