Abusive parents will make you feel like you are the single worst person on the planet. They make you feel like your every move is a mistake, your presence is a bother to everyone, and your needs are a burden. They make you feel like you’re the most undesirable, worthless, bothersome person who shouldn’t even exist. Most of the time they let you know very clearly that you’re only a shameful existence to the family and they want nothing to do with you.
So why then, do they expect you to follow their orders, or else? Why do they demand you to be present when it’s convenient for them, to give them your compassion and understanding and to work as hard as you can to make things easier on them? Why are they against you moving away and living on your own? Why are they not giving you freedom to go off and have your own life, instead of “burdening” theirs?
It’s because all of the things they make you feel are merely a manipulations to control you. They lead you on to think that if you listen, behave, obey, offer everything a person can offer to them, do whatever you’re told, and act a role they desire you to - that their opinion of you will change, you will deserve to be a part of the family, you will become accepted. It’s all a lie. They never planned to do anything but control you, and they will say any kind of disgusting lie to keep controlling you. You were never a burden, you were never a bad person, and your presence wasn’t a bother even to them, they needed you, required you to be present and obedient so they would have all they want.
If you were such a bother they would have made sure that you live free of them, they would never require you to do anything for them, they would never imply that you have some kind of obligations or debts to them, you don’t want bothersome people to owe you anything. They would want freedom from you, just as you want freedom from them, but it’s never what they want, is it? They want you to be trapped in thinking that by trying hard, by sacrificing your own value and importance and needs and wants, you could deserve to be included in the family. But this concept is fake, you cannot deserve family, you cannot work to be a part of something, you either are or you are not. If you are not automatically a part of the family, you can never be, it’s impossible no matter what kind of benefit you offer to abusive people, for them to actually provide you with something they never had in the first place, love and acceptance.
Abusive parents have nothing to offer to you but lies, and they’re despicable, hateful lies that keep haunting and hurting you years after they’ve been told. It’s not on you that they failed to see you for who you are, and that they failed to acknowledge they don’t deserve you as their child. You were too good for them from the start. Nothing they said about you ever held any truth in it.
