It’s 12:32pm. My head randomly started producing thoughts about matcha, and here it goes.
Currently, I’m trying to tolerate caffeine because of my anxiety. I love coffee. I love, love coffee. But sometimes I wonder.. maybe coffee is just a habit? Maybe I’m addicted to the taste. Or maybe I’m just bored without a cup in my hand. Or… is it just a trend?
I drink a cup of long black every morning. It’s my happy time. I’m genuinely happy just making it. And not iced — hot. I prefer it hot.
I don’t like ice, though I do drink iced coffee maybe once or twice a year.I used to drink up to 4 cups a day. I was used to it… but not anymore.
Caffeine triggers my anxiety. I was diagnosed maybe 2 years ago, and since then I’ve been trying to love my body more.
“No more than one cup a day!” I said.
But only on special days — maybe twice a year. Especially during holidays.
Sometimes at night, I crave something warm. So I thought, a cup of matcha latte… it’s not going to harm me, right?
That night, I couldn’t sleep.
I kept wondering — why can’t my brain shut down? Why?!
I did fall asleep… but around 2–3am. And at my age, sleep is my priority.
If I sleep at 10–11pm, I must sleep. No thoughts allowed.
That’s when I started taking magnesium to help.
The next morning, I googled:
“DOES MATCHA CONTAIN CAFFEINE”
Even more than coffee sometimes. NO WONDER.
Since then, I never drink matcha at night.
Actually, I only drink matcha maybe twice a year.
Because long black is my priority.
If I drink matcha, I can’t drink coffee — because then I’m doubling the caffeine. What kind of math is this?!
So now, it’s coffee on my table every morning.
Pretty black coffee in my pretty cup.
I don’t want to argue with myself anymore — with all the “why” and “what if.”
I just follow what my body wants… even though, technically, my brain is controlling it.
If I choose coffee, I won’t drink matcha.
If I choose matcha… I end up drinking dirty matcha — matcha latte with espresso.
To be honest, it tastes so damn good. Oh my God.
But my heart starts racing all day and night.
So… no more matcha. In my head.
Then one day, a TikTok video showed up.
A lady making matcha — beautiful bowl, whisk, everything aesthetic.
Her recipe included a pinch of salt and maple syrup.
The matcha powder was from a London-based brand.
In my head, I thought: that’s nice.
My hands kept scrolling… then suddenly I found a matcha bowl set.
I thought, okay, nothing serious.
Then I typed: “matcha tools set duck.”
A duck bowl set appeared.
And then I started arguing with myself again — WHY and IF.
Then I started searching for matcha powder.
So many options. Umami this, ceremonial that…
I’m not even a matcha drinker — how am I supposed to know?
So yes, I put my phone away.
And went back to drinking my coffee.
