1st Semester Reflection...Bear With Me (:
Starting school at Zion, I was anxious. Anxious to start a fresh new year at a “new” school.
I was finally going to be a student at Zion Bible College, the school I knew I had to be at since I was fifteen, the school that practically became my second home over the past five years. I planned on becoming a better student, and healthier person both physically and spiritually. I was never going to repeat my last three years of high school being careless and full of procrastination. I wasn't going to let my strength of being social be my weakness any longer. I was going to be the best I could be, for myself, God, my family, and my future. The first few weeks of school were great, but then I started going downhill. I was missing my graduating class and just the way high school was. My best friend, where a lot of my motivation came from, left for a college that allows him close to no communication with the rest of society. I became overwhelmed with work because I procrastinated to the max and I gained ten pounds due to all the stress. When I tried to do work, I found my self standing their with a blank mind. All I wanted to do was sleep my way through college. I allowed a perfectly good friendship turn into a “special” friendship knowing God didn't agree with it, yet at the same time I was praying and asking God to show me what to do about it. As a result of my disobedience, we ended up putting a stop on any and all friendship with each other. I could have still had that friend if I had just listened to God's warning signs earlier. Within the span of two months I had become stagnant, lazy, and alone; everything I didn't want to happen starting my college years.
One of my classes was Spiritual Formation. The semester placement of this class was definitely no mistake. It was moving right a long with my life. Every lesson either convicted or confirmed what I've done or was about to do. Spiritual Formation also helped counsel my friends outside of Zion. The day we learned about the discipline of confession, later that night my friend Bethany from Colorado called me confessing her issues that she has been having. I explained to her how proud I was of her to be able to confess all the darkness that was in her life. I mentioned a lot of what I learned in class about how freeing confession is and how now she can start healing. I was able to pray with her and now I am her accountability partner. It's so great to be able to help her.
In this class we had to do a day of solitude; no talking, no electronics, no nothing. Just me spending and waiting on God. It was great in the sense that I was able to realize how much time I needed to give to God. I originally planned on practicing this once every month and because of how crazy I have been, I've fallen short of that, but I am definitely going to give God the time He deserves. I know that when time is made for God, He will provide the time needed for other tasks.
Obviously, trying to fix things on my own doesn't work at all. I'm am so thankful for God's provision and the mighty protection He had and has on my life. I could have handled my struggles much worse, thank God I wasn't completely deaf to His guidance. He has held my heart for these nineteen long years and I will never let anyone take it from His grasp. He has given people in my life not only a purpose, but a timer as well and when or if the timer goes off and they leave, I will have nothing but peace because God knows the bigger picture.
I have finally learned how to regulate my social life with my academic life as well with my spiritual life. God has not only put me back on track, but He freed me from worrying about my future, especially when it comes to relationships. God knows what I need and He knows what I want, therefore, I only want what I need. The only relationship I need to focus on right now is my relationship with God. My passion has become even more stronger. I have no reason to regret these obstacles in my life, for it has only made me stronger as a person, and stronger with my walk with God. I have also realized, to a new degree how important discipline is to have in life. I can not do things on my own. He is the only one who gives balance to my life and makes healing even a possibility.
God has clearly, done a lot to me this semester. It's also crazy that the biggest part of His forming happened within the week of Thanksgiving break. Letting go is also very freeing. Knowing that God has everything under control is so soothing. God sure does have His way of answering my prayers. He wouldn't do things or allow these things to happen if He didn't have His reasons, and as much as I want, I don't need to know what they are. All I can do is trust in Him each step of the way. I know I have been repetitive, but God has truly freed me from any self-consciousness, worry, and stress from the past. These problems are so minimal to God, I should never let them take my attention away from the only one who can get rid of my strife. Life is no doubt hard. Thankfully I am someone who has God on my side to make life more enjoyable and peaceful. Without Him I would sure be a wreck. Everything you see me as, I would most likely be the total opposite. I am so blessed and I can not thank God enough for putting me into a Christian home and surrounding me with godly people as well as a college that will push me spiritually and make me think.
Now, December 11, 2011, because I gave everything to God, I'm doing better in school, everyday I make sure I talk to God, and I am so happy. I even got my friend back, it's great. If we become anything “special” again, God will make that clear. All I know is that, at that time, God definitely did not agree with it. The peace that is amongst my life is so amazing right now, especially since finals are this week! CRAZY!
With all this said, thank you, and thank you God.
