Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout space
It was R&R time; no C-Sec giving chase
The stockings were hung by the thrusters with cheer
In the hopes that cool Blasto merch soon would appear;
Raw recruits were nestled all snug in their dorms
Putting far from their minds Reapers and Seeker Swarms,
And EDI in her new body, Joker in his cap
Had just taken five for a quick, private ‘nap’
When outside observation there arose such a clatter
Shepard sprang out of bed to see what was the matter
Away to that deck Shepard flew like a flash—
If Joker’d been distracted, they could always crash.
Yet the stars Kaidan watched were still all aglow,
The rhythm, the beauty, such fine flux and flow;
When, what to the Commander’s eyes did appear
But a pink jellyfish, tentacles flying near!
With a gun in each one, a friend in ev’ry port
Shepard knew right away who was in that transport!
More rapid than enkindlers, he followed his course
And he whistled, and shouted, with jellyfish force!
‘On krogan, on hanar, on drell and asari
Elcor, with conviction, target our quarry!
From the Exodus Cluster to Artemis Tau
To Styx Theta dash away, dash away now!’
He shone like supernovae, a hero for all
His tentacles lengthy! Shepard caught in his thrall!
With Bubin, his loyal friend, there in his wake
Shepard knew without doubt: this guy was no fake.
His humps, how they twinkled! Natural toxins, secreting!
The sheen on his flanks was both blinding and fleeting!
A bundle of weapons he had on his back
To kick Reaper ass in the Reaper attack!
His trusty old Kessler was out of its sheath
And smoke from used clips ‘round his front like a wreath
That one had a broad trunk and a round little belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly!
He was just like the posters and movies and junk
With a mighty appendage right there in his trunk!
A wave of one tentacle as onward he sped
Shepard knew all the races had nothing to dread—
Tucked in their Normandy beds, the crew sleeping:
Garrus dreaming of calibrations, and their upkeeping;
Wrex of his quads, Legion, electric sheep;
Liara brokering shadows that didn’t come cheap;
And Javik of primitives; Tali of her flotilla;
James dreamt of the day no one called him ‘gorilla’;
Mordin, his seashells; Kaidan, integrity;
While Joker no longer needed to dream of EDI!
Blasto sprang forth at once, leaving Bubin to follow
Shepard’s throat was so tight, it became hard to swallow—
But Shepard heard him exclaim, on the eve of Christmas:
‘This one’s on your side. Reapers: Enkindle this!’
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