Welcome To The Shitshow

[comfortablykaykay]

[comfortablykaykay]

[comfortablykaykay]

Any Perfectionists Out There?

If you are this person then you will 100% know what I’m speaking of right now. I’m not the perfectionist that has to have everything just so for myself. I STRIVE to be perfect in the eyes of those that surround me. I throw my entire person into being who my family, friends, co-workers, and really any human in my vicinity, think I should be. I always have. I don’t even remember a time when I didn’t make a move based on what I knew someone else would tell me to do. 

Do you know wtf that does to a person? I have NO CLUE who tf I am. I’m damn near 30 years old. and HOLY SHIT. I’m JUST now realizing that there really hasn’t been any large decision that was made in my life SOLELY based on the fact that I chose it. I mean don’t get me wrong, I *treat* myself on the reg--aka splurging on new shoes or paying an extra $12 for delivery because I don’t want to leave my house. It’s all of the big things. I’m the perpetually single friend for fear that ONE person will tell me I’m an idiot and I will IMMEDIATELY bail on a guy, JUST because someone said something negative. Wth is WRONG WITH ME? 

If you’re a SEVERE people pleaser you know exactly what I’m talking about. Especially the feeling of distraught, the inability to breathe when someone tells you that you are failing in their eyes. What is that? Seriously bitch. Get it together. I have been telling myself AND OTHERS for YEARS that you can’t be perfect in EVERYONE’s eyes. Why is it so hard for me to give this up? This issue has led to the MOST lonely life. Single mom, Dog mom, Cat mom, Lizard mom, Fish mom--see a trend? It’s amazing how I can commit to anything I have to keep alive and be responsible for. But can’t commit to purchasing a house, any relationship, I literally just took out my first car loan in the last year, I have NO tattoos(because everyone knows “those don’t go away ever”) even though I want them SO very badly. 

So welcome to the life of a broken human being. Here’s post #1 of the shit show. Please stay tuned. It only gets more fucked up from here. 

[comfortablykaykay]

Hello.

Well salutations Tumblr. 

I have decided I probably need therapy, at this point we probably all do. But because of my pride (and serious issues with opening up to people) I’ve decided to let the world full of strangers in on my life. Maybe you’ll relate, maybe you won’t. Proceed with caution, this is my disclaimer. I’ve chosen this platform due to the fact that I do not believe I know one person that uses Tumblr. So if you think you know me, you have no idea. Welcome to the shit show. 

Peace and Love.