A/N: As always a reminder that I post everything on my WATTPAD before posting to tumblr :) It’s free so you don’t have to worry about paying for anything! The platform just helps me better understand what I can improve on from votes and comments! Please let me know how you are liking the story so far!!! Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/294276897-a-l-w-a-y-s
ENJOY!
Kenji's POV
Making my way to a nearby park, I allow myself a moment to breathe before heading home. All that running must have taken a good chunk of my lifespan. Reaching the swings, I analyze my surroundings, ensuring no one is in sight. It's late now, so everyone is probably home, but it's still best to check.
"Hm."
A voice approaches next to me, and I immediately know who it is. Since high school, Aone and I have been friends, and he knows everything there is to know about Nova. In fact, he is such an excellent person to talk to because I know for sure he wouldn't tell anyone my secrets.
"She went to go see him," I tell Aone as he sits on the swing next to me.
Giving it a moment, the silence confirms that Aone needs more explanation as to whom I am referring to.
"She went to see her middle school crush," I spit as if it were poison in my mouth.
"Oh," Aone responds.
In my last year of middle school, I asked my mom if I could send Nova a gift for her birthday. I figured it was better late than never to send her something after missing two of her previous birthdays. In my defense, the gift took some time to put together. I wasn't going to send her something half-done.
However, by the time it was done and ready, my mom told me that I should wait to send it. I was confused and stubborn. I informed my mom that I missed two previous birthdays for this reason, and it was important that Nova got it. Instead, my mom told me with a frown that it just wasn't the right time.
Eventually, I learned from eavesdropping on my mom's conversation that Nova had a massive crush on another kid at her school. Nova's mom was on speakerphone as she explained how Nova came home with a gift from her admirer. My secrete spy mission didn't last very long since my mom heard me punch the wall. I was upset, beyond upset, for a middle school kid.
After calming down, my mom finally explained to me what had happened. Mom told me that Nova was happy and spending quality time together with him. Whether Nova's mom approved or not for dating at such a young age, Nova was delighted. That's all Nova's mom could ask for.
Ultimately, I sucked it up and ignored the pain in my stomach. Instead of throwing Nova's present away, I hid it in my closet. A part of me still wants to give it to her, but at this rate, I don't think it'll ever happen.
"I hate that I love her," I whisper to Aone, "I hate that she doesn't know it."
--
Nova's POV
"Do you want me to help with the dishes?" I ask as I finish dinner with his family.
"No!" his mom demands, "Please make yourself at home! It's been a while since we last saw each other, and I don't want you spending it washing dishes."
Taking her offer, I look towards the living room as I watch Osamu gather together a futon for me.
"Will this be okay?" He asks as he fluffs the pillows.
"I think you should sleep there and let Nova take your bed," Atsumu quickly remarks before I can answer.
".. and let her sleep in the same room as you?! Not a chance, you snore too loud."
Laughing at their bickering, I find myself at peace again. It has been so long since I've felt invited or included. Going to a new high school in the second year has been an adjustment. Frantically trying to adapt to new surroundings when everyone else has already been used to it. Especially when my school experience is so different from my home experience.
"Lost in thought again?" Osamu asks as he approaches me with a blanket.
"Kinda," I respond, smiling to make sure he knows nothing important is happening.
"Is what's his name being a dick to you still?!" Atsumu tries to intimidate but fails completely.
"Shut up, 'tsumu."
"It's fine, Kenji has been ... off," I start and truly analyze the whole circumstance objectively, "At home, when Kenji and I are alone with our moms, he's almost nicer to me. But when we're at school, he's a completely different person."
"What do you mean?" Osamu asks.
"I mean, he's a jerk when we're at school. Ever since he started dating this girl, he has been ruder than normal. I can tolerate him at baseline rude, but now, he's just .... an asshole."
"What about at home? Didn't you say he was nicer?" Atsumu queries.
"Yeah, when he comes over on Thursday's with his mom, he's normal. It's as if he only uses that day to be 'okay' around me."
"Sounds like a personal problem," Atsumu claims as Osamu rolls his eyes.
Taking my spot inside the futon, I watch as Atsumu tells me goodnight. Osamu always stays and lingers around until he's exhausted. It's his way of making sure I am comfortable before heading to bed.
"You know," Osamu starts, "he sounds like the same jerk you used to tell me about when we were in middle school. One would think that growing up would change a person."
"You would think," I say as I wiggle my way down into bed, "especially when he forgot my birthday every year since moving away. He used to be really good at remembering it. It was 'his' thing to rub in my face since I have the worse memory."
"Right...." Osamu yawns, "Can I ask you something?"
"Hm?" I hum as I start to close my eyes to enter into a deep sleep.
"Do you ever regret telling me no?" Osamu whispers, it's faint, but I still hear him, "You know... I get that the distance can make things difficult, but when you're around, the distance feels like it's nonexistent. Like right now..."
"Oh," I manage to say as I turn to lock eyes with Osamu.
Osamu and I spent our entire middle school years together. Though he was with his brother more often than me, I was second. Osamu and Atsumu were heavily focused on volleyball. They grew up playing competitively, and I loved watching them at games. It was exciting, and to be honest, before moving my second year, the Miya Twins were terrific to watch. They're apparently the favorites to win this year. I'll be rooting for them.
But as my mom talked more about moving back to where I grew up, the idea of being with Osamu started to look dire. Don't get me wrong, I care about Osamu, but I hate the distance more. It wasn't hard to give him an answer, knowing where I would be relocated.
"You know, I hate distance," I tell him, "It's too much for me."
A/N: As always a reminder that I post everything on my WATTPAD before posting to tumblr :) It's free so you don't have to worry about paying for anything! The platform just helps me better understand what I can improve on from votes and comments! Please let me know how you are liking the story so far!!!
Link to Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/294276897-a-l-w-a-y-s
Chapter 5
Kenji's POV
I'm almost grateful that Ema's house is on the way to Nova's. Ema lives at the corner of the street where I can make a turn to head in Nova's direction. But the detour itself feels like a waste of time. The time I could be using to run over to Nova's house.
"Kenji? Is something wrong?" I hear Ema's voice full of concern.
I have to play it cool for Ema. If she finds out that I am going to Nova's, she'll lose her mind. Not that I care at all how angry she gets at me. But I don't want her to take it out on Nova. That is the last thing I want right now.
"I'm fine," I manage to say as I wiggle my fingers between her tight grasp.
Ema's hand feels small, cold, and fragile. It's nothing I imaged holding hands would feel like. In fact, I know better than anyone that the only hand I want to hold is someone who currently hates me.
When Nova and I were younger, Nova's hand fit like a glove each time she would pull me towards the playground. Even now, I remember it well. I remember how her eyes would light up when our moms dropped it off to play together. I remember when she would grab my hand in excitement, and I would quietly grasp from the contact. I played it off each time, shrugging my shoulders to be cool, but I was boiling inside.
"This is me," Ema says, pulling me out of my daze.
"Okay, goodnight Ema," I let go of her hand, and a wave of relief washes over me. I almost feel bad for doing this, but if it means the best for Nova, I will suck it up.
I can tell Ema is put-off by my blunt and lack-there-of affection. But what does she think this would be like? She knows why I am doing this. She knows she won't be able to change my mind, so why is she so adamant about making Nova's life miserable?
As politely as I can possibly be, I wait for Ema to go inside before I make a run for it.
Right as the door closes behind her, I've made it down two blocks, sprinting to Nova's house. I will run to the ends of the earth of this woman, and she doesn't even fucking know it.
Catching my breath at the fifth block, I finally see her house a mere 50 steps away. From here, I tell myself that I can walk the rest of the way to regain my breathing. But my body doesn't necessarily listen to my heart nor my brain. Instead, I power walk the rest of the way straight to her front door.
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath and let my hands take the lead to knock on the door. The lights are on, so someone has to be home. If she's not home, then I'll wait inside. I'm desperate.
"Kenji?" Nova's mom's voice could be heard behind the door and as it opened in front of me.
A sigh of relief washes over me as I am greeted, "Hi, is Nova home?" I quickly query.
"You just missed her. She left to --"
An irritating ping strings at my disappointment as I resent taking that detour, "Do you mind if I wait here for her to come back?"
"Oh, Kenji, she left for a sleepover. She won't be back until maybe late Sunday."
"Sunday?!" I pout. I hate this. I want to see her.
Scratching my head, I remove my gaze from Nova's mom to plant it on the ground. Disappointment feels like it's here to stay as I'm contemplating the fact that I won't get to see Nova until possibly Monday. Giving in, I map out another plan because I'm annoying at best.
Unzipping my backpack, I pull out all the things I intended to share with Nova, "Could you please give this to Nova when she gets back for me? It's just some snacks and a bento."
Handing it over to Nova's mom, I can sense a bit of sadness from her.
"Kenji," Nova's mom starts, "why don't you wait to give these to her?"
"Because I haven't seen her in a while, and I want to guarantee it gets to her soon."
Judging from the way Nova's mom closes the door behind her to step further outside, she must know what happened. At this point, I'm prepared to get an earful. I'm prepared to dispute what Nova must have told her mom and essentially get back into her good graces.
"Kenji," Nova's mom whispers, "I have watched you and Nova grow up together for years. Since you were just a toddler, you have always loved Nova. In questionable ways, but nonetheless, you care about her."
"I --" was all I could say before Nova's mom continued.
"But I have never seen her as upset as she was a few days ago. I won't ask what happened because I know that whatever happened was probably a misunderstanding deep down. However, I cannot look over the fact that she is my daughter and the way she was hurting hurt me. I will give these to her for you, Kenji. But mending together what is broken will be for you to fix."
"I -- I'm sorry," I quietly whisper. Disappointing Nova's mom somehow feels worse than hurting Nova. The one person I had on my side that knows how much I care about Nova, no longer trusts me...
I want to see her right now.
"Kenji, it's okay to tell her how you feel. Maybe not now, but eventually."
"Y-yes, ma'am," I stutter, trying to hold myself together. I just want to see her.
After leaving Nova's house, I hurry my way over to Ami's house. I hate that I am this ridiculously motivated to see Nova. But I'm losing my mind. The last time I spent days without seeing Nova was when she moved away. The first few days were the worse. I must have moped around the house for hours before my mom finally had enough. Days eventually became weeks, and it never got easier, just manageable. Weeks became months, and the hollowness just stayed.
When I finally got the news that Nova was moving back and she would be attending the same school as me, I idiotically could not sleep. I played it off as if it was nothing and kept my cool, but deep down in the pits of my body, I could not have been more excited to be with her again.
Putting myself out of my misery, I finally arrive at Ami's house, knocking rigorously at her door. Putting all my context clues together, I concluded that Ami would be the only person Nova could spend the night at. Her or my place, and I highly doubt Nova is at my house.
"What - " I hear Ami as she opens the door to sass me.
"Is Nova here? Her mom said she's sleeping over at a friend's, so I put two and two together. Now here I am." Sassing Ami right back.
"Huh?" Ami responds in genuine surprise, "She's not here. You can look through the house if you want, but she's not here."
Sucking in a breath, I didn't know I was holding. I start to panic as I have no idea where Nova is. Is she not here? Is she not at home? Where on earth could she be?
"W-what - where is she?" I ask, knowing only Ami would have the answer to that.
"To be honest," Ami responds, "I don't know. I haven't heard from Nova in a while since that day. And quite frankly, I don't think she would be happy to see you right now or well, ever."
"That's not the point," I rebuttal, "I'm going to apologize to her and fix it-"
"Oh? Fix what exactly? Ever since Nova started school with us, you have been an ass to her. You tease her, you crack stupid jokes about her, and you date the one person that hates Nova the most."
"I'm not an ass to her!" I almost scream, "That has been our relationship since we were kids--"
"Since you were kids!" Ami cut in, "the both of you aren't kids anymore. Nova is not the same person you knew all those years ago. Grow up, Kenji. The entire school knows you have a massive crush on Nova and yet, she is the only person that doesn't."
"Where is she Ami," I firmly ask. Ami has never lectured me before. Unfortunately, I have known Ami since middle school, and when Ami knows something, she starts to preach.
Smiling at my discovery, Ami takes her shoulders off the edge of her door. There is nothing more frustrating than getting a lecture from Ami.
"She went back to her middle school to see that one guy - you know the one she --"
Leaving before she could finish, I storm down the road, huffing, and puffing. All I can see and feel now is red. The anger starts to overflow and is replaced with hopelessness. To think Kamasaki was the worse of it, no. Kamasaki is a no-one compared to the person Nova left to go see.
As a matter of fact, even I, am a no-one compared to him.
